Chapter 3 Big Decision

CHAPTER 3: BIG DECISION

Two days later

Bonnie's alarm jangled, waking her up. She groaned and reached blindly for her cell phone to turn it off. She'd never been a morning person. At the retreat, however, she'd been setting her alarm a half hour earlier than normal. It gave her time to read the latest messages from her hunky pen pal and write him back before breakfast.

Her heartbeat sped at the sight of the text message waiting for her.

Good news. I made an offer on Hank McGee's auto body shop, and he accepted it. Bank approved my loan. We close July 30.

He'd attached a photo of the shop — a white adobe building edged in brown brick. It had an eye-catching red front door and two red garage bay doors.

It looked so sharp that Bonnie squealed out loud. She swiftly texted him back.

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!!!

Moments later, her phone vibrated with an incoming call from Holt.

She was laughing when she accepted it. "You do realize that being a pen pal means we're supposed to write to each other?"

"Hey, I wrote you about my big news," he retorted, "but it takes forever to type with one finger."

"I'm sorry you find being my pen pal so exhausting," she teased.

"Hardly," he scoffed. "Maybe I'm just ready to add in some boyfriend benefits."

"Like frequent calling?" she inquired shyly, since they'd been doing a lot of it during her stay at Anderson Ranch B&B.

"And frequent kissing." His voice grew caressing.

"Holt!"

"Don't even pretend you're not thinking about it, too. Not with as many times as I've brought it up."

"I plead the Fifth." She pressed a hand to her rapidly beating heart.

"Coward," he jeered.

"Maybe a little," she acquiesced. Then she heard herself declaring in a bolder voice, "Fine! I've been thinking about it. Are you happy now?"

"Yep!" He chuckled. "Though I'd rather do more than think about it. What's your schedule like today?"

She leaned sideways to fish through the top drawer of her nightstand and dig out a crumpled copy of the retreat itinerary. "Breakfast, followed by…oh, no!" Not only was breakfast going to take place outside this morning, the team building exercise afterward was also outside. And it included one of her least favorite things — heights. There would be rock climbing stations, treetop hurdles, and zip lining. A whimper of alarm escaped Bonnie as she wilted against her pillows.

"You okay?" Holt sounded concerned.

"Uh, I'm probably going to die today." Tears of terror prickled behind her eyelids. "No biggie."

"What?" He barked out the word.

"We're having a picnic for breakfast, followed by a team building exercise that's guaranteed to kill me." She struggled to hold back a sob. I'm so doomed.

"Because…?" Holt prodded anxiously.

"We're going to be rock climbing," she quavered, "navigating treetop hurdles, and zip lining into a lake. Take your pick. I'm going to either fall, drown, or break something vital." She was normally a positive person, but she couldn't summon a single drop of positivity about what was coming.

"Ah." Understanding infused his voice. "Afraid of heights, huh?"

"Absolutely, positively terrified," she clarified. "Ever since—" She bit her tongue in an effort to stop herself from finishing the sentence. She'd almost told him it had started at the age of fifteen. But if she told him that, he'd ask what caused it, and she wasn't ready to talk about her abduction yet. Part of her longed to tell him to get it out in the open. The other part of her was desperately afraid of how he'd react. Yes, he'd probably be understanding about the abduction, considering he'd been through one himself. However, he was in the recovery stage, whereas she was stuck in limbo due to her inability to remember any details about what had happened to her. The only thing she was crystal clear about were the after effects. She'd become morbidly afraid of heights, darkness, and being alone.

"Ever since what?" Holt inquired quietly.

"Ever since I can remember," she lied. It wasn't true. Before her abduction, she'd spent years serving as a flyer on a competitive cheer team — the girl on the tippy top of the pyramid. After her abduction, though, she'd just stopped. Stopped cheering. Stopped attending her tumbling practices. Stopped working out in public places like the gym. She'd been unable to face the world after what had happened to her, preferring the quiet seclusion of places like her own bedroom. Her family had moved out of town shortly afterward, claiming they'd always wanted to live in the country. She knew the real reason, though. It was to give her a fresh start in a small town with a lower crime rate. It was to keep her safe.

"Okay, then." Holt's voice was soothing. "So, here's the Cliff Notes version of what's going on. The whole point of team building challenges like that is to help you overcome your fears. And to do a little bonding with the people around you."

"You think I don't know that?" A hysterical laugh bubbled out of her. Her problem was that it was impossible to overcome things she couldn't remember.

