Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Lucian Leroux

If I hugged him a little harder, maybe he wouldn’t disappear when the dream faded. And it would fade…any moment now. Noa was awake. I could hear him giggling in the other room, probably watching cartoons in bed. Or some violent YouTube clip of skaters making terrible falls.

“Master…?”

Yes, that was the voice. The sweetest whisper. I took a deep breath and buried my face against his neck, and I let the dream pull me under. My eyelids had never felt so heavy before; I wasn’t sure I could pry them open. God bless Ativan. The vivid dreams were a bonus—as long as they were of the good variety. I didn’t want another nightmare where Cam broke up with me.

“Master, wake up.”

I don’t want to, my darling. You’re here. When I wake up, you won’t be.

He was dropping featherlight kisses along my shoulder, the sensations pushing a sluggish shiver through me.

I twitched when I heard a sneeze. Weird dream state—why would I dream about him sneezing?

I love you with all that I am.

He exhaled a strained laugh and rubbed my arm. “I love you too, Owner, but you’re kind of squishing me.”

I frowned. Why couldn’t I see him? Why couldn’t I see anything? Well, almost. Just a pale gray space with fragments of memories. I could picture him so easily, but he wasn’t actually here with me. I envisioned his smiles; I didn’t see them. So I turned around, and the invisible ground beneath me disappeared. I tried to look over my shoulder, and a dizzy spell hit. At long last, I cracked my eyes open, and I sat…up…in bed? Fuck. I squinted and scrubbed at my face. Goddamn dream. Goddamn reality.

“There he is.”

What? I froze for a second, then let my hands drop, and I whipped my head toward the sound. I sucked in a breath, which made me cough, and I had to clear my throat.

You’re here.

“You’re here,” I rasped.

This time, I saw his smile. One part amused, one part timid. And his bed head. He’d slept here all night? I yanked away the covers, and I groaned internally. Motherf— Must he be so irresistibly sexy? I didn’t know what drew me in more in this time of desperation, his perfect little body or the fact that he was still wearing his Property of Master Lucian underwear. He had countless pairs of them in different colors, but he had others too. So…if he was planning to end things with me, surely he wouldn’t be in our bed right now, wearing his slave briefs?

I swallowed a bucket of nerves and met his gaze.

Please forgive me, my love.

“I can hardly believe you’re here,” I admitted, my voice thick with sleep.

He sat up too, and his smile softened. “When Master Greer told me you quit your job, I couldn’t borrow Corey’s car fast enough.”

God.

Relief seeped into me slowly, and I became antsy to fix things. To show him I’d gotten the wake-up call I’d needed—to show him I was taking it seriously—to beg for forgiveness, to reclaim him, to…to… Fuck, I just missed him so much.

The corners of Cam’s mouth twisted into a little smirk. “This is where you squish me again, Sir.”

A breathy chuckle gusted out of me, and my eyes smarted. Tears welled up rapidly, and I pulled him to me. It was indescribable how the faintest of his touches could evoke such strong emotions. It felt like he was gluing me back together, one brush of his fingers at a time.

I sniffled and hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry for everything, Cameron.”

I would never forget the message he’d left.

Choose us, Master.

I chose him. I chose us, the two of us, the four of us. I wanted to promise him forever, that I was never leaving his side again, that he could count on me, lean on me, let me take over—I wanted to be everything he needed. And how would that sound coming from my lips right now?

“I miss you,” he whimpered. The sound sent me into overdrive. I was so goddamn angry with myself—and now halfway into a panic because my boy was so clearly upset, and it was all my fucking fault.

I sniffled again and inched away, and I cupped his face in my hands. Christ, I’d done this. I’d made him cry. I’d made him doubt our future.

“I have a head full of promises, but I fear they’ll sound empty,” I admitted and brushed my thumbs under his eyes. “I’m gonna show you instead, Cam. Okay? I’m gonna show you.”

He nodded jerkily and threw his arms around my neck.

I blew out a breath and squeezed him tight. I rubbed his back, kissed his shoulder, and felt utterly useless. Because regaining his trust was going to take time, and I wasn’t the most patient man.

“I will make this right, baby,” I whispered thickly.

Maybe he was letting go. I’d put him through months of worries, and I could only imagine the tension that built up when you were scared and not believing a word of what your so-called Owner said. Christ, I’d been such a fool. An asshole and a fool.

The harder Cam cried, the tighter I held him.

Each broken sob of his tore through me and felt like an arsenal of jagged knives.

“I can’t apologize enough.” I cupped the back of his head and pressed kisses to his temple. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head and withdrew to wipe at his face. “I think I forgave you the moment I heard you quit. It’s just…I need you to be okay, Lucian.” He sniffled and crawled up in my lap. “If you’re not okay, we’re not okay.”

I swallowed hard and hugged him to me again.

If you’re not okay, we’re not okay.

“That’s what’s hurt the most—you being so dismissive about your health,” he croaked.

