39. Grace

Chapter 39

Grace

My body remained frozen on the staircase, itching to reach out but uncertain if he was there for acceptance or condemnation. Fear and hope mingled painfully in my chest as ice water dripped down his face.

Mallory descended the final step, placing herself between me and my estranged brother. She straightened to her full 5'1" height and asked loudly, to be heard through the thick door, "What do you want?"

He tore his eyes from my face to assess the protective blonde.

"Please, I …" his voice cracked. "I just want to talk to her."

Her . He used my pronoun. Hope blossomed in my chest until I remembered that Levi had, too. It wasn't enough.

Elijah's eyes returned to mine, scanning every contour of my face before his lips lifted into a shy grin. He spoke directly to me, a recitation through the glass: "I looked for you, the one my heart loves, but could not find you."

"Song of Solomon," I murmured the explanation to Mallory, knowing in my heart what he was telling me. "The love song of the Bible."

I gathered my courage to lower the final step, approaching the door.

Elijah's fingers spread against the glass, trying to reach through as he recited. " Night after night, I searched the whole city. I asked the watchmen, ‘Have you seen my beloved?'"

His other hand rose to the door handle as I spun the handle and I couldn't say whether I pushed or he pulled. The door flew open and I threw myself forward, the force causing him to stumble back as his arms instinctively wrapped around me, cold water soaking through my sweatshirt .

His familiar laugh resonated deep within my soul. He continued the verse into my ear, " When at last I found the one my soul loves —"

I finished his thought, as I had for most of our lives: "I held on to him and would not let him go."

"Grace," Elijah murmured, my chosen name both a declaration of support and a sigh of relief. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

He squeezed tighter for a fleeting second before pulling back. "Wow, Mama said you looked good, but …" His hand rose tenderly, brushing my cheek. "I didn't know my sister would be so beautiful."

Sister .

Adrenaline rushed after years of questioning and craving his approval.

"Your sister?" I said, wanting to hear it again, a balm over the wound.

"Of course," he replied, his thumb brushing melted raindrops and tears off my cheek. "My twin sister."

I invited him into the studio, locking the door behind us. Elijah shed his soaked jacket and shoes, and I tugged off my wet hoodie tighter as we all tromped upstairs. Mallory hovered nearby as my silent guard, phone clutched in case she needed to sound the alarm.

Still stunned at Elijah's arrival, I asked, "How did you —?"

"Your boyfriend told Mama your name was Grace and you worked at a yoga studio. She said the truck still had New York plates," he explained, looking approvingly around the reception area. "I've been canvassing yoga studios all over the state, anywhere with a Grace on the class schedule."

"Canvassing the state?" I repeated in disbelief.

"So this is where you've been all this time?" he asked, assessing the reception area, an approving smile tugging on his lips.

"For the past three years," I said, ducking into the office for a dry pair of socks.

"I told you I'd heard Saratoga Springs was beautiful, didn't I?" He gestured to the hailstorm outside. "Though it didn't give me the best welcome."

Then his gaze dropped to my Vermont hoodie, curiosity shining in his eyes. "Did you learn to ski?"

"Yeah, we went last week," I gestured to include Mallory, sloughing off my wet hoodie for a cardigan she found. "That's why I was close to … to Plattsburgh." I almost called it ‘home,' since that's what it had been for me and him, but that wasn't home anymore.

I'd made my home here.

He grinned proudly. "When I offered to learn together, you said you were afraid of heights."

"I still am," I confessed. "But I learned how to fall."

"So what'd you study?" It was strange that he didn't know.

"Bachelors and Masters of Social Work."

"Oh Jer —" he cut himself off then quickly recovered, his voice soft and affectionate. "Grace, that's perfect for you."

My head tilt said ‘Your turn,' and his feet shifted. "I stayed at Syracuse for nursing school. Same house. I always hoped one day, I'd walk into my room and you'd …" His heavy sigh conveyed the weight of his loss. It had torn me apart to leave, but he'd lived with my ghost.

"Nursing school," I repeated. I thought he'd go into engineering, but he'd chosen nursing. Science meets heart. Perfect for him.

I broke his gaze to meet Mallory's cautious eyes, and her chin dipped.

"I made enchiladas," I said, my voice only wavering slightly as I tilted my thumb toward the lounge. "Do you want to stay?"

His face softened as I held out my hand. Mama told us that she'd never seen two toddlers touch as often as we did, and as his hand slid into mine, he exhaled in relief.

For the first time in eight years of imagining seeing him again and being rejected, it occurred to me that he'd been worried that I would reject him . Maybe he feared that if he found me and put his heart on the line, I would send him away … and yet he sought me regardless.

Not able to talk around the emotion, I squeezed his fingers. He returned the gesture, an entire conversation in that quick touch.

His face lit up when he saw the enchilada pan and I served him a generous portion. "There's nothing like homemade enchiladas, and these are as good as Mama's. I haven't had sauce this rich in years."

"Mama doesn't make it anymore? "

"I wouldn't know," he wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I haven't been home since you left."

"You haven't …" I stared at him in shock.

"When you missed our first Skype call, I figured you'd slept through it, or maybe it was just a time zone issue. The next week when you didn't show, I called your phone but it was disconnected. I called Isaac, but he hadn't been home in weeks, after that fight with Dad about Rachel."

I considered Isaac, my responsible oldest brother and a perennial rule follower. Which of the rules we'd grown up with was he willing to break?

"Dad lied to Mama about why you left and commanded Levi to keep his mouth shut, assuming that you wouldn't make it on your own and when you came home, things would go back to normal. Isaac eventually got the truth out of Levi … but weeks had passed and we'd already lost your trail."

