16. Under Hope’s Knife

16

Under Hope's Knife

FLOR

B rand wrapped his arms around me, and I let him shield me from the hurt in Glen's gaze and the judgment in Finnick's.

"Finn, blanket for her," Brand snapped. "Glen, clothes for me." Still facing away from us, Glen went to do as he'd asked—or ordered—though Finnick just sneered before stalking away.

Even with Brand's warmth surrounding me, I felt the chill of being naked in the open air. When I shivered, he wrapped himself even more tightly around me, blocking the cold almost entirely. How was he as big as a blanket? His chest was almost as furry as one, too. If I hadn't been perishing from embarrassment, I would have laughed.

He leaned close, rumbling in my ear, "We'll need to clean up. Would you prefer to go inside the Lodge, or to the lake?"

"The lake." The thought of facing the shifters inside the Lodge horrified me. They all knew what we'd been doing. Margarette… Shit. Margarette might throw me out, for all I knew. I wasn't going to be her son's mate now.

I couldn't be.

The thought of facing Sergeant or the other Enforcers was almost as bad. Heck, I couldn't even look directly at Brand. The things I'd let him do to me, that I'd wanted him to do.

My face went hot. "You think anyone would notice if I jumped in and kept swimming? I can't go back to the Lodge."

"Flor, it was necessary," he said gently. "You're alive. That's all that matters." His hands moved down my arms, and I ducked my head, hoping he couldn't tell how turned on I still was. "You know, if you don't want me to help you clean up, it's your choice, always."

"There wasn't much of a choice a little while ago. It was you or no one." I meant that in more ways than the obvious one. My own body had betrayed me, driving me to kiss him, touch him… But who was I kidding? I'd wanted that all along, since the moment I'd first touched him.

Even if there had been a thousand other choices, I still would have picked Brand for my first time.

My wolf, who was practically yipping with happiness at the bond between us, had wanted him, too. She didn't feel any embarrassment or shame. She only felt ready to do it again.

Simmer down, hussy. We'll get a reputation, I warned her.

She did not simmer down. How could she, when he was rubbing our bare skin with those strong, massive hands?

Brand's voice cracked when he murmured, "I don't blame you if you're disappointed. I know I'm not much."

I lifted my head so fast, my neck cracked. "What?" Oh, Mother Moon. I had never seen eyes so full of pain. "Aw, Brand, that's not what I meant. You're the best shifter I've ever met. It ain't… It's not that I didn't want you—I did, too much! I couldn't stop myself from wanting you, from saying yes." My cheeks burned. "Even if I wouldn't have... acted on it normally. You're pretty much irresistible."

"Ah." Now it was his turn to blush and duck his head. "That's not so bad then." He ran a huge hand over my hair, smoothing my short strands. "Maybe I'll grow on you?"

I almost cracked a joke about what parts would grow, but decided it wasn't appropriate. Huh. Maybe being mated was making me more mature.

Probably not, though.

"Guess we'll find out. We'll be joined at the hip from now on, right? We kind of have to be."

His face went still. "The mate bond is complete, so we can handle distance from each other. It's not ideal. But if you didn't want me around, we could just… meet up every few weeks."

"Like fuck buddies?" He blanched, and I grinned. "That's so not me. And definitely not you." I whispered into his ear, "You're a poet, Brand. You're a romantic. That'd never be enough for you."

His eyes shone like dark pools of melted chocolate, as he stared wistfully down at me. His hands never stopped moving, as if this might be the last time he got to touch me. As if I was precious. "I'll take what you offer, Flor. But I will never take more than you give me."

My heart felt like it was carbonated, the fizzy, dizzying bubbles of hope lifting it up inside me, as if it were trying to fly to him.

Hope . I shivered, knowing what happened every time I let myself feel that seductive emotion. I couldn't fall under hope's knife again.

"Blanket." Finnick's voice interrupted my spiraling thoughts. He dropped a plaid wool blanket directly on our heads.

I thanked him with a few choice curse words.

Brand, on the other hand, let out a joyful laugh. "Thanks, brother. Run interference. We'll be at the lake and don't want company."

Finnick's reply was surprisingly warm. "Fine. I'll drop clothes and towels at the dock. I'm pretty sure Glen's already getting drunk." He called over his shoulder as he left, "Have fun, children."

Brand wrapped me in the blanket and carried me in front of him to the lake, while my mind spun."Children," I finally gasped as we waded into the freezing water, the blanket tossed onto the rocks. "I didn't even think—what if I'm pregnant?"

