Chapter Six | Owen

I stood outside Ethan's front door with my bag of chips. Now that Ethan and Daniel shared a home, I wouldn't dream of trying the door without knocking. I rang the doorbell instead.

The door popped open, and my best friend pulled me into a hug and then ushered me inside. I shook the bag of ketchup-flavoured potato chips. "Brought your favourite."

Ethan snapped them from my hands. "Yum."

I followed Ethan into the living room. Daniel was relaxing on a recliner, reading a book. He looked up and smiled as we approached. "Hey, Owen. How are you doing?"

I nodded. "Good. You?"

"Ethan keeps me on my toes."

"He has a habit of doing that to everyone."

Ethan shoved me. "Thanks a lot."

"Just speaking the truth."

I gravitated toward the couch. It was set up for Ethan and me to have our movie night. Lots of cushions and blankets. Ethan pulled open the bag of chips and poured them into a bowl beside two diet colas. Daniel set his book aside and rose to his feet. "I'll leave you two alone."

Ethan bounced over to Daniel and gave him a devastating kiss before Daniel left the room. Ethan's expression as he walked toward me, I could only describe as swoony.

I wanted to experience that look in my eyes.

Ethan plopped down beside me and took a handful of chips. "Tell me what's new with you. Skylar news in specific. Don't leave anything out. "

"After our Salish meeting last Sunday, I turned down a guy who was looking for long-term."

Ethan's eyebrows rose. "And that has something to do with Skylar?"

"We've started flirting."

"Really?" Ethan placed his hand on my thigh. "Are you ready for that?"

I rolled my eyes and exhaled. "He's all I can think about. The guy has infiltrated my mind."

Ethan furrowed his brow. "Does he have an open arrangement with Chad?"

"Of course." I patted Ethan's hand. "I would never get involved with a cheater."

"I know … just checking."

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around what I'm considering."

"And what is that, exactly? I thought you were looking to become someone's husband. Skylar already has one. What would a relationship with him look like?"

"I don't even know. Maybe I could be his boyfriend."

"Permanently?"

I crossed my arms. "I know, it's not ideal, but I've never felt this way around anyone before. He makes me feel seen and understood and worthy of affection."

"I didn't know you struggled with those things. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know I was having those issues until Skylar started drawing me out. He encourages me to take a minute and reflect. Dig deep. Examine the roots of some of my hang-ups."

Ethan smiled. "He's been good for you."

I nodded. "He really has."

"And you both want more. "

"He explained to me how his and Chad's relationship works when it comes to bringing in other men. They talk about everything first. Only make an advance if the other agrees."

Ethan sighed. "Not going to lie. I'm worried this is going to end with you having a broken heart. Skylar is invested in his relationship with Chad first. You'll always come second."

"I know, but the thought of not chasing this gives me incredible anxiety."

"You think he has the potential of being the one ."

I rested the side of my head against the couch. "Feels that way." I played with Ethan's fingers still resting on my thigh. "Having a relationship with a married man, essentially becoming a third, is not what I imagined I wanted in my life. But Skylar has been challenging me to examine what it is I really want when it comes to love. Maybe I've been looking for the wrong thing."

"God, Owen … I don't know if I should be happy or not that you're walking away from the pursuit of a life you've been dreaming of for as long as I've known you."

"It's a good thing, I promise."

Ethan exhaled a long sigh. "Okay." He reached for the television remote. "What do we want to watch tonight? There are still some holiday-themed romantic comedies kicking around."

I chuffed out a laugh. "You pick." It wouldn't matter what he chose. Ethan wouldn't make it through the movie. I stretched out, lying on my back, and stuffed a cushion behind my turned head as Ethan started playing his choice. Satisfied with the volume, Ethan finished his chips, layered himself on me, and nudged me until I wrapped my arm around him. He let out a sigh of contentment as he settled his head on my chest, his dark curly hair tickling my chin .

As expected, Ethan was asleep before we'd even reached the middle of the movie. I turned down the volume and closed my eyes, enjoying Ethan's soft even breathing.

