7. seven

Chapter seven

“Stay Away” - Rooney

A bigail immediately put our plan into action. After rigging up her iHome to play music from a tree stump just a few feet away from the fire pit, she disappeared for a few minutes, only to re-emerge from the cabin in a different shirt and a cold beer for Xander.

I only noticed the shirt because Beth leaned in close to me on the hay bale we were sharing and asked, “Jeez, isn’t she cold? I wonder why she changed into a tank top.”

“Huh,” I said, knowing exactly why. “Maybe she spilled beer on herself or something.”

Beth watched Abigail interact with Xander for a couple of minutes before turning back to me. “Are her and Xander, like, a thing?”

“No,” I said, breathing out an involuntary chuckle. Wait a second, you fucking idiot. “I mean, well… it’s complicated. They’re not like, together-together, but they’re more than just friends, you know? Nobody can get between them.”

To make myself stop rambling, I took a long swig of my third beer of the night. I glanced around, trying to assess who was around the fire. The group was smaller, as it seemed more people had moved inside. Xander was standing next to the fire, prodding it with a long stick as he stared at the embers below. Abigail was beside him, using her hands to tell some dramatic story that made Xander roll his eyes and smile. And just beyond them, there was Lena, whose hands were tucked neatly beneath her thighs in the same spot she’d been sitting in for the past hour.

“Are you okay?” Beth asked me, sounding farther away than she was.

“Yeah, why?” I asked, struggling to focus on her face. My head was getting a little fuzzy. Feeling a surge of courage, I placed my hand on the hay just behind her, trying to subtly shift closer. Judging from the way her eyes widened, it was clear my move wasn’t as subtle as I’d hoped.

“We should play a game!” she yelled, turning toward the rest of the group around the fire. “Anyone up for a game of Never Have I Ever?”

Someone muttered “oh boy” on the other side of the fire, while a few other people emphatically voiced their support of this suggestion.

“That a drinking game?” Xander asked.

“You’ve never played?” Beth reached up to remove her dandelion crown, putting it on the hay bale between us. “You make a statement starting with ‘never have I ever’, and anyone who has done it has to drink.”

“There’s not a lot Xander hasn’t done,” Abigail said with a laugh. She sat on the plastic patio chair beside him. “He’s in trouble.”

Xander’s eyes found mine. “Gardner’s going to be the most sober person here.”

A few people laughed, including Beth, but I held Xander’s stare with a straight face. Was I wrong in assuming that was yet another subtle dig at me? What was he playing at? Was I just imagining the constant jabs, or was he actually trying to undermine me in front of Beth?

With a sly smile, Beth cleared her throat and said, “I’ll start. Never have I ever… been attracted to anyone in this circle.” She gestured toward the people sitting around the fire, many of whom raised their cups or bottles and took a drink. I picked up my own beer cup from between my feet and took an enthusiastic gulp, looking over at Beth. She, too, was taking a drink–and staring right back at me.

Instinctively, I stole a quick glance across the fire at Lena just in time to see her swallow.

“Um, not to be a stickler for the rules,” Abigail said, tucking her hair behind her ears. “But aren’t you supposed to state something you haven’t done, so everyone but you has to take a drink?”

“I think you’re right,” Lena said.

Abigail turned to her. “Do you want to go next?”

“Sure, I guess.” Lena sat up a little straighter, yanking on the hem of her skirt. And then she looked directly at me. “Never have I ever ditched class to go get high at Boomer’s.”

My mouth dropped open. “Not fair!” I declared with a laugh before taking a drink, smiling at Lena over my cup. A few others raised their cups, too–Abigail and Xander included.

Beth jabbed my arm. “I knew you were fucked up when you talked to me today.”

“Yeah,” Xander said, his voice carrying across the entire yard. “This guy was crying about missing his chemistry test, but I wouldn’t take him back to school until he talked to you.”

Now I knew I wasn’t imagining it. I tried to force out a laugh, but I couldn’t even muster it. Irritation surged through me instead, and I was ready to knock Xander down a notch. “Some of us actually give a shit about our grades and our future,” I muttered.

In the glow from the fire, I saw a flicker of something on Xander’s face–surprise? Embarrassment?

Holding his stare, I decided to take a turn at the game. “Never have I ever hit on a student teacher who was six years older than me–so persistently that I had after-school detention for it and she had to transfer to another school to finish the semester.”

After a brief hesitation, Xander lifted his cup to his mouth and took a drink. Several people laughed–even Abigail.

“You didn’t ,” Beth teased.

Xander smiled with a confident shrug. “What can I say? I have a way with older women.”

That motherfucker. I’d meant to embarrass him, but it backfired–the other guys sitting around the fire praised him, recounting stories of how hot Miss Johansen was. Xander was basking in the attention, but it didn’t stop him from looking across the fire at me to assess my reaction. His smile faded–he understood the game now. The game between us.

“Never have I ever gotten a boner in Mrs. Gruber’s class,” he said, keeping his eyes locked on me, “and had to make my friend stay with me after the bell rang because I couldn’t stand up.”

My face felt warm, and it wasn’t from the flames.

“Oh wow,” Beth giggled. “You really do like science.”

A few others laughed.

“That was years ago,” I said, trying to join in the laughter to hide my growing humiliation. “Puberty was a weird time.”

