Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

BAILEY

T he past few weeks have been difficult. I’m frustrated with my progress, even though Fallon and the doctors tell me I’m doing remarkably well and ahead of where they expected me to be at this point.

Kam and Tanner are at each other’s throats. It’s like a pissing contest between them as to who can do more for me. They’re both driving me nuts even more than they’re driving each other nuts.

I’m trying my best to shelve my emotions over the lost ovary and the fear of what it could mean for my future. They had a specialist come in and explain everything to me. She said as long as my other ovary is healthy, they have no reason to think I’ll have any problems becoming pregnant when the time comes. They did an ultrasound to confirm the health of my remaining ovary, and the doctor was optimistic. Kam has repeated a thousand times her willingness to carry for me if needed, but I know she doesn’t want that. She’s always been adamant that she doesn’t want to ever be pregnant or have kids. I don’t know that I could ever ask that of her .

My future fertility is the least of my concerns right now. Walking and functioning independently is my sole focus. Needing help from others for every little thing is so damn frustrating.

Arizona and Layton canceled their honeymoon and came right home. I cried my eyes out when they walked in. I hate that it was ruined for them, but she said there was no way they would have been able to enjoy themselves knowing what I was dealing with. They promised to take a real honeymoon when I’m able to walk them to their gate at the airport.

Kam, Arizona, and Ripley spent all day, every day with me at the hospital. I feel both loved and like a burden. The hospital suggested I talk to someone given how this type of injury can take its toll on your mental health. I’ve been talking to a psychologist almost every day. It helps.

Even with a full-time job and a little one at home, Gemma stopped by the hospital every few days. Since I already read all her books, she brought me signed copies of books from her author besties, Libby Cox, Bella Valentino, and J. Estes. They all even made me several hysterically funny get-well videos.

My happiest moments at the hospital each day were when Harper came to visit after school. She stayed through dinner. I loved having dinner with her every night. She’s what I needed to push through during my darkest moments full of self-loathing and fear.

Fallon has been nothing short of a godsend. She’s pushing me on the physical front, she plays referee between Tanner and Kam, and she seems to have the best understanding of what I’m going through. It makes sense considering what she does for a living.

The Camels are in season, but Champ comes to as many of my physical therapy sessions as he can. He and Ezra are the positive cheerleaders that I need. Tanner gets crazy jealous when they’re with me. His over-the-top reaction is honestly the humor I need at times.

My father and Ray visited for a bit. Dad offered to move here to help out, but I know he can’t really afford to be away from work that long, so I told him I’m fine and already have more help than I can handle. He calls every single day to check in on me.

We’re finally out of the hospital and back at Tanner’s house. It feels like a million people are living here. There are two guest rooms on the first floor. That’s where Kam and I sleep.

Fallon is in the upstairs guest room next to Harper’s room. Tanner’s home gym is completely unrecognizable from before the accident. It must rival the nicest therapy facilities in the world. I can’t imagine what it cost him, and he won’t talk about it. He simply says that he and Reagan together made sure I’d be given every opportunity to succeed as soon as possible.

The news outlets have all speculated as to what Tanner and I were doing in the same car, but Reagan issued a statement that he was giving me a ride home after I had too much to drink. Fortunately for Tanner, his blood alcohol level was below the legal limit, so there are no issues there. He and I both know the real reason we got into an accident. Kam went ballistic when she found out, and somehow Fallon knows, but that’s it. No one else. It was below freezing temperatures that night and people assume we slipped on ice.

I’ve been feeling crowded, so I begged Tanner to go to his office in the mornings. That’s when I do most of my physical therapy. I don’t need him then. Fallon is obviously with me, Kam doesn’t leave my side, Arizona and Ripley are usually here, Champ comes when he can, and Cheetah, Layton, Quincy, and Ezra always manage to pop in and out. I need at least one person out of the house, so Tanner isn’t here for my PT anymore. And being around him is hard. I was a minute away from ending things, and now all of a sudden, I’m living in his house being catered to every single minute. I need breathing room.

“That’s it, Bailey. Five more steps and then we’re done,” Fallon encourages.

Most of my weight is on the bars next to me, but each day I’m able to put a little more on my legs .

