20. Sebastian

CHAPTER 20

SEBASTIAN

He'd fucked up, big time. There was no other way to describe it. Sebastian could usually negotiate himself out of anything, but not this time. He knew he was losing Charlie, if he hadn't already. How could Brandon mess with his head again after all this time? It had been a decade, and after one evening, he felt like he'd lost control of everything.

Sebastian had allowed Charlie to get hurt by letting the worst person from his past come between them. As soon as he saw Brandon was at the party, he should have left. Fuck the moral high ground. The guy was toxic, and Charlie shouldn't have been anywhere near him. That was the crux of the matter: Charlie. The guy was the love of his life. He couldn't lose him.

Sebastian wasn't sure if he should call someone. Bex came to mind, but she would give him a bollocking. The police had called and confirmed Brandon had dropped all charges, so Sebastian was free to leave the country. He'd go anywhere Charlie would have him, if he was willing. He knew he had to be honest with Charlie, but what if he rejected him because of it, or stayed with him out of a sense of pity? Sebastian didn't know which was worse.

He was pacing around the apartment, checking the tracking app like an obsessive stalker. Charlie was close by, and would be there any moment. He thought about sitting down and looking relaxed when he got back, but it wouldn't be real, and he wanted to be his true self.

The door opened. Charlie smiled at him. That had to be a good sign.

"I assume you knew I was coming," said Charlie.

"Sorry." Sebastian grimaced.

"It's fine, but we need to talk."

Words nobody liked to hear, but he nodded and reached out for Charlie's hand. It was cold from being outside. He walked him over to the couch. Sebastian knew he just had to be honest.

"I've booked a flight home for tomorrow," said Charlie.

It felt like a gut punch and he couldn't stop the tears from coming. He couldn't be losing the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"I just need some time in a place where I'm not on my own."

"You're not on your own here."

"I am. You're the only person I really know here, and we've only known each other a few weeks. I just need to be with people who get me."

"Okay," he said, struggling to hold it together.

"Sebastian, I really wanted this to work, but we're just too different. You need someone to care for and nurture. I need someone –"

"Wait, so this isn't just about taking some time to think? You want to end things?"

Charlie was getting emotional as well. Sebastian hated seeing him upset, and the fact he caused pain to the man he loved was the worst feeling. Even if Charlie had decided to leave, Sebastian had to go through with his decision to be honest.

"I need to tell you something. About Brandon."

"Sebastian, you don't need to do this."

"I know, but I want to. But can I get a drink first?"

"Of course. I'll have one as well. Anything with vodka."

Sebastian took a minute to make the drinks, steeling himself for the conversation he needed to have for the first time. Neither Bex nor Patrick knew the full truth. This would be the hardest thing he'd ever done. But he owed Charlie the full, unvarnished truth. He downed his own drink and poured another before sitting back down on the couch.

"I met Brandon at a charity event twelve years ago. I'd just turned thirty and thought I was Billy Big Bollocks and knew everything."

Charlie chuckled.

"Brandon was ten years older than me. I'd mostly been interested in guys my own age. But he was charming, and you've seen what he looks like."

Charlie nodded, taking a sip of his drink. His hand squeezed Sebastian's. It meant the world to him to know Charlie was listening to him, and not just being polite. He really wanted Charlie to understand.

"Things moved fast, a bit like us. I was smitten and was all in. He was more dominant, but I was more versatile back then, so it worked for us, in the bedroom at least. He didn't show that side of himself outside, so it didn't cause any issues. We were living together after three months. I bought an apartment and put him on the deed straight away. I loved him so much, I didn't even question it."

Sebastian had looked back and been baffled by his behaviour. Bex had thought he was crazy. Patrick was more diplomatic, as always. It wasn't as if Brandon wasn't independently well off, but Sebastian was already a millionaire by that point. Being only thirty, he was still na?ve and thought he could impress an older man with his money.

"It was when we moved in together that things took a turn. He was very particular about how he liked things done. At first, I thought he was just nit-picky, but it got worse and we had our first big argument. Before that, we'd bicker, but it was all harmless, really. This time was a full on blazing row. I suggested I stay at my sister's for the night to give us some space. That's when he hit me the first time."

Charlie said nothing. His thumb was caressing Sebastian's hand. It was soothing.

