Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

BAILEY

“ H oly. Ducking. Shitake,” I yell.

I can’t believe I’m about to jump out of an airplane.

The door of the plane is open, and we look out at the open space of western Pennsylvania from ten thousand feet in the air.

We drove a little over two hours west after my meeting this morning. I feel like we’re in the middle of nowhere, though I suppose you need open fields to land.

I had to take a safety course where they taught me a bunch of things that are currently jumbled in my mind because it’s hard to think of anything while you’re this high up, the door is open, and you’re expected to jump in a few minutes.

Tanner chuckles. “It’s such a high, isn’t it?”

We’re in blue jumpsuits. I’m practically glued to his arm, afraid of falling, even though we’re tethered to the interior of the plane.

He grabs my face. “We’re going to get you attached to me now. You’ve got this.” His golden eyes bore into mine. “Thank you for trusting me. You have no idea what it does to me. ”

I look down at his cock clearly stirring in his jumpsuit. “I think I have a pretty good idea what it does to you.”

His lips smash into mine as he pulls me into his arms. I whimper into his mouth as our tongues meet. He’s so hot.

A throat clearing breaks us apart. The man from the skydiving company gives us an awkward smile. “Sorry. It’s time.”

Tanner nods and they spend a few minutes tethering my back to Tanner’s front. Tanner has them check the safety of every connection at least ten times. I can tell the guy is getting annoyed with it.

We’ve got our helmets and goggles on. They take a few pictures. I didn’t tell Kam I was doing this. She would have recited some random statistical facts to me about how likely I am to die. I didn’t need that negativity going into this. I trust Tanner. He wouldn’t do this with me unless he was sure it was safe.

I want to just randomly text her a picture of me in the sky to see her reaction. Given her fear of flying, she’s going to flip her shit.

We’re standing at the door of the plane now. Tanner whispers in my ear, “You jump, I jump.”

I gasp at his word choice. I can’t believe he just said that to me. It’s my thing with Kam. This is my sign that it’s time to talk about our future. That’s if I have one after jumping out of the plane.

He shouts, “One, two, three!”

We both fall forward as we were taught in the class. My heart must be beating two hundred times per minute.

The cold wind immediately assaults my face and my stomach drops. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs as Tanner manages to maneuver both of our bodies how he wants them.

I look around and absorb all that’s happening around me. I can’t believe I’m doing this. It’s the biggest high I’ve ever experienced. And I do trust him completely. I know he’ll take care of us and pull the cord. In Tanner’s arms. That’s where I belong. That’s where I feel safe and at home. I want this .

As the ground draws closer, he shouts, “I’m going to pull the cord. You’ll feel a sharp pull.”

I nod. “I’m ready.”

“Don’t close your eyes. You’ll miss too much.”

He’s said that to me multiple times today.

He motions to the other man who jumped with a camera and has been snapping pictures of us, and yells out, “It’s go-time.”

The man nods and holds up three fingers, counting down to one. As soon as his fingers all close, I see him pull a cord, and then I experience a sudden jerking sensation.

I can’t help but briefly close my eyes. A failed parachute is the fear in this moment. I ask, “Did it work?”

He lets out a small laugh. “It did. Take it all in. Enjoy every moment.”

I open my eyes and look around, realizing we’re now floating in the sky. It truly is an unimaginable feeling of bliss, freedom, and a few nerves, though they’re better now that the parachute has been successfully deployed.

We sail through the beautiful sky until a huge target begins to come into view. The landing field.

Oh god. The ground is getting closer and closer.

Tanner shouts, “When I say now, do what they said to do with your legs.”

I nervously respond, “Okay.”

I’m definitely closing my eyes for this part. I’m terrified.

Tanner manages to position us so that we’re about to land precisely on the big, painted target area. I have no idea how he did that.

The ground isn’t far now. Oh my god. He yells, “Now.”

I hold my legs up and squeeze my eyes shut until I feel him running on the ground, eventually coming to a complete stop.

Peeling my eyes open, I see the ground is here. We made it. We’re alive. I think.

His arms immediately surround me. “Are you okay?”

I breathe, “Wow. Can we do it again? ”

He laughs. “Not today, but another time for sure.”

He works to unhook me and as soon as he does, my adrenaline practically bursts. I turn around and tackle him to the ground, smashing my lips to his.

I’m straddling him while we kiss. I’m on such a high. I want him. Badly.