“Never again,” I vowed. “I swear to you. I got my ass handed to me, and I know I can’t go back to anything near as hectic. My job hasn’t made me happy in years anyway. I’ve been driven by a compulsive need to do right by myself, to take responsibility, and to do it well.” I pressed my lips to the side of his head. “It’s not an excuse, merely an explanation. I lost focus on what’s truly important to me.”

Cam shuddered and slid his forehead to the crook of my neck, and he exhaled unsteadily. “Daddy’s hinted that your obsession with work has to do with your dad.” He lifted his head and glanced at me, and I furrowed my brow and wiped his cheeks. “And, like, money.”

KC wasn’t necessarily wrong, but that explanation had its expiration date. So many years had passed since I’d lost my father, and I’d been financially secure for a long time.

“When my father passed,” I started by saying, choosing my words carefully, “I did promise never to put myself in a position I couldn’t get out of on my own. Financially speaking,” I amended. “That last year in high school—I loathed every uncertainty. I didn’t know if I’d have to change schools again, I didn’t know how much time he had left, I didn’t know how I was going to manage once he’d…” I released a breath.

I’d had KC back then, and I’d had two feisty grandmothers.

“In retrospect, I had no reason to worry about anything besides losing my dad,” I went on. “I became absorbed by money because I saw all the hospital bills. I knew how high my tuition was, I knew the size of our mortgage, I knew Dad couldn’t work any longer, and I saw no solution.”

Both my grandmothers had reminded me that everything was going to be okay. Over and over, they’d tell me they were going to handle things. I’d move in with one of them. We’d grieve together. I’d stay in school, the one where I’d met KC. But for some reason, they’d neglected to tell me the hows. They hadn’t explained how things were going to work out, so I hadn’t dared believe. I mean, I’d been nearing eighteen, and I’d lost both my parents in a span of eight years. I raised a mental block that prevented me from putting too much weight on a single step. I needed a plan, a backup plan, and preferably two or three more. And money had been easy to fixate on. It’d become a goal—make as much money as possible. At least then, I wouldn’t have to rely on my grandmothers for anything.

I touched Cam’s cheek. “My career stopped being about money a long time ago. It’s sweet of KC to trace back certain behaviors to my childhood, but the truth of the matter is that my career was my main purpose in life before I met you. Before I fell for you, before I fell for KC and Noa, work was my steady companion, as sad as that is.”

I knew KC could relate. I knew he’d traveled a similar path. He’d buried himself in his work when his feelings toward Noa turned inappropriate—or what he deemed inappropriate. Meanwhile, KC and I had been blind to the affection we’d had for each other. Our boys had changed everything.

“Sad or not, it still explains a lot.” Cam shifted on my lap and rested his cheek on my shoulder. “Habits can be tough to break.”

Understatement of the year.

“And then when your age catches up to you…” I trailed off in a mutter. Another hard pill to swallow. I simply couldn’t keep up with the fresh blood on the market. I had experience and finesse and strategy; the younger advisers could work around the clock and possessed less dignity. They kissed ass, backstabbed, bribed, and still had the time to run ten miles before work.

When I kissed Cam’s forehead, I caught him smiling a little.

“A lot of people looked up to you there, though,” he murmured. “Aren’t you gonna miss that?”

“Oh, they didn’t look up to me, sweetheart.” I gave him another squeeze. “They saw my corner office and wondered how they could steal it from me.” Now they could have it. I didn’t care. “They sent lavish gifts not because I’d taught them something but because they wanted me to keep them in mind for a future client.”

Cam scrunched his nose. “That sounds nasty.”

Money could be a nasty business.

“Good thing I’m never going back.” And I meant it. Every damn word. I’d freed myself from that toxic hellhole.

He glanced at me with a fair amount of trepidation. “What’re you gonna do instead?” He stiffened briefly and turned away from me, and he sneezed. Again? Yes, again. Because last time had clearly not been a dream.

“Bless you. I hope you didn’t catch a bug from one of Greer’s ankle biters.” I reached for the tissue box on my nightstand and handed it to him. He smiled in thanks and blew his nose before he discarded the tissue on his side of the bed. “As for what I’m going to do now…I have no idea,” I replied honestly. “I’m not in a rush to figure it out either.”

That put a bigger smile on his face, and he slid off my lap and tugged me down with him. I was more than happy to follow, and soon, we were on our sides and sharing a pillow like we’d done countless times in the past.

He pulled the covers over us and snuggled closer.

“Part of me can’t believe you quit,” he admitted.

“Part of me can’t believe you’re here.” I kissed his nose.

He grinned a little. His eyes seemed…brighter and bluer. So fucking beautiful.

“I’m not leaving you again.” With those words, his smile faded and he looked away. “I shouldn’t have left in the first place.”

No, he wasn’t going there. I cupped his cheek and waited till he made eye contact again.

“You did the right thing, darling,” I murmured. “You⁠—”

“I left you when you needed me the most!” His eyes welled up again, and I wouldn’t have it.