He drew a heavy breath. "You want me to drive there and steal you away for the day?"

"Yes!" She didn't have to think twice about accepting his offer. If she could, she would leave the country and come back after the dumb team-building exercises were finished. "But please don't. I, um…I have to do this." As wonderful as it was to have Holt's sympathy, it hit her that she was never going to recover from her abduction if she didn't face the ugly souvenirs it had left her with. Before meeting him, she hadn't had a reason to face those fears. Not a powerful enough one, at any rate. But now she did.

You're my reason, Holt.

The thought hit her like a punch in the gut. She wanted to be well and whole again for his sake. For both their sakes.

"You don't, actually, have to do anything," he countered. "I'm serious, Bonnie. I'll be there in two snaps if you just say the word."

"I want to take you up on your offer. So badly," she wailed. "But I don't need you to. What I need to do is face…whatever this is. Whatever's been holding me back." Ugh! I sound so cringy right now.

"I'll support whatever you decide," he returned cautiously. "As long as you're sure about it."

She gritted her teeth. "I am." I will be.

"What about dinner time?" he inquired in a lighter voice. "Think you might be free by then?"

"I might be dead," she reminded with a nervous chuckle. "But yes. If, by some miracle, I survive the rigors of today's activities, I'll be free for dinner."

"It's a date." He sounded jubilant.

Don't I wish! "Fair warning. My brothers will skin me alive if I leave Anderson Ranch without telling them." Jackson would personally do the skinning. With a sigh of resignation, Bonnie tossed the itinerary back on her nightstand.

"How about I come there instead?" A cajoling note crept into his voice. "Have you eaten at the steakhouse downstairs yet?"

"Yes and no. They've been seating us in a private room with a buffet line, so I've sampled only bits and pieces of their full menu." She'd walked through the main restaurant several times, though, on her way to the elevators. She loved their country chic decor — from the deer antler chandeliers overhead to the pine bough centerpieces on the tables.

"Have you sampled their steak?" He sounded hungry already.

"So far, they've served us steak tips, beef ribs, smoked salmon, and chicken strips." She ticked off the entrees on her fingers.

"Yeah, you still need to try their famous T-Bone steaks." His voice grew brisk. "I can be there at six o'clock. Will that work for you?"

As long as I'm still alive? Yes. "I can't wait." She stifled a shiver.

"Oh, and, Bonnie?" Holt's voice grew husky again. "Don't die on me, you hear?"

"No promises." Her knees already felt shaky.

"That's not good enough," he growled. "In case you can't tell, I'm falling for you. Meeting you and becoming your pen pal is the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time, and I'm not ready to give that up."

"Aww!" His words were so sweet that the tears prickling behind her eyelids started dripping down her cheeks. "I'll, um, do my best to power through."

"That's better."

Her tears continued to fall after they hung up. She wasn't sure why, but she wept the entire time she was getting dressed. Her eyes grew so red rimmed that it was pointless to put on any makeup. Despite how distraught she was, it felt like she'd finally made a little progress toward recovery. It was the first time she'd made a conscious decision to face the fears she'd been living with for the past six years. She hoped like crazy that grabbing them by the horns would help break whatever horrific hold her missing memories still had on her.

"I'm so ready to be well again, God," she blubbered as she pulled on her socks. "I'm done being weak and vulnerable. I'm done watching my brothers look at me like a bomb that could explode at any second." The itinerary for the day had instructed her to wear gym clothing, so she selected a pair of black running pants and a pink tank top. As usual, she twisted her wavy chestnut hair into braids. Then she stepped into her slip-on sneakers.

Her eyelids were so puffy that she lingered in her room longer than she'd originally planned to. She alternated between pressing a damp cloth to her face and waving her hands at her eyes. Eventually, the pink splotchiness faded. She sped it along by applying some concealer makeup and mascara.

Then she opened the door of her suite and stepped into the hallway.

Alice was leaning against the opposite wall, tapping the toe of one of her tennis shoes — tennis shoes with wedge heels that added a few inches to her height. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun atop her head, probably for the same reason.

She moved across the hallway and enclosed Bonnie in a hug.

Bonnie momentarily rested her head against her boss's shoulder. "I take it Holt called you?"

"He did." Alice hugged her tighter. Then she dropped her arms and stepped back. "If you really don't want to participate in today's team building?—"

"I do." Bonnie nodded her head fiercely. "I'll admit I'm terrified, but I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I'm ready to face it, if that makes any sense."

