9. Asher

9

ASHER

I ’d entered the arena feeling confident about whatever Coach wanted to talk to me about. As I walk to his office now, I feel stressed out even more.

Seeing Isla tore through me like a sledgehammer. At first, I believed I was looking at a ghost because Isla had stated that she would never return to Crestwood University’s campus as long as I was there.

Neither one of us can keep our promises, apparently.

However, I don’t blame her on that front.

I can’t figure out how I should feel or what to make of what just happened. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. Questions swirl through my mind as I focus on trying to comprehend the last few minutes of my life and how it feels like my entire world has shifted.

What the hell is she doing here? And why?

This isn’t what I should be thinking about as I walk down the hallway to Coach’s office.

Memories of the part of the summer we spent together when I stayed with the Johnson family flash through my mind with every step I take. Nostalgia can be an asshole because all I can think about is how we’d had the time of our lives until I fucked it up.

At least I’ve confirmed that I saw her on campus the other day. Part of me wishes she’d been a mirage because the churning in my gut wouldn’t be as obnoxious.

As I approach Coach’s door, I swear the air rushes out of my lungs as I try to push the images of Isla out of my mind. I pause with my fist poised to knock on the door when I hear the voice of Bailey, our PR manager.

“We think she’s the perfect fit for the team photographer position. Isla’s portfolio is impressive, and her passion and love for photography is obvious.”

Then I recognize Alice’s voice.“Agreed. This has nothing to do with her being your daughter, either. We looked at each candidate, and Isla blew us away.”

That sledgehammer to the gut feeling makes its presence known again. Isla might be working for the team? I’ll see her more often if she takes the job. I will get distracted, which means this will become a problem.

Fuck.

I shouldn’t be eavesdropping on Coach. Swallowing hard, I rap my knuckles against the door, pushing down the anxiety that wants to wreak havoc in my body.

“Come in,”Coach calls out.

I twist the doorknob and step into the office. Coach Johnson sits behind his desk, his expression unreadable as he motions for me to take a seat. Assistant Coach Daryl nods at me before he, Bailey, Alice, and a person I don’t recognize leave the room.

“Asher,”Coach begins, leaning forward and clasping his hands together on the desk. This must be serious if he isn’t referring to me by my last name.“I wanted to check in with you. How are you feeling so far this season?”

I clear my throat, attempting to focus on the conversation at hand and not the thoughts my mind wants to drift back to.“I’m feeling good, Coach.”I’m not sure what else to say because I have no idea what he’s talking about. What has he noticed?

Coach Johnson studies me intently, and I don’t like it.“You’ve still been doing well on the ice, but your focus has been slightly off. Is there anything you want to discuss? Is there anything I can help you with?”

I grip the armrest of the chair I’m sitting in. The last thing I want is for Coach to think I’m not giving my all to the team.

“No, Coach. I’m committed to the team and our goals this season.”

Coach leans back in his chair.“I know you are, Asher. You’re one of our most dedicated players. But it’s easy to see when something else is on your mind. Is everything going well at home?”

He knows a lot about my home life because not only is Coach there for every single player on the hockey team, but he stepped up for me when I needed him most. If it hadn’t been for him and his family, I would have been sleeping in my car until my first semester at Crestwood started.

And I betrayed him when I got into a relationship with his daughter.

I swallow hard, knowing I can’t lie to Coach. Well, not about this, at least. Not after everything he’s done for me.“Things are... complicated at home, but it’s nothing new. I promise it won’t affect my performance on the ice. I’ll make sure of it.”

“If it’s not anything at home, is it your classes?”

I shake my head, trying to maintain a neutral expression.“No, my classes are going well. I’m on top of everything, and my grades are good.”

Coach Johnson nods, but his eyes remain fixed on me as if he’s trying to read between the lines.“Asher, you’re in your senior year. This is a crucial time for you, both on and off the ice. I expect you to be focused and dedicated to the team and your studies. If anything is distracting you, it’s important to address it.”

His words hit a little too close to home, but I refuse to show how they’ve affected me.“I understand, but there’s nothing to address.”