A throat clearing again breaks us apart. Why won’t this guy go away?

I mumble, “Cockblocker,” into Tanner’s lips, and feel him smile into me.

We sit up, and the man takes a few more photos of us while we wait for the skydiving company to pick us up by van.

An hour later, we’re armed with photos and in Tanner’s car on the way home. It’s a two-lane highway through the seemingly secluded cornfields of western Pennsylvania. My adrenaline is still pumping through me.

“Tanner, pull over.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Do it.”

He does, worry written all over his face. “Are you okay?”

I start unbuttoning my jeans.

“Umm, what are you doing?”

“I need you. Right now.”

“Here? We’re in bumblefuck. Anyone could drive by and see us.”

“Don’t care.”

I pull down my jeans and panties and then practically leap into his lap. I kiss him as my hands work his belt and jeans down enough to free his cock.

He slides his fingers between my legs. “Let me get you ready.”

I slap it away. “Trust me, I’m ready.”

Frantically, I grab his dick, lift my body, bring him to my entrance, and sink down onto him. We both let out moans as I do so.

I have to take a few long breaths as I get used to his size and the euphoric feeling of having him inside me coupled with the rush of what we just did.

He rubs his hands over my body and runs his nose along my cheek. “Nothing feels better than being inside you, sweet girl. I never want this feeling to go away.”

If I didn’t know it before, I know now. He loves me like I love him. This has turned into something very real. It’s my sign to finally talk to him about it.

I begin my up-and-down movements on him. He’s almost always the one in control of the sex we have, but he’s letting me have the reins right now as I take what I need from his body.

I’m so desperate for him. Our eyes meet as I move my body over his. Despite the frantic way this started, we’re making love now. The intensity of our connection is special. I know he must feel it too.

I’m completely in love with him and I’m confident he feels the same. That thought alone causes my body to ripple around his as I find my release, followed shortly thereafter by his.

Two hours later, we’re pulling into his driveway. Once we’re in the garage, he cuts the engine. Before he can get out of the car, I stop him. “Can we talk for a minute?”

His jaw tics just a drop. “Of course.”

I swallow as I try to form the words I need to say. “Tanner, I know what we were supposed to be, but, honestly, I’ve completely fallen for you. Everything you say and do makes me think you’re feeling the same. I’m not looking to get married tomorrow, but can we have a talk where we actually consider having a real future together? I can’t imagine mine without you and Harper anymore.”

His face falls as he takes my hand in his. “Bailey, I won’t lie and tell you that my feelings for you aren’t strong, stronger than I ever imagined they could be, but—”

“But what?”

“But there is no future for you and me. I’ve always been clear on this.”

“Yes, you said that, but you’ve said and done a lot of things contrary to that.”

“Because you’re so damn perfect and so damn hard not to fall for.”

“So you have fallen for me?”

“It’s complicated.”

“It’s not.”

He runs his fingers through his hair. “I…I can’t give you what you want.”

“All I want is you.”

“That’s not true. You want a big family, and I could never take that away from you. A woman like you should have a dozen kids.”

“We can have kids one day. You and me.”

His mouth opens and closes a few times. He attempts to steel himself, but I know better. With pain written all over his face, he says, “As I’ve said before in very clear terms, we have no future. I will never get married again. I will never have any more kids.”

“I don’t understand. You’re an amazing father. You have so much to offer. Why wouldn’t you want more—”

“I had a vasectomy.”

The air is sucked out of my lungs. My head starts spinning. “What!? You had a vasectomy?”

He nods. “Yes.”

“When?”

“Years ago. Just after Fallon and I separated.”

My whole body starts trembling. Tears immediately freefall from my eyes. This feels like such a betrayal.

“W…why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I? I told you we had no future, that I wasn’t getting married, and that I was never having more kids. ”

My heart feels like it’s breaking into a million pieces. I have physical pain shooting across my chest.

He tries to take my hand, but I pull it away. For months I’ve been thinking he was falling for me like I was falling for him. That he wanted a future with me, despite the words he had said about us not having one. I thought his heart would overrule them. I was so wrong.

“A lie by omission is still a lie. You’re not na?ve. You know I’ve been falling for you, and you said nothing. You let me believe this was real.”

“It is real.”

“Bullshit! That’s right, I cursed.”