"It does." Alice smiled sympathetically. "I'll be by your side every step of the way."

Bonnie would've preferred nothing more than that, but that decision might be out of Alice's hands. "What if we're not assigned to the same group?"

"I'd like to see anyone try to separate us." Alice's expression turned frosty with determination. "There is no way my future business partner is facing her fears without me. I've got your back, Bon Bon. I always have."

Bonnie blinked at her, feeling a blindfold had been removed from her eyes.

Alice had reacted to the situation with such confidence. Such loyalty. Like a true friend, so much so that Bonnie couldn't fathom why it had taken her so long to see what was right in front of her nose. Instead of spending the last couple of years unsure of what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, she could've been studying for her real estate broker's license. Then again, she had spent that span of time learning the real estate business from the inside out — just without her license.

"Alright." She couldn't believe she was saying it. "Guess we'll just have to tell the powers that be that Yates and Underwood are a team." And if she survived what came next, she might tell Alice she was finally ready to order the study materials for her brokerage license.

"Already did." Alice lifted her chin defiantly. "I texted the retreat coordinators two minutes ago. If they know what's good for them, they'll make no attempt to separate you and me today."

As it turned out, they had nothing to worry about. Everyone at the retreat was partnered with their respective coworkers. After breakfast, they set out for the obstacle courses in teams of two and three people. Bonnie and Alice were assigned to tackle the tree hurdles first.

Bonnie spent most of the short hike there trying not to hyperventilate.

Alice kept darting concerned looks at her. "Breathe through your nose and out your mouth," she instructed.

To Bonnie's surprise, it actually helped. "How did you know about that?" she asked after she got her breathing back under control.

"From running track and cross country in high school." Alice chuckled at the memory. "Proper breathing makes a tremendous difference during long distance runs."

Bonnie shook her head in amazement. "Bet you can run circles around me."

Smirking, Alice jogged in a quick circle around her. "Oo, you're right! Who would've guessed?"

"Funny." Bonnie pretended to glare at her as they pulled on the complimentary sports gloves they'd been given. She avoided looking up at the obstacle as long as she could. After her gloves were on, though, there was no more putting it off.

Five tall trees towered in front of them in a perfect row. The tree in front had ladder rungs bolted to it. Mounted between the trees were rope bridges swaying in the breeze. About halfway to the ground, safety nets stretched like rectangular trampolines beneath the rope bridges.

Bonnie swallowed hard, feeling her throat grow dry. "The rope bridges can't be more than a few thousand feet in the air." Yep, I'm gonna die.

Alice stepped closer to the tree to read the laminated poster wrapped around the base. "Actually, they're suspended only forty feet up."

"Only forty?" Bonnie choked. "You say that like it's?—"

"Like it's only forty feet," Alice cut in firmly. She shoved the long sleeves of her pale blue t-shirt up to her elbows, tipping back her head to gauge the distance. "We've got this, Bon Bon." She swiveled around to face her, resting her hands on the hips of her gray yoga pants. "How about you go in front of me, and I'll bring up the rear?"

Bonnie's eyes widened. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, really! I'm more likely to fall than you are." She couldn't bear the thought of tumbling into her dearest friend in the world and taking them both down together.

"Just stop!" Alice's voice was firm. "You said yourself that we're a team, and I happen to be the current CEO of our team. If you want to have more say in how things are run at our company, you can sign a partnership agreement." She jabbed a finger at the tree. "Until then, if I say you go first, then you go first."

Bonnie gave a nervous giggle. "Aye, aye, captain!" Good gracious! Holt wasn't the only one in their family who was good at arm twisting. Her knees wobbled beneath her as she moved to stand directly beneath the tree.

"Okay." She clapped her hands a few times, trying to chase away the tingling in her palms. They were already sweating beneath her gloves. "Let's do this." She reached for one of the ladder rungs above her head as she stepped onto the lowest rung. A few rungs up, the rungs circled behind the tree, positioning her to continue her climb above the safety nets.

Clever. Bonnie still wasn't excited about climbing forty feet into the treetops, but at least there was something beneath her to break her fall to the hard-packed earth below. If it comes to that. She ventured a look down to see how far she'd climbed and sucked in a breath.

"Don't look down," Alice ordered briskly. "It's onward and upward for Team Yates and Underwood."

"Yippee," Bonnie muttered sarcastically, though she obligingly tipped her face up again. It felt like hours before they reached the first rope bridge. Only then did she discover something she hadn't seen from the ground. There were thin ropes running shoulder high along the rope bridge — something to hold on to.

