8. Tyler

Jeff fidgets with the silver chain attached to his wallet and adjusts the brim of his baseball cap. I can tell he's tapping his foot. He rings the doorbell again.

What the hell is he doing here? The accident? Or…

Oh, Jesus, I think. Did the police contact him?

Kalistratos is looking at me questioningly. I shake my head.

"It's my ex," I hiss.

No, not even. He's the friend who used to keep me hopeful that one day, he would be ready to commit to me. He's the guy I used to feel was the only person in the world who could make me happy.

It's amazing how blind we can be to the truth sitting right in front of our noses.

Kalistratos's face darkens. "It's the Jeff you told me about?"

"Yeah, but?—"

He strides forward, and before I can stop him—or maybe I barely even try to stop him—he pulls the door open.

Kalistratos is only about an inch taller than Jeff, but with the way he's looking down at him, it seems more like a foot.

Jeff"s eyes are so wide it's almost comical.

"Uh, hey, Tyler," he says. "Well, it's good to know you're not dead."

"Surprise?" I say with an awkward grin.

"Your boss called me and said you didn't come in yesterday or today, and then I get a call from a freakin' hospital saying you were in an accident and disappeared from your room? What the hell is going on?"

"What? The hospital called you? How did they even get your number?"

"Does it matter? Are you alright? Who is this guy?" He eyes Kalistratos suspiciously. "I think I'd better come inside."

It's Jeff's dumb little "protector mode." He used to only ever bring it out when someone was hitting on me at a bar or whatever. Only then, suddenly and conveniently, we were a couple and I was off limits.

Kalistratos steps forward and blocks Jeff with his forearm. It's barely a tap, but Jeff stumbles back.

"You wanna go, bro? You wanna go?" he barks at Kalistratos, holding up his fists.

"I would end you, beta. Don't even try it."

"B-beta?!" Jeff chokes.

I can't help but feel sorry for him. Despite the suffering I've gone through on his account, it would be unfair of me to blame him for all of it. I was so desperate for him to choose me, but really, the problem was that I was never able to choose myself. I'd always known Jeff would never be able to give me what I wanted, but I'd never been able to let myself detach. I just kept allowing myself to believe my lies.

"It's okay, Kalistratos," I say, placing my hand on his back. "He means well."

"Wait," Jeff says. "You look familiar. Haven't I seen you somewhere?"

Oh God. Kalistratos is probably plastered across every news channel for his assault and subsequent escape.

"Just… stop fucking shouting and come inside," I groan, grabbing him and pulling him in. "I'll try to explain what's going on."

Kalistratos and Jeff stand across from each other in my living room like a couple of wary dogs—or maybe it's more like an edgy French bulldog versus a wild timber wolf. Kalistratos looks mildly annoyed but otherwise is as cool as a cucumber. Jeff looks like he's doing his best to keep himself from having a mental breakdown.

"First off, yes, I was hit by a car yesterday," I say. "But that's pretty much the smallest thing that has happened to me recently."

"Goddamn, Tyler. Why didn't you call me?"

"Look… I'm going to be straight up with you. I didn't call you because I didn't think about you. I have a lot of shit going on, none of which involves you."

"Okay, you're mad at me," he says. "I get it. Look, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you about meeting up the other day. I was in Vegas with Tony and his boyfriend. But it doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you the whole time."

For a second, I'm confused about what he's talking about. When I think about last week, the only thing that comes into my head is adventuring through a sun-drenched landscape with Kalistratos at my side and Alyx padding ahead of us while Airos cracks jokes as he gulps from his wine gourd. I remember pausing to enjoy the shade of an olive tree. Rolling hills peppered with wild herbs and flowers growing beneath cypress and oak, and a whitewashed village in the distance. Then I remember that here on Earth, "the other day" was my birthday. I'd sent Jeff a text message asking if he wanted to come over to celebrate, and had been left on read.

God. I'd been so hurt by that at the time, even though I'd known it was going to happen. I always knew in my gut when I was setting myself up for disappointment. All of that seems like ancient history, like the fading memory of a rather intense dream.

"Jeff," I say gently, "whatever it was that we had… It's over now."

He looks shocked and hurt. This would be the point where past me caves in and backpedals.

"Over? So… You meet this guy on, what, Grindr or some shit, and that's it? I'm out of the picture?"

"Were we ever in the same picture together to begin with?" I ask. "Be honest with me."

"I mean, I know I've been distracted. I know I've had a lot going on, especially with work, and like, I've been trying to go back to school, and…"

"Jeff." My tone is firm, but not angry. "Be honest."

He stares at me, then sighs. "Yeah. I guess not. I'm sorry. But if we?—"

I shake my head. "I'm not the same Tyler I was the last time you saw me. That Tyler is long gone. I know it doesn't make sense, but it's true."

"Then, can you explain it to me? I want to understand. As your friend, please tell me what's going on."

How can I explain it to him without sounding like an absolute crazy person?

Fuck it. Does it really matter?

"You want the truth?" I ask.

"Give it to me."

"I was transported to another universe and met Kalistratos, my soulmate, a phoenix shapeshifter."

