21. Isla

21

ISLA

T he cursor on my laptop blinks at me like it’s mocking my attempt to stay on top of things. I have my precalculus notes scattered around me, along with half-finished problem sets and some I haven’t even started yet. On my monitor are photos I’ve been staring at for an hour.

How does anyone make sense of this?

I’m at the point where I want to take my brain out of my head and bash both of them against the wall. The tension in my shoulders is almost becoming painful, and I can feel the headache forming. I rub my temples in an attempt to stop it from coming on, but to no avail.

This doesn’t include the things I need to get done for one of my photography classes and the hockey team. I hate to admit that I’m falling behind, and I might have to pull a couple of all-nighters to catch up.

Maybe I’m foolish for trying to do two things at once. Focusing on just one is going to be hard, but that might be the way forward. Photography might be a reward for getting my math homework done.

As I’m about to try to accomplish something, I move my mouse, and the cursor doesn’t move. I pause and move my Bluetooth mouse again, and I get the same result.

What. The. Hell?

My laptop is frozen.

No, no, no. Not now.

I frantically press the keys, trying to get any sort of response, but nothing happens. I resist the urge to slam my head against the desk, knowing it will only make my headache worse. At this point, the universe is laughing at me.

“Having a rough day?”

The voice startles me out of my frustration. I look up to see Asher standing there with what looks to be two cups of coffee in his hands. He places one cup in front of me, along with a couple of sandwiches from Brewed Beginnings. I forgot we agreed to meet at the library this evening.

“You could say that,”I mutter, eyeing the coffee in his hand.“Thanks for this. You’re a lifesaver.”

Asher pulls out a chair next to me and sits down.“I figured we both could use a pick-me-up.”He looks over at my textbook before he responds.“Pre-calc kicking your ass?”

I let out a humorless laugh.“That’s an understatement. I swear, I can’t understand these equations. They’re written in another language. Not to mention my laptop has decided to be a proper dick.”

That makes Asher laugh. “Want me to take a look?”

I stare at him for a moment and slide the textbook and binder over to him.“Be my guest. But I warn you, it’s a mess.”

Asher flips through the pages and sighs several times as he scans the equations. After a moment, he looks up at me with a sympathetic smile.“I can see why you’re struggling. This stuff is no joke.”

“Tell me about it.”I take a sip of the coffee he brought. I can’t believe he actually remembers how I like my coffee. The warmth and caffeine are more than welcome.“I feel like I’m drowning.”

“Well, let’s see if we can make some sense of it together.”Asher scoots his chair closer to mine, and the next thing I know, our shoulders are touching as he leans over the textbook to get a closer look.

At that moment, I realize that his cologne, the scent that feels like a warm hug, surrounds me. I’m ready to swoon over this coffee and the smell of his cologne, but I can’t.

I do my best to focus on the work in front of me. Asher starts explaining the problem, but my mind keeps drifting to how close he is to me and his cologne.

“Isla? Are you following?”Asher’s question snaps me back to reality. He takes a sip of his coffee as his green eyes land on me.

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second there.”I lick my lips to cover up my nervousness.“Can you run that by me again?”

Asher chuckles.“Sure thing. So, for this equation, you need to...”

As he continues his explanation, I force myself to concentrate on his words rather than on anything else. Slowly but surely, the numbers and symbols start making sense. Asher’s guidance and the caffeine from the coffee work their magic, and I nod along as the terms start to make sense.

“I think I’m starting to get it now,”I play with my ponytail because I don’t want to look him in the eye.“Thanks. I’m now convinced you’re a better teacher than my actual professor.”

Asher grins, and it takes me back to happier times when we were a couple. He still looks like the boy I fell in love with, with slightly more scruff at the moment.“Happy to help. Let’s see if we can get your laptop sorted out.”

He reaches for my laptop and his fingers brush against mine as he pulls it toward him. The brief contact sends a jolt through my entire body, and I hope he doesn’t notice how my breath catches in my throat. My thoughts circle back to how he used to use those fingers on me. Time after time, from the moment I gave him my virginity until the very end, it had been absolutely magical, and it’s something I don’t regret, even with how we turned out.

I just realized he didn’t use his fingers on me the last time we were together.

Am I ovulating? I must be ovulating. I have to keep laughing in order to keep from crying about my diagnosis.

“Let’s see what we’re dealing with here,”he says as he examines the frozen screen. He taps a few keys, tries the trackpad, then the mouse, but nothing happens.“Hmm, looks like it’s really stuck.”

“Yeah, I was in the middle of editing some photos when it just froze up on me.”I sigh, leaning back in my chair.“It’s been a day.”

“I get that completely. Okay, let’s try a hard reset. That will do the trick.”

He presses and holds the power button until the screen goes dark. I could have just done that myself, but I felt more comfortable bitching and moaning to myself. We both wait as he powers it back on, hoping for a miracle.

As the laptop comes back to life, I hold my breath, praying that it hasn’t lost my work. The familiar startup sound plays and the screen lands on my desktop background. I let out a sigh of relief when Asher wiggles the mouse and the cursor moves.

