1. Apryle

Chapter 1

Apryle

I always wake up swallowing the scream before it can escape my throat. My heart thunders beneath my ribs as I swipe a hand over the back of my clammy neck.

Blinking in the dark of my room, I take a slow breath, trying to calm my adrenaline-fueled body.

I'm fine. I'm safe.

It's a lie. There is no such thing as "safe" as a hybrid. My kind are hunted, and in the past were killed, just because of what we are. The Order of the Crescent Moon wanted to eradicate every single tau wolf in existence, at least until recently.

Now, the white-haired bastard who leads that bunch of psychopaths is building an army using tau and vargr wolves—though not before his kind tried to murder me.

I don't need an expert to tell me that my past screwed me up or that the nightmares that follow me every time I close my eyes are a reminder that I barely survived the attack intended to end my life. I'm more than aware.

My throat burns as I swallow down my apprehension. Fuck. I can't keep doing this night after night. The gritty feeling in my eyes is becoming all too familiar. I can't remember the last time I slept properly—definitely not since we left the Sanctuary with Callum and Ayden.

Slowly, I swing my legs out of the bed, my head fuzzy and light as I sit on the mattress, gripping the edge with whitened knuckles.

I'll never be safe—none of us will—until the Order is destroyed, but for now I can breathe easy. Callum and his coven plus the other wolves here offer far more security than we ever had at the Sanctuary, and for the first time I feel like we can fight back against the hunters trying to capture or kill us.

Pushing up from the bed, I run my fingers through my hair as I wander over to the window. As I draw back the curtain and peer out over the compound, I understand the difference between here and Hester's place. The compound feels like a military operation. Everywhere I look is surrounded by stout buildings that house the many survivors here. I do miss the wood cabins I'd become accustomed to and the looming mountains on the horizon reflecting in the still water of the lake, but not enough to go back. The Apryle I was then was weak, willing to hide and cower back from the fight. That's not who I am anymore.

The only way to survive this is to stand up for ourselves. We have to push back against the Order.

I flex my fingers, and that familiar sensation of restlessness washes through me, making my shoulders tight. We've been here almost a week and have yet to see any action. My teeth grind together, my jaw feeling solid as I grip the edge of the windowsill.

My wolf is quiet, which isn't unusual, but it unsettles me. I've always had problems reaching the animal I share consciousness with. That side of me has never been as strong as my witch, but it never bothered me until now. Here, it makes me feel vulnerable.

Get a grip, Apryle.

Shaking myself, I step away from the window, grabbing my things and slipping out of my room. I share a bathroom with Sawyer and Roux, but they won't be up for at least another hour. The last thing I want to deal with is seeing happy couples right now. Jackson and Dove are the latest to fall victim to the mating curse.

I almost make it to the bathroom without incident, but then I hear a high-pitched giggle. I do not want to hear my friends having sex, so I pick up my pace, almost breaking into a run. Before I reach the safety of the room, Cade and Halle come around the corner of the hallway.

The huge vargr wolf is wrapped around her from behind, his nose buried in her neck, which is tilted to the side to give him better access. I don't miss the fact that his hand is shoved down the front of her yoga pants, and she's grinding against him like a horny dog in heat.

I squeeze my eyes shut, turning away, and cling to my things as if they can protect me from the nonstop PDA I'm subjected to daily.

"Sorry!" Halle's voice rings out, sounding anything but apologetic. I don't miss the breathless gasp she gives. "Didn't see you there?—"

Her words are cut off as a door slams and I hear her muffled squeal. I risk opening my eyes again, and thankfully the hallway in front of me is empty, but the laughter from behind the bedroom door turns into high-pitched whimpers and grunts.

That's my cue to get the hell out of here.

I dart into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and sliding the lock into place. As I strip out of my pajamas, I try not to think about the real reason the affection between my friends bothers me. Being surrounded by all these couples has made me realize how alone I really am, and that hits a nerve because I know I'm doomed to stay that way.

Stepping into the shower cubicle, I turn the water on and move back as the pipes rattle before it starts to run. I already know it'll take at least a couple of minutes for it to get hot, so I grab my toiletries, laying them out at the bottom of the shower tray before testing the water temperature. When it's hot enough, I stand under it and let the heat soothe my bones.

