Chapter 2

TWO

Early nearly tripped over their feet as soon as Rhys mentioned old ladies ogling their privates. It hit them about thirty seconds too late exactly which class Rhys needed a model for. The nude class.

They should have guessed sooner. They’d helped Rhys schedule the class and send out release forms and FAQ sheets to everyone who had signed up to make certain no one was surprised.

Now they were the one who was surprised. Way more than surprised.

The only thing that kept them putting one foot in front of the other as they followed Rhys down the hall to his painting classroom was the force of the crush they had on him.

“You have no idea how grateful I am to you for stepping up like this,” Rhys said, his voice and his expression conveying that relief even more than his words. “I was seriously worried I would have to strip off and pose myself.”

Early laughed breathily. “We wouldn’t want to have that now, would we?”

It came out as far too much of a genuine question. Mostly because imagining Rhys naked while touching exactly the part of themselves that the world was about to see was something Early had done far too often.

Rhys huffed an ironic laugh as they neared the classroom. “I’ll make sure you get the stipend we were going to pay Gary in your next paycheck,” he said.

That was like throwing paraffin on the fire making the butterflies in Early’s stomach dance. They were well aware of the barrier of employment that Rhys had thrown up between the two of them and any chance that something more than crushes and distant admiration might happen.

When they crossed the threshold into the painting classroom, over a dozen sets of eyes shot immediately in Early’s direction.

“Okay,” Rhys said, clapping his hands together and assuming his teacher voice. “Crisis averted. We’ve found a willing model for our first assignment. Early, there’s a robe in the closet, and I emptied a shelf so you can store your clothes there.”

“Ooh? Young Early is going to be our first model?” Violet asked, a little too pleased with the possibility.

“Hush, Vi,” Avril swatted at her from where the two sat at their easels. “He’s young enough to be your grandson.”

Early winced, and for several reasons. The pronouns were relatively new. They were just trying to figure things out, and whether they stuck or not remained to be seen. They couldn’t fault Avril for using the wrong ones when they hadn’t made any sort of public announcement about which they preferred.

It was the suggestion that the ladies in the room could be their grandmothers that turned their blood cold. They couldn’t help but imagine stripping naked and posing for their own grandmother.

“Early?” Rhys asked from the other side of the room.

There was enough of a hint of desperation in Rhys’s tone and expression to nudge Early out of their terrified stupor. They made a sound that didn’t quite form itself into words and started clumsily around the perimeter of the room to the closet.

They could do this. Hawthorne House was their safe place. The entire Hawthorne family and almost all of the students they interacted with on a daily basis were their safe people. If they were going to do anything like this for anyone and be completely protected while doing it, it was right then, right now.

And Rhys needed them.

That thought sealed the deal.

As they reached for the handle on the closet door, Rhys said, “Right. Welcome to Live Model Drawing and Painting. I’m so happy you could all join this class and that we’ve been able to offer it in the first place. As you know, my name is Rhys Hawthorne, and yes, I’m one of those Hawthornes.”

The class laughed as Early opened the door and slipped into the closet. They just hoped the class wouldn’t laugh again when they came out of it.

The closet was lit by a single bulb that came on when Early pulled the dangling string. As Rhys went on with, “The objective of this class is to learn the basics of rendering the human body from a live model, which presents a variety of challenges that drawing and painting from a photograph doesn’t present.”

Early shut the closet door, drowning out Rhys’s words, though they could still hear the sound of his voice. Whether that was a comfort or not remained to be seen.

Early sucked in a breath and blew it out in what was supposed to be a steadying way. “Okay,” they said, lifting their shoulders then dropping them. “You can do this. You get naked every day. There’s nothing any different from undressing now and undressing for a shower.”

They were nice words, but when they started unbuttoning their shirt, their hands shook.

“For Rhys,” they reminded themselves as they undid the buttons, then shrugged out of their shirt. “You’re doing this for Rhys. You’re showing him that you’re not just some untouchable kid. You’re a grown adult, for Christ’s sake. A grown adult he might want to ask out one night.”

