19. Van

19

Van

Three years earlier

" V andaele!" a random guy in the hallway calls out my name, reaching his hand out for a slap. "Tough game, man. We'll get ‘em next time."

"Damn right we will," I say, smiling, even though it feels kinda stupid. I mean, it wasn't a tough game. My team and I just played like shit. It happens sometimes, and we've been working our asses off for the past few days to make sure it doesn't happen again anytime soon. I'm all for team spirit, but I kinda want to say that it hasn't been his ass that's been getting out of bed before the sun's up just to go to conditioning. But that's part of playing a sport, so I do it without too much bitching. Besides, if I make it to the pros, these kinds of things will happen a lot.

I turn the corner and take the stairs two at a time. Josie said she's leaving at six, but we've got an hour till then, so I'm hoping she'll want to hit the dining hall or even just get a coffee. She doesn't know I'm stopping by, but her dorm is right by the athletic center, and I figured why text when I can just drop in.

I mean, we're dating, so it's not weird. Plus, I really want to see her. Last Friday was possibly the best night of my life. Being with Josie, God, it was everything. And I just want more, not only of the physical stuff, but the everyday stuff, too.

She went home Saturday morning, and we had a shitty game that night, so we never connected. I thought we could spend the day together Sunday, but something came up back home and she couldn't come over. Then Monday, she had a study group, and I had a late practice last night. She's heading to her hometown again tonight, so I knew this little window of time was all I had if I wanted to see her. And I definitely do.

Her door is the third one on the left and her cute little whiteboard has today's date surrounded by purple flowers. I knock and seconds later, her soft voice calls, "Come on in, Mel."

I turn the knob and step inside. "My name's not Mel, but can I still come in?" I ask, smiling. God, she looks pretty today, though that's no surprise. Josie is effortlessly beautiful. Her hair is up in a knot on top of her head and she's in a tiny tank top and yoga pants. Fuck, she's not wearing a bra and I can see her nipples through the thin material of her shirt. She's got an oversized gray cardigan on and it looks like she swiped it from sometime twice her size. Her feet are bare and her lips are glossy from the three thousand coats of strawberry lip balm she applies daily.

"Van, what are you doing here?" she asks while folding a pair of jeans and tucking them in her duffle.

It's not the greeting I was hoping for, but I get her surprise. Dammit. I'm new at this boyfriend shit. I definitely should have texted. In an attempt to recover, I flash her another smile. "Practice just ended, and your dorm's so close. I figured I'd stop by."

She smiles in return, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm leaving soon. I have to head back home for something."

"Yeah, I know," I say, stepping into the room and sitting on her bed. "You're leaving in an hour, right? I haven't eaten, so I thought we could grab food at the dining hall. Or go to Drip? I haven't seen you since Friday," I say, reaching for her. She puts her small hand in mine, and I squeeze, tugging her down so she's sitting on my lap. She looks at me, really looks at me, and that's the first genuine smile I've seen from her since I walked in.

"You smell good," she tells me, kissing my lips and threading her fingers through my still-damp hair. I lean back so I'm propped up against the cinderblock wall.

"You feel good," I tell her, my hands encircling her waist. We kiss some more, and I'm tempted to lift her shirt and let my hands explore. But then we'll never get to eat, and she'll end up leaving late. Plus, I've really missed hanging out with her this past week. The texts aren't enough. I know she's busy, but I want to soak up every second with Josie that I can. I've never had a relationship, but I'm all in. It's crazy. If I have a free minute, I want to see her or talk to her. She's constantly on my mind. I used to make fun of my buddies in high school who were attached to their girlfriends, but I totally get it now.

I ease up a little and Josie sighs, leaning back against my bent knees. Her sweet, hot center is pressed up against my cock. God, what I wouldn't give just to pop the button on my jeans and take my aching dick out. Josie's eyes go wide, as though she knows exactly what I'm thinking and she's just as tempted as I am.

But her phone starts ringing, so she hops off my lap and scrambles to answer it.

Now she's talking and packing, like I'm not even here. And I shouldn't be, I guess? I mean, we didn't make plans, but still. You'd think she'd be excited to see me, even for a little while. If she showed up at my place just to see me, I'd be thrilled.

"Hey, I'm leaving soon. What's up?" she asks.

Whoever's on the line says something to make her laugh, and I feel a stab of jealousy.

"Okay. See you in an hour."

Josie hangs up and slips her phone in her pocket before turning back to me. She looks…guilty? But that makes no sense. Maybe she just feels bad about leaving.

We've barely seen each other lately, but I have a solution to that.

I get off her bed, because it's time for me to head out. Standing behind her, I wrap my arms around her shoulders. "I know you need to go, but I wanted to ask you something."

She turns to look up at me. "What's that?"

