Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

It was a little bit like déjà vu. Early buzzed around Rhys’s kitchen, seasoning a pair of chicken breasts and nervously checking the couscous side dish that they’d found a recipe for online, all while trying to keep themself calm by singing along to the upbeat pop music on the radio. The only difference between the meal they were preparing for Rhys this time and the one they’d made him on that bittersweet night the week before was that this time, they weren’t wearing silk pajamas and a kimono.

They were, however, wearing their lucky lace thong. But that was something that would only come into play later, if things went the way they hoped they would go.

They tried to squash the feeling of “this has to be perfect” that was stuck on repeat in their brain. It was hard not to feel like everything with their and Rhys’s potential relationship came down to how well they kept their wits about them in the next few hours. Things had been warming up nicely between the two of them for the past few days, but the visit from Nancy Flint had knocked Rhys back several notches, and Early wasn’t sure what Rhys’s state of mind was at the moment.

“Something smells amazing in here.”

Early turned to smile over their shoulder as Rhys entered the flat, tossed his jacket and keys aside, and continued on into the kitchen, a smile on his face. He walked right up to the counter, where Early was tossing a few herbs in with the haricots verts they’d just sautéed in butter, pressed himself against Early’s back, and grasped their hips possessively.

“It looks amazing, too,” he said, peeking over Early’s shoulder, then turning his head to the side so he could breathe in Early’s scent, then dip down to kiss their cheek.

Early couldn’t breathe at all. A feeling of happiness and excitement swirled through them, making every cell in their body quiver. This was what they’d dreamed of their whole life but never thought they’d even have a chance at. It was so domestic that it was almost laughable. Rhys was treating them like a partner, like he came home to see what they were cooking every day.

“How was your day,” they asked when Rhys stepped away to fetch himself a glass of water, unable to wipe the smile from their face. “Were you out somewhere?” They glanced back to where Rhys had tossed his jacket over the back of the sofa.

“I had to run an errand for Dad,” Rhys explained as he held a glass under the tap. “He wanted these specific stands for some of the artwork being auctioned on Friday night, and I was the only one available to pick them up.”

“I’m glad you were able to help.”

Early’s heart was so incredibly light as they watched Rhys drink his water, their eyes focused in on the bob of Rhys’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed. It was definitely the sort of conversation that two long-term partners would have as they settled in for a quiet, cozy evening together.

Better still, it might have been the first time Rhys talked about something having to do with the fundraiser as if it were banal and not the end of the world.

“How are you feeling about our surprise visitor this afternoon?” they asked, confident that they were close enough to Rhys now to bring up such a touchy subject.

They doubted whether they should have said anything for a few seconds as Rhys finished his water, set his glass aside, and frowned at the counter as he gathered his thoughts. Half a dozen expressions played across his face before he drew in a breath and looked at Early.

“I’m okay,” he said, sounding confused about his own emotions. “That whole thing this morning came out of nowhere. I definitely wasn’t ready for it.”

Early lowered their head slightly, concentrating on not burning the couscous as they took it off the hob and stirred in a collection of spices they’d prepared earlier. “I don’t think any of us were ready for it. Knowing someone objects to something in theory is way different than being hit by the force of their upset.”

Rhys was silent for too long. Early glanced up to see how he was doing.

“You’re right. It was weird being faced with someone who I agree with in principle, but who….” Rhys pressed his mouth shut and shook his head. “Is that what I sounded like when I was struggling with this whole thing in the beginning?”

Early swallowed, then nodded. They felt bad for telling Rhys the truth.

“I’m sorry,” Rhys went on with a sigh. “Seeing the way I felt reflected in someone else was….” He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Grief is weird,” Early said in the same voice they’d used when they were trying to calm Nancy down in the office. “I don’t think there’s anything any of us can do about it.”

Rhys sent him a wry, affectionate smile, then stepped back over to scoop them into his arms. He kissed them softly, then said, “Thank you for being so understanding and forgiving.”

“You’re easy to forgive,” Early squeaked out, even though their throat was tight with joy and arousal.

Rhys laughed and let them go. “I’m really not. You’re just one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met.” He moved to sit at the table as Early plated everything they’d cooked. “Ms. Flint was unkind to you this morning and you still tried to make things better for her.”

“If I was mean or cold every time someone snubbed or insulted me, I’d be mean and cold all the time, and I don’t want that,” they said, bringing the plates to the table.

Rhys’s smile as Early sat across from him was so proud and pleased that Early felt themself blushing hard. “You’re too good for me,” he said.

