6. Gem and Toni Have an Active Sex Life

Chapter six

Gem and Toni Have an Active Sex Life

During Gem's break, Oliver made drinks, and though he wasn't as fast or as good at multitasking as Gem, he mostly kept up with the orders. He made a few mistakes—accidentally grabbing the wrong dairy product or forgetting to add whipped cream or adding whipped cream when he shouldn't have—but no one yelled at him. Again, he took it as a win.

An hour after the lunch rush had subsided, Willow left Oliver to man the register as she went back into the kitchen with Glyma. Gem was cleaning the espresso machine while Rusty wiped down tables and cleaned fingerprint smudges off the bakery case.

The bell chimed, and Oliver turned to greet the next customer, only to laugh. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?"

Jude took in the cafe with wide eyes, hands in his slack pockets. "Wow, it's really purple in here."

"Glyma likes purple," Oliver said as Jude approached the counter, eyes widening further with every new view he took in.

Rusty passed him, carrying a tray of dirty dishes, and Jude tracked him until he disappeared into the kitchen. "Holy shit, he looks like a Care Bear."

Knowing how much Rusty would absolutely hate that, Oliver glared at Jude. "Keep your voice down!"

"Sorry."

"What are you doing here? Don't you have class?"

Jude leaned against the counter and shrugged. "I said I had a dentist appointment. I wasn't going to miss your first day working in Purgatory!"

"How often have you gone to the dentist this year?"

"I don't know. It's not like they keep track."

"They're gonna catch on eventually," Oliver chided.

Jude shrugged again. "Meh, we'll see. Maybe I have really bad teeth."

"Idiot."

Of course, Gem slunk over the moment he noticed Jude and Oliver talking, and Jude swallowed thickly as he looked up and up and up.

"Whoa, you're tall."

Gem tongued at one of his small fangs. "Trust me, sweetheart, these legs aren't the only parts of me that can go all night."

"Oh my god, Gem!" Oliver smacked one of his arms, and the Araknis pouted.

"Ow, that kind of hurt a little bit."

"Stop hitting on customers."

"Why? Is this your boyfriend?" Half-clambering over the counter, Gem grabbed Jude's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I would have never flirted if I knew you were Oliver's man."

Hauling Gem back to their side of the counter, Oliver glared. "He's not my man. He's my best friend. But you still shouldn't flirt with customers!"

With a scowl, Gem crossed one pair of arms over his chest as another fisted on his hips. "You sound like Rusty. You're supposed to be more fun than he is."

"Don't sexually harass people, and I'll stop sounding like Rusty."

"Fine!" Like a sullen child, he offered a lackluster hand to Jude and glumly said, "I'll be ‘professional'"—his top hands lifted to make air quotes—"I'm Gem. Nice to meet you."

Hesitantly, Jude shook his hand. "Hi, I'm Jude."

"And you are just cute as a button." Gem spun on Oliver, all eight eyes bigger than normal. "Don't let Toni see him! He likes the cute, fun-sized ones."

"Fun-sized?" Oliver said at the same time Jude said, "That's offensive."

Almost instantly, Toni poked his head out between the kitchen doors. "Don't let Toni see who?"

"Holy shit, how good is your hearing?" Oliver gaped at Toni as he sauntered toward them, black eyes studying Oliver, then Gem, and finally, Jude.

Something flared in those dark depths, and a wide, predatory grin spread over his mouth. Jude swallowed audibly, stepping back when Toni practically shoved Oliver to the side so he could place his big hands on the counter and lean in.

"Well, hello there, bitesize." Toni's gaze dragged down Jude's frame and back up, and his chest rumbled. "Who might you be?"

"Do you two never get laid or something?" Oliver pushed against Toni's shoulder to no avail; the demon was immovable as he grinned down at Jude like he was his next meal. "How are you this hard-up all the time?"

"Um, excuse me." Gem pressed a hand to his chest. "I've got game!"