I wasn't sure how much time passed until Daniel touched my shoulder gently. The television was off. "I'm going to take Ethan to bed," he whispered.

I cleared my throat. I'd been asleep. "Yeah. Sure. I'll get going."

In the past, I would've been the one urging Ethan into bed. Now, that was Daniel's job. I wanted my own Daniel. Someone who would care for me in that way.

I could imagine Skylar being that person.

He already made me feel special.

It was Tuesday night, and I had my phone sitting on the bed beside me waiting for his text. I was surprised when my phone rang instead of registering a message.

My breath caught as I hesitated to answer. I checked it was Skylar. His name came up on my screen. Five rings. It was going to go to voicemail if I didn't answer.

I was about to hear his voice for the first time since the Christmas party.

"Hey." A weak opening after accepting the call.

"Hey," he replied in the sultriest voice I'd ever been in the presence of. It was as smooth as the finest creamy liquor. And just as warm. My core heated as I waited for him to speak again.

"I thought I'd phone you tonight," he said. "I wanted to hear your voice."

God, he's giving me shivers.

I closed my eyes, practically panting as I fought to slow my afflicted heart.

"Owen?"

"Sorry. Catching my breath." No point in lying .

"You like that I phoned you."

I released a slow breath. "So much."

"That makes me happy."

I gripped the bedding with my free hand as my chest expanded, pleased I had let my heart speak and that Skylar had approved. It was an odd sensation, but it was exhilarating.

"Tell me about your weekend," Skylar said.

I relaxed slightly. "Same as usual. Movie night with Ethan on Saturday and a meeting of the Salish Sea Society on Sunday. No work calls, thankfully."

"Do you have a movie night with Ethan often?"

"Most Saturdays. We've been doing it since we were teenagers."

"That's a nice tradition. Is it special to you?"

"So special."

"You and Ethan are good friends."

"Best friends."

"Does he have a partner?

"Yes. Daniel. His silver fox."

"Does his partner join you on movie night?"

"No, he leaves us alone. We like to talk and cuddle."

"You cuddle with Ethan?"

I frowned. "Do you think that kind of intimacy between friends is strange?" If Skylar said he disapproved, I was going to have to cut this call short. I refused to be made to feel bad about how Ethan and my relationship had transformed into something friend-zone physical early on.

"No. I think it's sweet. Does that fill a need in you? To be held?"

Relief coursed through me, but I wasn't sure how to word what Ethan's affection meant to me. I chose to speak from the heart again. "Ethan loves me. I feel worthy of love when he's holding me. For those couple of hours, a movie in the background, my world makes sense. "

"Would you like me to hold you? Is that something you'd want?"

My heart nearly stopped. In that moment, I couldn't imagine wanting anything more.

"Yes," I whispered.

"What else would you make you happy? Is there anything from your childhood you miss?"

My mind shuddered to a stop. I'd been imagining Skylar holding me. His change of subject was jarring. My childhood? I forced my mind to wander through my memories.

"I miss sketching," I said. "Ethan and I took a lot of art classes in school."

"Why haven't you kept it up?"

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "Busy being an adult."

"Adults can have hobbies."

"I have a hobby. I restore classic cars."

"Do you really? That's impressive. Where did you learn to do that?"

"My stepdad owns an auto mechanics shop. We used to work on cars together when I was a kid. He taught me everything I needed to know to restore cars."

"What a wonderful thing to pass on to you. Was Matthew in on that too?"

"No, cars aren't his thing."

"I'm so glad he spent that time with you. And that you kept it up. That's very special."

"He's pretty cool as far as stepdads go."

I felt more settled now. Skylar had a way of making me feel good about myself. I could hear the genuine emotion in his voice. He hadn't exaggerated his praise and admiration.

"My dad didn't pass on anything other than a love for pharmaceuticals."