Early lost their smile and almost dropped their fork just as they picked it up. “Don’t say that,” they said. “I…I want to be with you. I don’t want you to push me aside again because now you think I’m too good for you instead of?—”

They stopped themself when they realized what they were saying and blushed even harder.

“Hey,” Rhys said, catching their attention as they looked down to avoid his eyes. They looked up again as Rhys continued with, “It was never that you weren’t good enough for me. I’ve always known how special you are. That was part of the reason I never said or did anything, why I never let myself believe there could be anything between us. I didn’t want to ruin a really good thing by making mistakes. I didn’t want to hurt you by getting too close.”

“Are you sure those are good reasons?” they asked, somehow managing a light, teasing smile as they started to eat. “I’m not some precious doll up on a high shelf that you might fumble and break.”

Rhys laughed. “You’re certainly beautiful enough to be a doll.”

Early’s smile widened. They suddenly imagined themself playing with Rhys by having him dress them up like a doll and do their hair and make-up…and then undress them and smudge all the hard work he’d just put into making them look sweet.

“I see you like that,” Rhys said, heat filling his eyes the same way it must have just filled theirs.

“I like everything where you’re concerned,” they admitted. They sobered up a bit and chewed a bite of chicken before summoning up the courage to say, “I want to try a lot of things with you. I know you have more experience than me, but I want to learn and find out what I like. I can only do that by trying all sorts of things…with you.”

Rhys paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, watching Early with a smoldering look. A shiver passed through Early at the thought of all the things Rhys might have been imagining about the two of them in bed together.

He set his fork down, sat a little straighter, and cleared his throat. “I want to try all those things with you, too,” he said, reaching a hand across the table.

Early put down their fork so fast they nearly sent it clattering across their plate and took Rhys’s offered hand.

“I don’t want to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, though,” Rhys went on. “I’m not happy about the way I surprised you with everything the other night. I just assumed you knew what was going on, and I shouldn’t have done that.”

Early lowered their head and bit their lip for a moment before forcing themself to meet Rhys’s eyes and face their inexperience head-on.

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” they admitted. “You did shock me, and it was scary. But that’s not the same thing as not liking what happened. I did like it. I liked it so much. But yeah, my head was spinning and my body didn’t know what was going on. It got a little surreal.”

“And I don’t want that to happen again,” Rhys said, squeezing their hand. “I want everything to be present and in the moment when we have sex. I want you there with me instead of just being a body for me to fuck.”

Again, Early couldn’t catch their breath and they even started shaking. Those words were raw and beautiful, and they were well aware that not every potential partner would be as considerate of them.

“I am still so confused about who I am and what I want,” they said quietly, emotion welling in them. “People keep calling me brave and strong, but I feel like I’m winging it every day. The only thing that I know that I want is you.”

They came dangerously close to tears with those words, but they’d never meant anything so deeply in their life.

“I’m honored,” Rhys said, stroking his thumb over the back of Early’s knuckles as he held their hand. “I promise you, I’ll take that trust you’ve placed in me seriously and protect you in every way I can.”

Early sucked in a breath, then unexpectedly let it out on a laugh. “This is wild,” they said, still giddy as they took their hand back so they could continue eating. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel, but I really love the idea of you protecting me and taking care of me. A lot. Does that make me, like, a submissive?” Their face flared hot again and something deep within them shivered at the idea.

“Maybe,” Rhys said with a nod. “You don’t have to put a label on how you feel, though. And like you said, we can play around with things, experiment, try stuff out, and if you decide you like or don’t like something, we’ll work from there.”

Early smiled. On the one hand, talking about the sex they were going to have felt strange and clinical. On the other, it filled them with excitement and made them even hornier than they were.

They could hardly keep their mind on mundane things like eating for the rest of the meal. They hardly said anything as Rhys chatted about boring family things and something that had happened in his afternoon, teen painting class. All they could do was watch Rhys’s mouth and his hands, wondering where they would be on their body later.

They finished the meal then got up to rinse the dishes, put away the leftovers, and tidy up together. Early’s insides buzzed the whole time, and when they finished and Rhys turned to them with a hot, mischievous smile, they thought their knees would buckle.

“So,” Rhys said, almost teasingly. “What do you want to do this evening now that the meal portion of the evening is done?”

“I think you know the answer to that,” they whispered hoarsely, glancing down. A huge wave of shyness had swept down on them, making them feel small and green, but that also felt right somehow.

