Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Nick wandered back up to the dais as the fundraiser wore down, carrying Jordan with him. He’d slipped upstairs to their flat to fetch his son from the babysitter. Macy had been asleep or he would have brought her down, too. It was important for his children to be a part of the tribute, even if they wouldn’t possibly remember it.

“Look,” he told his sleepy, fussy son, walking him over to the large portrait of Raina that stood off to one side, surrounded by flowers. “Who’s that? Is that mummy?”

Jordan moaned and buried his face against Nick’s neck, whimpering a little. It was long past Jordan’s bedtime. Hell, it was long past his bedtime, too. He’d always been the sort to wake up early and go to bed early. That was one thing he and Raina had disagreed on. It seemed like Jordan was already taking after him in that way.

“Do you want to say goodnight to mummy?” he asked Jordan, desperately hoping his son would look at the portrait of Raina and recognize her.

“Daddy,” Jordan grumbled, throwing his chubby arms around Nick’s neck and clinging to him.

Nick sighed. He knew it was useless to try to get a three-year-old to feel an emotional connection with a mum who already hadn’t been there for half his life. Jordan had been just over nineteen months old when the crash happened and Macy had been barely two months old. The only way his beloved kids would remember their mum at all was through pictures and stories that someone else told them.

“Are you okay?”

Nick turned to find Baxter Hawthorne, one of the twins, approaching the dais. It seemed like half a dozen new Hawthornes came out of the woodwork every time the family hosted a party of any sort. But then, that was the joy of being part of a large family. He was glad that even if his babies couldn’t grow up with their mother, at least they’d have a million cousins to play with.

Or maybe not. Nick was pretty sure that Baxter was gay. His brother, Blaine definitely was.

“I’m fine,” Nick lied. “Just a little tired.”

“Are you sure?” Bax asked, stepping up onto the dais with him.

Nick didn’t answer. It didn’t make any sense that he would be okay after wrapping up a fundraiser and memorial tribute to his late wife.

“I miss her is all,” he said at last with a sigh, adjusting Jordan in his arms.

Bax smiled sympathetically. “We all miss her.”

It probably shouldn’t have, but that came as a little bit of a surprise to Nick. “Were the two of you close?” he asked. “I mean, when you were younger. I haven’t seen you around Hawthorne House much since I showed up here.”

Bax sent him a reassuring smile. “Yeah, Uncle Robert and Aunt Janice lived at our place when we were all kids, back when the house was still a school.”

“Oh, that’s what Raina always meant by growing up in rainbow chaos,” Nick said, then chuckled.

“Chaos doesn’t begin to cover it,” Bax laughed with him. “I remember being so glad when they all moved out.”

Nick raised his brow in surprise. “Really?”

“I was a horrible teenager at the time,” Bax said, his smile cheeky and…charming. “I can’t be held responsible for being a brat back then.”

“Were you?” Nick asked, blinking. Bax was the least brat-like man he’d ever met. Unlike the rest of the decidedly bohemian Hawthornes, he was quiet, dressed conservatively, and worked as an accountant instead of engaging in some sort of art.

As if he could read Nick’s thoughts, Bax laughed. “I was beyond horrible,” he said. “But I guess that came from feeling so different from everyone else in the world.”

“Because everyone else in the family was an artist and you weren’t?” Nick asked.

“No, because I wanted to become a Catholic priest and they were all a bunch of heathens.”

Nick flinched and blinked at him. “Really?”

Bax sent him a sly grin that had such a wicked glimmer in his hazel eyes that Nick’s heart inexplicably missed a beat for a moment. “No, not really,” he said.

“Oh,” Nick chuckled. It felt more like a release of the sudden build-up of tension inside him that had come out of nowhere.

“I’m Pagan, actually,” Bax went on.

Nick smirked as he rubbed Jordan’s back. “Now you’re just pulling my leg.”

“No, I’m actually Pagan,” Bax said with perfect seriousness.

“Really?” Nick asked, feeling knocked off balance again.

Bax just stared at him for a long, charged moment. Nick was waiting for him to say no, he was just joking again. Waiting a little too eagerly.

Finally, Bax said, “Actually, I am. A Pagan accountant. Can you imagine?”

“No, I really can’t,” Nick laughed as Jordan began to squirm.

Bax shrugged. “I’m just another Hawthorne paradox,” he said.

“I happen to love Hawthorne paradoxes,” Nick said.

He immediately wondered what had possessed him to say something so…flirty. Unlike nearly everyone else in the Hawthorne family, he wasn’t queer. At least, he didn’t think he was. He’d never really questioned his straightness. Granted, he hadn’t dated many women either, but that was because he’d been a shy kid, due to being bigger than everyone else in his year. But no, he definitely liked women.