“Thank fuck,”I say out loud with thinking.“You’re a hero.”

Asher chuckles in response.“You’re welcome. Glad I could save the day.”

“Seriously, what would I be doing without you?”

“Probably still be staring at a frozen screen and cursing the universe and everyone else out.”He takes a longer drink from his coffee, looking far too pleased with himself.

I can’t help but laugh.“You’re probably right. But don’t let it go to your head.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”He grins, and it feels like old times for a moment. It’s nice, even if it’s temporary.

As we sit there, sipping our coffee and eating our sandwiches, the tension in my shoulders starts to ease. If I can remember the things he told me about math, I might have an actual shot at passing this class. Editing my images will come, but I do feel some relief. Having this time where I don’t have a camera in his face reminds me of the question I wanted to ask him several weeks ago at this point.

“This is random, but remember when you offered me your coat at the volunteer event a couple of weeks back?”I ask.“You left a bag of Skittles in one of your pockets.”

“I know.”

“Why? And had you planned to offer me your coat?”

“Honestly?”

I nod, waiting for him to respond.

“I was planning on giving you the candy, but I didn’t have a master plan to give you my coat that day. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing when I noticed you were cold.”

I tilt my head, studying Asher’s expression.“So the Skittles were just a random act of kindness?”

“I guess you could say that. I just thought they might cheer you up.”

The conflicting emotions that are coursing through me are causing a war. I shouldn’t be enjoying any of this, but I can’t help but smile at that. It’s such a small gesture, but it means more to me than he probably realizes.“Well, consider me cheered. Skittles are still my fav.”

“I’m glad. I figured they would be a safe bet. And I have a question for you.”

Oh no. The way he says the words sends a chill down my spine. This isn’t good. “What is it?”

“Was the bathroom incident planned?”

My face falls into my hands because I can feel myself turning red. I had a feeling this would be his question, but I was also hoping that we could just not talk about it—ever.

“No, it wasn’t. I let Selene and Hailey get into my brain and let my intrusive thoughts win. I didn’t even know you were going to follow me to the bathroom.”

“Hailey? You’ve hung out with her?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes. We got lunch just before the team bonding night at my house and have texted a few times since then. I can have friends, you know.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t. Do you regret the bathroom incident?”

His reference to it again has me doing a slight double take, even though we haven’t switched topics. “I love that you’re calling it that.”

Asher tucks a piece of my hair back behind my ear as if he has the right to do that. “Don’t avoid the question, Isla.”

His tone reminds me of the way he told me I needed to be quiet while he made me climax for the first time in three years. “I don’t. Do you?”

“Absolutely not. That’s why I said you can call me anytime if you want to redo or take things up a notch.”

Good to know. “This isn’t a date, by the way.” It’s childish, but I need to make that clear.

“Never said it was.”

I don’t know what else to say, so I take another bite of the sandwich Asher bought me. We enjoy a comfortable silence, and I’m struck by how we’ve fallen back into our old pattern of just enjoying each other’s company. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how good of an idea this is.

I clear my throat when I finish my last bite.“We should probably head out soon if we want to get some more filming done today.”

Asher nods before checking the time.“Why don’t we head up to the gym, and you can take some footage of my gym workout?”

“Sounds good to me,”I reply, gathering up my things and shoving them into my backpack.“Then I’ll spend the evening finishing this math homework and editing photos and video footage.”

Asher helps me pack up before grabbing his book bag. Once I’m done, we leave the library and go to the gym. As we walk, Asher fills me in on his workout routine, explaining the different exercises he’ll be doing and how they help with his hockey performance. I make a note to ask him some questions related to the exercises he’s performing to get him on camera talking about it.

When we arrive at the gym, I set up my camera while Asher changes and then warms up. I try to stop myself from staring at how his muscles flex and shift under his tight t-shirt as he stretches. It takes everything for me to focus on adjusting the settings on my camera.

Once Asher is ready, I film him as he begins his workout routine. I zoom in on his focused expression as he does a set of weighted squats. Despite the strain, he maintains perfect form—or so I think, because, if I’m being honest, I don’t have the slightest clue.

“Today is leg day, so that’s what we are going to focus on,”he says as he walks over to get a set of dumbbells.

“Sounds good.”

Between sets, I ask him a few questions about the specific exercises and how they translate to his performance on the ice. Asher’s responses are thoughtful and insightful, giving me a glimpse into the mind of a serious athlete. Perfect for the audience that will be viewing this.

“Squats and lunges help build explosive power in my legs,”he explains, wiping sweat from his brow.“That burst of speed can make all the difference when I’m chasing down the puck or trying to beat a defender.”

I nod, impressed by his knowledge and the way he articulates it. I know it will come across perfectly on the Crestwood Red Wolves’ social media channels.

As Asher continues his workout, I circle around him, capturing different angles and close-ups. I want to showcase not just the physical effort, but also the mental focus and determination that goes into his training. He has the look of someone who’s driven to be the best, no matter the cost.

