35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Grace

"It was a relief to order a real pizza, without that vegan crap for Mallory." Kate stretched the mozzarella, swallowing it with a generous sip of Malbec. When she'd opened the wine, she said we'd work our way up to the tequila. What the heck was she gathering the liquid courage to say?

"It took me nine tries to make edible vegan enchiladas for Mallory's birthday. Nine. Alex would have said to forget Mal's tasteless crap and make more for him."

"Are we switching to the heartbreak portion of the evening?" Kate wiggled the second bottle, a fifth of Elysian tequila. Since Nick was a partial owner in the company, the Clarkes always had some on hand.

I dug around in my fridge for limes, already dreading tomorrow's impending hangover but too curious to stop … and not wanting the pain of my impossible decision to crawl back in quite yet. I filled two shot glasses, we cheersed, and the tequila burned.

"This is a terrible idea," Kate said with a wicked grin. "Let's do another."

She waited as I took my second shot, then a hasty confession cascaded out of her mouth: "Nick Clarke and I dated and lived together in New York City before he got The Twelve ." Her face curled into a quick grimace. "I fell in love with him." She took a swig of tequila straight from the bottle, slammed it on the table, then looked me straight in the eye. "And Mallory doesn't know. "

Alex

Connor pulled into my dedicated guest parking spot. Of course he knew where to park, he came here regularly to pick up suits and shit, but never when I was home. Fuck, there were weeks he came here more often than I did. There would be weeks like that again soon.

I dragged my ass out of the car and he trailed me up the elevator. I slid my key into the door, letting Connor in then turning to close it …

"Well if it isn't the Prodigal Associate."

Of fucking course Victoria would get home now after spending Sunday at the office. Our eyes locked across the hallway between our apartments.

I knew, I knew I should throw back my shoulders and say something cocky. That's what I did, who I was. But I didn't have the energy to pull on the smug mask and prove my apathy.

I left the door open and tossed my credit card at Connor to order the pizza.

And cake. Fuck, I needed cake.

But not pie. I might never eat pie again.

Victoria hovered in my doorway. "You look like shit, Alexander."

"Not sure how it's possible, but I feel even worse."

"What happened?"

"I fell in love," I confessed. "It was awful."

"That's what you get for having feelings." Victoria clucked her tongue. Her toe tapped twice, three times, echoing on the tile. With an exasperated sigh, she extended her arms. "Get over here, you idiot."

Her arms wrapped around my waist, and it felt … fine, I guess. Friendly. Like hugging my sister without the bony elbows. She said she knew what I needed and retreated to her apartment.

When I was alone, I leaned against my oven and scanned my apartment: the stark white kitchen, the bland living room with a tan couch, leather recliner and a TV I never watched, the crisp sheets on a masculine bed, and the closets full of suits. Cold, quiet and empty .

I found myself longing for the warmth of Grace's homemade blanket over the sofa and her extensive plant collection, and started dreaming about the future townhouse I'd seen in the dream this morning — had it only been this morning? I'd always wanted a family, and I couldn't do that in this apartment.

"Oh fuck, what's that face mean?" Victoria scowled.

I shrugged, still considering a house with a yard. "Thinking about the future."

"The only future you should be thinking about is what the partners are going to say tomorrow," she said with a pointed glare, then held up two pints of nonfat frozen yogurt. I pointed to the chocolate, wishing it was rocky road. She lobbed it underhand and I ate it straight from the carton.

"I ordered a gluten free pizza too." Connor emerged and handed me my credit card. Good thing Victoria and I shared an incredible assistant, because I'd forgotten she couldn't eat wheat.

While we waited for pizza delivery, I carried the pint to the couch and scrolled to The Princess Bride . "Don't judge me."

"Are you kidding? I love this movie," Victoria asked, settling into my chair. "Inigo Montoya became a master swordsman exclusively for vengeance. Nothing but respect for that level of commitment."

"Plus you have a thing for guys who speak Spanish," Connor teased.