"But he didn't just hit me. He liked things rough... in the bedroom, but he took it to another level. After he'd busted my face up, he dragged me into the bedroom and tied me down. I was so broken by what he'd done to me, I didn't fight him. Once he'd tied me up, he... well, you can imagine what he did. I blacked out at some point. When I came to, I was untied, but he'd locked me in the bedroom and gone out."

Charlie looked horrified, but the sympathy in his eyes was genuine. It warmed Sebastian that Charlie could understand. People looked at him, saw he was a big, strong guy and would wonder why he didn't fight back. He could have potentially overpowered Brandon, but he'd frozen in the moment.

Brandon hadn't come back until the next day, leaving Sebastian to tend to his wounds himself, with no access to food or anything which wasn't in the bedroom or bathroom. He didn't have his phone either. When Brandon had returned, he demanded Sebastian book them two weeks of luxury in the Caribbean to apologise for threatening to leave.

"My face was in a pretty bad way from what he'd done. He didn't want me going in to the office or to see anyone whilst my face was messed up. Nothing was broken, but I was badly bruised. I made excuses for why I wasn't attending work, even though I was the CEO."

He glanced at Charlie, who was crying now, yet still stroking his hand. He had to carry on and get it all out.

"Those two weeks were strange, as he was loving and caring. He still demanded sex several times a day, but he didn't tie me up and he somehow made me feel as if it was me who initiated it. We didn't talk about what had happened and I hoped it was a one-off incident."

"But it wasn't."

"No. Things escalated over the next few weeks and it got to a point where he couldn't have sex unless he forced me. If I was willing and pliant, he hated it, and would push me away. I started doing more of it, but he realised what I was doing and beat me. Although he never went for the face again. You're probably wondering why I didn't leave..."

"No, not at all. Nobody can truly know what they would do in a situation like that, unless it happens to them."

"You give people a lot more credit than I would. I wanted to leave, but he threatened Bex. As you know, I'll do anything I can to protect the people I love. She knew something was up, because I was pulling away, but she'd just met Martin, which distracted her. If she'd not been with him, I suspect she would have gone for Brandon herself."

Charlie smiled, probably imaging fiery Bex trying to take on someone the size of Brandon.

"After we'd been together for two years and nothing had changed, I was looking for a way out. He would deliberately cause confrontation so he could blame me when he flipped out. I don't think he was ever turned on unless I was cowering in fear. He came back from work one night in a furious mood. I knew he'd take it out on me, but I was still bruised up from earlier in the week. I don't know what I thought that night, but he went for me and I just reacted on instinct and pushed him away. He fell back and crashed into the wardrobe."

He could feel Charlie tense, but he couldn't look at him until he finished.

"I tried to get away, but he was too quick. He grabbed a baseball bat, and I remember nothing after that. I woke up in the hospital with Bex by my side. There was no sign of him."

"How did you get to the hospital?"

"Someone dumped me outside. Probably him, so at least he did something right."

"No. He did nothing right. The only reason he took you to the hospital was to save his own neck. He didn't want to get done for killing you."

Sebastian nodded, crying. He knew that, but deep down, he'd always hoped Brandon had cared about him in some way. Sebastian cried on Charlie's shoulder for what felt like hours. He knew Charlie might still leave, but he wanted him to know he had no expectations.

"I didn't tell you this to make you stay, you know."

"I know that. Just let me support you now. We can talk about the future tomorrow."

The comment made Sebastian uneasy. Was he just being kind tonight, but he'd still get on a plane tomorrow? He didn't want to think of it. Charlie stood and pulled Sebastian up – well, he attempted to. They both smiled at each other, but Sebastian allowed himself to be led into the bedroom.

Charlie undressed him, but there was nothing sexual about it. He then insisted Sebastian get in the shower and joined him, cleaning Sebastian's body all over. Once they were both clean, Charlie turned the shower off. He dried Sebastian off, and put him in sleep shorts, and they got into bed.

It was a surprise when Charlie took the position of the big spoon. Was this what it was like to be nurtured and cared for by someone else? Sebastian had always been the caregiver, even when he was young.

He wasn't sure what tomorrow would bring. Would he wake up and find Charlie gone? He hoped not, but he would take one more night in Charlie's arms, even if that's all they ever had.