I’m exhausted. Who would have ever thought that walking would be so damn tiring?

For some reason, I don’t feel much progress today. I’m frustrated and it’s showing. My cheerleading squad is yelling for me, trying to encourage me, but it’s a struggle. I want to tell them all to shut up, but I won’t. I know they’re doing this because they care.

With sweat covering my face and body, I make it the last five steps, and they all jump up and down like we just won the championship game. I equal parts appreciate it and find it condescending. I feel like a toddler taking his first steps with his mom and dad standing there cheering.

Kam takes me to shower while everyone else prepares lunch for us. Yes, my sister has to help me shower. Actually, it’s one of the things she and Tanner fight most about. I’ve threatened to have Champ or Ezra shower me if he doesn’t chill out with Kam. That usually gets him to back off.

I have a shower chair that is the bane of my existence. It symbolizes my need for help to do something as simple as cleaning myself. I will cheer the day I can throw that piece of shit out the window. I swear my body has a visceral reaction every time I see it taunting me. I think I’ll have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.

We’re all having lunch together. They’re yapping, and I’m quiet. I feel like today is the first day that I didn’t experience any real progress, and I’m frustrated.

Kam notices. She grabs my hand. “Are you okay?”

I shrug. “It was a tough day. I have nothing to show for it.”

She nods in understanding. “Tomorrow is a new one. Tomorrow will be better.”

I shake my head as tears fill my eyes. “I’m already sick of this shit. I want to run away, but I can’t run. I want to throw everything against the wall, but I can’t even throw properly. I need a fucking straw in my cup because I can’t hold a damn glass of water. ”

Her face tightens. “Being negative isn’t the Bailey Hart I know. Don’t be a Karen. Don’t be the person who complains when you order a Diet Coke and the restaurant only carries Diet Pepsi. I hate those people. It fucking tastes the same.”

I start laughing. Hysterically laughing. My sister can make anyone smile. It’s her gift in life.

She leans back in her chair in satisfaction knowing she made me smile. “Bails, you know what attracted me to the sport of softball?”

I shrug. “Because you look cute in the tight pants?”

She lets out a laugh. “Ha. It’s true. My ass looks amazing in those pants. I don’t know why you played basketball. Is there anything more unflattering for a woman than a basketball uniform? Baggy long shorts and an oversized tank top? Whoever designed that combo is a moron. At least tennis, field hockey, and lacrosse have cute skirts. Equestrians all look super-hot in those tight pants. But basketball, ugh.”

Arizona shakes her head in disgust. “I think you just set feminism back fifty years.”

“Maybe, but I’m not wrong.” She turns back to me. “I’m being serious. Why do you think I chose softball?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Because it’s the best sport on the planet.”

I roll my eyes.

“No, it is. In no other sport can you fail more than you succeed and still be considered successful. It’s a sport of failure. It’s how you respond to that failure that makes you great. What do you call a professional baseball player who only gets hits three out of every ten times he steps up to the plate?”

“What?”

“A fucking Hall of Famer.”

I think about that for a moment. A .300 batting average is considered elite in professional baseball. She’s right.

She nods her head. “Yep. He failed seven of ten times, and he’s still one of the greatest and sits in the damn Hall of Fame. One of the best to ever play the game. It’s been about twenty days since you started PT and you’ve been hitting it out of the park. You just had your first strikeout. Bails, you’re batting, like, .950 right now. So you had an off day. So what? Failure is part of this. Tomorrow you’ll succeed. I have no doubt about it.”

Fallon smiles. “That’s a really healthy way to look at it, Kamryn.” Turning to me, she says, “Your sister is right.” She winks. “Don’t tell Tanner I said that. You’ve been moving at a statistically unheard of pace. There will always be plateau days. You’ve had a crazy run being this far in and it being your first hiccup. There will be more. Stay mentally tough. Tomorrow is a new day.”

I nod. “You guys are both right. Thank you. I appreciate all your support. You all don’t need to be here every day.”

Ripley shakes her head. “There’s nowhere else we’d rather be, Bails. If this happened to any of us, you’d be by our side every step of the way. We won’t stop until you’re Olympics ready. I don’t play on teams that don’t have Bailey Hart on them.”