Those last words felt like the part of them that actually was an adult, the tiny, sliver of a part, chastising the utterly confused, tumultuous part of them that didn’t have the first clue what they were doing.

The only thing for it was to strip down without thinking about it. They focused on movement, on just getting it done, with the hum of Rhys’s instructor voice coming from the other side of the door. Off with the shirt, then off with the shoes. One leg of the trousers, then the other.

“Oh, fuck,” Early blurted once they were down to their underwear.

Their sea-green, silky, lacy underwear.

For a moment, they just stood there in the harsh light of the single bulb, staring down and regretting their thing for slutty panties.

“No one will ever know, you said,” they scolded themself in a sing-song voice. “It’ll be our little secret, you said.”

They huffed a laugh a moment later, then hooked their fingers around the waistband of the panties and slid them down.

“I guess nobody will know,” they said. “Since you’ll be flapping around like an elephant’s trunk out there.”

Well, “elephant’s trunk” was being incredibly generous. They didn’t really have much to be proud of, though it had never bothered them before. There had never been anyone else that it might bother either.

Except now the guy they had an enormous crush on would see everything.

Fuck. What if Rhys didn’t like incredibly modest genitals?

A knock on the door nearly caused Early to jump out of their skin.

“You ready in there?” Rhys asked.

Early winced, no idea how they’d gotten themself into this mess.

No, that was wrong. The very thing that everyone was about to see was what had gotten them into this mess.

Oh, God! What if they got hard while everyone was looking at them?

“Yeah?” they answered, their voice squeaking. “Just about.”

“You know you don’t have to do this if it’s too much,” Rhys’s voice came through the door, so quiet that Early doubted anyone else could hear him. “I won’t hold it against you if it’s not your thing.”

Early swallowed hard. It very much was their thing, and they wanted Rhys to hold it against them and then some.

“No, I’m coming,” they said, then winced at the alternate meaning of those words.

“Take your time,” Rhys said. “The class is setting up their supplies right now.”

Early nodded, even though they knew Rhys couldn’t see them. They stepped out of their panties, then quickly tucked them deep between the folds of the rest of their clothes on the shelf. From there, they grabbed the oversized robe from the hook on the wall, then threw it on and tied the sash with shaking hands.

“I can do this,” they told themself. “Rhys needs me. I can do this for Rhys. And then maybe he’ll see?—”

Maybe he’d see too much.

Early swallowed hard, then turned the handle and pushed the closet door open. They stepped into the room, pausing on the other side of the door and glancing around. They expected everyone to be gawping at them…but actually, it was just as Rhys had said it would be. The students were milling about, fetching their supplies and setting up large pages of newsprint on the boards attached to their easels.

“You okay?” Rhys asked again as Early stepped hesitantly forward.

Early nodded tightly as Rhys escorted them to the big, black block in the center of the room, then pushed out, “Yeah. I’ve got this.”

Rhys smiled. That made everything so much better. It was a genuine smile of gratitude, one that connected the two of them. “Great,” he said. “Posing for a class like this is really simple. First, I’ll ask you to pose and switch up poses every three minutes. It’s part of the initial exercise I do to give the class a taste of sketching different body shapes. Try to move and extend as much as possible so they can work on all sorts of poses. Does that make sense?”

Early nodded tightly again. “Yeah.”

What made sense was that they couldn’t get away with balling themself up in a way that would hide everything important from the old ladies and—oh God—the younger people, too. Including Hazel Brightly, who had been in their class in school.

“You’ve got this,” Rhys said, clapping Early on the back.

That quick touch convinced Early that they actually did have this.

“Great,” Rhys said. “You can keep your robe on your shoulders or let it hang from your elbows if it makes you more comfortable. You don’t have to take it off entirely.”

“Okay,” Early said, letting Rhys direct them to sit on the block.

They didn’t want to let Rhys down by taking the easy way out, though. They picked at the tie of their robe, far too conscious of everyone settling in at their easels and watching him expectantly.

Was this how people felt when doing things like Only Fans? Hell, if they could get naked for a class full of amateur artists, maybe they could make enough money online to move out of their parents’ house if?—

Nope. They nipped that thought in the bud immediately as the sash came loose and their robe sagged open.

