Chapter Two

Fox

LISTENING TO KINGSTON turn down becoming a full patch member of the club breaks something deep in my soul. For the first time in my life, I'm rendered speechless and I have no clue where the fuck his head is. My only son has been different since he crashed racing his other bike and none of us can reach him. I don't even think Carson knows what's going on with Kingston right now. Taking a seat next to Kim, I watch as silent tears roll down her face and she looks back at our boy. Killer, his uncle, is watching him with that laser focus he has. It's as if he's trying to reach into Kingston's soul to truly understand what's going on with him.

"Son, I need you to explain this shit to me. To all of us. You've done nothin' but talk about becomin' a member of the club since you were little and understood what it meant to be part of the Phantom Bastards. Carson and you practically had your entire lives mapped out by the time you were eight and it all revolved around bein' in the club and where you wanted to take it when we all stepped down. Now, you're willin' to give it all up? I don't understand," I tell my son, my voice breaking because I do have a good idea what he's thinking and I'm pretty sure Killer and I are the only ones who know what my son does in the dead of night when he thinks everyone else is sleeping.

"I haven't been on a bike since my accident. I still walk with a limp most days and I know the therapist is workin' with me on that. It won't always be this way supposedly. What I do know is that I'm not even sure if I can ride a bike again," Kingston says, his voice breaking with each word he speaks.

"You haven't tried to get on a bike again since your crash," Killer says, his voice the softest I've ever heard it outside of talking to Gwen. "What's stoppin' you from gettin' on your bike again, Kingston? And don't bullshit me because the doctors have all cleared you and said there's no reason to believe you'd never ride again. The physical therapists you've been workin' with have also said the same thing. You're gonna walk without the limp again once you strengthen your knee and you'll be able to ride as soon as you get on your bike again."

None of us say anything as Kingston looks at his feet instead of any of us. Kim reaches out and grabs our son's hand and he doesn't pull away from his mom. Kingston will never pull away from her for any reason. That's not how he was raised. Plus, she'd whoop his ass if he even thought of pushing her away for any reason.

"Kingston, you're my son and I'll always support you no matter what you choose to do. However, I believe deep in my heart that this is the wrong decision. You're a fuckin' fighter and have overcome everythin' thrown in your way since the accident. If you've been strugglin' with this shit, why haven't you come to us? You know you can always sit down and talk to us no matter what's goin' on in your life and we'll always be there for you," Kim says, tears falling in her lap as she tries to figure out why Kingston didn't come to us about this.

"Everyone in this club has done so much for me when I couldn't get out of bed on my own. You've all given up things you shouldn't have had to because of an accident I was in. I've been a burden to everyone in this club for months and it's time for me to take my life back. Until I know I can get back on a bike, there's no reason for me to accept a patch I might not be able to wear," Kingston says, looking at us all with every emotion he's feeling showing in his eyes. "Mentally, I can't fuckin' force myself to get on the bike and ride. If it's not somethin' I can get over, then I'll never do the one thing I love to again. I'll have to give up ridin' and therefore, I can no longer be a member of the club."

My heart absolutely shatters in my chest and the sharpest pain I've ever felt in my life consumes me until I have to gasp for breath. If Kim weren't holding onto my hand and Killer didn't have a hand on my shoulder, I'd fall to my knees with how much pain I'm in right now. To hear Kingston say that he doesn't want to be a burden to us any longer isn't something that I can tolerate hearing. None of my children have ever been a burden to me and they never will be. Did we have to do everything for Kingston for months? Yeah, we did. He couldn't get out of bed on his own and even go to the bathroom alone. Do I regret a single second of that time? No, I fucking don't! Every second and ounce of pain we all felt meant that Kingston was alive and here with us. I will always do whatever my kids need and I don't give a fuck how old they are.

"Kingston!" Kim gasps, her voice breaking as she loses what little control she had over her emotions. My wife breaks down in front of all of us and it takes everything in me to go to her and pull her into my arms because I'm not faring much better than she is.