I was quick to correct him. “Except, you didn’t. You have the biggest heart, Cam. Why would you change what happened? As some form of self-punishment? You said it yourself—and so did KC—you left once you knew I wasn’t in any immediate danger.” I paused to make sure he was listening. I gripped his chin gently. “As much as it hurt to hear from Noa that you were with Greer and Archie, I needed to feel that, sweetheart. I needed to feel that risk of losing what’s most important to me. Because I never wanna feel that way again. I don’t want to hide behind a single excuse going forward, and it’ll do me good to have that fresh in my memory.”

I had to be honest. Walking out of the office building was one thing, but walking away from twenty years of unhealthy habits… It was going to be extremely hard. Once the restlessness set in, I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

“As long as… As long as—” He sniffled and wiped at his cheek. “As long as we’re freaking done now. You’re not going to ignore your health, and I’m not going anywhere. Ever again.”

Where did I sign?

I shifted closer and rested my forehead against his. “It’s you and me, little pet. I’ll show you. I’ll earn back your trust.”

As Cam dared a smile, I heard the distinctive sound of little feet in the hallway, but my boy pressing his lips to mine stole my focus. It felt like it’d been way too long.

“I love you, Master,” he whispered.

I drew a deep breath and let those words settle in properly. Fuck, I could barely believe my luck. And luck was the wrong word. It was all him. His generosity, how he’d fought for us, his devotion. And oddly, his raw strength. He’d been strong enough to take a step back when he’d needed to, and that made my trust grow exponentially. Trust I hadn’t thought could grow further—because I’d never taken him for a sub who wouldn’t safeword or stand up for himself. And now he’d done it again.

I kissed him hard and pulled him impossibly close, needing him plastered to my body. “No words can describe how much I love you, Cameron.” I cupped his cheek and angled for a deeper kiss, and he moaned and⁠—

“Wait—” He inched away and planted a hand on my chest. “I know where this is going, and I don’t want you to overdo it. Sit up, please.”

I frowned, confused, but did as told, which didn’t come naturally at all. At the same time, I wanted to show I was listening and ready to meet him halfway. More than that, even.

With my back against the headboard, I watched as he squirmed out of his underwear and reached for the oil.

I swallowed as the desire welled up within me.

“I’m gonna take care of you, Owner.”

How many times had I told myself I didn’t deserve him?

From now on, I’d dedicate myself solely to being the Master and partner Cam, KC, and Noa needed me to be.

“You just sit back and relax.” He kissed my cheek and wrapped his fingers loosely around my semi-hard cock. I could only stare. How had KC and I gotten so lucky? We had two boys who constantly showered us with their affection and submission, in two very different ways.

I let out a long breath and felt some tension leave me the more Cam touched me. He rubbed my shoulders, he stroked my cock and coated it in oil, he kissed my chest, and soon…soon, he straddled me and slowly took me inside him.

Deep, calm breaths.

So far, no anxiety-inducing twinges in my chest.

I knew they’d come eventually. I’d been warned by the doctor.

A slow shiver rolled through me as he rubbed the residue of the almond oil into my shoulders and neck, all the while he clenched down on my cock and shifted his hips. He set an unhurried pace, and I was incredibly torn between wanting to flip him over and claim him, and letting myself be lulled into a dream state.

He took me in deep and rested his forehead to mine, and I got stuck in the devotion in his eyes. I had to kiss him. I captured his mouth with mine and let my hands roam his thighs, his delectable little bottom, and up his back.

“I miss serving you, Master,” he sighed softly.

I groaned under my breath and swept my tongue into his mouth, and I cupped his face in my hands. “We’ll get there. I swear to you, my boy. You’re my property—and property belongs in servitude, don’t they?”

He nodded and whimpered. “Yes. So much. Fuck…” He eased back a little and tilted his head skyward in pleasure as he swiveled his hips and sped up.

Christ, he was stunning.

I rubbed his soft skin, all over his chest, and down to his hard cock. As soon as I closed my fist around it, he let out a pleading moan and fell forward. We came together in a hard, hungry kiss, and a stream of dark lust heated me up further. The chase was on, and we were so goddamn good at it.

I spread the pre-come over his cock, earning myself the sounds of his breathless whimpers.

“Master’s going to fill you soon, little pet,” I whispered.

“I need it,” he begged. “I wanna feel it.”

You will.

I stroked him faster. He fucked himself on me harder. We made out as if we hadn’t seen each other in months, and within minutes, we were there. Lips touching, breaths mingling, we let go at the same time, and it was the strangest sensation for me. Relaxation, peace, and heat swirled up a euphoric storm inside me, and when everything was unleashed, I immediately simmered down. My cock throbbed with each release in his ass, and the pleasure was all-consuming, but my heart wasn’t pounding. I wasn’t panting like a madman.

I shivered over and over and pulled the duvet around us, and I gathered my boy close to my body. I wanted our chests sticky with his come.

