21. Alex

Chapter 21

Alex

She slumped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling to avoid my eyes. Again.

I hated seeing her dejected, knowing that it was my fault. She hadn't expected me or known I'd been thinking about her …

Of course she hadn't. I hadn't told her.

Meanwhile, my sister was encouraging her to kiss somebody else — multiple somebodies, from the sounds of it. I couldn't be mad if she had, yet the idea of her kissing anybody else twisted my gut.

I'd spent all my energy getting back here, without thinking about how it impacted her. Now I had to convince her to give me a chance. I opened my mouth to speak, but didn't know where to start. I considered Inigo's drunk slur from The Princess Bride : ‘When a job goes wrong, Vizzini said to go back to the beginning.'

"Can I tell you how I would tell it?" I said. Her guarded eyes met mine.

"I got a phone call from a girl who stood up to me. Nobody talks back to me, they're too scared. But she didn't back down. When she told me to get my ass on a plane, I listened." I ran my hand through my hair, squeezing tightly on the back of my neck. Her lips tightened into a tight line.

"I went straight to the hospital, and there she was. I don't think she meant to stay, I think she fell asleep," I said wryly, and her flush confirmed my theory. "Even though it was unlikely, after a stressful day of traveling, I wanted to believe that a beautiful woman would wait for me."

Her lips parted and closed like they had that night, driving me to distraction wondering what she'd been about to say.

"When I worried about Dad, she was at my side. Her hand in mine, her kind offer of friendship. I don't have many friends," I thought about leaving it there, but she'd given me her honesty, she deserved mine too. "Or any, come to think of it. I wouldn't have wanted anybody else there with me. And I — I resented her for seeing me looking weak. And yet …"

I stepped closer. Slowly, cautiously. She leaned forward.

"I dreamed that night about her eyes in the moonlight, looking like they had flecks of gold. I convinced myself it was an effect of jet lag, and the next time I saw her, she'd be unremarkable. But the next day, I had to pry my eyes off her."

A few more steps, until I was close enough to touch her.

"I liked her … but she was nice to everyone. She saw me as her friend's grumpy brother, her last choice for Santa."

Her lip tilted into a partial smile. Keep going.

"Even though I tried, I couldn't stay away, even if it meant slicing a million apples. And when she told me about how much she'd gone through to become the beautiful woman I saw, all I saw was her bravery. I wondered why she trusted me, when I didn't think I deserved it." I sighed.

"Then at the tree farm, she looked so beautiful with snowflakes in her eyelashes, my scarf around my neck, I was ready to kiss her … until that fucking snowball hit my neck."

She huffed a laugh and smiled, a real one. Apparently mentioning my discomfort — or maybe my sister — softened her up. File that away.

"She told me to stop taking everything so damn seriously. I played too hard and I hurt her. She wanted to be alone, but I needed to know she was safe." I dropped to my knees, placing my hands outside her legs. Her hazel eyes bounced between mine, a ring of gold in the center shifting to green.

"So no, you didn't force me, or trick me, or scare me off." Her eyes scanned mine, her breathing shallow .

"I had to go. I had to, Grace. I'm sorry I didn't call, I should have called. I didn't think —" I shook my head, running a hand through my hair. "It's a shitty excuse, but I'm not used to anybody caring where I am. I'm not used to considering anyone else's feelings … but I was thinking about you." I lifted my hand slowly, resting it tenderly on her cheek. She leaned into my palm.

"I spent the week distracted, trying to figure out how to get back to your gorgeous eyes." I brushed my lips over her brow. "Your thoughtful mind." I kissed her temple and her eyes dropped closed. "Your generous heart." A graze along her cheek. "Your lovely voice." My lips skimmed her jaw. "Your beautiful smile."

Her palm smoothed my hair as I started to press a feather-light kiss to the corner of her mouth. She put her hands on my shoulders to hold me in place, touched her forehead to mine and sighed. If I listened closely enough, I might hear the war waging in her head, trying to decide if I was worth the risk.

"I can't promise forever. My job, you see how demanding it is, and I'm so close to the next step. But I can give you this week. If that's not enough, I understand … but if you want it, it's yours."

Her hands gripped my collar. "I hate how convincing you are."

"It's a blessing and a curse."

She whispered, "I didn't think you were coming back."

"I know. But I've never …" My breath came out ragged. "I've never had anyone I wanted to go back for."

She took a deep breath, mustering courage. "I'll talk to your sister."

"Yeah?" I said eagerly, then leaned forward to kiss her. And she let me … but her hands braced my shoulders, preventing me from taking it any farther.

"I have to go to work now," she said quietly. When I didn't move to give her room to stand, she smirked. "Don't tell me you, of all people, are going to lecture me about working too much."

She had me there. I stood, making space for her to pass.

"Stay," she said, gently patting my chest. "Take a nap. I'll walk to work and leave the truck for you. Meet me at your parents' house."

When she left, I tossed and turned, trying to figure out how to not fuck this up more than I already had. Frustrated, I called the only person who might know what to do. He answered with a laugh. "Did you lose another bet?"