“I need to get this one up to bed,” he said, using Jordan as an excuse to get away from the uncomfortable feelings trying to poke their way into his consciousness. “And I need to pay the babysitter watching Macy and send her on her way.”

“You probably want to get to bed yourself after a night like this,” Bax said.

Something about the suggestion of going to bed coming from Bax made Nick uneasy. “Yeah,” he said, glancing at Raina’s photograph once more. “It was easier tonight than it was at the funeral, that’s for sure, but I think some things just stay with you.”

“They do,” Bax said, walking with him as they headed across the dining hall, through the few, lingering guests and the staff that had been hired to clean up. “I feel a little guilty for saying this, but lately I’ve been feeling like it might be time to move on.”

“Oh?” Bax asked.

Was he happy about that? Enthusiastic? Nick wanted to shake his head and ask himself why it mattered to him one way or another.

“Yeah,” Nick sighed. “I think…I suppose….” He pinched his face, then blew out a breath and just said it. “I don’t think I’m the kind of person who does very well raising two kids on his own. It’s been a real struggle already.”

“I’m sure it has,” Bax said, patting his back quickly. “But don’t worry, you’ve got this entire family here to help you.”

“For which I’m incredibly grateful,” Nick sighed. He was too chicken to say his thoughts about moving on meant leaving Hawthorne House and his memories behind as well.

“And this winter, you’ll have me, too,” Bax said, his smile widening.

“I will?”

“Yeah. Uncle Robert has asked me to do some accounting work for the arts center, now that they’ve doubled the number of class offerings and have donations pouring in, especially from The Brotherhood. He wants me to do a full audit so that the family doesn’t run into any problems come tax season.”

“Oh. That’s great,” Nick said, more excited than he thought he should be.

“So you’ll be seeing me around,” Bax went on.

“Great,” Nick said, hoping he wasn’t coming down with something. He felt flushed and out of sorts. “I’ll be seeing you, then.”

He continued on down the hall outside the dining hall to the family wing of the building while Bax headed in the other direction, presumably to wherever he’d parked his car.

“Uncle Bax seems nice,” Nick murmured to Jordan, wondering if you even called a cousin “Uncle”.

The problem was, having Bax around that winter might be a little too nice. The last thing Nick needed was to start questioning fundamental things about himself when he had two small children to raise.

He glanced over his shoulder at Bax’s retreating back one last time, then shook his head and continued on. This could be a problem.

I hope you’ve enjoyed Rhys and Early’s story! They were absolutely adorable to write, and they surprised me around every turn. I didn’t set out to write a story about grief, but that’s where these characters, Rhys especially, took me! We’ve all experienced loss, so a lot of the things Rhys, and even Early, went through in this story came straight from the heart.

Campaign Against Drink Driving is an actual organization in the UK. (Americans are used to the term “drunk driving”, but in the UK, it’s “drink driving”) They do amazing work bringing awareness to the problem of drinking and driving. You can visit their website and even contribute to their cause right here: https://cadd.org.uk/

What about Nick and Baxter? Nick is convinced he’s straight, but with Bax spending the winter at Hawthorne House, will he be so sure of that? Will his need to move on and start a new life after Raina take him away from Hawthorne House entirely? Bax has a lot going on in his life as well. Will the possibility of co-parenting Raina’s children make his life better or scare him away entirely? Find out this winter in Forged !

But before that, I’ve got a quick Christmas novella to help you celebrate the holiday season. Blaine Hawthorne is a living trainwreck who decides to hide out at Hawthorne House for the holidays after driving his and his ex-business partner’s design business into the ground. RAF Lance Corporal Alfie Spears is at a crossroads in his career. With an offer of promotion on the table, he has to decide what he wants for his future. But first he has to organize his unit’s Christmas toy drive, including the party to be held at Hawthorne House. And Alfie hates Christmas. Can Blaine change his mind about the holiday or are the two of them a disaster waiting to happen? Find out next in Decorated !

If you enjoyed this book and would like to hear more from me—as Merry Farmer or my other identities, MM Farmer (MM Omegaverse) or Em Farmer (Contemporary Romance) please sign up for my newsletter! When you sign up, you’ll get your choice of a free, full-length novella. One choice is A Passionate Deception . It is an MF romance, but it has a strong MM secondary character, who gets his own book in my May Flowers series. Part of my West Meets East series, A Passionate Deception can be read as a stand-alone. Your other choice is Rendezvous in Paris . It is an MM Victorian story that is part of my Tales from the Grand Tour series, but can also be read as a standalone. Pick up your free copy today by signing up to receive my newsletter (which I only send out when I have a new release)!

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