She soon made her next less than thrilling discovery. Having ropes to hold on to didn't guarantee their success, by any means. Both the ropes and the bridge still had a lot of sway in them. She found herself praying beneath her breath as she took her first few swinging steps.

Alice stepped onto the rope bridge behind her, making it sway even more.

Tears of terror welled in Bonnie's eyes. She froze in her tracks. "I-I don't think I can do it," she gasped, trembling from head to toe. "I'm sorry."

"Well, I think you can," Alice returned sharply. "There's a scripture in the book of Psalms, short and sweet, and it goes like this: When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. Those are the words of a king, my friend. A king! You aren't the only one who's ever been afraid. How about we say it together?"

"I, um..." Bonnie blinked rapidly, trying to see through her tears. Her hands were fisted tightly around the ropes.

"When I am afraid," Alice quoted softly, "I put my trust in You."

"When I am afraid," Bonnie repeated shakily, "I put my trust in You." She had to say the short verse several times before the words were able to make a dent in her icy fear.

Soon, she and Alice were saying it together, inching forward ever so slowly on the rope bridge.

Bonnie wasn't sure how long it took, but they succeeded in reaching the platform between trees one and two. She gave the tree a bear hug, unsure if she would ever be able to let go of it.

"Alrighty," Alice sang out long before Bonnie was ready. "One rope bridge down. Three more to go."

"Just shoot me now." Tears slid weakly down Bonnie's cheeks. She hadn't thought she'd survive the first rope bridge. She couldn't picture herself enduring the torture of three more.

"Not happening, sweet stuff! But I will go first this time, if you want," Alice offered, giving her a quick squeeze hug from behind. "That's how it'll be when you become my business partner, you know. Sometimes I'll lead, and you'll follow. Sometimes you'll lead, and I'll follow. Occasionally, I'll be out of the office altogether, and you'll be sailing the entire ship in my absence."

Bonnie nodded, feeling a giddy laugh rise inside her. "You say that like I'm not clinging for dear life to an ancient oak tree." Hearing her boss's muted footfalls against the platform, she peeked around the tree trunk and saw that Alice was already stepping onto the next rope bridge.

"Wait for me," Bonnie squealed, reaching hastily for the first rope. "Team Yates and Underwood has a Yates in it, remember?"

Alice's answering chuckle had a happy ring to it. "Indeed it does. Let's rock and roll, partner!"

Partner. The way Alice kept calling her that felt every bit like the emotional arm twists Holt had been giving her lately. Some people might've been offended by the persistence of the brother-sister duo, but Bonnie honestly couldn't see the downside of giving in to their coaxing and encouragement. Worst case scenario, she stood a real chance of ending up with a boyfriend and a promotion. Not exactly punishment.

Bonnie's thoughts were spinning so hard and fast that she made it halfway across the second rope bridge in a matter of seconds.

"You're getting your sea legs under you," Alice noted in satisfaction.

"How about you speed up a little, slowpoke?" Bonnie teased back.

Snickering, Alice picked up the pace — not too much, though. They reached the second platform and took another short break.

Bonnie bear hugged the tree again, but not quite as hard as she'd held on to the last one. "I'd give you a high five," she declared in a laughing voice, "if I wasn't scared silly that the slap you'd give me in return wouldn't send me flying into the nets below us."

"Cute." Alice rolled her eyes. "In case you've forgotten, I'm working on recruiting a partner, not getting rid of her." She motioned to the third rope bridge. "Your turn to lead again."

Bonnie drew a few shallow breaths. We've made it this far. Can't give up now. "If you insist, captain." As her hands fisted around the next set of ropes, something bright flashed in her eyes, nearly blinding her. She winced and lowered her head for a few seconds, panting.

"What's wrong?" Alice closed the distance between them, sliding her gloves up against Bonnie's hands on the rope.

"I'm not sure. Something really bright flashed in my eyes. Made me see stars." She blinked them away, but it took time.

Alice dropped her chin close to Bonnie's shoulder. "I don't see anything. Oh, wait. Yes, I do." She made a soft humming sound in the back of her throat. "There's something shiny alright on one of those hills in the distance. Maybe a shard of glass or something stuck in a tree."

Bonnie continued to blink away the stars, glad she wasn't the only one who'd seen it.

"And now it's gone." Alice sounded mystified. "That was weird. Tell you what," she tightened her fists on the rope, "don't look at it. Just focus on the next step, okay?"