I couldn’t dare look at Lena, who had sat beside me in Mrs. Gruber’s class at the time–and was the reason for my erection. I didn’t take a drink, either, which nobody pointed out. “That’s adorable,” Beth said.

I didn’t want to be adorable to her.

The rage simmering inside of me threatened to erupt. Xander was supposed to be my friend–was supposed to help me lose my virginity that night–but his incessant need to assert his dominance had taken over. He was now working to destroy any chance I had with Beth by making me look as pathetic as possible in front of her. All while ignoring the sweet redhead beside him who would give him anything he wanted, if he would just open his fucking eyes.

I was sick of it.

“Never have I ever thrown a party as a desperate attempt to stay relevant after alienating myself from all of my friends,” I snapped.

“Okay,” Abigail said with a nervous giggle. “This is getting a little personal. Maybe we could make them a little more broad?”

Xander’s eyes seemed to darken. Ignoring her, which he was getting really good at, he said, “Never have I ever thrown a party so my best friend can have the opportunity to lose his virginity to a girl he met at a gas station, only to watch him embarrass himself the whole night and fuck it up.” He paused with a smirk. “Oops, forgot the rules.”

Everyone was silent as Xander took a long swig from his beer cup.

It felt like the ground had just been pulled out from under me, and my stomach swirled with a mix of humiliation and anger. I could feel every pair of eyes around the fire on me, awaiting my reaction, but I was frozen. The edges of my vision blurred, and I could only see Xander’s stupid, self-satisfied face. It suddenly looked very punchable.

“My turn,” Abigail announced with a nervous chuckle. “Never have I ever kissed a girl!” She rushed the words out like she was in a hurry to divert everyone’s attention from the fight that was brewing.

Xander and I took a drink, keeping our eyes on each other the entire time. And then, deciding I’d had enough of this game, I tilted my cup all the way back until every last drop was gone and tossed it onto the fire. With only a quick glance at Beth, who was wiping beer from her upper lip, I rose to my feet and walked off toward the darkness.

This was over.

I hadn’t even made it past the chicken coop when I heard heavy, quick footsteps behind me. “Owen.” I picked up my pace until Xander grabbed me by the arm. “What the fuck was that all about?”

I wriggled from his grasp. “I was about to ask you the same thing. Why are you trying to embarrass me in front of Beth?”

“I wasn’t. I was just fucking around. Why are you being so sensitive?”

Sensitive. I’d heard that word used to describe me far too many times, usually by people whose idea of a fun time was pointing out the weaknesses of others. God forbid I react appropriately or attempt to defend myself.

“I’m not being sensitive,” I hissed. “You’ve been flirting with Beth all night.”

Xander laughed in astonishment. “Flirting? I have not been flirting with her.”

“Yes you have, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed.” He raised one eyebrow in question. How could he not know? “Abigail, idiot. Abigail’s noticed.”

Xander’s lips parted slowly. “Oh. Well, I’m not trying to be flirtatious with Beth. I’m just friendly with girls. It’s in my nature.”

I rolled my eyes. “Why can’t it be in your nature to not fuck things up with Abigail? I know you like her, but you’ve squandered every chance with her you’ve ever had. Even when she’s practically throwing herself at you. She tried to get you to ask her to prom. She tried to get you to walk to the shed with her. Missed opportunity after missed opportunity.” I let out a cold laugh. “Why do I ever take advice about girls from you ? You’re the last person I should be getting advice from.”

“Yeah, I’m sure all those douchey nerds you run around with these days are providing you with sage advice about girls.”

I took a step closer. “At least those nerds are going somewhere in life. I love how you act like they’re just a bunch of losers–like they should all be jealous of you. Jealous of what? You’re not even going to college. You’re probably going to be stuck in Woodvale forever and you’ll end up just like your dad.”

With those last words, I stuck the knife in deep and twisted it, knowing how much pain they’d inflict. Xander’s eyes flickered with anger or perhaps another emotion, and he let out the breath he’d been holding. Slowly, I watched him sink–his shoulders slumped, and his chin tilted downward.

Shit. I’d said way too much. And I hadn’t meant a single word of it. I thought up the words that would hurt him the most and hurled them at him like daggers. This wasn’t me.

I walked closer to him and held my hand out to touch his shoulder. “Xander, I’m–”

He jerked away. “I am nothing like my father.”

“I know,” I said, letting my arm drop to my side. “I'm sorry.”

“Get the fuck out of my face,” he demanded through gritted teeth.

“Xan. I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–”

“Get. The fuck. Away. From me.”

I didn’t need to be told a third time. Xander’s fists were clenched, and I knew that if I dared utter another word, this would turn physical, and the party really would be over.

As I walked past him, I kept enough distance between us that neither of us would be tempted to throw a blow, and I made my way up toward the cabin. It felt like the gravel was sinking beneath my feet with every step. Needing to steady myself, I ran my hand along the parked cars lining the driveway as I trudged forward.

Just as my foot touched the first porch step, I was distracted by a car pulling into the front yard, making a parking space out of Xander’s grandparents’ landscaping. The passenger door flung open, and my brother stepped out with his usual shit-eating grin. “Hey, baby brother,” he said as a crumpled beer can fell out of the car beside him. “How’s your night goin’?”