Chapter 26 Rowan

"I CAN'T BELIEVEit's really over."

Paulina and I survey what was once our room, bare beds and plain white ceilings and a distinct scent of all-purpose cleaner.

"You'll see me again in August," she says. We've decided to room together again. "Much more of me than this year, I hope." Then she grimaces. "And… I'll try to be a little cleaner. If you can believe it, my room at home is so much worse. With so many more penguins."

I fake a gasp. "Going to need photographic proof of that."

"As soon as I get back to Sacramento."

I take one final look at the room, this place where I studied and sobbed and slept. It was a good first home away from home, I decide. I'll miss it.

Finals went well—I didn't end the year with a perfect 4.0, which I thought might be devastating, but I got close. After the year it's been, that's more than good enough for me. Then Miranda pulled me aside after our last class and said she's thinking about taking on a research assistant in the fall for her next book. She's been focusing on teaching for a while, but she's finally ready to start writing again.

"I would love to," I said quickly, before realizing that she hadn't asked me yet.

"Great, because I was wondering if you might be interested." Then she wrapped me in a hug. "Have a wonderful summer, Rowan."

The rest of my goodbyes aren't too bittersweet, mostly because so many of them feel like beginnings, too. I submitted an article to the student magazine about long-distance relationships, which will run in their back-to-school issue, and my creative writing cohort had another Gazebo Night that left all of us in tears, stomachs aching from laughter.

I love it here, but I'm ready to go home.

Last week, I also had a long-overdue conversation with my mom. I told her Neil and I had made it through a difficult year, and that we'd emerged even more committed to this relationship.

"He's going to be in my life for a while," I said.

She waited a moment before responding. "I understand," she said. "And he's a good one—it's easy to see that. We just didn't want to see you get your heart broken. But as long as he makes you happy, we're glad to have him in our lives, too."

I assured her that he did, although there was no way I could properly describe the scope of it.

The past few weeks haven't been without their challenges, but with this renewed confidence we have in each other, we've managed to make time for phone calls and some late-night creative texting. Turns out, even if you have a natural aptitude for something, you can always get better.

Officially a psych major, Neil texted last week, and I couldn't have been more thrilled for him. Slightly anticlimactic. Mostly paperwork. Not enough fanfare. So I spent a solid minute sending him every celebration-related emoji on my phone.

ROWAN

first step to becoming dr. mcnair!

NEIL

Dr. McNair? That's a lot of school.

ROWAN

good thing that's your favorite thing in the world

NEIL

Well. Second favorite.

This time, when I try to peer into our future, all I see is possibility. This summer: Neil's mom's wedding, spending time with Kirby and Mara and Cyrus and Sean and Adrian, plus our families, of course. Instead of Europe, maybe a road trip down the West Coast, stopping at every independent bookstore along the way. But also, one day, an internship. A job and a career that I'm proud of. A chance to explore new countries with this person I love. Taking care of each other when we're sick, listening to each other through the easy parts and the hard parts, and everything in between.

The romantic part isn't just falling in love—I know that now. It's staying in love too.

We're going to stretch that happy ending as long as we can, even as we challenge each other and push ourselves to our limits, and then beyond that. Even as we change.

The one constant is the two of us, simply doing our best, the way that we always have.

Together.

I shut the door to my room, wheeling my suitcase into the hall just as my phone buzzes in my pocket.

NEIL

I'm about to board my flight. Love love love you. See you soon?

ROWAN

I'll be at your house in ten short hours!

I just hope seattle's ready for us.

NEIL

I think it always has been.