"Yeah, he's got game," Toni agreed.

"And Toni?" Gem gestured at Toni. "He pulls!"

Toni nodded. "I fucking pull."

"We have a very active sex life," Gem declared triumphantly.

"Yeah," Toni said, before the words registered and his smile glitched. "Wait, what? No, we don't. Gross, Gem!"

Gem frowned before he realized how his claim had sounded. "Oh gods, no! That's not what I meant. Firstly"—he glared at Toni—"Gross? I beg your fucking pardon! Secondly, we don't fuck. I mean, we do fuck. Just not each other.

"Except that one time, where we almost did because we were, like, sixteen, and we watched this porno. Because who doesn't watch porn with their friends, right? Especially at that age. And honestly, it was a good porno. You know, for the time, it was good. I mean, is it up to the standards of today? Probably not. But—"

"Gem," Toni hissed.

Gem waved their hands. "Right, not important to the story. So we watched the porno, and then we were horny, obviously. And Toni was like, ‘Hey, we could fuck as, like, practice.' Not that we were virgins," he hurried to explain, "but we didn't have all that much experience yet. So I was like, ‘I wanna be good at sex. Let's do it.' So then—"

"Gem!" Toni growled, and Gem nodded emphatically.

"I know. I'm getting there, okay? So then we made out, but it was like kissing my brother. Which, you know, ew, right? Not that I'm one to yuck someone else's yum, but incest is a pretty clear line in the sand. So then—"

"Gem!" Toni practically shouted.

"What?" Gem barked back, his cheeks darkening. "I'm trying to tell them we didn't fuck! That we don't fuck now. Because that's incest, and incest is bad!" Gulping in a huge breath, he leaned against the espresso machine and panted. "Oh gods, I have a stitch in my side. Someone get me some water. I think I'm dying."

"What is happening?" Rusty said slowly, holding the kitchen doors open like he couldn't decide whether he wanted to escape back into the kitchen or not.

Behind him, stood Zef, Glyma, and Willow, all watching the train wreck taking place behind the register.

"Toni and I don't fuck each other," Gem whimpered. "I just needed to make that clear, but I think I made a mess of everything."

"You think?" Toni barked.

"I'm sorry! You know what happens when I get worked up like that. Everything just sprays out of me and gets everywhere."

"Terrible word choice given the topic of conversation," Oliver said.

Horrified, Gem covered his mouth with two of his hands, wringing his middle hands as his bottom hands rubbed against his culottes like he was wiping sweat from his palms. Toni glared at him, his face such a severe shade of indigo he looked like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka.

A beat of awkward silence passed before Toni exclaimed, "Fuck, Gem!" With a mournful look at Jude, Toni snarled wordlessly before storming into the kitchen, the demons standing in the doorway parting to let him through.

Clearing his throat delicately, Gem smoothed down his clothes. "I need a cigarette."

"You don't smoke," Rusty said, and Gem's iridescent eyes flashed.

"Well, it's the perfect day to start then, isn't it?" Stalking out from behind the counter, Gem charged out of the cafe through the front door with a mortified, "It was nice to meet you, Oliver's friend!" thrown over his shoulder.

After a moment of prolonged eye contact between Oliver and Jude, Oliver coughed and said, "So, that was Gem and Toni." He turned to the rest of his colleagues and gestured to Jude. "Everyone, this is my best friend Jude. Jude, this is everyone."

He rattled off their names as Willow and Glyma rushed over to make introductions.

"It's so wonderful to meet you," Glyma gushed as she vigorously shook Jude's hand.

"We're excited to meet all your friends," Willow said with a squeeze to Oliver's forearm.

Seeing as "all of his friends" consisted of, well, just Jude, Oliver feared his new coworkers would quickly be disappointed. He didn't voice that, though. He simply watched Jude stare, gobsmacked, at Zef as they bowed in greeting, insect wings fluttering behind their back.

"So, what can I get for you?" Oliver asked, hand hovering over the register.