Elijah's shoulders tensed like he was reliving the experience. "Isaac went ballistic. He blamed himself for not being home or checking in. He …" Elijah's voice cracked. "I wanted to fly home from Tokyo, but Isaac told me to stay while he searched, saying I couldn't do anything that he couldn't. He said, ‘ He told you to go see the world, he would be so pissed if you left.'"

Elijah's head dropped into his hands, and I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. My stomach churned with the guilt, fear, and shock. Mallory perched on the armrest to wrap her arm around me as I silently processed how my departure had exploded my whole family.

All this time, I assumed they were happy without me, that they'd all written me off as easily as our father had.

"Elijah, what's Isaac like now?"

"Still a grumpy overprotective teddy bear. He lives in Albany," I met Mallory's huge eyes, both of us surprised that my oldest brother lived within an hour's drive. "He and his wife Rachel have a 5-year-old daughter and she's pregnant again. He'd probably have come with me to every studio to look for you if she weren't on bed rest. I was on the phone with him when you —"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stifled a grin, then held it up: Fourteen missed calls, seven texts.

Isaac

You found her?

Are you serious?!

Call me back

If this is a joke, I'm gonna be pissed

You can't just say that and hang up on me

Call me back, now

ELIJAH

"Still bossy as ever," I said fondly.

The phone rang again. My twin lifted a mischievous brow, offering the chance to talk to our protective oldest brother. My nerves fluttered, still disbelieving that Isaac was calling … and now I got to mess with him, just like old times.

With shaking hands, I swiped. Before I even took a breath, he was ranting. "Elijah, you can't just hang up like that, don't you know that I —"

"Hey Isaac," I said, grinning at my twin.

"Jerem —" His rant halted and his breath stuttered. "Shit, I mean, Grace. I'm sorry, Mama said you're Grace now. And now I said shit. Twice. Oh no, I don't know if you still —?"

"It's ok to swear. You should meet my best friend, I've heard far worse," I laughed, meeting Mallory's gaze and seeing joyful tears in her eyes.

I reassured Isaac that yes, I was happy and healthy, and no, he didn't need to drive up in the storm to see me right away, and yes, I'd visit soon with Elijah, and no, I wouldn't run away again.

Before we hung up, Isaac said, "Hey Grace? I love you, kiddo."

"Love you too, Isaac," I said as my voice cracked.

When I hung up, Elijah's gaze fixated intently on my profile. "I always wondered if I'd recognize you."

I twisted to face him, searching his eyes. "Would you have? "

"In a heartbeat, and not only because of how you look. When Mama said you visited, something dormant woke up. Even though this studio was closed, I felt you nearby. When I heard footsteps, my heart knew they were yours." He placed his hand over his chest, warmth spreading across his face.

"I've spent five years working with a traveling nurse agency. Every new city I moved to, I hoped somebody would say, ‘You know, you look just like my friend,' but nobody ever did. When my last contract ended, I felt drawn back to New York. I've been staying with Isaac and Rachel since November, when she got put on bed rest for her pregnancy. Maybe it was kismet. Maybe my heart knew you were ready."

He looked at the champagne bottle on the coffee table. "Were you two celebrating tonight?"

I hesitated. It was one thing to accept my gender, especially with eight years to come to terms with it before having this conversation.

It was another to believe that I was fit to be a single parent, without the traditional heterosexual, two-parent family that we'd been told was the correct way. "I have this patient at the hospital, Ruby. Her mom died last month and her grandma —"

"Grace is going to be her foster mom!" Mallory squealed in delight.

I winced. I loved her so much, but wow, was she impatient.

"A foster mom?" Elijah's eyes widened, and his hand ran slowly over his mouth. As his fingers wrapped around his chin, his mouth tilted. He stood and lifted me off the couch into a giant hug that elicited a shriek of surprise as he rambled excitedly into my ear. "I never thought — I mean, I prayed for you to have a family, but I never —"

He released me, face still beaming with joy, and said, "Now I have to meet this boyfriend if you're going to do this together." His smile turned coy as he added, "Mama called him drop-dead gorgeous."

I lurched like I'd been punched. Elijah stepped back as his expression faltered. A stunned silence fell between us.

"He lied to Mama, he's not my boyfriend. He never was." I lowered myself to the couch, eyes locked on the coffee table. "I'm doing this alone."

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and pulled my feet onto the couch to curl up. The victory felt emptier now.

"Hey, you're not alone," Mallory said, squatting in front of me to catch my gaze and resting a hand on my knee. "Just because my asshole brother went back to California does not mean you're alone. And I'm furious with him for making you feel that way."

Elijah chewed his thumbnail, a glimmer of understanding dawning.

"Mallory," I said defensively. "He did nothing wrong. We both agreed —"

"I can be pissed at him for breaking your heart," Mallory said fiercely.

"You can't be if I'm not," I replied firmly.

"Sure I can," Mallory answered with a cheeky grin. "I'm still holding a grudge from every time he pulled the heads off my Barbies."

"Exactly," Elijah added gently, sliding onto my other side. "I'm still mad you told Mama I licked the frosting off our ninth birthday cake."

"I spent hours decorating that and you just stuck your finger in it!" I answered with a shove, feeling buoyed by the memory and his closeness. "I hope you've learned better table manners, Elijah Noah Heywood."

"Nope, still the same slob, Grace … what's your name now?"

My voice caught. I looked to Mallory, who shared the name I'd chosen so he'd always be with me: "Grace Elijah Alvarez."