11. Now

Iwake up in his bed once again. I know he’s drugging me, but I honestly don’t care at this point. If he were to happen to give me too much and I was to overdose, it would honestly make me happy. Not that I see myself ever being happy again. He’s ruined me once more, and if I ever do manage to escape, my therapists will thank him.

I try to move my neck, but he has me chained to the bed. I don’t see or hear him anywhere, so he probably left me once more. I arch my back and kick my feet. He left my hands free this time, but I can’t get the collar off of my neck. I am so over all this shit. I open my mouth and scream as loud as I can. Not that it does me much good. A red blinking light in the corner shows that I am being watched.

* * *

I must have fallen back asleepbecause when I wake he’s back and removed his clothing. I keep my eyes closed and breathing even. Maybe if he thinks I’m still asleep, he won’t try to force me.

“I know you”re awake, kitty. You never were good at faking sleeping.” I sigh and roll onto my side. He has removed the chain from my neck, and I rotate my head side to side.

“Where do you go?” I ask him as he seems to be in a good mood right now. He rolls onto his side and runs his fingers along my naked hip. His eyebrows furrow, and he frowns.

“I had to get some food for us. You’re getting too thin.” I can’t stop the guffaw from escaping my lips. His frown turns to a scowl, and he grips my throat.

“Why do you fight everything I do for you? Why won’t you just let me take care of you? I love you, Cat. Why can’t you see that? Everything I do is for you. For us.” I wince as he rolls me onto my back and starts to kiss my body. My stomach churns, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

Every time he touches me, it feels like bugs are crawling on my skin. I try to escape in my mind to any place better than here, but it’s hard as he won’t stop talking to me.

I lie here as he uses my body again for his pleasure. His breath smells like alcohol, and he keeps whispering what he thinks are sweet things into my ears. Things that I once would have killed to hear from him. Now, it just makes me sick and sad. I don’t have many good memories left from the old days, and when he does things like this, it erases everything we did have before he changed.

I shouldn’t even want to remember any good things, but it used to help me when I woke up from the nightmares to think of the times when I really believed he did love me. Before everything got so twisted. He grunts and goes still as I feel him pulsing between my thighs. I close my eyes and take in a shuddering breath.

This is all my fault. I put myself in this situation. I should have ran further away. I should have stopped that lady from putting my picture on her social media. I knew better, and I got sloppy.

I have a lot of regrets, but most of all, I should have never slept with him that night. I should have just stuck to the foreplay. Maybe if I never gave him my everything, he wouldn’t have become as obsessed as he did.