12. Liam

12

LIAM

I pace my office about fifteen times before I calm down enough to take a seat. The second I saw Elliot’s arms around Marley, I wanted to pummel him into dust, and I don’t understand that feeling.

Max and Elliot were always the fighters, quick to use their bodies and fists to settle arguments. I’ve always tried to use my brain, but whatever caveman remnants that still lurk in my grey matter, came out with guns a-blazing and for the first time, completely overruled my better sense.

I didn’t enjoy the feeling. And I don’t understand why it happened at all. Marley is fine and all, but she’s not mine. Hell, I’m in no shape for anyone to be mine. But I can’t help the kick in my stomach that tells me she is—or at least that I want her to be.

After squeezing my stress ball a dozen times, I’m calm enough to think clearly. The only reason my reaction makes sense is that it was Elliot—a player who racks up women like a high roller racks up chips. The phrase love ‘em and leave ‘em was invented for men like him and I just don’t want Marley to have to suffer through that.

At least, that’s what I’ll try to tell myself for now. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

It takes nearly half an hour to get my brain back to a place of work and once I’m into the mire of numbers and statistics, I’m lulled into a sense of normalcy that I hope wont pop the moment I’m back home with my roommate.

An hour or so before closing, I decide to call it a night and when I leave my office, I’m shocked to see Marley still sitting at the bar, clearly tipsy, laughing with Gus.

I pause at the sight of her—her long hair falling from her ponytail, her cheeks dark pink, her eyes shining with laughter as Gus tells her some crazy story—probably about me or my brothers.

I pray that it’s not about me, but the moment I hear Gus say ‘dustpan’, I know where she’s going, and I jump into the conversation before it goes any further. Marley does not need to know about the time Gus caught me cleaning in just my boxer briefs when she and Max had first started dating. And I don’t want to have to explain that I couldn’t leave Elliot’s mess from the night before a moment longer. It was a compulsion that I don’t quite understand.

“You’re still here,” I say, doing a very good impression of Captain Obvious.

“Ta-da,” Marley sing-songs, sweeping her arms out wide. “I can’t get enough of this cider. Have you tried it?”

It takes all of my strength not to smile at how cute she looks, eyes bright, clearly relaxed, an easy smile that I wish I knew how to bring forth. “I have. It’s quite good.”

Marley snorts with laughter and she shares a look with Gus that makes them both giggle uncontrollably. I get the uncomfortable notion that I’m the butt of a joke I don’t understand. “Quite good,” Marley apes, but not in a mean way and they devolve into a shower of laughter that makes me envious of their ability to relax.

“I think it’s time she gets home,” I tell Gus, who sobers and nods.

“Sorry, she’s only had two. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a whole lot of tolerance.”

“I’m fine,” Marley objects, poking her finger hard into my chest. “I don’t need you to take me home.”

The words ‘take me home’ echo in my head until all I want is for her to say that in a different way. On a day when she isn’t tipsy. On a day when she means it. “I know you don’t,” I tell her softly, stepping back from the finger that seems to be burning a hole through my chest. “But I would like to, if you’ll let me.”

She smiles up at me from her stool and my heart stops. She’s stunning. My fingers curl with the urge to lift her chin and kiss her pink lips. “Okay, but only because you’re being so nice. And because you’re so pretty.”

Gus snorts and I shoot her an irritated glance while I try to figure out why her comment tied my entire stomach in knots. I can’t deny that I’m glad she finds me ‘pretty’, but I don’t love her word choice.

I help her off her stool and hold onto her arm while she finds her balance. She looks at Gus. “Thank you so much for tonight. It’s the most fun I’ve had since I got here.”

Gus grins. “Anytime Marley, just come on over.”

With their farewells over, I guide her to the door with one arm around her shoulder. Not because she needs it but because I can’t seem to take it away. The apple-cinnamon scent of the cider lingers on her, and I ache to find out what she tastes like. My teeth are nearly dust by the time we get to our front door.

“I had fun tonight,” she announces as I slide the key into the lock, liking the thought of coming home together like this. It feels natural like we’ve done it forever.

“I’m glad,” I answer, helping her take off her coat. “You’ve been so stressed at work. And Gus is one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

She nods and when she sways a bit, I catch her by the waist, my hands on either side of her. Time seems to stand still as she raises her eyes to mine. My heart thunders in my chest with the thought of kissing her, of letting go of all the tension in my body and enjoying something for myself.

Even she seems to sense it. Biting her bottom lip, her eyes land on my mouth. “You can kiss me if you want to, Liam. I don’t care about our rules.”

The desire to gather her against me and taste her nearly flattens me, but not when she’s tipsy. Not when she can’t give me complete consent. It wouldn’t be fair, especially when I shouldn’t be kissing anyone at all. I’m not whole. I’m not the kind of man Marley needs.

I tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear and speak gently. “I think we should keep to our rules, Marley. It’s safer that way.”

Inhaling what I think might be the beginning of a sob, Marley steps back from me. “You’re right,” she says, regaining her composure, fighting for a false smile. “I’m just being silly. I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight, Liam.”

I rake a hand through my hair, hating that I’ve hurt her feelings. I blow out a breath and say, “Goodnight Marley,” right as her door clicks shut.

I sink into the sofa and hold my head in my hands.