“Bailey, can’t we just stay—”

I shake my head as everything around me is blurred by the excessive tears in my eyes. “I’ve had you on this pedestal the whole time, but at the end of the day, you’re nothing but a coward. I can’t believe you withheld this from me.”

Suddenly, this car feels suffocating. I need to get out. I need my sister.

I open the door and practically fall out of it, not having full use of my limbs. My whole body is shaking.

He immediately exits the car and runs around to me. I’m having trouble walking. The ground feels wavy. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so betrayed or heartbroken in my life.

He again tries to touch me, but I pull away. “Don’t touch me. Don’t ever touch me again. You’re a liar and a fraud. You can’t tell me things like, I never want this feeling to go away . You can’t tell me that I’m all you see. You can’t spend months making love to me with nothing between us. Coming inside me. Claiming me.” I point at him. “I know you told me that we would never be more, but everything else you’ve said and done suggests otherwise and you fucking know it.”

He does nothing but hang his head. He knows I’m right.

I wipe my eyes and try to channel the inner strength of my sister. Holding my head up, I say, “Goodbye, Mr. Montgomery. ”

Tears fill his eyes. “Baby, don’t leave like this.”

I shoot him an icy glare. “Don’t call me baby or sweet girl or anything that makes me think you give a shit about me. I know you don’t.”

“That’s not—”

“What were you going to say? That’s not true ? What do you know about truth? You don’t care about me. You made a twenty-eight-year-old woman fall in love with you when there was never any remote hope for the future. This wasn’t a one-night stand or a casual hookup and you know it. It’s been six months. Six fucking months of me falling in love with you. You sat back and said nothing as I fell a little harder each and every day.” I poke him in the chest. “You knew. Don’t pretend you didn’t.”

He closes his eyes. He knows I’m right. He knows what he did.

“Tell Harper that I’ll pick her up from school on Monday for softball practice. You can contact me as it pertains to Harper, but otherwise don’t call, don’t text, don’t even talk to me.”

I turn and walk toward my car. My car. That’s not even really mine. I need to buy one of my own. I don’t want anything from him.

Thirty minutes later, I walk into our apartment. Kam’s face is buried in her computer, but she says, “Are you fucking kidding me sending me those photos and then going radio silent? Did you jump out of a fucking airplane? Are you insane?”

She lifts her head. Her smile immediately fades when she sees my tear-stained face. She jumps up and runs to me. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

I fall into her arms. “He had a vasectomy. He strung me along, making me feel hopeful about a future when there is none. ”

She squeezes me tight into her comforting arms. “Oh, Bails. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I…I thought he loved me too.” I weep into her chest. She has to hold me upright or I’ll collapse to the ground.

She rubs my hair. “I know you’re hurting, but didn’t he tell you from the beginning that you guys weren’t long term? That he didn’t want marriage and more kids?”

I nod into her chest. “Yes, but the way he acts with me didn’t match those words. Other things he’s said to me don’t line up with that. No man has ever treated me with more love, compassion, and tenderness. Everything he did told me he was falling the same way I was.”

“You’re right. Want me to burn down his house? I’ll do it and not think twice about it.”

I let out a laugh through my tears. “No, but thanks for offering.”

“I’d do anything for you. Anything .”

TANNER

It takes me all of fifteen minutes to decide that I need to go see her. I can’t let things end like this. I need to tell her that she’s right. I fell for her too. I’m a coward. I knew what was happening between us, and I let it go on. I knew that me telling her about the vasectomy would be the end of things, and I withheld it from her.

I arrive at her apartment and pound on the door. Kamryn opens it, and her eyes just about pop out of her head when she sees me.

She shoves me into the hallway and quickly closes their door behind her. She then takes me by surprise by punching me so damn hard in the stomach that it knocks me to my knees.

She grits out, “How fucking dare you come here!”

I hold my hand up in surrender, breathlessly pleading, “Please, just let me talk to her. Let me make things right.”

“The time for that has passed…by about six months. She is literally everything that is right in this world. She’s a fucking ray of sunshine in a shitty, fucked up world. She doesn’t have a bad or deceitful bone in her body. You’re a fucking jerkoff who never has and never will deserve her. Don’t ever fucking step foot in this building again. I swear to god, I’ll call the police. I mean it. Leave her alone.”

She turns, opens their door, walks back into their apartment, and slams the door shut. It feels like she slammed it directly on my heart.