I take my time washing, carefully avoiding the bruises littering my thighs and upper arms. There is a deep ache in my left hip from where Beck flipped me onto my side yesterday. That asshole is quick—strong too. He has about a hundred pounds on me, which makes him a difficult adversary when we're sparring. There is a way to beat him, I know there is, I just have to figure it out. I'm sick of seeing his smug face looking down at me every time he throws my ass on the mat.

As soon as I'm clean, I get out of the shower and dry myself. Scraping my wet hair into a messy ponytail, I pull on a pair of tight-fitting pants and a black tank top.

The house is eerily quiet as I leave, shutting the front door behind me before I head over to the main building.

I don't come across anyone until I'm inside. Talia, a young tau female, is already sitting at a table with another guy—I think his name is Devon, but I can't keep track of everyone. The scent of bacon and eggs swells in the air, making my stomach rumble, but I ignore it, instead heading over to the training area.

Beck is already at one of the punching bags, a thin sheen of sweat coating his face as he slams his fist into it over and over, making it rattle on the chain it is attached to.

He doesn't look at me as I approach, and I don't say anything to alert him of my presence as I step up behind him. He knows I'm here.

"You're getting in earlier and earlier," he notes, slamming his fist into the bag in three quick punches.

"Not like there's anything else to do," I gripe. "Your fearless leader isn't exactly sending the new kids on the block out on missions, is he?"

Beck grabs the bag as it swings, steadying it, before he turns to me. "Considering your hand-to-hand fighting skills, do you really think you should be out there? If your magic fails, you won't last thirty seconds."

The fine hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention, and if I could reach my wolf, I'm sure she would growl at his barbed dismissal. "I survived all this time without your help."

He leans down, grabbing his water bottle at the edge of the mat, and opens it before bringing it to his lips. "That's true. So why do you come here every morning and let me kick your ass?"

I don't have an answer for that—at least not one that wouldn't make me sound as if I'm losing my mind. Maybe I have succumbed to whatever madness affects our kind enough to corrupt our magic. "Because I don't enjoy being beat, and I want to get better at fighting."

He stops drinking, recapping the bottle and clutching it between his fingers as he stares at me. "Couldn't one of your own group teach you how to do this?"

Is he crazy?

"Come on, Beck, stop being a jerk. I need to learn this stuff."

"Because you don't want to get captured and stuck in some barbaric breeding game?"

He thinks I'm afraid. Maybe I am. Isn't it smart to fear an enemy more powerful than you?

But that's not why I'm standing in front of him, asking for his help, or at least not the whole reason. I need purpose. If I can fight, I can be of use, and maybe, just maybe, I can change things for the better.

"No one is going to capture me," I mutter, stepping onto the mat and rolling my neck from one shoulder to the other.

"Let's hope not." He sighs. "I'm still not sure why you want my help out of everyone here."

"I'm pretty sure if I asked Cade to throw me around on a training mat, Halle would scratch my eyes out. I'm not sure even Roux would allow me to train with Sawyer." And she and I are the closest of all the women. "You're all I have."

"There are plenty of others here who would train with you," he grumbles, and I don't know why he's so bent out of shape about this. He's a great teacher. In the short time he's been helping me, I've already learned so much.

"But none of them are as good as you." I give him a sweet smile, and this seems to help my cause. He steps back onto the mat, even as he huffs out a breath.

Feeling victorious, I slip my sneakers off and tuck my socks inside them before I place them at the side of the mat.

As usual, my instincts flare when I stand in front of him. Beck is a big guy, even though he is not vargr. His eyes are a brown so dark they almost look black, making it hard to see where the irises start and the pupils end. He's so different from his brother, Archie, who has light brown eyes that sometimes look amber in a certain light.

As I relax into a fighting pose, his gaze roams over my bare arms, seeing the bruises he left there. Before he can tell me we are not doing this, I slam my fist out, aiming for his gut.

Beck reacts instantly, feigning back and dodging slightly to his left. Fuck, he is fast! It feels like I'm moving through molasses whenever I fight him. He has better pace, far more stamina, and his punches are like being hit with cement blocks. I'm not sure why I torture myself with this, only that it feels good to do something.

He lashes out in retaliation, catching me in the side with the edge of his knuckles. Pain erupts through my torso, spreading between my hip and the bottom of my ribs. I can't stop myself from folding in half to ease some of the pressure, but I only allow that for a moment before I'm facing him again. In a real fight situation, I wouldn't be given even a second of respite, so that is how I treat these sessions.