“This first exercise is sort of like the lightning round,” Rhys explained to the class, drawing everyone’s eyes away from Early as they tried to work up the courage to bare it all. “Our model will assume a series of poses and hold them for just a few minutes each. Your job is to sketch the movement and lines of their body with your charcoal pencils. Don’t think about it too much and don’t spend too much time on detail.”

Early took a deep breath and let it all go, shrugging the sides of their robe aside. The whoosh of cold air hitting their skin had gooseflesh breaking out all over. They had no idea how to hold their body at first. Every single instinct within them screamed at them to hide it all, to hide everything that had caused so much confusion in them for the last few years.

“First sketch starts now…go,” Rhys said, looking at his mobile phone as he started some sort of timer.

Then he raised his eyes and looked at Early. At all of them. There was no mistaking the way Rhys’s gaze swept from Early’s head to their toes, then shifted back to linger in the middle.

Please don’t get hard, please don’t get hard, please don’t get hard .

Weirdly enough, the incessant scratching of charcoal pencils on newsprint calmed Early’s impending freak-out. It was such an art class kind of sound. They closed their eyes for a moment and imagined themselves sitting at the easel instead of being where they were. If the roles were reversed, they wouldn’t have been judgy about the person posing. In fact, they would have been impressed by their bravery.

“Switch poses, please,” Rhys said, causing Early to open their eyes.

They did as Rhys asked, switching from an admittedly shy sitting pose to leaning back a little and twisting to one side. The robe slipped all the way off one of their shoulders, exposing their entire side.

Had they worked out enough? Did the people looking at them expect to see some buff, masculine body? Was that what they wanted to look like? They didn’t hate working out and sometimes went jogging, but mostly for health. It wasn’t like they hated their male body. A lot of soul-searching in the past few years had brought them to the conclusion that they weren’t trans. They just weren’t…male.

“Good. Another position?” Rhys’s voice cut into their thoughts again.

Early sat up a bit, sweeping one leg back and gripping the front of the block, as if they were peeking over the edge of a cliff or something. The robe slid dangerously close to falling off their other shoulder.

Their body was male, and they were okay with that. They were working on the mental gymnastics behind knowing that just because someone was assigned a male body at birth, that didn’t mean they were a man. They had a lot of moments where they were convinced their soul was something far more feminine than their appearance. But not female.

It was confusing.

“Switch positions?” Rhys said.

Early sucked in a breath and twisted again, leaning back and bracing themselves on both hands, like they were sunning themselves on a rock. The robe fell off their shoulders entirely, and before they could think about what they were doing, they opened their legs a little bit.

Oh God oh God oh God! Everyone can see my junk!

“Don’t forget to breathe,” Rhys’s voice sounded from somewhere behind them, making them realize they’d shut their eyes again.

What were they thinking? They were confused about their own body, what they liked about it and what they didn’t. They were too skinny, not soft enough, too small in some places and too big in others. Fuck, their feet were enormous!

They forced themselves to breathe, just like Rhys had said. Maybe the whole public exposure thing would force them to think about their body image and come to terms with things, like people who were afraid of flying going up in an airplane to help them get over it. Maybe the fact that no one had fled the room screaming so far or burst into uproarious laughter was a sign that they weren’t as hideous or confusing as they sometimes thought they were.

“Switch poses,” Rhys said. “Maybe standing up this time? How about an action pose.”

Early nodded tightly and stood. The robe slid off their arms completely, and they shook it aside as they stood.

For half a second, they didn’t have any idea how to move or position themselves. Then the bloody Rodin statue The Thinker popped into their mind. They put one leg up on the block and curled their arm into the thinking pose, resting their chin on their hand.

Of course, that left pretty much everything hanging out to one side of the classroom and his arse on full display to the other.

This was such a terrible idea.

“Another pose,” Rhys said a few minutes later, his voice rough.

Fuck. A rough voice? What did that mean? Was Rhys disgusted?

Was he turned on?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck !

“One more pose,” Rhys said, what felt like just a few seconds later.