His heart was beating fast, though. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, each breath hitting my skin rapidly.

I squeezed him tightly and kissed his shoulder.

He tilted his head, and we met in a slow, tongue-teasing kiss. “I think I needed that more than you.”

I let out a breathy chuckle. “I’m not sure that’s possible.”

He grinned softly and kissed me again, and we⁠—

“Oh my God, Daddy, Cameron’s home!” Noa yelled.

Cam and I flinched at the volume of that little boy’s booming voice, and a beat later, we had Noa storming toward us, naked as the day he was born.

“Um, hi! I go pee, and suddenly you’re here?” He jumped up on the bed and pounced on Cam. “Is everything awesomesauce now? Are you home for good? Can you make us breakfast? Did you miss me a lot? Can I eat ice cream in front of Uncle Lucian so he gets jealous?”

“Hey.” I furrowed my brow.

Noa booped me on the freaking nose. “Hi!”

Cam chuckled drowsily and cuddled into my embrace again, with Noa on top.

I supposed our quiet reunion was over.

* * *

The moment that followed in the kitchen was almost as lovely, though.

KC sat on the kitchen counter, and he’d yanked me close to stand between his legs, my back to his chest, so we both could watch the boys prepare breakfast.

It wasn’t often Cam had the patience to let Noa help out, but we sensed they needed this. Noa paid extra attention and did whatever Cam told him, from flipping pancakes to setting the table in the dining room. Meanwhile, Cam multitasked like a professional. The kitchen filled with heavenly scents of muffins, bacon, eggs, and toast.

I was going to keep an eye on Cam, however. His nose was stuffy, and he’d sneezed more.

Maybe slave briefs and my collar weren’t quite enough.

“This is where we belong,” KC murmured and pressed a kiss to my neck.

I nodded and threaded our fingers together across my stomach.

“Oops!” Noa giggled and flipped one of the chocolate pancakes. “It totally has a face—look!”

Cam laughed and shook his head.

Yeah. This was where we belonged.

I tilted my head back and nipped at KC’s jaw. “Are you off today too?”

He inclined his head. “I took the whole week, and Noa called in sick for today and tomorrow. He said he’d play it by ear.”

Damn. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had several days together without interruptions.

I probably needed the time to recover too. Penelope had texted the second I’d left the bathroom earlier to let me know she was coming in an hour or so. Lucas, Kit, Santiago, and Gael were coming around five, and Macklin was stopping by after his shift later tonight. At least two of my visitors would lay into me in their own unique way.

“Will you protect me against Penelope?” I asked quietly.

Cam was preparing our daily intake of vitamins and whatnot. Water and freshly squeezed orange juice, two pills in that little container, four pills in that one, three hundred in mine…

“No fucking way.” KC rumbled a chuckle under his breath and squeezed me to him. “You’re on your own against her.”

Figures.

I glanced back at him. “What about aftercare?”

He smiled and brushed his lips to mine. “You reckon you’ve earned that?”

I sucked my teeth. “One does not need to earn aftercare.”

He grinned.

Damn troll.

I kissed him slowly, my mind flying back to our late nights discussing dominance and submission when we were so new in the lifestyle. Back then, I was the only one KC had come out to. His parents were still alive at the time, so he’d clung to a lie that’d made him miserable and trapped in a loveless marriage to Noa’s mother.

“I love you,” I murmured.

“Back at you, baby.” He rested his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “Remember that kink seminar on aftercare you dragged me along to back in the day?”

Boy, did I. “You did everything you could to provoke me.”

I’d started exploring much earlier than he had; for years, he’d stuck to fantasies, porn, and browsing through discussion groups in kink forums. But a few years in, I’d convinced him that coming with me to a seminar didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t more of a lie than his entire identity being kept a secret. So that had opened a door for him.

“Hey, I was just making sure you could keep your cool under pressure,” he defended.

Bullshit.

KC was a complete brat at times. A reaction whore who’d tested the waters around homosexuality by testing my patience. For instance, the time KC and Christine separated temporarily…

I wasn’t sure Noa knew about that.

“Okay, breakfast is ready!” Noa declared. “Can you stop whispering secrets over there?”

KC and I responded by stage-whispering to each other.

* * *

Breakfast turned into a different affair when I came face-to-face with a TPE routine I wasn’t ready to go back to. Cam kneeling next to my seat at the head of the table. I just couldn’t. Not yet. I’d crave it soon enough, but for now, Cam belonged on my lap. I needed him close. I needed my hands on him.

He sat sideways across my thighs, and we fed each other bites of toast, fruit, and a surprisingly tasty bran muffin. Since I wasn’t allowed to stuff my face with all the treats Noa dove for, I counted my blessings. To be honest, it could be worse. The dietary changes Cam and KC proposed weren’t that bad. Stress was my main villain, and I was tackling that head on already.

“I’d like to say no takeout until the cruise, though,” KC said. “Once your blood pressure is down some, we’ll see what you can handle.”

