Chapter Twenty

Preseason started with the Archers playing against Arizona, but Kaiden couldn’t seem to find any excitement. He dressed in his pads and uniform, knowing the one person he wanted wasn’t there.

It had been a week since he talked to her, although he called every day and left messages. If he ever got his hand around Lareece’s neck, he’d have no qualms about snapping it. Although he wasn’t sure how she found out about his plan to use Romilly as a shield, it didn’t really matter at this point. The damn bitch ruined everything.

He had to get Romilly to forgive him, even if he couldn’t come up with a plan. There was no way she didn’t love him. No way he’d live the rest of his life without her.

The game was an absolute disaster. With his heart and mind in two different places, he couldn’t seem to get his act together. The connection he had built between him and Crew wasn’t there. He missed plays and was unable to convert any yardage. The game ended with them losing by twenty-four points.

In the locker room, he threw his helmet into his locker and collapsed on the bench. Then he buried his head in his hands. No one spoke, and the silence was more than deafening.

“Not sure what the hell happened on that field, but whatever it was all of you need to sort it the fuck out,” Coach Sigworth snarled.

He continued talking about his displeasure at their performance, but Kaiden stopped paying attention. All he wanted to do was get out of there and call Romilly again. Maybe this time she’d pick up. When Coach was finally finished with his tirade, he stormed out.

Crew knocked into Kaiden’s shoulder. “Your interview is airing.”

“What?”

Crew held his cell phone up, showing the interview his manager had booked.

“ I didn’t know what to expect when I got to St. Louis. I mean, I’ve never been on a different team so I was facing an unknown situation. Then I run into this amazing woman. Once in a lifetime, you find someone who makes all of this worth it. Who makes you happy without even realizing it. I don’t know how I found her, but I’m a damn lucky man that I did.”

The words wash over him, full of regret and anger. Anger at Lareece. Anger at himself. It was all his fault and he didn’t know how to fucking fix everything.

****

Slowly, he headed out to his SUV, ready to drive back to the hotel he’d moved into, when Romilly kicked him out or her apartment. He had wanted to argue with her, force her to love him back as he loved her, but he relented and gave her space to process everything. To get her to miss him.

He sure as fuck missed her.

As he sat behind the wheel, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for himself. It was time to face the truth. Because he was fucking selfish. Because he thought he deserved a happily ever after. It was hard to admit he was nothing more than an egotistical jerk. She deserved so much more than him, but the thought of never holding her again, never kissing her again … was too hard to wrap his thoughts around. Truth was, he needed her.

Football used to fill that void, but the horrible game he just played showed him that it had been replaced with Romilly. She was his heart. His future. He had to win her back. Had to make her hear his apology. Making up his mind, he drove from the stadium to her apartment complex.

He entered the code to gain access and practically ran up the stairs. He knocked on her door, and a moment later it opened. Romilly stared at him with pain-filled eyes. Yet underneath that, he saw hope. Love.

“I saw your interview,” she whispered.

He took a step closer to her. “I meant every word. May I come in? Please, Romilly. Please let me explain.”

She thought for a moment and then stepped back, giving him permission to enter. Kaiden came in and closed the door behind him. He hated that there was a strained silence between them, and he knew he needed something to give to her. Something real, to rebuild her trust in him.

He had to tell her something no one else knew. The secret he’d been hiding.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

“My father was an NFL legend,” he said. He opened his eyes and let his vulnerability shine through. “He set records, got inducted in the Hall of Fame. I looked up to him. Idolized him. There wasn’t even a thought in my head that I wouldn’t follow in his footsteps. Football wa s— i s— all I know. All I ever wanted. All I loved. My ego thought I’d get drafted in the first round. I was the son of James Demay, after all. But I didn’t get picked up until the third. That was humbling.”

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to read her expression, but she wasn’t letting any emotion through. She needed more. More of his vulnerability.

“Can we sit down?” he asked.

Without answering, she marched over to the sofa and sat. He followed, pulling the ottoman close to her.

“From the outside looking in, we were a perfect family,” he continued. “I was on top of the world, but I soon learned that when you’ve reached as high as you can, the only way to go is down.”

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

His heart jolted, so happy she talked to him.

“I walked in on my father fucking a person who wasn’t my mother, on the kitchen table.”

She winced. “Wow.”

“For years, my father drilled it into my head that I had to focus. To sacrifice for my career. To not get distracted by mundane things like a wife and kids. He always said I had plenty of time to find someone after I retired.”

“Was he married when he started playing?”

“No. He met my mom a little later, and she got pregnant with me right away. I remember him saying that he regretted having me so early in his life. Wished they had waited to start a family. He thought it hurt his performance.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say to a child!” she said, scowling.

He shrugged. “I didn’t take it like that because I understood. All I wanted to do was play football. I didn’t want any distractions.”

“I get the feeling there were distractions,” she said dryly.

“Best laid plans and all that.” This next part was the hardest to say because he’d never told a soul what had happened. “There were two incidences that kind of derailed my focus. First, I started dating the daughter of the team’s owner. Actually, let me rephrase that. I began fucking the daughter of the team’s owner.”

Her eyes widened. “Damn. Ever heard the phrase, ‘you should never shit where you eat’?”

“What can I say? I was thinking with my dick.”

She smirked. “I take it the other incident was your father’s indiscretion.

“Yeah,” he said grimly. “Except … damn. I thought this would be easier to say. He, um, was fucking my best friend. Nick.”

Romilly’s eyes almost bugged out of their socket.

“I mean, I don’t care that my dad discovered he’s gay,” he was quick to say. “It was the sneaking and the lying and fucking Nick in the house he shared with my mother that messed me up. Now throw in a narcissistic socialite living off Daddy’s money, and the past year of my life just imploded.”

“Is your mom okay?”

Kaiden shrugged. “She still loves him.”

Romilly covered his hand with her own. “That’s her decision, you know.”

“I just don’t understand it.”

“Maybe you don’t need to. You just need to accept it.”

He placed his elbows on his knees and hung his head.

“I’ve never told another soul this,” he whispered.

“So, you bottled it up.”

He nodded.

She reached out and took hold of his hands. Electricity shot through him, and his heart thumped heavily in his chest.

“I understand,” she said.

His brow furrowed.

She smiled softly. “I understand why you’d do anything to salvage your career. Why you did what you did. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Romilly, this might have started out with me using you, but somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you.” He cleared his throat. “You make me feel invincible. Focused. With my life, my career. I was playing the best game of my life. And when you walked away, I collapsed.”

“Are you saying I’m your muse?” she asked, smiling.

Hope filled him. Maybe he hadn’t fucked everything up. He brought their hands up so he could kiss the back of hers.

“My muse. My inspiration. My everything. Please, Romilly, please forgive me.”

“I’ve already done so,” she murmured. “Any other secrets you’re keeping?”

He shook his head. “No. Never again. No secrets between us.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”