Jude studied the menu boards on the walls. "I actually want to try one of those mood syrups. They sound sick."

"They are quite safe," Zef said. "Even for human consumption."

Rusty smirked. "He means they sound cool, like fun."

Zef's pointed chin dipped. "Ah, it seems I have misunderstood the cultural nuance."

"That's okay, Zef. I don't understand half the things Gem says," Willow said with a blinding smile at the Mantodea. "I just smile and nod."

A minuscule smile tipped Zef's lips, then they nodded.

Willow gave them a thumbs-up. "Great job!"

Rusty rubbed the fur between his eyes, muttering under his breath too quietly for Oliver to hear.

"Which syrup do you wanna try?" Oliver stepped to the side so Jude had a better view of the shelf.

"I kind of wanna try distress, just to say I did," Jude said, and Oliver laughed. "But I'll just go with enthusiasm. Gotta head back; might as well do it enthusiastically."

"A latte with a shot of enthusiasm." Oliver punched in the order. "I don't know why we even have the negative emotion syrups. Like, who actually wants to spend their day full of distress or terror?"

"Way to be close-minded," Rusty accused.

"Yeah," Willow agreed, tilting her head. "That's not very nice, Oliver."

Oliver's face flushed. "What?"

"It's not our place to pass judgments on our customer's tastes," Glyma chided.

"That's not—" Oliver tried again.

"Some people are into that sort of thing, you know?" Rusty added, mischief glittering in his beady eyes. "Emotional masochism. It's a kink."

"You really shouldn't kink-shame," Jude tacked on, and Oliver gasped at the betrayal.

"I wasn't! That's not what I meant. I just… I…"

"Being judgmental does not become you, Oliver," Zef said somberly.

"It's bad customer service." Glyma frowned.

"Bad customer service?" Oliver pointed at Rusty. "Rusty yelled at a customer today for asking him to toast her bagel. He said, and I quote, ‘Lady, you're a dragon aren't you? What's wrong? Are your flame glands broken? Toast your own bagel!' Then he walked away. And she cried!"

"Dude!" Rusty barked.

Glyma spun on the demon, and Rusty's sly smirk dropped immediately. "Rusty!"

"She could have toasted her own bagel," he said defensively, "and it would have saved everyone time. I was being efficient."

Crossing her arms over her full chest, Glyma scowled. "Jar!"

Somberly, Willow opened one of the lower cabinets and pulled out a jar full of paper money and coins and held it out expectantly. Ears twitching, Rusty fished a black wallet—connected to his belt loop by a metal chain—out his pocket and yanked out a bill. He crumpled it and shoved it aggressively into the jar.

"What's that?" Oliver asked.

"This is Rusty's jar," Willow said. "He must put in one myrel every time he makes a customer cry."

"It's almost full," he observed.

Rusty shrugged. "It's been a rough week."

"That's only from one week?"

Someone cleared their throat, and everyone behind the counter turned their attention to Quin standing at the mouth of the hallway. "Why are none of you doing your jobs?" she demanded, pointing at the line of the customers that had filtered in to queue behind Jude without anyone noticing.

With a squeak, Glyma shooed Zef back to the kitchen, and Willow took Oliver's place behind the register to finish ringing Jude up so Oliver could make drinks since Gem had yet to return from his humiliation-induced smoke break.

"Way to throw me under the van, by the way," Rusty growled as he grabbed a stack of unfolded boxes for the bakery items.

Oliver furrowed his brow before he snorted a laugh. "You mean, under the bus?"

A fuzzy mauve brow arched. "Huh?"

"I threw you under the bus, not the van."

Rusty's whiskers vibrated with another deep-chested rumble. "Van. Bus. Same thing."

"Not really," Oliver teased, unable to hide his grin.

Rusty's right eye twitched before he turned away with a huff. "Suicide is cringe, Rus. Don't be cringe," he grumbled to himself as he walked back to the bakery case.