Well, it was too late now. The mystery was gone. The world could see they had a round butt and a smaller-than-average dick. There was no point in holding back now.

They shifted the foot they had up on the block and pivoted their body to move into something that was sort of like a warrior yoga pose. They moved one arm back as if they were about to throw a javelin. Hopefully, that javelin would sail back in time and hit them in the head before they opened their big mouth and said they’d pose for Rhys.

For Rhys’s class.

“Good. You can relax for a second,” Rhys said.

Early let out a breath and practically crumpled to sit on the block.

“How did that exercise go for you?” Rhys asked his class.

“It was good,” one of the old ladies responded. “It’s easier to get that sense of movement than I expected.”

The next few minutes were all about sharing observations, none of which was that Early was ugly and had no business posing for a class. Not once did any of the students snigger at them or make a lewd comment. It was almost as if they were there for art and not to gape at their balls.

Thinking that put Early more at ease. They laughed at themself and relaxed a little, listening to Rhys as he explained the next exercise.

Of course, the next exercise was all about them holding a pose for the remainder of the class so the students could go into more detail with their drawings. And that time, they didn’t get to choose how they wanted to sit to quite the same degree.

“Could you twist a bit more?” Rhys asked gently once Early had settled into a sitting pose they’d be able to hold.

They twisted a bit, which stretched more of their muscles. The pose also opened a few things up and made certain parts more obvious.

“Good,” Rhys said, still gentle and coaxing. “Is that comfortable enough to hold for a while?”

“Mmm hmm,” Early hummed and nodded, then went perfectly still. That was the other thing. If they held perfectly still, then maybe it didn’t really count and they weren’t really naked.

It was a silly line of logic, but it got them through the rest of the class. And really, after the first few minutes, they got used to hanging out in front of everyone. The complete lack of teasing and the concentration of the students made the whole thing impersonal in a way that Early really needed.

Until they caught Rhys staring at them instead of overseeing one of his students’ drawings like he was probably supposed to be doing.

Early caught their breath when their and Rhys’s eyes met. Rhys immediately went bright red, then shook himself as he leaned in to make a comment on the drawing he was supposed to be paying attention to. Early fought the rushing feeling in their groin and willed themself to stay soft by thinking about their grandmother.

By the time class ended, they were incredibly proud of themselves for sticking with the whole thing, but incredibly glad it was over.

“Thank you to our model for posing for us today,” Rhys said as Early gathered up their robe.

The class applauded them. It was kind of nice.

Until Rhys went on with, “Next class, our model will be posed for the real sketch you’ll use for the first big project.”

Early had just stood, but at Rhys’s mention of next time, they froze like a deer in the headlights.

Rhys caught that look. “The gig is for three classes,” he said. “Are you alright with that?”

Early swallowed. “Yeah. Three classes. That’s what I assumed,” they lied.

Oh God, they’d have to do it all again. Two more times.

Rhys needed them. Rhys had also liked what he saw. Maybe if he saw a little more of it, he would see them as someone who he could hang out with, maybe take to dinner.

Maybe take to bed.

Everyone had to have a first time, and Early had their heart set on their first time being with Rhys.

“I’d better get dressed and back to work,” Early said, their voice hoarse and weak from that thought.

Rhys grinned. “Yeah, you’d better or Rebecca will have my hide.”

Early laughed, even though their head was spinning way too much to know if it was funny or not.

They ran to the closet, and as soon as the door was closed, they leaned their back against it and sagged, closing their eyes.

What the actual fuck had just happened? Posing nude for the guy they had a crush on and his entire drawing and painting class had not been on their bingo card that morning. They had a pile of work to do for the beginning of the new session, and that was only work. Once they got home, they had to deal with the wrath of their mum and dad. Their dad had fired off yet another angry text just after they’d left the house that morning, saying he wanted answers. Answers to what, Early had no idea.

There was no way to know what would happen once they got dressed and left the closet, let alone once they got home that night. The only thing they could do was put their frilly panties and their trousers on again, one leg at a time, and get on with it, despite the whirlwind of confusion that was their life.