“Agreed.” Cam nodded. “Like, right now, no takeout and low on salt and red meat.”

“A little less sugar too,” KC added.

I suppressed a sigh and took a sip of my coffee.

Count. Those. Blessings.

They weren’t taking my coffee from me, and Cam was promising daily desserts; they’d just be on the healthier side. More blueberries and dark chocolate, less sugar and cream. But considering how wonderful he was in the kitchen, I had no doubt he could create a feast with healthy ingredients.

Noa grinned at me and crammed half a pancake into his mouth, causing syrup to trickle down his chin.

“My chipmunk.”

He giggled around his food.

“What about the Game this weekend?” I asked. “It would be nice to participate if I can’t volunteer to help out.”

KC and Cam exchanged a glance.

I couldn’t lie; it bothered me a little, but this was the deal. I’d listen to their suggestions until I’d formed better habits.

“All the Tops know what’s happening, so I don’t see a problem,” KC replied.

“Let’s make one thing clear, Daddy,” Noa said. “The bottoms know what’s happening too. You’re gonna make us suffer somehow!”

Sharp as a tack, that one.

KC winked at his boy.

“I’ll add us to the list, and we can see, Master.” Cam kissed my cheek, then handed me a handful of blueberries. “By the way, I didn’t see any dry-cleaning tickets in the hallway. Did you pick up your gray Brioni?”

“I picked it up!” Noa said. “Never doing that again. I almost spilled soda on it on my way out.”

I snorted softly. “It was covered in plastic, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, well, I can make shit happen,” he replied.

I shook my head in amusement. “Either way, I foresee fewer trips to the dry cleaners from now on.” I was growing quite comfortable in sweatpants, and I’d borrowed one of KC’s tees. I didn’t have that many.

“Why, Sir?” Cam asked curiously.

“Well, because KC and Noa are clearly onto something with the sweatpants fashion,” I said. I popped a couple blueberries in my mouth to the sound of Noa’s giggling. He and KC changed into comfortable clothes the moment they came home every day. Maybe it was time for me to do the same.

“Oh.” Cam chewed on his lip and fiddled with the neckline of my tee. “I see. But, um…what if I find you super sexy in suits?”

I shrugged, in a mood to toy with him a little. He should know me by now. I was a typical suit guy. Loosening up a bit and opting for more comfort didn’t mean I was going to abandon who I was.

“At this point, you should have plenty of memories to think back on,” I answered. “If that’s not enough, maybe you can use one of my ties to snuggle with at night.”

His mouth popped open, and the mild outrage on his face was so damn adorable. “But, Master! Noa and Daddy are the heathens, not us!”

KC and I laughed; I couldn’t help it, nor could I string my sweetheart along for too long.

“He’s joking with you, honey,” KC chuckled.

Cam turned back to me with a quick scowl—that I kissed.

“Don’t worry, my love. You and I will always dress to impress when we go out,” I assured. CDNS was part of our dynamic, after all. When we were at Mclean, I dressed up, and my property stripped.

“I can definitely live with comfy clothes at home,” he said, nodding. “And maybe more naked time.”

That could be arranged.

“Yay, naked time!” Noa was on board too. “Can we start right now?”

“You can be naked in the pool, freckles,” KC said. “Mistress Penelope will be here any moment, so I thought we could get out of Uncle Lucian’s way.”

Right. Throw me to the wolves.

“Yeah, she can be scary,” Noa said.

Just as well. KC needed his daily training. At least I had Cam with me.

“Cam, would you like to join us in the pool?” KC asked.

I shot him a look.

What the fuck?

He gave me a pointed one in return—while our boy hesitated.

“You know you should talk to Pen alone,” KC told me. “She won’t speak bluntly with Cam there, and you’re not using him as a shield, are you?”

Motherfucker.

Cam snaked his arms around my neck and bussed my cheek. “Do you need me to protect you, Owner?”

For Pete’s sake, not when he put it like that. Cam was what, 140 pounds soaking wet? And Penelope couldn’t be more than five foot five. I had nearly a foot on her, and I was scared to face her? How much of a coward was I?

“Enjoy your swim with Daddy,” I muttered.

* * *

The downside to having an indoor pool was that I couldn’t shut out our boys’ enjoyment while I paced the kitchen and waited for my doom. And I knew it was coming. Penelope had lost her mother to a heart attack, for which she blamed her hectic job, so one could say Penelope was…sensitive on the matter.

She was the little sister I’d never asked for or wanted. Unfortunately, once she wormed her way into your life, you needed her to stay. And wormed was probably not the right term. We’d met at a kink party some twelve years ago, and we’d just clicked. She was as dry as I was, we shared similar core kinks, and we were each other’s sounding boards for demos, DM duties, events, and creative punishments.

Once we got past her scolding me, I wanted to talk to her about TPE, because I was a bit wary of jumping right back in with Cam. Things had changed. I had to prove myself. I had to show him he could rely on me again.