"While your parents take this moment to work through what you've just said, I'm gonna tell you somethin', Kingston," Slim says as Kim and I just hold one another and prepare to make our boy see that he's not a burden and will always be a member of this club in one way or another. That we love him enough to support any decision he makes. "You're not gonna give up bein' in this fuckin' club ever. You grew up in this club and know that we're a family before everythin' else. If it were anyone else that had crashed and gone through everythin' you did over the last several months, you would've been there for them, yeah?"

"Of course. There's nothin' I wouldn't do for any of you," Kingston states emphatically as he looks around the room at all of us. "You're all my family and there's no reason for me to not help a single one of you. Even if it means givin' up hours of my time workin' or whatever else in order to be there just to sit in silence with someone."

"Then you know you've never once been a burden to your mom, myself, Uncle Killer, Slim, or anyone here in this club," I finally state, anger and hurt filling my voice. "Everythin' we did to help you is because we love you and we wanted to be at your side on your darkest days. We want you to confide in us and ensure that you're not alone no matter what's goin' on in your head. Kingston, we love you and I know you can overcome this shit. Look at everythin' you've already overcome since that day. You're not just a fighter like your mom said, you're a fuckin' warrior!"

"My son, I love you and if I even remotely thought this was your thought process, I would've made you talk to me sooner. Your dad is right. None of us would ever see you as a burden because that's not who you are. There's nothing you can't overcome because that's how strong physically and mentally you are. Think of the preparation you put in before every single race you've been in since you were a little boy and first started racing. Of how determined I was not to let you do something you love because of my fear for your safety. You sat me down and talked to me about all the reasons you loved to race your bike. At the same time you acknowledged that you could crash and get hurt. If not worse. However, you were fully prepared to take every precaution and give it up because of my fear for your safety. It's the only time I've ever not given you my support from the first second you brought something up to me," Kim says, admitting something I didn't even know occurred between my wife and son.

"I know, Mom. And look what happened. I crashed and almost lost my life. I've put you all through hell because of my selfish decision to race a sport bike," Kingston tries to argue against his mom.

"No. You weren't selfish at all. The first race you competed in, I finally saw what you were trying to tell me. Racing your bike put the largest smile on your face. There was a sense of peace that washed over you. It's the same sense of peace each of these men get whenever they straddle their bike and head out for a ride. You were born to ride a bike and you're gonna get back on because it's one of the few times you truly feel that peace and calm we all strive to find every day of our lives," Kim says, explaining what she's seen with our son in a way I wouldn't be able to even though I do ride and understand what she's saying.

"Do you really think none of us are scared to crash every single time we get on our bikes?" Killer questions his nephew as I release my wife and a plan forms in my mind. "Every time I get on my bike, I wonder if this is the day I don't come home to my family. So many fuckin' things can happen when we're out on the road. You've done more with bikes than the rest of us ever thought about doin'. You don't just ride bikes like the rest of us, you ride sport bikes because that's when you truly feel free and can get out of your head. I'm not gonna accept this shit, Kingston. You have a mental block and we're gonna figure out how the fuck you can get over it one way or another. And if you ever say you don't want to burden us again, I'm gonna beat your ass in the ring while your mom and aunt watch. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you, Uncle Killer. I'm sorry," Kingston apologizes to everyone in the room.

"I'm gonna say somethin' you don't think we know about, Kingston," I say, looking at Killer because he's the only other one who knows what I'm about to say. "You can get over this mental block and have already taken the first step in doin' it. See, when you think we're all asleep in the middle of the night, you go out to the barn and sit on your bike. You don't start it or anythin' else, but you sit there for hours. I've watched you with Killer as you just sit there and think about whatever is goin' through your mind. If you weren't ready to ride again, you wouldn't be doin' that shit. So, let's fuckin' go."

"Where are we goin'?" my son questions me as Killer knows what I'm about to do.

"You'll see when we get there. Killer, you gonna join us?" I ask him, knowing he's not about to miss this shit.

"Of course. I'm not missin' this shit," he states, a smirk on his face as he looks at his nephew who is looking between the two of us confused as hell.

"Baby, I love you and I know whatever your dad is about to do, is something you need. You've got this shit and I know you'll be able to break through the mental walls you've erected to ride again. Then, there's no reason for you to give up something you love more than anything," Kim says as we all leave Slim's office and head for the barn.

