Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"Biggest fear?"

Dani didn't need to think hard about this one. There was only one thing she was afraid of these days.

"Relapsing again."

They were in the backyard, lying in the grass with their heads together. Her body pointed south and his north. It was the same way they spent many of their nights together as teenagers.

"I won't let that happen."

It was sweet that he thought that. She turned her head just enough so that she could get a good look at him, even though he was upside down.

"You can't be with me every second of the day."

It was a tough admission but she’d learned a lot about herself the last fourteen months. Some days were a real struggle, especially when things got hard. Her mind immediately went to drugs as a way to make the pain go away. She didn’t want it to but unfortunately it was the constant struggle of a recovering addict.

The problems she was dealing with in regards to the Hell Raisers would normally have been a trigger, but so far Gage was overshadowing that. She was too focused on him to let the other problem get to her.

It probably wasn’t healthy.

"No, but I'm always a phone call away. No matter what I'm doing, I’ll always answer for you."

It wasn't the response she was hoping for but maybe it was too soon to talk about where their future was headed. They were back to the “get to know each other” phase of their budding relationship and that didn't include discussions about forever. Hopefully it would soon but she liked where things were at too much to upset the balance.

"How about you? What's your biggest fear?"

Gage rolled his head so he was back to looking at the stars. She took that as he didn't want to answer, so she mimicked the motion.

Several minutes went by before he answered her. "It used to be that I would never be good enough, but now it's that I might make a mistake I can't fix."

She didn't understand what he meant but was worried it would be bold of her to ask him to clarify. The communication between them was still a work in progress. More so for her than him. He was an open book but she was scared of saying the wrong thing and pushing him away.

In the end, curiosity got the better of her.

“What kind of mistake?”

Gage didn’t look at her when he answered. “Maybe mistake is the wrong word. I already told you what happened to Karlie. I know everyone tells me it isn’t my fault, but if I had just been more vigilant that day, maybe things could’ve ended differently. I was lucky that she came out of it okay but that might not always be the case. I don’t ever want anyone I care about to get hurt because of me. And I certainly don’t want any of my friends to lose someone they love because of me.”

It was the first time she’d heard him refer to his teammates as his friends. It was a step in the right direction. But there was one part about his statement that bothered her. He was worried about everyone but himself and that just wouldn’t do.

She rolled over onto her hands and knees and crawled in the grass to him. Swinging one leg over his body, she straddled him and put her hands on his chest.

“And what about you in that scenario? You were shot if I remember correctly.” It just so happened that she was perched not far from where his scar rested. “Does what happens to you not matter?”

“Not if it’s between me and you. Or me and one of the guys’ wives. I’ll pick the other person every time.”

Her jaw dropped open.

“Gage Matthew Roberts.” She middle-named him and she didn’t care one lick. How dare he say something like that? “No one’s life is more important than another’s.”

Gage scissored himself up, showing his impressive core strength considering she was sitting across his lap. It was annoying to think how easily he could move her like she weighed nothing. One minute she was perched higher on his body and the next he was moving her so that he was sitting up with her straddling his massive thighs.

“We will have to agree to disagree on this one.”

If Gage thought that would be the end of the discussion, he was sadly mistaken. There was no way she would accept that as an answer.

“Umm, no. I can see how you might think that considering how stubborn you are but there is so much wrong with that statement I don’t even know where to begin.”

Yes she did. She needed him to understand that his life wasn’t disposable just to save hers or anyone else’s.

“You can’t honestly think that I would be okay with that. My life is not more important than yours. You’ve spent your life helping others while I’ve spent it drugged out. Most would say you were more important.”

Wrong thing to say.

Abort. Abort.

But it was too late. The damage was already done.

“I don’t give a shit what other people would say and do you really think they would say my life is more important because I saved people?” It was a question, so she nodded her head yes even though she would’ve preferred to not move a muscle. “I’m a paid assassin. I spent my time in the Army killing people that my general sent me after. Most of those people weren’t nearly as bad as he had us believe. Either way, when he told me to kill someone, I did. You really think that makes me better than you?”

Well, when he put it like that …

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating what happened.”

She was up and off him before she even knew what was happening. Gage prowled around the backyard like a caged lion.

“You think I’m exaggerating ?” She really didn’t like that he kept asking her questions she didn’t want to answer. “I was given a dishonorable discharge. Not an honorable one. Nope, the Army figured out what Jaxson, Steel, and I were doing after Jaxson took out Pritcher and wanted it swept under the rug, so they gave the three of us dishonorable discharges. If it wasn’t for Black and Daniel, who the hell knows what we would be doing with our lives! People tend to look at someone sideways when they see a dishonorable discharge and they fucking should.”

Wow. His mother never said anything about his Army time, and maybe Gage never told her. Clearly the way he was discharged bothered him. If that was the case, then she could see why he never mentioned it before. But his past didn’t bother her. She had no room to judge anyone.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t think my life is worth more than yours. There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind either. We both deserve to live and I’m sure your friends would feel the same way.”

Actually she was positive they would. She didn’t have to meet them to know. It was obvious the way they spoke to him every time she overheard a conversation.

“I’m sure they would, but just like you, they don’t get a say.”

Gage stomped off and left her feeling unsure how they went from things being so perfect to an argument so quickly. Their time together was turning into a damn roller-coaster ride.