Kalistratos nods tersely at Jeff. "Hello."

"I found out I was pregnant, and we were on our way to find the magical phoenix god who brought me to that world, but we got interrupted by some mystery sorcerer who sent us both back to Earth. And… now we're trying to find our way back. Ta-da."

Jeff's forehead scrunches up. "Uh… Tyler? The doctors didn't say anything about a head injury, did they?"

"I'm being serious, Jeff. You wanted the truth, there it is."

"It is indeed the truth," Kalistratos says. "I am not from your world."

Jeff blinks so many times his eyelids are in danger of flying off. "Wait, holy shit. You are that guy. Tyler, this guy was on the news. He's a fucking escaped convict! He's got you fooled. You need to come with me, alright? We need to get you out of here. We need to get you back to the hospital."

Kalistratos crosses his arms over his chest but says nothing.

"Jeff! Goddammit, I know who he is. I was there when he broke out, alright? Now, whether you want to believe me or not, it's your call," I say. "But it's the truth. "

Jeff pulls out his phone. "You have to come with me, Tyler, or else I'm gonna call the cops."

"Do not call the cops, Jeff."

"This guy is dangerous!"

"If you call the cops, you're dead to me," I say.

"I'm calling the cops."

"No, you're fucking not."

He starts to dial. I try to snatch it away. Then, Kalistratos lunges forward and Jeff lets out a shriek that could shatter glass. I expect to see him get pummeled to the ground by Kalistratos, but that's not what happens at all.

White and red feathers swirl through the air like the aftermath of a cartoon pillow fight.

"What the fuck?" Jeff breathes.

Kalistratos flutters to the floor and shakes out his ruffled feathers as he walks in a small circle, head bobbing like he's keeping time with a beat. He jerks his head to look right in Jeff's eyes. Jeff stumbles backward, trips over his own feet and slams against the front door.

"Do you believe him now?" Kalistratos crows as he advances on him, his little talons clicking across the hardwood floor.

Jeff shrieks and crumples into a ball on the floor, completely and utterly destroyed.

"I had no idea you have a fear of chickens," I say, bringing Jeff a mug of coffee.

He's seated on the couch, looking rather pale. Kalistratos is back in his human form, and he stands behind me watching Jeff with his arms crossed firmly over his chest.

"My neighbor growing up kept chickens in their backyard," Jeff says, shakily adjusting the brim of his hat. "Little fuckers got through the fence one day and came at me. That's why to this day I still have a hard time watching Jurassic Park."

"To be clear," Kalistratos adds gruffly, "that isn't how I normally look."

Jeff takes a drink of the coffee and presses his thumb and forefinger against the bridge of his nose. "Give it to me again, would you? You were chosen by the god of some alternate dimension for… something? And you were, like, actually fucking pregnant? And now you're back on earth because some evil force is trying to stop you?"

"That's the gist of it," I say. "I'm still working it out, too."

"Jesus," he mutters. "And you want to go back?"

I nod. "I need to. More than anything."

"I mean, you're both here, and you're both safe, right? Why go back?"

"Because neither of us are supposed to be here. Kalistratos's powers are broken. I'm needed in Circeana. I was given a great gift, and I won't abandon it."

"But how are you going to get back?"

"Like I said, we're still working it out."

Jeff lights up like he's had a brilliant idea. "Well, I can help you out!"

"Unless you've somehow developed magic powers in the last five minutes, I have no idea what you could do to help us, Jeff. I appreciate it, but come on."

"You know I'm into all kinds of paranormal shit, Tyler."

"Yeah, you've watched every sci-fi fantasy movie on Netflix."

"What kind of knowledge do you possess?" Kalistratos says.

"Trust me, it's nothing useful," I tell Kalistratos.

"It's not about what I know," says Jeff. "It's about who I know. My connections."

I laugh. "Who? The guys at the garage?"

"Hell no. I'm talking about online. There's a web forum I'm a member of that specializes in this kind of stuff. Cryptozoology, paranormal activity, metaphysics, lost civilizations, all of it. I'm talking hundreds of thousands of members around the world. Maybe someone would know something. It's a start, right? You don't have anything else to go off."

Kalistratos retrieves the piece of paper with the symbol on it, and before I can stop him, he's already showing it to Jeff.

"Perhaps a member of your cult could interpret this," he says.

I groan. "Dammit, he's not part of a cult."

Jeff looks at the paper, and then takes a photo of it with his phone.

"Incredible," Kalistratos says. "He's captured a twin of the parchment in that magic stone."

"Photo," I tell him. "He took a photo, and that's a cell phone."

"I'll get right on it," Jeff says, standing up. "I want to help you, Tyler. Maybe it'll make up for what a jerk I've been, even just a little."

"Maybe," I grumble as I usher Jeff to the door.

"Wait, wait," he says. "Your phone got fucked, right? How will I reach you?"

"I'll figure it out."

I'm eager to get him out of the apartment. This entire encounter has me exhausted, and all I want to do is be alone with Kalistratos so we can figure out what the hell to do next.