Our son just nods at his mom before kissing the top of her head and leaving the office with Killer and I following him. I pause long enough to kiss my wife before following behind my son and brother-in-law. The three of us make our way out through the common room as everyone stares and waits to see what's gonna happen. We're not done with the patching ceremony because the boys still have no clue what positions they'll hold in the club. My son had to throw a fucking wrench in everything with his statement of not joining the club because of the secret he's kept to himself.

Killer leads Kingston to the barn where his bike is parked. We all walk in and for the first time I watch as my boy hesitates and his steps falter. Uncovered in the back corner of the barn is the bike he wrecked. It's a fucking pile of metal, plastic, and everything else that makes up a bike. This pile also represents Kingston almost losing his life by doing something he's so fucking passionate about. Right now, he's filled with fear and doesn't believe he'll ever be able to ride a bike again. I know he's stronger than that—he proved it to every single one of us when he fought to live and then to walk again. He might have a limp right now, but eventually it will go away with continued therapy and time.

"I-I-I don't wanna see that," Kingston says, turning his back on the pile of what used to be his bike.

Tears are in his eyes as I look at him and rest my hand on his shoulder. Killer takes his other side and the three of us just stand in silence as I look at the pieces of what's left from Kingston's crash. The remnants of what almost took him from us. It's a hard reminder that none of us are immortal and one day our life will end. Kingston's almost ended way too soon, but my boy is a fucking fighter and that's what I have to remember.

"Son, we're not out here for you to look at that. We're here because today is the fuckin' day that you take your life back. Prove it to yourself that you're stronger than you think you are. You're gonna get on your bike and go for a ride with Killer and me. We'll go out back and you won't ever have to get on the road. This is just the first step you need to take so you see that you're ready to straddle that machine again and take your place with the rest of the boys in the club. This is what you've wanted to do for your entire life and I'm not gonna let you throw it all away," I tell him, determination filling my voice as Killer starts to push Kingston's bike from the barn to show he's not gonna back away from our boy doing this either.

Kingston drops his head to his chest and I watch him take several deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. His helmet already sits on the seat of his bike as I keep an eye on my son and wait for him to gather himself. It doesn't take as long as I thought it would. Kingston slowly brings his head up and stares at his bike where Killer is waiting. Grabbing a bike from the barn, I push it out and park it next to Kingston's as Killer grabs another one. These bikes are extra ones that we keep on hand in case something happens to one of the bikes and one of the guys needs a loaner. They're all checked weekly and I know there's nothing to worry about as far as them running properly.

"Take all the time you need, Kingston," Killer says, his voice gentle as he tries to put himself in his nephew's shoes and figure out what's going through his mind. "We'll spend all day out here if that's what it takes. I believe in you and know you can get past this fear. What happened to you was fuckin' brutal. None of us saw it comin' and it killed every single one of us to watch you go down and then every day in the hospital as you fought for your life. That's what you need to use to motivate you to get back on your bike though. Don't let your fear win and completely take this away from you."

Kingston nods his head and grabs his helmet. I watch as he puts it on his head and fastens it. He doesn't hesitate to straddle his bike and turn the engine on before revving the throttle. Looking at my son, I watch his hands shake slightly as he checks everything over and makes sure nothing is wrong with his bike since it's been sitting for months. When he's ready to go, Kingston looks at me and then Killer. We both straddle the bikes we took from the barn and turn them on. Neither one of us puts on a helmet as we wait for Kingston to move first. When he starts forward, Killer and I hang back and let him move forward at a slow pace until he's ready to start moving faster. For now, we're content to watch him and wait for him to get comfortable.

The bike wobbles a bit before Kingston snaps himself out of his head and twists the throttle even more. Speeding up, Killer and I finally take off behind him and the three of us head out behind the clubhouse to the path that's been worn into the grass over the years from us riding or teaching the kids to ride dirt bikes and then motorcycles. Looking at my son, I see a genuine smile on his face for the first time since his crash. It's so large and his entire face lights up behind his helmet. Slowly, as he becomes more used to the bike under him, Kingston starts to speed up more and more. Soon, you'd never know that he was afraid to get on his bike again.