I blow out a breath. “I just want to walk again. I don’t know if I’ll ever play again, and I certainly don’t know that I’ll play at that level.”

Arizona reaches over and takes my hand. “It’s all four of us or none of us. So unless you want the three of us to sit out the Olympics, you better get your ass in gear, Hart.”

I look at Ripley and Kam. They both nod in agreement.

I’m not sure whether I feel so entirely loved or feel like the pressure of the world is on my shoulders, but I do know that I don’t want to let them down.

Everyone except Fallon and Kamryn eventually heads out for the day. I love having them here, but a little peace and quiet is welcome. I usually lay down in the afternoons given how hard I work in the mornings. Sometimes, I Zoom with the psychologist, but not today. She’s out of the office.

I’m helped into my room. As it does every day, the desk and laptop area Tanner set up for me stare me right in the face. He suggested working on my books during my downtime. When I reminded him that I’m unable to type, he bought me some audio program that allows me to dictate. The words I speak supposedly then appear on the screen.

I can’t bring myself to try it though. I’m not in the right headspace.

Fallon and Kam lay me down in the middle of the bed, and then they both plop down next to me. Kam and Fallon have gotten along extremely well, which is fortunate because both rarely leave my side. Fallon laughs at everything Kam says, and I think Kam is crushing on Fallon.

Fallon lays back with her hands behind her head, closes her eyes, and lets out a little moan. “Hmm. I can’t tell you the last time I laid in bed during an afternoon. It’s kind of nice.”

Kam looks her up and down. “You’re a full-fledged hottie. I’m into blonde women if you’re ever looking to bat for the other team. Or, ya know, test the waters of the kitty pool. I’m an excellent guide.”

Fallon opens her eyes and pinches her eyebrows together. “I thought you were with Cheetah.”

“I’m an equal opportunity pleaser.”

I turn my head to Fallon. “She’s bi.”

She asks me, “Are you bi too?”

Kam scoffs. “Nope. She’s not into cranberry farming. She’s only been having her oil checked by your ex-husband for the past year.”

Fallon deadpans, “I’m aware. Thanks for the reminder, Kamryn.”

“Why do you call me Kamryn? Everyone else calls me Kam.”

“Tanner calls you Kamryn.”

“That’s because he hates me. It’s how he depersonalizes me.”

I roll my eyes. “Thanks, Dr. Phil. He doesn’t hate you. He tolerates you. Kind of like I do.”

She reaches over, about to tickle me, but stops herself. Fallon nods. “Careful. She’s still healing. No twisting or sudden movements.”

Kam sighs. “Then who’s Tanner gonna have sex with? Bails is out of commission, and he doesn’t like me. That just leaves you, Fallon.”

Fallon lets out a laugh and shakes her head at Kam’s antics. “You’re a troublemaker, Kam . Tanner and I haven’t had sex in about six years. I promise it’s not happening now.”

I scrunch my nose. “He must be a hard act to follow.”

She blows out a long breath. “You have no idea.”

Kam shakes her head. “You two have a fucking weird relationship.”

Fallon and I both giggle.

Kam happily announces, “Well, Bailey will find out soon enough, right, Bails?”

I shake my head. “Don’t start. Not now.”

Fallon pinches her eyebrows together. “What does that mean?”

My shoulders fall. I don’t know why Kam had to bring this up right now. “It’s not like anything has or will ever change for Tanner and me. I want to get married and have kids one day, assuming I still can. He’s been very clear that he doesn’t want any of that. At some point, we’ll have to part. I had been thinking about it a lot before the accident. As long as I’m spending time with him, my life is at a standstill. At some point, I need to put on my big girl pants and try to move on from him.”

Fallon twists her lips. “You should have an honest conversation with him. Maybe everything isn’t as set in stone as you think.”

“What does that mean?”

“Talk to him. Do you love him?”

My eyes fill with tears. Kam answers. “Yes, she does.”

Fallon bites her lips and nods. “When you’re ready, talk to him.”