Rhys must have sensed it as well. He moved closer, scooping an arm around their waist and pulling them flush against him. He slipped a hand under their chin and tilted their face up to his.

“You’re beautiful,” he said, the fire in his eyes turning Early to jelly. “I want to take you to bed, get you naked, and worship every part of your body the way you deserve to be worshiped.”

Early could barely find the breath to whisper, “Yes, please.”

Rhys smiled and brushed his hand over their face, then leaned in to capture their mouth in a kiss worthy of the most romantic movie ever made.

It was like a movie or some sort, or a dream. Rhys kissed them for several long, amazing seconds, then swept them into his arms and carried them out of the kitchen, across the flat, and into the bedroom. He lay Early across the bed, whose sheets they had changed earlier, knowing where they wanted the evening to go, then stepped back and started in on the buttons of his shirt.

Lying there, buzzing and pulsing with desire, watching Rhys undress for them was heady. They knew that they should probably be undressing, too, but they couldn’t drag their eyes away from Rhys as he slowly revealed more and more skin, starting with his chest and arms, then moving to his legs and more as he toed off his shoes and undid his trousers.

Rhys had an amazing body. He was the one who should be posing nude for an artist, although what artists out there could concentrate on something as mundane as painting with a perfect, sculpted male body like Rhys’s on display.

A hitch caught in Early’s chest as Rhys bent to pull off his trousers, then straightened, completely naked. His cock was already very interested in the evening’s activities, and his balls were drawn up and tight. Early wanted to explore them and learn everything about them. They wanted to taste and smell and play with him so that they could learn how to suck and swallow him. The sudden urge to get really good at blow jobs so they could pleasure Rhys whenever he wanted or needed it was all Early could think about for a second.

“Slow down,” Rhys told them, sitting on the side of the bed and resting one hand on either side of their hips. “I can see your thoughts are racing. Take a few deep breaths and relax.”

“I want to learn how to give you really good blow jobs,” they blurted out instead.

Immediately, they winced at how stupid they sounded.

Rhys laughed, but it wasn’t unkind. “Oh, trust me. I want you to get good at blow jobs, too. You don’t want to know the kind of fantasies I’ve been imagining that involve you with your mouth around my cock.”

“I probably do want to know,” they said breathlessly. “Do they involve me being on my knees? Because right now, that sounds like an amazing idea.”

Rhys laughed louder. “As a matter of fact, yes. But one thing at a time, baby.”

A shiver of pleasure shot down Early’s spine at that pet name. Rhys had called them “baby” the first time they’d tried this. It had been one of the things about the experience that they’d liked.

“I need to get out of my clothes,” they blurted, immediately feeling stupid again.

“I can help with that,” Rhys said, no indication that he thought they were stupid.

He helped Early tug their shirt up and over their head. They’d purposely taken off their work clothes and put on a plain, long-sleeve T-shirt and jeans specifically so that it would be easy to undress. They weren’t even wearing shoes or socks, so all Rhys had to do was unzip their fly and tug their jeans down.

“Well, hello,” Rhys said, his eyes flaring with delight when he saw Early’s thong. “This is interesting.”

He tossed Early’s jeans aside then, instead of just taking their thong off, he ran his fingers over the silk and lace, then under the thin straps. His touch left Early tingling and panting for more.

“Is this just for me?” Rhys asked, glancing at Early’s eyes with delight.

Early bit their lip, no idea whether to be embarrassed or proud of the fact that their cock was already so hard one false move would have them popping out of their panties entirely.

“Um, no,” they said breathlessly. “I’ve actually been wearing lingerie for years.”

“I like it,” Rhys said.

He then set about proving that by bending down to close his mouth over Early’s straining cock through the silk. Early panted and writhed as he kissed and sucked and mouthed them until the silk was damp with his spit and Early’s precum.

“Oh my gosh, I’m already so close to coming,” Early gasped, desperate to find a way not to come immediately and ruin the whole experience.

“We can’t have that,” Rhys said, shifting back with a wicked grin.

Once again, Early felt themself spiraling out of control. This time, they were confident that Rhys was in charge and would take care of them. It made the spinning, desperate, flailing feeling hot instead of scary.

Rhys made quick work of peeling off their thong, then pulled back the bedcovers so the two of them could tangle together between them. He pinned them to their back in the cool sheets and kissed them long and hard as everything warmed up.