Victoria's neck flushed pink. "Shut up and press play."

Grace

"You fell in love with Nick? And Mallory doesn't know ?" I screeched.

Kate poured us another shot. Even though I would regret every ounce, she'd been right: this conversation required hard liquor.

"You think she freaked out about Alex? Imagine the reaction of nineteen-year-old Mallory, before she started meditating and doing yoga. She would have lost her fucking mind."

"But wait," I said, struggling to pull the strands together. "She said you kissed."

"She knows we kissed when I was 17. That's all she knows. He moved to New York when I was 19, for Shakespeare in the Park. Mal was about two years into nomadically traveling the world. "

"Her version of Eat-Pray-Love, right?"

"Yeah, but she called it Drink-Chant-Fuck."

I laughed, not sure if it was the wine or the tequila or just … Mallory.

"Nick wanted to tell his whole family that we were together, but I resisted. When it was just the two of us, it was perfect. I was afraid telling people would shatter our perfect bubble. It was like time stopped for a summer of infinite bliss," she sighed. "But summer can't last forever, can it?"

I lifted my glass to salute the inevitable march of time. "What happened?"

"When he landed The Twelve , he expected me to drop out of school and go with him." Her face crumpled. "It destroyed me to walk away."

I poured another shot. She flicked her fingers in a ‘bring it on' gesture.

If Kate could be brave and honest, so could I. We tapped our glasses before I confessed, "This morning, Alex begged me to move to San Francisco."

"He what ? He's known you a month!" Kate screamed. She started laughing then, dark and rough. "What an asshole! What'd you say?"

"I told him I couldn't start over again. Not if he …" My throat closed up, my body unable to relive that conversation.

"Let me guess," Kate clapped her hand on my shoulder. "The prick made it all about his career, and you could win Best Supporting Actress for your role in it?" She read the answer on my face, then shook her head. "Those Clarke men. So charming, so smart, so fucking hot … and so goddamn oblivious the world doesn't revolve around them."

She sighed, picking at the strings of mozzarella on her plate. "A month before my dad died, I told him about Nick. It felt like going to Confession, bearing my sins and asking for absolution. Do you know what he told me?"

A playful glint shone in her glassy eyes when she said in Italian, " Finché c'è vita, c'è speranza. As long as there's life, there's hope." Then she sucked a tooth and added, "Then again, when I was 15 I found him in bed with my French teacher, so maybe he's not the best source of wisdom."

My head swam at her confession. "Do you ever think about what it would have been like, to take a leap of faith and go with him? "

"I used to, every hour of every day. But now … now I only doubt my life decisions two, maybe three times a day." She grinned wryly. "Questioning your choice already?"

"The minute he walked out the door," I looked at her plaintively. "How long does it take, to move on from a love like that?"

"Well, it's been seven years, so …" she glanced at her bare wrist sarcastically. "Any day now."

Alex

"This is stupid," Victoria said. "Why wouldn't Buttercup marry Humperdinck?"

Connor's eyes bulged out. "Because he tried to kill her!"

"No, he tried to have her killed," I clarified. "He outsourced."

"It was still attempted murder," Connor said.

"Solicitation of murder," Victoria and I said in unison.

"Eventually he realized she was more valuable alive than dead," Victoria said. "Her mistake for not making herself irreplaceable from the start."

"But," Connor sputtered, "Westley is her true love!"

"What does that even mean, true love?" Victoria blew her lips. "What's their long term plan? Is she gonna run away with Westley? Humperdinck can track a falcon on a cloudy day, he could find a huge pirate ship, especially with his four fastest ships. She'll spend her life with a smelly pirate and horny crew instead of enjoying an advantageous marriage with a handsome, rich prince. Hard pass."

"Maybe the prince isn't perfect … but if she'd given him a chance, maybe if he hadn't been so fucking rushed, he could have shown her that Florin was a beautiful city, and proved he wasn't the asshole everyone thought he was."

They were kind enough to avert their eyes.