KC was too close for such a conversation. He’d say something along the lines of us being in this together, and that was how we’d work things out. Which wasn’t necessarily wrong, but I could admit my confidence had taken a hit, and it’d do me no good to lean on KC too much.

Now.

I peered out the kitchen window as I heard the telltale sound of Penelope pulling in with her truck. The driveway was full, so I spotted her between the naked branches of our hedge.

All right, let’s get this over with.

I poured us coffee before I went out to get the door for her.

The moment I opened up, I noticed we both had to give each other a once-over, because she didn’t look like her regular sharp self either. Penelope Darling without high heels and makeup? Hell truly had frozen over.

“Sweatpants?” She wrinkled her nose. “What the fuck, Leroux? It’s worse than Greer warned me about.”

I frowned. “You’re one to talk.” Ratty jeans, All Stars, and an old hoodie?

She jutted her chin and walked past me to kick off her shoes. “We’re not discussing me.”

Perhaps we should. I’d thought she was finally feeling better, but this looked like a cry for help if ever I saw one.

“Is this about Ella?” I had to ask.

You thought you knew someone, and then they just up and left. Penelope and Ella had been a couple for, what, ten years? And then right around the holidays, Penelope had caught Ella cheating, and within a few days, all traces of Ella were gone. She’d left our community, closed her online account, and moved out of the place she and Penelope had shared.

“We’re not discussing her either,” she responded coolly.

I furrowed my brow and followed her to the kitchen.

“For me?” She grabbed one of the mugs, and I inclined my head. She took a sip and closed her eyes. “Fuck, Cam makes great coffee.”

No argument from me.

It was unnerving to see Penelope like this. Her wild copper hair was usually more tamed; now the locks were gathered in a messy bun. Her old college hoodie had some stains on it from paint, and Penelope only painted when she was feeling low.

“I take it we’ve both hit rock bottom,” I said.

She took another sip and eyed me. “I’m on my way up. I’m just…making some changes in my life. You, on the other hand…”

I narrowed my eyes and stood a little straighter.

“If you frown any harder, your face is gonna freeze like that,” she told me.

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes. Picking up my coffee, I gestured for the den where we could speak in private. The living room had a full view of the pool, and I didn’t need the distraction.

The living room was where we entertained. In the summer, we’d open up the glass alcove to turn the pool into an outdoor area for barbecues and such. The den…was where we watched TV. In sweats.

Penelope sank down in KC’s lounge chair with a sigh, and I opted for the couch that was practically Cam’s and mine.

“So should I remind you that my mom died because she wouldn’t stop working too hard?”

There it was.

“I remember the story, dear.” I set my coffee on the table. “You probably can’t tell me anything I haven’t heard these past couple of days—or anything I haven’t thought of. I know I overestimated my capabilities. I almost lost Cam in the process.”

Penelope hummed. “KC gave me the rundown yesterday. But Cam’s here now, isn’t he?”

I nodded. “He came home last night.”

“Good.” She offered a firm little nod. “You belong together.”

Sweet of her to say, but I was bracing myself for her usual bluntness.

She didn’t seem to be in any rush, though. She prioritized coffee—and looking at the photos on the walls.

My God, she could be frustrating.

“I think one of the things workaholics forget is that people need them.” And now she began, all while glancing at the photos. “I may have been an adult when my mom died, but she left a big void behind. My dad and I don’t have the same relationship we used to, because Mom was the glue.” She set down her mug too. “I’m not saying you’re the glue in your foursome—you all are. And if one goes, everything falls apart. So…when you get started on your recovery, Lucian, I want you to think about them.” She nodded at one of the many pictures of us together. “You’re a vital part of what the four of you have created.”

She knew exactly where to strike.

Cam’s words came back to me.

“If you’re not okay, we’re not okay.”

“You’re also part of a community that wouldn’t look the same without you,” she went on. “We’ve grown up together in a way—we went through our thirties together, when we were finding our way in kink and figuring out how to become adults. Well, you seem to have figured it out. I’m getting there. I think.”

My mouth twitched with mirth, but then I heard a snee—scratch that. Cam was having a sneeze attack. Two, three, four…

Penelope heard it too, so I didn’t need to explain myself.

“Excuse me one moment.” I got up and aimed for the living room, and I noticed Penelope coming with me. Fair enough. She wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to push Noa’s buttons.

In the living room, I slid open the glass doors some more and spotted Cam by the steps in the pool.

“I don’t like the sound of that, darling.” I grabbed one of the towels from a lounger and walked over to him. “Which of Master Greer’s kids do we blame?”

“Who knows,” he chuckled tiredly. “No one was sick that I could tell.”

Yes, well. Children were known to carry all kinds of germs.

“Hello, Mistress Penelope!” Noa waved from the pool and put on his polite face. “How do you do?”