After a grueling set of deadlifts, Asher takes a break to hydrate. I lower my camera and hand him his water bottle.

“Thanks,”he says, taking a long swig.“How’s the footage looking so far?”

“Fantastic,”I reply honestly.“You’re a natural on camera. The fans are going to love seeing this side of you.”

Asher grins, a hint of pride in his expression.“Well, I have a pretty brilliant photographer/videographer to thank for that.”

I feel a blush creeping up my neck at the compliment. Is he flirting with me?“I’m just doing my job.”

“Nah, it’s more than that,”Asher insists.“You have a way of making people feel comfortable in front of the lens. It’s a gift, sunshine.”

His use of my old nickname catches me off guard again. I went from not hearing it in years to hearing it multiple times over the last couple of weeks, which has thrown me for a loop. And it does nothing to help the complex emotions I’m feeling.

I clear my throat, trying to steer the conversation back to safer territory.“Well, I think we’ve got some great material here. A few more shots of your cool-down stretches, and we should be ready to wrap this up.”

He nods, grabbing his towel to wipe his forehead again.“Sounds good. Then I’ll hit the showers, and maybe I can take you back to your dorm? I parked my car in the parking lot.”

And I didn’t bother driving today. Shit.“That’s okay. I don’t mind walking back to my dorm room.”

Asher’s gaze narrows at me.“It’s late, and you shouldn’t be walking around campus by yourself this late at night.”

I do a double take and fold my arms across my chest.“Crestwood University is pretty safe, Asher. I’ve lived in this town for the majority of my life.”

“I know Crestwood is safe, Isla. But humor me, okay?”

I hesitate for a moment, weighing my options. On one hand, accepting a ride from Asher feels like we might be crossing a line. It’s blurring the boundaries I’ve tried to maintain between us. But on the other hand, he’s right. It is late, and the thought of walking alone in the dark isn’t exactly appealing. And it’s just a car ride. Friends and coworkers ride in the same car as each other all the time.

Exes probably don’t, though. And didn’t I cross the line when I pulled him into my childhood bathroom?

Yes, Isla. You did.

“Okay, fine. I’ll take you up on that ride. But only because I don’t feel like arguing with you right now.”

Asher chuckles, a victorious grin spreading across his face.“I’ll take what I can get. Give me ten minutes to clean up and change, and I’ll meet you out front.”

I don’t mention that I could probably be back at my dorm in the time that it would take for him to be ready. True to his word, Asher emerges from the gym’s locker room ten minutes later, his hair damp from the shower and his book bag slung over his shoulder. We walk side by side to the parking lot, and neither one of us says a word.

As we reach his car, Asher opens the passenger door for me, ever the gentleman. I slide in, trying to ignore the flutter in my stomach as he closes the door and walks around the vehicle to the driver’s side.

Once he pulls out of the parking lot, he glances at me before turning his attention back to the road.“Are you excited about our next game?”

At least he is keeping the conversation pretty neutral.“I am. This is the furthest away game you guys will be having, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty long drive. The game should be pretty good, though, because of the quality of their team.”

“Y’all are going to do great. You’ve all been playing really well lately.”

“Thanks, I agree. So far, this season has been pretty good.”

“Stop being humble. You guys are a force to be reckoned with this season.”

“And having you there to capture all the big moments definitely helps keep morale up.”He punctuates his comment by sparing another glance at me.

I roll my eyes playfully.“Flattery will get you nowhere, Bennett.”

“It was worth a shot.”He chuckles as he pulls up in front of my dorm building. He puts the car in park and turns to face me.“Here we are, safe and sound as promised.”

“My hero once again,”I reply sarcastically.“Thanks for the ride. I really do appreciate it.”

“Anytime, Isla. I’m always happy to help.”

We just sit there for a moment, our eyes locked on each other. The air between us feels charged with sexual tension, and in the back of my mind, I can hear my brain telling me that I need to get out of his car. Finally, after some more nudging, I’m the first to break eye contact, reaching for the door handle.

“Well, I should head in. I have a bunch of work to finish and all that.”

“Right, of course.”Asher clears his throat.“I’ll see you at practice, then?”

“Yep, I’ll be there, camera in hand, as usual.”I step out of the car, slinging my book and camera bags over my shoulder. Before I close the door, I lean down to catch his eye one more time.“Thanks again. For everything today—the coffee, the math and tech help, the ride. It means a lot.”

He gives me that lopsided grin that was only reserved for me once upon a time.“That’s what friends are for, right?”

Friends. Is that what we were?“Right. Friends. Night, Asher.”

“Goodnight, sunshine. Sweet dreams.”

I shut the car door and enter my dorm building, feeling his eyes on me until I disappear inside. As I climb the stairs to my floor, I can’t help but replay our interactions over the last couple of hours. If I didn’t know any better, it would feel like almost no time has passed at all.

And the thought of that is frightening. We’re not the same people we were three years ago. Too much has happened. Too much has changed. Whatever this is between us now—this tentative friendship—it’s fragile. And I’m not sure how to feel about any of it.