I sigh. “I can’t even have a normal conversation with him right now. He’s treating me with kid gloves. It’s driving me nuts. I know he’d say whatever he thinks I need to hear in the moment. I don’t want his pity.”

She shrugs. “Maybe sometime in the future then, but talk to him. Trust me, communication is key.” She sits up and pats my leg. “You did a lot today. Probably more than you should have. You need to take a nap. Kam and I will leave you alone.”

I whine, “Ugh. I feel like I’m eighty. I need a nap from trying to walk. Can we watch a movie? I promise to rest my body. I don’t want to sleep all day though. It keeps me up at night, and then I can’t shut off my mind from the negativity.”

Fallon grabs the remote. “Sure. As long as you relax. What do you guys want to watch?”

At the same time, we both answer, “ Titanic ,” and then giggle.

Fallon turns on the movie. She pulls me over her body a little. “I’ll rub your shoulders. Your muscles are tight. They’re being overworked.”

I lay back on her and she begins rubbing them. “Hmm. This is nice.”

Kam wiggles her eyebrows. “Can I get a turn too, Fallon?”

TANNER

Cheetah stands in the doorway of Bailey’s room with his mouth wide open. “I’m going to jerk off to this image every day for the rest of my life. You’re the luckiest man I’ve ever met. “

Kam, Bailey, and Fallon are all asleep in Bailey’s bed. The back of Bailey’s head is on Fallon’s chest with Fallon’s arm wrapped protectively around her, and Kam is curled up with her head on Bailey’s leg.

He elbows me. “At least you’ve slept with two of them. I’m only at one. Do you think I’ve got a shot with Fallon? I might like to try an older woman.”

I narrow my eyes at him, and he silently laughs, loving to bust my chops.

I see Kam stirring before her head lifts and she notices us. She sleepily stretches before quietly walking out of Bailey’s room and closing the door behind her. “It’s totally normal that your ex-wife and your girlfriend are cuddled together in bed.”

Cheetah asks, “Should I go replace you in that cuddle sesh?”

Kam smiles. “You’ll probably jerk off to the image of the three of us lying together.”

Cheetah winks at me. Kam knows him well.

I ask, “How was today?”

She scrunches her face. “Probably her worst one yet. She was upset about it. We gave her a pep talk. I think she felt better afterward, but this isn’t easy.”

I exhale heavily, sad that she’s going through this. “I wish she’d let me help more. She’s shutting me out. I know we’re in a weird place, but I want to be there for her.”

“You two have been in a weird place for months.”

“She’s changed, and I don’t mean since the accident. She was so sweet and loving our first time around. She became so much colder the second time.”

Kam looks at me with pure venom. “At first, a woman treats you how she wants to be treated. After a certain amount of time, when she reaches her breaking point, she treats you how you treat her.”

“I’ve always treated her well.”

“Is that so? You lied to her for months and made her fall in love with you even though there was zero chance of a future.”

“I told her from the very beginning what we were.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. You know what, Tanner? I’ve got a new word of the day for you. It’s called acuntability. Taking accountability for being a cunt.” She holds up her hand before I can respond. “I’m done with this conversation. You got something to say to my sister, say it to her. Don’t treat her with kid gloves right now though. That’s not what she wants or needs.”

“I’m trying to help her.”

“Then treat her like a normal person. That’s what she needs. She hates all the pussyfooting around her.”

I nod. Maybe she’s right. I need to normalize things for her.

Cheetah looks her up and down. “You need to get out of this house for a few hours. Want to go out for dinner?”

She turns to me in question, and I nod. “You should go. I’ve got her. Fallon’s here too.”

She sighs. “Okay. I guess I could use a night out. Where do you want to go?”

He fiddles on his phone. “I just googled the best place to eat out and look what came up.”

He holds up his phone to a picture of Kamryn.

She giggles. “Good one, kitten.”

He twists his lips. “Hmm. Since it’s your first night out in a while, I’ll take you for fondue, the worst food on the planet.”

“Bite your tongue. Fondue is the best food in the world.” She quickly pecks his lips. “Thank you. We can even get the dessert to go. I’ll let you eat the chocolate off me.”

“Deal.”

“I need to shower. I won’t take too long.”