"So, we have another home game Saturday. It's our last one for a couple weeks. There's a party after. Plus, my mom's coming into town for it and I really want you to meet her. You don't have to sit with her at the game or anything, but I thought we could all get breakfast at the diner on Sunday before she heads out?

Josie steps out of my hug and shakes her head. "I can't. I go home on Saturdays."

I probably should have expected that, but I'm surprised she's turning me down without even thinking about it. That hurts more than I want to admit. "I know, but do you have to go every Saturday? You can't skip this once?"

She zips up her duffle, not bothering to look at me. "No, I can't skip."

Frustration courses through me. "What do you even do back home? Do you have a job or something? Can't you call off?"

She bites her lip and I can see that her neck and cheeks are getting splotchy. I know she gets this way when she's nervous, and I feel bad for upsetting her, but doesn't she get it? I want to spend time with her and she's not even trying.

Finally, Josie looks up at me. She takes a deep breath and here it comes—she's either gonna break up with me or explain what the hell is so important in Silver Creek that she has to be there all the time. I brace myself for whatever she's about to say, but her phone beeps and it's like a switch. A wall goes up and she shakes her head. "It's just…family stuff."

"Family stuff…ok. But does your family need you that much? Like, your parents can survive a weekend without you, right?"

Her face goes pale and she starts playing with the amethyst necklace she never takes off. I'm probably being a dick, but if they can't handle being without their little girl for a couple days, that's kinda fucked up. Maybe they're super controlling? I don't know. I don't really know anything about Josie's family. She doesn't talk about them much. But she sure does go home a lot, which makes me wonder why.

Josie means a lot to me, so I'm not letting this go. "Come on, Josie. You can't even ask them? Just check to see if you can stay here this weekend. You're away at college—you're supposed to be having fun, not running home all the time."

"I can't, not this weekend. Maybe ? —"

"Maybe when? This is our last home game for weeks, and you're not even willing to ask? It just makes me wonder … Am I your boyfriend or not? Because you're my girlfriend, Jos, but you're sure as hell not acting like it."

Josie just stands there, frozen. Her mouth is open, but no words are coming out.

And me? It's like once I've started telling her what's on my mind, I can't stop.

"You're always busy. You never make time for me."

"I…I have a full class load and ? —"

She's starting to talk, but I'm not in the mood for excuses. "So do I, Jos. And I have hockey. And yet, I'm always the one left hanging when you get a phone call or have to go."

She looks down at the floor, and it's obvious there's something she's not telling me. "I…have to go home a lot."

"Yeah, ok. And why? Just say it to me, Jos. Tell it to my face." My sluggish brain is finally putting all the pieces together—the quiet phone calls, the trips home, the refusal to talk about anything really personal. And now that my mind is making sense of it all, I realize that was a guy's voice on the phone just now. It was muffled, but he sounded like he was probably our age. So, if it wasn't an overprotective dad on the phone wondering when his daughter was getting on the road, then who the hell was it?

"You have some guy back home, don't you? Some high school boyfriend you never got over? Let me guess, he has no clue about me, right? Just like I'm not supposed to know about him."

"No," she says quickly, her fingers worrying their way through a hole in her sweater. "That's not it. There's no b-boyfriend."

"Then what is it, Jos?" I plead, my frustration getting the better of me. It's not the first time in my life I've been second best in the eyes of someone I cared about. My dad's got a family in South Carolina—a wife and two kids. He's never needed—or wanted—me or my mom. It's like we were a trial run, or something, like there was a test we didn't pass, so he left us behind and found what he was looking for. I've felt the sting of rejection before, but that doesn't make it any easier.

"It's…I…" she stammers, looking anywhere but right at me.

I step back, threading my hands through my hair. My curls are getting long and when I go home at Christmas, my mom will nag me about getting a haircut. Stupid me, I had visions of taking Josie home with me. I had a fucking picture in my head of her on the sofa with my mom, hanging out. God, I'm such a dumbass. Because based on the look Josie's giving me right now, my version of a Merry Christmas isn't gonna happen.

"Just say it, Josie."

Her cheeks are flushed and her hands are shaking. "It's not what you think. Levi and I ? —"

My laugh is bitter. "You and Levi? Who the hell is Levi?" Her eyes are shining and she opens her mouth and I can't do it. I can't stay and listen to her tell me all about some guy back home. "You know what? Nevermind, Josie. I don't want to hear it."

I think I hear her calling for me, but I don't turn around. My dad's right, I guess: I'm pretty fucking stupid. She's been half-in, half-out since we started this thing. I know we just got together, but isn't that when couples are supposed to stick to each other like glue? I race down the steps and push the double doors open with a shove, but I don't give a shit. Josie always had an excuse for why she couldn't stay too long, or couldn't talk.

The signs were there all along, but I couldn't read them.

Big fucking surprise.