“It looks like I can’t catch a break if you’re gonna be all sweet,” Penelope drawled. “First, Macklin begs me to go easy on Lucian⁠—”

“I do adore that boy,” I said, enveloping my boy in a towel. “Let’s listen to Macklin more.”

KC grinned, out of breath, busy doing his laps. His arm strength was incredible, and I was even impressed by what he put his legs through. Like when he jogged in the water with weights around his ankles.

“And now Noa’s being a sweetheart,” Penelope finished. “What’s a sadistic girl to do?”

“Be nice to us?” Noa supplied helpfully. “Personally, I would never ever tease you. I’m a good boy.”

Good lord.

I rubbed my hands over Cam’s shoulders and tuned out the others. “I think you need to rest, little pet. If you’re getting sick, I don’t want you near any drastic temperature changes.” Such as right here. The water was somewhat warm, but the glass walls had high humidity on one side and March cold on the other.

Cam glanced up at me with a dopey smile. “I love it when you get fussy, Owner—just don’t forget to give me tasks too.”

It was possible I could use the reminder, but we had time. “You’ve been home for less than twelve hours. Speech restrictions and chores will be back in full force soon enough. But if you’re getting sick, you know we play by different rules until you feel better.”

He grew pensive for a beat, then nodded once. “Fair enough. I guess I’m just a little worried you’re going to hold back. Maybe go too easy on me. But you know chores make me happy, right?”

Christ, he did know me awfully well. I hugged him to me and pressed my lips to his wet hair. “Full disclosure…? It’s a valid concern. So how’s this—in the next day or so, we’ll know if one of Master Greer’s kids has made you sick. And when you feel better, we’ll sit down and discuss what we’re ready for.”

He peered up at me again, and the smile was back. “That sounds good. But it doesn’t have to be one of his children, you know.”

“I’m almost certain,” I stated. “This is what children do. But fear not. I will shoot them down with squirt guns and water balloons to protect your honor.”

He snickered and pressed a kiss to my neck. “My hero.”

That was the goal.

“For now, make yourself some tea and rest,” I murmured. “When Penelope leaves, I want to find you in our bed, buried under the covers, watching a movie. Or sleeping.”

“Yes, Master.”

* * *

I owed Macklin a big favor. When Penelope and I returned to the den, she told me I could relax. She wasn’t going to grill me too hard.

“I understand your speech comes from a place of love,” I said and sat down.

“And fear,” she replied. “Fear of not getting to experience you as a curmudgeon in your eighties.”

I chuckled softly and rubbed at my chest. Every now and then, I felt those annoying twinges that ramped up my worry. Reminding me that quitting my job was far from enough. It was going to be a long road to recovery. Plus, I had that inflammation or whatever the doctor had said. KC had looked up something called costochondritis.

We’d see what my doctor said tomorrow.

“Does it hurt?” Penelope’s green gaze flashed with concern.

“Not too much. Just enough to remind me and make me fret.” It was easier to play it off as a lighthearted situation, when it was anything but.

“Don’t lie to me, Lucian.”

“I’m not—” Fuck. I blew out a breath. “I’m not lying. I’m merely downplaying it a tad. Believe me, I’m brutally honest with KC and the boys.”

“Oh, so friends don’t get the brutal honesty.” She cocked a brow.

“Exactly.” I nodded.

She sighed heavily and pulled something from the front pocket of her hoodie. “Anyway. Here. Knowing you, you’re a day or two away from climbing the walls, so I thought I’d introduce you to a hobby.”

She tossed a flat pouch of some sort next to my coffee, and I furrowed my brow and picked it up. Tomatoes? Tomato seeds?

“Wasn’t this how the Godfather died, picking tomatoes?”

She smirked. “Something or the other. When he was old. Try to get there, will you? It pains me to say this, but you’re important to me.”

Aw, damn it all. If she was going to get sentimental, I couldn’t pretend to be dismissive about her worry—or her…gift. And hey, perhaps she was right. I would certainly need something to do around here when everyone else went off to work. Growing tomatoes—that could be my thing.

“Come here, please.” I patted the spot next to me. “I appreciate you, darling. And now it’s time for me to play big brother.”

“Oh, spare me.” She said it in a teasing tone but came over, nonetheless, and that meant something. She could protest all she wanted, but this was her coming out of hiding. I hadn’t been bullshitting about the cry for help. If she’d wanted to handle things on her own, she would’ve shown up in her skinny jeans, high heels, and red lipstick that completed the look.

I draped an arm around her shoulders. “Is this about Ella?”

She slumped in her seat and released a breath. “It’s honestly not, hon. I’m just…floundering. Trying to figure out who I am without her.”

That made sense. I’d floundered a bit myself after I’d broken up with Robert. Though, to be honest, I’d mostly been a coward. I’d known for a long time something was wrong. I’d just lived in denial. I’d tried to stick to my commitment.

“Do you miss her?” I wondered.