Cheetah offers, “I need to shower too. We should save water and shower together. You can do my back, and I’ll do your front.”

She gives him her mischievous smile. “I like it in the front and back. Can you accommodate that request?”

“I believe I can. ”

She grabs his hand, and they head toward her bathroom. They have a bizarre relationship.

I make my way to the kitchen. Fallon appears a few minutes later, sleepily rubbing her eyes. I nod at her. “Hey. Kamryn said Bailey had a rough day.”

She plops down in the chair by the kitchen island and yawns. “She did. Physical and emotional ups and downs are normal. Unfortunately, she had a down day on both fronts. As crazy as she can be, Kamryn is very good with her. She makes her laugh and keeps things in perspective. She doesn’t let Bailey get away with a pity party. I know you two butt heads, but she’s been there for Bailey every single second and always knows what she needs.”

As I scoop ice cream into a bowl, I say, “She’s…well-intended. She’s just a lot to take. And why the fuck doesn’t she sleep? She sits in here all night on her laptop.”

I place the bowl of rum raisin ice cream in front of Fallon with a spoon, knowing she needs her afternoon sweet fix.

She smiles. “Thank you.”

I nod.

She places a big spoonful of the ice cream into her mouth and mumbles, “I didn’t realize that Kam is up all night. I’m usually zonked out after Harper goes to bed. What about you? Are you sleeping?”

“Not really. I’ve tried to get some alone time with Bailey, but she’s been shutting me out. I don’t want to push her right now.”

“You need to tell her about the fact that you’re willing to give her what she needs. I think she’s emotionally distancing herself from you because she assumes you have no future.”

“Until I know for sure, I won’t say anything.”

Harper walks in the front door, ending this conversation. Since the accident, the Windsors or Knights drive her home every day so we have one less thing to worry about. “Is Bails in her room?”

I open my arms in invitation. She rolls her eyes, gives me a short hug, and robotically says, “Hello, Dad.”

I raise an eyebrow at Fallon, and she smiles before standing and pulling Harper into a hug. “Did you have a good day, sweetie?”

“Not really.” Her shoulders fall. “I got into trouble. I wasn’t allowed to go out to recess today.”

Fallon and I exchange glances. Harper has never gotten into trouble before. I ask, “What happened?”

“I called Mrs. White an ignoramus.”

Fallon and I do everything we can to bite back our smiles.

I gather myself first and ask, “Why did you call her that?”

She purses her little cherry-red lips. “Our music teacher was playing a song on the piano. Mrs. White was sitting in the circle with us. As the music began to fade away, the teacher asked if anyone knew what it was called when the music gets softer and softer. I raised my hand right away.” I know exactly where this is going. “I said a smorzando.” Yep, that was one of her toilet paper words of the day last week. “Mrs. White told me I was making up a word. I told her I wasn’t. She immediately looked it up. She was embarrassed that I was right and told me to apologize for being disruptive to the class. I told her she should apologize for being an ignoramus.” A word of the day a few months ago.

Fallon and I look at each other and burst into laughter. Harper scrunches her face. “It’s not funny. I missed the kickball game. I’ve been practicing for that all month.”

Fallon wraps her arm around Harper. “But you won the battle of wits with a sixty-year-old woman.”

I raise an eyebrow, and Fallon corrects herself. “Harper, there will be times in life when you’re significantly smarter than people in positions of authority. You have to respect them no matter what.”

She crosses her little arms. “Kam says respect is earned and that most people are fuckwits who never earn it.”

Fallon covers her smile with her hand. I pinch the bridge of my nose. I need to get Kamryn out of this house and away from my kid.

I take a deep breath. “Bailey is probably awake now. Why don’t you grab the Monopoly set and see if she wants to play?”

Harper’s frown quickly turns into a smile, and she runs to gather the Monopoly set before leaving to go to Bailey’s room. I know spending time with Harper makes Bailey happy, so I try not to interrupt. Every day they end up playing games or cards until dinnertime when I help Bailey into the kitchen.

When dinner’s over, Bailey always asks to go back to her room. She hangs with Kamryn and her friends until bedtime. I feel so helpless.