I chuckled at that. "That sounds slightly criminal. "

Skylar's soft laugh travelled through the line. My mind went offline, and my insides felt as though they were melting. I'd never heard such an angelic sound. The man was commanding and wise while embodying the essence of someone who was somehow ethereal.

And married. I needed to remember that. Ethan was right. I would always come second. How would Skylar and I manage to foster a relationship outside his one with Chad?

"I have work to do," Skylar said. "I enjoyed hearing your voice."

"Same."

"We'll do this again?"

"Please." I was sinking fast, becoming distraught. I didn't want our conversation to be over.

"Goodnight, Owen."

"Goodnight."

Now what was I supposed to do? The sound of Skylar's voice caressing my mind was going to keep me from forming any logical thoughts for the rest of the night.

I was not expecting another call from him on Thursday, yet my phone rang displaying his name while I was at work. This time, I didn't wait to answer the call.

"Skylar, hey." I prepared myself for the ripple of warmth.

"Do you have plans tonight?"

I shivered.

Jeezus, this man's voice.

"Quiet night in."

"I'd like to come by your home sometime after nine tonight."

I nearly lost my phone to the surface of my desk. "To my house?"

"I'm assuming that's where your home is."

"Right. Yes … it is. "

A soft laugh. "Thought it might be. I'll be coming straight from the airport."

Took me a second for my brain to come fully back online. Skylar was coming to see me, and I had no idea what that meant. Had he decided what we were doing?

"I'll text you my address."

"Perfect. I'll see you later tonight."

I stared at my phone. Why was Skylar coming to visit me? I trusted that whatever he had in mind would be the best option for us. I sent him my address and rose from behind my desk.

I needed to go home and get ready. It was already past six. He must have phoned from a connecting airport. That meant he'd been unsure about his plans. He seemed like a guy who typically planned everything out ahead of time. What had caused him to act spontaneously?

I gathered up my coat and hurried from my office. I nearly knocked Chad off his feet in my haste. I jumped back from him. "Sorry."

He didn't move out of my way.

"You look like you have somewhere you'd rather be," he said.

"Just want to get home."

Chad smirked. "I know. Have a fun night."

Fuck.

I squeezed past him and headed for the door. Of course, he knew Skylar was coming to visit me. Skylar would have cleared it with him first. Chad hadn't looked the least bit concerned.

It annoyed me that Chad knew more about what Skylar had planned than I did.

When I walked into my house, I didn't know where to start. The house was tidy as always, but the lighting was all wrong. I played with every lamp in the living room until I had the right ambiance and lit the gas fireplace. Would he want wine? Red or white?

I scurried around the kitchen, collecting options. I already had a white in the fridge. I needed some. I poured a sloppy glass of pinot gris and downed it. God, now I'd taste like wine.

I jogged up the stairs to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and pulled open the under-sink cabinet. Did I need to douche? Better safe than sorry. I dispensed with my dress pants and underwear. Lots of jumping around for three full cycles, and I felt secure enough to tidy everything away. My clothes were next. Casual but not too casual. I picked out a soft pair of chocolate brown corduroys and a linen button-up shirt. The textures were perfect for intimate touching.

And then I was done. I didn't dare have dinner and mess up my anal preparation.

So, I did what I knew best. I opened my laptop and scanned through the emails I had received from agents with fresh listings in the price range of my clients. They were giving me first chance before the houses hit the multiple listing service. I perused them all. Some were interesting.

I was startled when the doorbell rang.

My heart leapt into my throat. I hurried from my office, dusting my hands off on my pants. I'd never had nervous sweat on my hands before. But apparently, that was a thing now.

I held my breath and opened the door. Skylar was looking out at my landscaping. He turned to face me, a slight smile lifting his lips, and my knees nearly deceived me.

God, his stature and delicate features were beyond gorgeous.

I must have stalled. Skylar touched my arm.

"May I come in?"

"Shit … sorry." I frowned at my stupidity and stepped aside. Once inside, he bent forward and unzipped the knee-height, black platform boots he was wearing and slipped them of f. He was wearing black socks embroidered with what looked like silver barbed wire.