She pursed her lips and offered a slow shake of her head. “I thought I did. Up until about a month ago, but… No. With the way she left and how she betrayed me, it was like a switch flipped overnight. I’ve mourned the good years we had and the dreams I thought we shared, and now…I don’t know. I think I’m done with relationships altogether. I’ll stick to play partners and one-nighters.”

I frowned. I’d said the same thing after my ex, when I’d been too much of a chickenshit to immediately claim Cam. Regardless of how wrong Robert had been for me, a failed relationship hurt. I’d taken it very personally. And I’d erected walls around myself afterward. I’d sought out Cam at every event, all while keeping my physical distance and vowing to myself that I only wanted something casual.

“Do you remember what you told me when I said I was going to approach Cameron for a casual arrangement?”

She lifted a brow and glanced up at me. “That you were an idiot.”

I nodded. “You’re an idiot, Penelope. You’ve never been casual. That’s not who you are.”

“It’s not who I was,” she corrected stubbornly. “I’m not the same woman anymore. Who knows, maybe the casual route will make me happy.”

And maybe brats could form a rational thought.

* * *

“Baby, that’s the fourth time I’ve seen you rub at your chest in the last half hour,” KC told me. “I want you to take your anxiety meds, your painkillers, and go to bed.”

I scowled and closed the fridge so I could face him. “The doctor said the pain will lessen over time.”

“When you rest and take care of yourself,” he added pointedly. “Come on. Noa and I can step out and pick up food. You go get some sleep.”

Noa stalked up to me with a firm expression. “You listen to Daddy now, okay?”

I scoffed and turned to KC. “That’s going to get old. I don’t do well with brats telling me what to do unless I can punish them.”

“Daddy, protect me!” Noa swooped behind KC, and it annoyed me how quickly my…annoyance faded. His cuteness bothered me.

Additionally, he was entirely too adorable in his puppy briefs with his silicone tail wagging at every turn. And I missed him too.

“Counterproposal,” I said to KC. “You order for food to be delivered, and when it arrives, you can find the boys with me in my bed. We’ll eat there.”

Noa’s eyes lit up at the prospect of a sleepover with food in bed, so we waited for KC’s verdict.

“You won’t punish him for helping you,” he told me.

I showed my palms in surrender. “He hasn’t seen the end of my fuse yet, I promise.”

For Noa, my fuse was absurdly long. That bothered me too.

“Then we have a deal.” KC ruffled Noa’s hair and kissed the top of his head. “Go cuddle with Uncle Lucian and your brother, and I’ll be up when the food gets here. Okay?”

Noa nodded furiously. “But holler so I can help you carry stuff. That’s the rule—and I get to push the buttons on the lift!”

Thatwas why my fuse was so long with this boy. He was so incredibly thoughtful. And evidently, it was never going to get old for him to utilize KC’s wheelchair lift on the stairs. He probably used it more than KC did.

A few moments later, Noa and I headed upstairs, and KC dug out our selection of takeout menus. We had fewer options now that I had to eat healthier, but sadly, they always found something. This wasn’t new. They’d been trying to get me to eat better for months.

I’m counting my blessings. Counting them hard.

By the time we reached Cam’s and my bedroom, I picked Noa up, to the sound of his squeal, and I blew raspberries against his tummy.

“Oh my gosh, nooo!” He laughed and hurriedly plastered himself to my upper body so I couldn’t reach.

Cam blinked drowsily and lifted his head from the pillow. “Hi.”

“Hey, baby boy. Sorry we woke you up.” I lowered Noa onto the bed.

Cam shook his head. “I was just dozing. Netflix asked if I was still watching, and I can’t reach the remote.”

“I hate when that happens,” Noa huffed.

So did I, and I thought I’d changed it. “How are you feeling?” I grabbed the remote next to the flat-screen.

“Not too bad.” Cam shrugged. “A bit sniffly, is all.”

Let’s hope it didn’t get worse.

After shrugging out of my clothes, I slipped under the covers and climbed over Noa. If I was going to be properly suffocated in cuddles, I had to be in the middle. Wait—fuck. I should’ve thought of this sooner.

“Can I get you anything?” I felt Cam’s forehead, relieved he didn’t feel feverish. “Tea? Water? Juice?”

He shook his head and shifted under my arm so he could use my chest as a pillow. “I have tissues and the best pillow. I’m good, Sir.”

“I’m also good,” Noa said. “And, Cameron, if you do get sick, I’m gonna stick to sucking your dick and not your face for a while. Okay?”

I rumbled a laugh and kissed the top of his head.

“Oh, how will I live?” Cam teased. “I get it. You prefer when my dick sneezes.”

“Oh God,” I groaned through a laugh.

Noa cracked up hard, and Cam was very pleased with himself.

How on earth was I going to nap now?

Actually, I could just wait for the medication to kick in.

“We should be sleeping,” I felt the need to point out. “We don’t wanna make Daddy mad.”

“I kinda do—he’s hot when he’s mad,” Noa snickered.

He wasn’t wrong.