When Harper disappears, Fallon looks up at me with a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. Her lips curl up as she admits, “Kam isn’t wrong.”

After a few weeks of the same mundane routine, I decide that Bailey needs a fun night. We can’t go out with all the press attention on her, and I don’t know that she’d want to be seen in her wheelchair, so I invite everyone over for a big poker game full of good food, good drink, and hopefully a few laughs for her.

Just before everyone is set to arrive, Fallon stands there with her mouth widened. “You’re letting girls play in your precious boys-only poker game? I never thought I’d see the day.”

Kamryn smiles. “It’s only because Bailey and I are the best poker players around. These dipshits don’t stand a chance against us.”

Fallon nods toward Bailey’s room. “I don’t know if she’ll be able to hold the cards properly. Why don’t she and I play as a team? I’ll tell her that I want to learn how to play.”

My face falls. “I never thought of that. Shit. I was trying to create a fun night for her.”

Kamryn nods. “It’s a good idea. She needs a normal, chill night with friends and laughs. I’ll bring my A game, don’t worry.”

“Oh Christ. God help us all.”

An hour later, my poker table is fuller than it’s ever been. Everyone showed up tonight even with it being last minute. I’m so grateful to all of them.

I brought down a big chair for two for Fallon and Bailey to share. Cheetah motions toward the two of them with their heads huddled together and winks. He’s deranged.

Harper played a few hands with Kamryn and then went to bed. She’s actually getting quite good at it. As much of a pain in the ass as Kamryn is, she’s highly intelligent and has taught Harper nearly every advanced card game.

We’re all into a groove now, with Kamryn or Bailey winning every hand.

Kamryn asks, “Anyone watch that Menendez brothers miniseries?”

They’re two privileged men who famously killed their parents more than thirty years ago. There have been several movies about them, but a new series has them back in the media spotlight.

Vance nods. “I watched it. They definitely did it.”

Kam nods. “Without a doubt, but that’s not what stands out to me. Did you know that both brothers have gotten married since they’ve been in jail? One of them even got divorced and remarried.”

Daylen chuckles. “Seriously? Maybe it’s for the conjugals.”

Kamryn shakes her head. “They’re not allowed conjugal visits. These are women who started letter-writing relationships with these murderers and then married them. I think one has been married for twenty-five years. I want a miniseries about these crazy bitches. That’s more interesting than the actual case.”

Daylen nods. “That’s a valid point. I had an ex-girlfriend once who used to write guys in prison. I think it’s a fetish.”

Kamryn lifts an eyebrow. “She admitted that to you?”

Daylen shakes his head. “Nah, I read about it in her diary. Incidentally, she broke up with me because she said I didn’t respect her privacy. Isn’t that crazy?” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down with a small smirk.

Bailey starts giggling. It’s music to my ears. I desperately want her to forget about her sorrows for a few hours.

Kamryn lays down cards on the table. It’s a royal flush, the best hand in poker. She grabs the pile of chips in the middle with a big smile. “This is like taking candy from a baby. I can’t believe you guys claim to be good poker players.”

I honestly don’t know how she does it. Every. Single. Time.

All the guys moan in malcontent. Trey mumbles, “I used to think I was smart.”

Kamryn shakes her head. “Men are only smart during sex.”

Cheetah nods in agreement. “Because our little heads are smarter than our big heads?”

“No, because it’s the only time you’re plugged into a genius. ”

Everyone laughs while Fallon looks at Kamryn. “Do you have a list of jokes on hand at all moments?”

Bailey nods. “Her mind is a wealth of useless information.”

Daylen throws his arm around Kamryn. “Don’t listen to them. In my heritage, it’s considered a sign of greatness to make people laugh.”

Heritage? He’s from Maryland.

Kamryn turns to him. “What’s your heritage?”

“My father is Welsh, and my mother is Hungarian. It makes me…well hung.”

Kamryn bursts out laughing. “Oh shit, that’s a good one.”

Gemma starts typing on her phone. “I agree. I need to use that in a book.”

Bailey smiles all night, and my heart warms. I look around the table and realize how many good friends I’ve accumulated throughout the past few years. I’m feeling very fortunate.