“I hope so. You have a bright future ahead of you, and I’d hate to see anything jeopardize that. If you ever need to talk, my door is always open.”

I nod, thankful that it seems as if this talk is coming to an end.“Thank you, Coach. I appreciate that.”

As I stand up to leave, Coach Johnson speaks again.“Remember, Asher, the team is counting on you. Don’t let them down.”

“I won’t,”I promise, hoping I can keep my word despite everything that is going on.

I exit his office, happy to get away from the line of fire, but nothing feels resolved. In fact, things have gotten more complicated, and it is only getting worse by the minute. As I make my way down the hallway, I grab my phone and find a text from my mom.

Mom: Asher, we need to talk. It’s about the bills. Call me when you can.

I stop walking and close my eyes for a moment, feeling a headache forming. Between Isla’s return, my conversation with Coach, and now more financial issues with Mom, it feels like my whole life might break at any moment. I text Mom that I’ll call her later before stuffing my phone in my pocket.

I need to clear my head before I talk to Mom. A load of homework is calling my name, but my ability to focus on it is nonexistent. As I spot my car, I make a decision to go to the gym and burn off this energy I’m feeling. Plus, that’s helping to support my conditioning for hockey. Luckily, I keep a gym bag in my car just in case I want to go to there.

I drive almost on autopilot, and soon, I’m entering the gym with my bag swung over my shoulder. I spot Knox and Levi standing near one of the benches. They give me a small nod as I approach.

“Hey,”Levi greets me, sitting up and wiping the sweat from his forehead. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Decided to spend some time in the gym before heading back to the house.”

Knox rolls his eyes. “You look like you need it. You look like shit.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. It’s not just what he said, but it’s also the first thing he’s said to me outside of the rink in days.“Well, I also feel like it, so that works.”

Levi smirks.“Knox is trying to say that you’ve got that ‘I need to punch something’ look on your face. And it’s something I’m only used to seeing from Blaise.”

I shake my head, setting my bag down. He’s not wrong.“Just got a lot on my mind.”

Knox stands up and pats the bench.“Nothing like a workout to clear shit up. Iron therapy, if you will.”

If I’m being honest, I need to see a therapist. The gym can help for now, however.

I sit on the bench and grab one of the fifty-pound barbells that Knox and Levi hadn’t had a chance to put back on the rack. I start with bicep curls as I shut out the noise, crowding my brain between thoughts of my past with Isla, Coach’s words, and Mom’s worries. There is a time and place for that, and right now, I need to focus on one thing: myself.

I grab the other barbell and switch to shoulder presses. I can feel sweat forming on my forehead as I grit my teeth, trying to drown out my thoughts with physical exertion. The familiar burn yet euphoria that comes with pushing my muscles to their limits is a welcome distraction. I move on to lat pull-downs while Knox and Levi have moved on to complete their own routines. I’m locked in on this workout because it’s the only thing that matters now.

If I wasn’t, then what I did to Isla would take a front-row seat in my mind.

I should have known better. I should have been more careful with her heart. Hell, with my own heart.

And there she is again, penetrating my thoughts, even though I’m doing everything to distract myself. I finish my last set, and sit up, panting. Sweat drips down my face, and I grab my towel to wipe it away. Levi glances over at me with an eyebrow raised.

“You good, man?”he asks.

I nod, but it’s a lie. I’m not good, not even close, but I don’t want to announce it to the world. Instead, I stand up, my legs feeling slightly unsteady beneath me, but I can manage. I’ve pushed myself harder than usual, but it’s still not enough to quiet the chaos in my head.

“I’ll be right back,”I say before I head back to the other side of the gym.

There is only one thing I can do to solve the problem I can control. I find an empty bench and pull out my phone. It’s time for me to do something that I should have done years ago.

Me: Hey, Isla. I’m not sure if this is still your number, but I thought it was worth a shot. Can we meet to talk?

I hit send and stare at the screen for who knows how long before returning to my workout. Now, all I can do is wait.