Removing his boots meant I could see flashes of his flesh beneath his black leather kilt. He tilted his head to one side, catching my attention.

"I'd love a glass of red wine if you have one," he said. "Long flight."

"For sure." I took off for the kitchen. Skylar joined me after a few seconds. He'd shed his long black wool coat. My manners had gone right out the window. I should have offered to take it.

I stood and stared. I'm sure of it. The shirt Skylar wore was sheer. Shimmery champagne material with a massive bow below his chin like something out of an ancient clothing catalogue.

I could see his rose-coloured nipples.

Skylar wandered over to the island and lifted a bottle of red. "This will be perfect." He looked around at the cabinetry. "Glasses?"

"Fuck, I'm sorry." I retrieved two glasses and set them on the counter. I'd opened the bottle to breathe earlier. Skylar filled them each one-third full which didn't give me any clues.

I still wasn't sure why he was here.

Skylar raised his glass, and I clinked mine to his without a toast. He took a long sip and then set his glass down. "I have something for you." He headed back toward the front hall.

I hadn't noticed him carrying anything, but then, I'd been distracted by his presence. He returned with a rectangular paper bag and set it in front of me. I peeked inside.

He didn't.

I dragged out a thick pad of sketching paper. With it came two metal tins. One with sketching pencils. The other filled with different shades of charcoal.

"The shop clerk assured me these would suit your needs. "

I looked up at him. His soft grey eyes peered out from behind his stylish glasses. For a brief moment, he looked vulnerable. But then, it passed. Even his thick dark lashes and cream-coloured eyeliner complimented a man who felt comfortable being in charge.

"They're perfect."

"Good. You'll draw something for me?"

"Right now?"

"No, when you have a moment to relax."

"I'll need to figure out where I want to start. I used to draw lots of homoerotic figures."

Skylar laughed, making my knees weak all over again. "Scandalous."

"A little." I smiled at him. "Thank you. I promise I'll make use of these."

"Excellent." Skylar looked over his shoulder toward the living room. "Where would you feel comfortable having me hold you? Anywhere that suits you is fine."

I'm not sure if I felt disappointed or grateful he didn't appear to be talking about sex. I knew where I wanted to be. Somewhere I hadn't been held in a very long time. "My bedroom."

"Lead the way."

When we arrived in my room, Skylar was quick to climb onto the bed and lay down. He put one arm behind his head, the other out to one side, inviting me in.

I licked my lips and swallowed.

I hadn't realized how badly I needed this. I crawled toward him, not the least bit self-conscious. I would be safe in his arms. He held no judgement against me. He had known this would soothe me. I set my head on his shoulder, my nose against his jawline. He smelled incredible. Like the depths of an evergreen forest. I cuddled closer and placed my arm across his chest .

I nearly shivered as he wrapped his arm around me and tugged me tight to him. He lowered his other arm and cupped my face with his palm. "Close your eyes."

I shifted my leg until it was on his thigh and shut my eyes.

"Shh." He brushed his fingers through my hair. He clung to the back of my neck and kissed my forehead. "You are worthy of love. You are good enough."

I sucked in a breath as tears gathered behind my lids.

Skylar knew exactly what threads to pull.

"Any man would be lucky to have you," he continued.

I clutched his shirt and let the tears flow. It was the most cleansing cry I'd ever had. My insecurities seemed to lift. At least for these few moments we were together, Skylar's hand on my head, kissing my hair, and whispering words of affirmation to me. Clouds dispersed, revealing rays of sunshine I always knew were there but had seemed unreachable from the depths of my loneliness. My breathing evened out and I felt as though I was becoming one with Skylar.

I blinked awake to a dark room and nobody beneath me.

Alone.

I gripped my pillow and new tears flowed. He was never going to be mine. Ethan had been right. This wasn't going to end well. Skylar was going to break my heart.

And I would gladly go there with him if it meant another night in his arms.