In the back of their mind, Early was almost certain Rhys was taking them through remedial-level sex. Everything felt basic and simple. He kissed their mouth while stroking their body, then shifted to kiss their neck and shoulder. Even when he moved down to play with their nipples, kissing and licking them, Early felt like he was holding back from doing anything wild.

They wanted the wild. They wanted to be twisted up like a pretzel and used for Rhys’s satisfaction. They’d never really thought much about kinks before, but with Rhys, they wanted to try all of them.

But not yet. All they wanted in that moment was those achingly simply, massively effective kisses and touches that left them a quivering pile of need and desire.

“If you want more—” they started as Rhys kissed his way to their belly button.

“No,” Rhys cut them off before they could say more. He glanced up at them, and the sight of Rhys’s desire-filled eyes looking at him across the length of their body was one of the hottest things Early had ever seen. “I want this,” he said, slipping lower, until he could kiss the underside of their cock as it stretched up along their body. “I want you to feel good and to come.”

“I want you to fuck me,” they blurted, moving their legs apart a little.

“Only if you’re certain,” Rhys said. “It’s still sex, even without penetration. I’m perfectly happy to keep things like this.”

Early shook their head, which felt a little like thrashing with need, what with all the feelings swirling through them. “I need to feel you inside me.”

“Okay,” Rhys nodded, pushing him up a little. “I want what you want. Let me just get you prepped first.”

“I cleaned out before you came back for supper,” they said in a rush, not wanting Rhys to think they were totally ignorant of how to have sex.

Rhys smiled at them as he reached across to the bedside table and opened it to fetch a bottle of lube. “That’s good to know,” he said.

Early was back to feeling silly and ignorant again as Rhys set about the incredibly practical task of lubing up their hole and stretching it with his fingers. It was the most unsexy sex thing Early could think of, but it was better than it’d been the other night. They were on their back and could make eye contact with Rhys, for one. Rhys spent just as much time teasing them with kisses as he did sliding fingers in and out of them to get them to warm and loosen up, too.

As awkward as it was in so many ways, Early didn’t want it to stop. There was something beyond exciting about having Rhys treat them so tenderly. The fact that Rhys wanted them at all still felt like something of a miracle to them.

“Are you ready?” Rhys asked at last.

Early nodded tightly, unable to find words.

Rhys kissed them again, long and lingeringly, as he shifted fully between their legs. He cleverly moved a pillow under their hips while they were distracted, then continued to keep them distracted until their legs were lifted up and spread and the tip of his cock pressed against their hole.

A whisper of fear hit them just before Rhys pushed in. They gasped for breath, their eyes going wide as the discomfort of being fucked radiated through them. Rhys never broke eye contact with them the whole time, though. Whatever they felt in those initial moments, it was drowned in the emotions that rocketed through them when they saw how deeply Rhys liked what he was doing.

Within seconds, the initial discomfort was replaced by the heady feeling of being joined with Rhys. They gave in to the feeling, letting out a long moan as Rhys inched deeper and deeper, adjusting the angle of his thrusts as he did. Maybe it was wrong of them, but they definitely got off on the feeling of being used that way.

A moment later, all bets were off as Rhys rubbed across their prostate, sending a primal pulse of pleasure through them. Rhys seemed to know he’d hit the spot, too. He let out a satisfied sigh, then did it again and again, increasing the pace and intensity of his thrusts. From there, everything started to melt and fade into pleasure, heat, and the feeling that they and Rhys were connected in body and soul.

It was outstanding. They cried out as their body prepared for orgasm, gripping Rhys’s back as he moved in them. At one point, they weren’t even sure how, Rhys moved one of their hands to stroke their own cock along with Rhys’s thrusts. That was the end of Early’s sanity and the beginning of an orgasm that rose up from somewhere deep inside them and swallowed them whole.

They cried out when their orgasm reached its peak, not caring about the mess they made as they came all over themself. Rhys groaned at the sight and increased the intensity of his thrusts. In no time at all, Early was certain he was coming as well. Coming inside him. Early trembled with joy and pleasure at the idea of Rhys leaving a part of himself inside them.

The joy was so heady that they weren’t entirely certain when the two of them finished or how they ended up cuddled together in a panting pile, kissing and caressing each other. Finally, it had been perfect. It had been everything they’d hoped a night with Rhys would be.

“Sleep now, baby,” Rhys murmured to them, his voice so filled with love.

With a smile on their face, Early did exactly what Rhys wanted them to do. They closed their eyes and let out a sigh of contentment, along with every remaining bit of tension they had.

This was it. This was what they wanted for the rest of their life.