He huffs out a breath, as if irritated by my stubbornness, and I smirk as I lunge again, surprising both of us when I slam my fist into the side of his face. The punch rattles every bone in my hand, forcing a gasp out of my mouth. Just as I'm about to apologize, he steps into my space, and in a split second, I'm on my back, looking up at his face over me.

Son of a bitch.

Beck smiles down at me, but it seems more predatory than anything else. "Never let your guard down. Remorse or sympathy can get you killed, Apryle. These hunters are ruthless, and they will do whatever it takes to subdue you. You have to fight with everything you have."

I curve my lip into a snarl. "I was scared I hurt you, jerk."

He lifts himself off me and straightens, offering me his hand. I don't take it, pushing my palms under me and standing without help.

"Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are? And you won't hurt me, Apryle."

Plenty of people have told me I'm stubborn, sarcastic, and a myriad of other words designed to hurt. I hide behind barbed insults because I know it will keep people away, and that is all that matters to me.

"If I used my magic, you'd learn the true meaning of pain."

The narrowing of his eyes tells me he isn't sure if I'm joking or not. Truthfully, I'm not sure either. The only thing that stays my hand is knowing I need these sessions to continue, and Beck might be reluctant to keep letting me get rid of all this pent-up emotion if I truly hurt him.

"You're not here to test your magic."

I lift my hands in front of my face, balling my fingers into fists. "Stop talking and show me what you can do." I bounce on the balls of my feet, my eyes locked on his.

He doesn't waste a second. Beck comes at me fast and furious. I dodge the first punch, but the second glances off my rib cage, stealing my breath from my lungs. Wheezing, I stumble back out of his path and try to drag in air, but he doesn't give me a second.

In a flash, he's on me again and smashes my shoulder with his meaty fist, propelling me back several steps before I'm able to recover enough to defend myself.

That's all I can do.

He outmatches me in every way, and I don't know how to defeat an enemy that is this much better than me without using my magic.

Once again I find myself on the mat, staring up at his face, my spine aching.

I slam a hand against the ground, frustration drawing a raw growl from my throat. This time when he offers a hand, I take it, but only because I'm so winded I don't think I can stand without his help.

When I come upright, spots stance through my vision before I'm able to blink them clear, and I must sway because he grabs my biceps to steady me.

"That's enough for today," Beck says.

I shake my head. "I'm fine. Let's go again."

"We're done, Apryle."

Anger blazes through me. "That's not your choice to make."

"You know he's just gonna keep kicking your ass." Archie's voice holds a hint of humor as he steps up to the mat. "I don't know why you keep fighting him and expecting a different outcome."

I glare at Beck's brother, dragging my forearm over my forehead to wipe away the sweat. I know I'm breathing heavily while he looks as if he's just strolled around the room before sitting with his feet up. "Maybe I'll fight you next," I threaten, my lips quirking at the corners. "Show you just how strong I am."

Archie chuckles as Beck leans down to grab his water bottle again, a signal he thinks this is over. I rush at him from behind, wrapping my arms around his neck, and try to drag him back.

I almost succeed. I'm not sure if it's the element of surprise, the angle of attack, or just pure luck, but we both fall back. The air is forced out of my lungs as his weight hits me, crushing me beneath his huge frame.

I suck in a breath as he moves so he's straddling my hips with my wrists pinned over my head. Thrashing against him, I try to unseat him, but he doesn't move even an inch. Tired, I slam my head against the mat and glare. This position leaves me vulnerable and completely exposed to any attack he might make.

He smirks down at me, but I notice he's careful not to give me too much of his weight. "Are we done now?"

I roll my eyes at him. "I'm never going to get better if I don't train."

His brows knit together. "Why do you need to be better, Apryle? You have magic."

I had magic when I ran from my pack, terrified they were going to tear my insides out if they caught me and I had magic when the Order found me and almost succeeded in capturing me. It was Hester that saved me then, because the truth is, I've always been weak and defenseless.

And I hate it.

"You don't understand?—"

One moment, Beck is on top of me, and then his weight is gone, along with him. I barely have a second to compute what has happened before a large figure takes his place above me. I don't recognize him, but his scent is vargr wolf, and dominance rolls off him in such heavy waves that it brings my wolf out.

She surges to the surface, snapping her teeth before she whimpers, but not in fear. It's as if she's urging me to submit to this male.

Not. A. Fucking. Chance .

Everything inside me balks at the idea. I will never allow anyone to get that close to me again.

His piercing ice-blue eyes bore into me as he keeps me pinned beneath him, and the anger that was flowing inside me is replaced by another feeling, one I can't name.