"Without looking down, huh?" Bonnie grimaced.

"Exactly." Alice chuckled again.

"So, no looking straight ahead, and no looking down," Bonnie grumbled as she started moving again. "That's some tough top-down management there, Miss Underwood."

"You'll get used to it, partner." Alice chuckled merrily. "When I first started my business, I had to do a lot of walking by faith. You'll be doing the same thing until you get comfortable holding the reins of leadership."

Her words made Bonnie's heart soar. "All joking aside, do you really think I have what it takes?"

"I know you do." There was no hesitation on Alice's part. "I've watched you in action for the past couple of years. Your customer service skills are a gift from above. I thank God for you every day I step into the office."

"Oh, wow!" Bonnie's eyes misted over again, this time out of gratitude. Alice's confidence in her was downright humbling. And motivating. They reached the fourth tree in record time.

They stood on the platform facing each other and grinning in exultation.

"I'll do it," Bonnie said suddenly.

Alice's eyes widened.

"The partnership thing," Bonnie added.

Her friend's lips parted, but no sound came out.

"I'll start studying for my broker's license as soon as we get back to the office," she promised. "I'm not sure why I waited so long to come to this decision."

"Doesn't matter." Alice's entire face lit with happiness. "Maybe the timing wasn't right before now."

"Maybe." Bonnie wasn't sure. All she knew was that she'd never before felt more like a team than she did this very second. Alice had seen her at her best and at her worst. She'd trained her from nothing when she was fresh out of high school, and taught her everything she knew about real estate. "I do have a question, though."

"Ask me anything." Alice's smile was a mile wide.

"Why did you choose me?" As long as Bonnie lived, she'd probably never understand it, but she wanted to hear what Alice had to say about it, anyway.

"Because my business started to grow. I prayed for help, and not just any help," Alice clarified solemnly. "The right help. And the Lord sent me you."

Bonnie couldn't have been more floored. "That's, um, incredible. If I hadn't already agreed to study for my broker's license, that might've pushed me over the edge."

"Honestly? I think it was inevitable," Alice announced loftily, turning to face the final rope bridge. "You and I are meant to be partners, just like you and Holt are meant?—"

"Don't say it!" Bonnie would've plugged her ears if her hands were free. What she and Holt had going on between them was still blossoming into whatever it was going to blossom into. She wasn't ready to put a label on it.

Alice tossed a laughing look over her shoulder. "Try to stop me." She stepped onto the rope bridge.

The wind picked up as they plowed forward, making the ropes swing harder. Bonnie grew motion sick. She inwardly vowed that once her feet were back on the ground, she was never going to do anything this crazy again. Ever!

A streak of lightning flashed across the sky. A clap of thunder followed.

Bonnie and Alice stopped talking. They hustled as quickly as they could to safety on the final platform. By the time they reached the fifth tree, rain was spattering down on them through the branches.

A pair of group leaders from the retreat zipped their way on a pair of four wheelers, skidding to a halt beneath the base of the tree.

"The rest of the exercise is cancelled, due to inclement weather. I'm so sorry," one of the women called up to them.

"Breaking my heart," Bonnie grumbled as she started her descent down the ladder.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire," Alice called after her.

That was when Bonnie realized she was on the bottom this time. "Guess I get to have your back this time around, partner." It was the first time she'd ever called her that in return, and it felt good.

"Appreciate it. I'm exhausted," Alice breezed. "You're welcome to carry me if you want."

"Don't press your luck," Bonnie warned. The ladder rungs were growing more slippery by the second as the rain pounded down harder on them. She was half tempted to fall onto the safety net just because. However, she was too anxious to prove to herself that she could finish the obstacle course.

Which she did in spite of the rain. So did Alice.

They high-fived each other at the bottom, grinning like idiots. There were no words to describe the euphoria rolling through Bonnie.

The group leaders ushered them onto the backs of the four wheelers and sped with them toward the B&B.

While Bonnie clung to the back of her driver, getting soaked to the skin in the warm summer rain, she decided on the spot that the three days of her missing memories no longer had the power to hold her back. Maybe someday she would remember what happened to her during her abduction. Maybe she wouldn't. But three days didn't define a person. God did.

According to the Bible, He'd known her while she was being formed in the womb. He knew the number of hairs on her head. He had a plan for her life. Those were the things that defined her. The only things.

She couldn't wait to tell Holt. And while she was at it, she was going to tell him one more thing.

Yes.