"Thank you. Both of you," Kingston says when we finally park our bikes after letting him ride until he was done. "I don't know what I'd do without both of you and the rest of my family."

"You would've eventually gotten over your fear, Kingston. We're always here for you and that's not ever gonna change," Killer says, placing a hand on Kingston's shoulder in comfort. "Now, what do you say we go back inside and you take that cut we have waitin' for you."

"I'm ready," Kingston states as I put my arm around his shoulders and hold him back for a minute.

"Are you sure you're ready now? I'm always gonna push you when you need it, but if there's some other reason you don't want to become a full patch, I'm okay with it, Kingston. If you've decided to take a different path in life, that's okay," I tell him, needing him to know I'm not ever gonna walk away from him because of a decision he's made in his life. I will always support my children and that won't ever change for any reason.

"I'm ready, Dad. I want to be a full patch. I just didn't think it would happen because I couldn't see myself gettin' back on my bike again. Yeah, I might crash again, but if I let the negative thoughts in my mind beat me, then I should've given up when the crash first happened. I'm not gonna let this beat me," Kingston states, determination filling his voice as he stands tall and reminds of the young man he was before the crash happened.

Making our way into the clubhouse, Slim stands from his seat next to Shy with a large smile on his face. Everyone stops talking and focuses on Kingston and no one else.

"Now, let's get this show back on the fuckin' road. Kingston, do you wish to say anythin' after our talk in my office and what you just did with your dad and uncle?" Slim asks, his voice loud in the silent common room.

"Yes, sir. I wasn't gonna accept the patch and become a full member because I haven't ridden a bike since my crash. I was lost in my head and let the fear of crashin' again consume me until it was all I could think about. This club means the world to me and you're all my family. It would be an honor to wear the Phantom Bastards Colors and I accept becomin' a full patch," Kingston states, holding his head high as he looks around the common room. Cheers and whistles break out from everyone as I look at my wife and see tears coursing down her face.

"Kingston, I'm so fuckin' proud of you," I tell him, looking at no one but my son. "Your road name is King because you truly are a King and will go far as long as you rely on your family and take the support that we're all willin' to give you. You will never be a burden and rule your own future," I state as Killer walks up and hands over Kingston's cut so I can slide it on his back before he holds out the flash with his road name for my son.

Killer pulls Kingston in for a hug and whispers something in his ear. They have a silent conversation that no one else can hear and I know it will remain between the two of them. When Killer lets Kingston go, I pull him into my arms and hold my son. In my eyes he will always be the little boy who pushed himself to do better than he thought he could do and learned how to work with computers and become even better than me at hacking and everything else he'll do to help Vault and the new chapter of the Phantom Bastards MC.

"I'm gonna turn the floor over to Vault. As the President of the Pine View chapter of the Phantom Bastards, he'll give you all your positions within the new club. None of us know what decisions have been made and I can't wait to see what you all get to become movin' forward," Slim says, taking his seat once more as Vault stands up from his seat and heads over to us at the bar.

"The guys and I have gone over this so many times to come up with the positions we all think you'll excel at. Valor will not be steppin' down from his officer role in the club," Vault states, his voice loud and strong as he looks around the room. "Can all the guys stand up and come over with Kingston so you can get your flash."

All the boys stand up and come up next to Kingston, Killer and I take a seat with our wives and we wait to hear what's gonna happen with our sons.

"I'm gonna go down the list startin' with the officers," Vault states as Valor steps up and holds the flash in his hand ready to hand out to the boys. "Jinx, you will be the Vice President. The Secretary will be Raptor. Ghost will be the Sergeant at Arms. Devil will become the Enforcer. Geek will be the Road Captain. King, you will be our Tech guy. I want you to get with Valor because I have a feelin' you'll be instrumental in helpin' him with the security company."

We all clap and cheer for the boys as Valor hands out the flash indicating their new roles in the Phantom Bastards. It's a new phase in their lives and I know they'll all be amazing as they move forward with the new chapter. Kingston accepts the hugs and back slaps from the rest of the boys as they all take a minute for themselves before the rest of us step up to congratulate our sons, nephews, and the boys we helped raise from the second they were born. Today is a new day and I can't wait to see where they go!