My heart thuds from something that is not fear, and my wolf is intrigued. I try to understand what is happening as I come up on my elbows, intending to scrabble back from him, but I can't move.

Mate.

The word drifts through my mind, filling my belly with complete and utter dread.

No, no, no !

This cannot be happening. I am not bonding with anyone, let alone this snarling asshole. And he is snarling, but he's not in control of this situation any more than I am.

I can sense the power building around us, drawing from the very foundations beneath us, and I know what's coming.

This can't be happening.

Make it stop…

I can hear Archie and Beck yelling, but I don't pay them any attention. All I can focus on is the speeding of my pulse as it hammers within my chest walls.

The wolf holding me down smirks as he roams his gaze over me, and then he says the one word I never wanted to hear from a male.

"Mine."

That is the catalyst needed to start the bonding process.

Pain explodes through my body the moment he growls that word. My back arches off the mat as my insides feel as if they are being torn apart. My wolf is baying and howling as my head spins, and my vision winks in and out.

Through the haze descending over me, I see he let me go and is now on his knees, his body twisting and flexing as his shift takes hold.

This isn't happening.

This is a nightmare.

Pins and needles attack my extremities, fizzing through my hands so painfully I hold them against my chest as if it can ease it somehow. I know what is coming next, and I know there is no way my wolf can come out.

I'm latent. At my first moon ceremony, I nearly died trying to shift for the first time, and in this moment I feel like I might be about to use up another of my nine lives.

My spine snaps as my bones try to change, attempting to push into the shift. I'm jolted forward, my fingers digging into the soft mat beneath me as I try to ground myself through the shattering agony cutting through me.

The scream that tears out of my throat as my skin pebbles, sweat beading on the back of my neck and between my breasts, is guttural. I'm going to die. No one could survive this much pain and live. Every inch of my body feels as if flames are licking it.

Collapsing face-first onto the mat, my limbs are boneless and my head pounds as the shift thankfully begins to ebb. Every breath I take is ragged, and my throat is raw, as if I have swallowed razor blades.

I freeze as a large black wolf presses its nose into the crook of my neck, the coarse fur tickling the underside of my chin.

But that is nothing compared to the panic I experience as an awareness that is not mine fills my mind.

It feels foreign and wrong as his presence strokes through my thoughts, invading places he has no right to be.

Waves of possessiveness and the need to own me completely turn my stomach. I don't want a mate, and I sure as hell don't want him. I don't even know his name.

The wolf pulls back, and I watch helplessly as he shifts into his human form. I don't attempt to move; I just keep breathing in the rubber scent of the mat beneath me, my body exhausted from my failed shift.

I can't do this.

Strong hands press against my shoulders, and with a gentleness that doesn't seem possible, I'm turned onto my back. The vargr who is inside my mind is leaning over me, and his heavy brows draw together as he takes me in.

No.

Please, no .

I shake my head, dismayed as my eyes fill with tears. "Don't."

I pull my gaze away from him. My traitorous wolf has retreated back into my mind, where I can't reach her and chastise her for recognizing this… wolf … as my mate.

Instead, I'm alone in my head with a stranger who I know is reading every emotion I'm feeling.

"I don't want this," I whisper, letting my tears flow.

As I turn my head to the side, I spot Dove standing with Jackson, her hands covering her mouth as she watches in wide-eyed shock.

Everyone in the room is laser-focused on us. Of course they are. Some of these wolves and tau have probably never seen a mating bond snap into place like this.

I close my eyes, trying to hide from my shame and my turbulent pain, but his fingers grab my chin insistently, the pads pressing hard enough to get my attention as he twists my head back to him.

I can feel his confusion through our steadily growing bond. We're fated mates. There isn't supposed to be any hesitancy or rejection, and I can tell he didn't expect it from me.

Unable to bear his touch, I scramble to my feet. He reaches out, but I shove his hands away when he tries to steady me. I'm as weak as a newborn, my legs barely holding my weight, but I don't want his help.

"What the fuck, woman?" I don't blame the confusion and the anger in his words.

This isn't how it's supposed to go, but fate was cruel to him when it brought us together.

"Stay the fuck away from me," I hiss at him, reaching for my magic as he steps closer.

Oh yeah, he's pissed. I feel his anger vibrating from every part of him as I inch away.

"You're mine," he growls.

"I'll never be yours." I back up a few steps, putting distance between us, and then I run.