Brand hummed, but he didn't sound even slightly concerned.I muttered a few more curses as he sluiced water over me, wiping at the drying blood and other things that crusted my skin.

"Hold still, little flower," he said, using his giant hands to cup water to rinse my hair. "My beautiful wildflower."

I grabbed his hands. "Brand, seriously. We didn't use any protection."

"You mean, like a condom?" His eyes twinkled. "Are you in heat?"

"Heat? I-I don't know." I'd heard older females talking about it back at Southern, but no one had explained any of it. "I'm not on my period, if that's what you mean."

"You never had shifter sex ed?" He sounded appalled.

I shook my head. "My guess is that was covered in high school. Dropout, remember?"

He lifted me back out of the water and cradled me against his chest. I felt tiny, like a doll. "I could go back and slaughter them all, for not giving you all you deserved."

"I'd just as soon learn about it from you. If you know about... heats."

He set his face into serious lines, though his eyes were still shining. "I never thought I'd have to explain this until I had a son or daughter. But I can give you the facts."

"Please."

He waded to the shore and wrapped the blanket around us both, facing me toward the lake in front of him. His warm chest was pressed up against my back, and I could feel the thick length between his legs hardening slightly. I almost giggled, until he shifted his pelvis back, tweaking my earlobe. "Be still and listen."

He explained that shifter females held to normal human patterns of menstruation until their first shift, then cycled through heats instead. Since I'd shifted once at Southern, I'd experienced my last period over a month ago. I almost did a happy dance at the thought of no more periods ever. But there had to be a catch.

"What are heats like?"

"You won't bleed much, if at all. But every few months—sometimes more or less, depending—you'll feel heightened sexual desire."

"Maybe I was already in heat," I grumbled, and he laughed.

"Well, to be fair, most females say it's not that much different than usual." He paused. "The Mountain elders say it was different back when we lived closer to the land. When our packs were more… functional. If an Alpha's mate went into heat, her heat could affect the whole pack, and six months later, pups would be popping out everywhere."

"Pups?" I twisted to glare at him. "Don't even try to tell me we give birth to pups. I've seen newborns."

"No," he replied, kissing me quickly before turning me back around. "My pack just calls our children that. Not that we've had as many pups born as we once did. Though we have far more than they have here, or at Eastern."

I knew what he was talking about. "We've only had three births at Southern in the past four years. Does your pack know why our birth rates have dropped?"

"No. Some think it's pollution, others say witchcraft. But my father suspects it's something else."

"What?"

He looked up at the sky, where clouds moved across the deep blue dome. "How much of the shifter histories have you read?"

"Some," I said. "Margarette gave me a stack of books." I didn't mention that I'd mostly been reading Glen's romances over the past few days.

"Keep reading. I'm not sure there'll be much in the books here. In my pack, we have more, the whole reason for the eradication…" He rubbed at his head, as if it suddenly hurt.

Oddly, I felt an echo of pain in my own skull. What the fuck?

"What eradication?"

His mouth worked for a few seconds, like he was trying to speak, and the pain increased in my skull, like ants were gnawing at my brain.

He noticed me wincing. "Shit! Sorry, Flor. Strongest damned Alpha command ever given," he muttered, massaging my temples lightly.

"What Alpha command, Brand?"

He didn't answer, and I let it go, not wanting to attract the invisible ants again. We sat in silence for a while, listening to the waves lap against the shore, the stones rolling and clicking as the water moved.

"When we go to my pack, I'm going to give you a mating gift, if that's okay," he murmured. "Traditionally, males give courtship gifts before the mating. I'd like to take a few steps back and give you some of that."

"The romance?" I teased, and he nodded. "You don't need to do that."

He nuzzled into my hair, and I could feel his lips curling. "I think you'd be surprised at what I'd do for your happiness, my wildflower. I think the whole world would be shocked to know how far I'll go for you."

It was so sweet, I turned around and stood so my face was a few inches above his. I tried not to blush, as I was still naked. His eyes traced the mating bite on my neck and the older scar over my heart, shaped like a star with five jagged arms.

I shivered under the heat of his gaze. "Bearman," I said quietly. "You're very dangerous."

"I know." He pressed a kiss to the newest scar. "But not to you. I swear, I'll never raise a weapon to you again."

"I believe that," I told him, although that wasn't what I'd meant at all. His sword might have pierced my shoulder, but his gentle, patient nature was putting my heart in much deeper danger.