10. Oz

10

Oz

I can’t sleep.

I need to go for a run, or do a shot, or anything that will make this feeling go away. I feel restless. Hot and restless. Like I want to crawl out of my skin.

I’m in my own room, which isn’t normal since lately we all slumber party it up in the nest, but I need space tonight before I grope McQuinn in his sleep or moan out loud about Ellis during a wet dream. I’m so keyed up and tense.

Rolling over, I pull open my bottom bedside table drawer. We have a treasure chest of sex toys in the nest, but this is my own personal stash. Rifling through the bottles of lube and Meggie’s fur-lined handcuffs, I pull out a black dildo.

I’ve used it on Meggie before, but tonight I’m alone.

Double checking my door is locked, I settle in on my bed. Just holding it in my hand sends a jolt to my dick. It’s not really long or super thick, but it’s intimidating all the same. It’s tapered and smooth, not veiny like those flesh-colored realistic-looking ones.

My thoughts have been racing for months, ever since I jacked off next to Harrison at that cabin in France. I’ve pretended and imagined, but I know tonight I can’t just jerk off to calm myself down.

I need more. I want more.

Grabbing a bottle of lube with a shaky hand, I drizzle some on the dildo. Snapping the lid closed, my eyes are locked on the fake cock. The drops sliding down the side. I fist it. Stroking. Up and down and up and down. I’ve committed my pack mates’s equipment to memory. Their veins and shape and swollen heads, the sounds of their groans when they come. I draw on those memories now.

Biting my lip, my dick jumps.

I kick my gym shorts and boxers off, then rub the dildo against my erection. It feels good. Harder than a real one, but it’s not unpleasant by any means.

I close my eyes. Imagining. Pretending. I slide the dildo down my balls before dragging it back up. Spreading my legs wider, I let my thoughts run to that land of erotic fantasy.

My dick is throbbing. My mouth is watering. But I’m nervous. This is a point of no return. I’ve watched gay porn before, and watched my pack mates annihilate each other, but this is a line I’m stepping over. New territory.

With the tip of the toy right where I want it, I gasp at the touch of pain. Pressing harder, it slides in, and I’m fucking moaning.

I haven’t done a lot of ass stuff before. Meggie might slide a finger in when she’s going down on me sometimes, which feels like pure heaven, but this toy is a lot bigger than her slender fingers.

I keep my eyes closed. I don’t want to see my own fist wrapped around a toy between my legs. I want the fantasy. Using my free hand, I pinch my nipple, pretending it’s Dante’s teeth.

Good boy , he’d say, with Ellis between my legs. Taking him so well. Taking that dick so deep.

I glide the toy in and out, going a little deeper when I slide it back in again, matching my thoughts. Picturing McQuinn’s breath hot on my neck, licking my tattoos. His hand around my shaft, stroking me tight. Nils watching from the side, pumping his own dick, waiting his turn. Meggie staring as she rides Harrison. Thinking of the sound of her so wet fucking him. The heat in Ellis’s eyes as he fucks me. Me .

The groan rips from my throat into the dark room. A little more. A little deeper. Pre-cum coats my stomach. Imagining. Pretending. All their muscles on display. The sweat and sounds and smells. The groans and grunts and Meggie’s flushed cheeks .

Deeper. Faster. Harder. I hit my prostate and nearly shout. Fuck. So that’s what that’s about. I shift my hips and change the angle, and fuck fuck fuck. I’m going out of my mind.

I want to be fucked. A man’s hands on my thighs. A powerful man pushing me down, taking me from behind. Would I like being spanked? I’d try it. I’d try anything.

Meggie is so soft and warm and wet, and I want to try the harder side of sex. I want it to hurt so good.

Do you feel good? Dante’s voice is in my mind as I grip my cock and pump, fucking myself. Are you gonna come for us?

“Yes.” The word slips out on a moan. I’m cross-eyed from the pleasure, and I know it doesn’t even compare to how this would be in real life.

Come for us, Oz.

And I do. Like an icicle snapped off a gutter, I plummet into euphoria. I’m not quiet. I hope the pack is too far away to hear, but I can’t stop the groans. It feels too good.

It takes a few minutes, but at some point my heart returns to my body, and I’m breathing again. I’m goo. My legs are shaking and my chest is covered in cum.

Just a fantasy.

Just a Christmas wish.