24. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Gary

E arly the next morning, Gary and Jeff were wrapped up in each other’s arms, sound asleep, when faint but obviously frantic knocking caused Gary to rouse. He blinked his eyes open, groaning quietly as he tried to reorient himself.

Who could it be so early? Maybe Mel? With the power and phone lines still being out, Gary hadn’t heard from her. Mel might be worried for his safety. He’d have been worried for her too had her house not been clear across Niles, far from the tornado’s path. Gary kissed Jeff’s forehead. Instinctively, he reached for the nightstand but then remembered that his frames were still in pieces.

Next to him, Jeff shifted a bit. “What is it?”

“Someone’s knocking,” Gary said, keeping his voice low. “Let me see who it is.”

“Poor choice of words,” Jeff mumbled with a small, sly smile.

“Mean,” Gary chastised.

Briefly, Gary considered wearing his wonky old frames, but they were so mangled they barely even stayed on his face, so he left them in the bedroom. Not only were they bent, but they also had just one lens, which was all scratched up to boot. Slowly, Gary crept through the house, taking care not to bump into any of the fuzzy-looking obstacles in his path.

The moment Gary opened the front door, a slightly blurry blob that smelled like hair spray, cigarettes, and perfume barreled into him .

“God, you’re okay!” Dawn said. “We couldn’t reach you!”

Gary hugged her back. “Phone lines are out.”

Dawn pulled back and sucked in a breath.

“What happened to your face?!”

“Bar fight,” Gary said, trying to keep his face serious, though he couldn’t help but break into a smile not two seconds later. “Okay, not exactly. I’m clumsy. Let’s leave it at that.”

Gary noticed a few more fuzzy people at the bottom of the steps.

“M-Mom?”

One of them started up the steps. Gary could tell it was his mom by the way she was struggling with them, her movement slow.

“Gare,” she said. He wrapped her up in a hug, his heart splintering the second they connected. “Hun, I’m so sorry for keeping him from you. I’m so, so sorry.”

Even though Gary wanted to say that it was okay, it wasn’t. Not yet. Maybe it wouldn’t ever be. Still, she was his mom. He loved her. And he missed her. He’d been missing her for years . He’d spent over twenty years missing who she had been before his father had up and left. God, his father had crushed her. Broken her heart. Broken her spirit. She’d trusted Milton Graham to love her, to raise her children with her, and he’d broken that promise instead.

Gary’s eyes filled with tears, and he hugged her tighter.

“I wanted to keep you safe,” she said, her voice quivering.

And God, Gary’s heart seemed to splinter even more. She’d been trying to protect him. Like how he’d been trying to protect Jeff when he’d confronted Don. Maybe people really flubbed sometimes when they were trying to protect the people they loved.

“I know I should have told you that he wanted to see you kids again, but I—”

“I know,” Gary choked out, tears falling. “Gosh, Mom, I know that now.”

“Last night, when I heard the tornado was up this way, I thought I’d lost you. But then...” By the way her voice cracked, Gary could tell she had started crying too. “Oh God, I realized that maybe I’d lost you before that. Because of how I’d lied. I lied for so many years.”

Her voice was filled with so many things—shame and regret and sadness. Gary pulled back to look at her and wiped away some of her tears, smearing some of her liquid foundation on his fingers in the process.

“Do you hate me?” she asked quietly.

“No,” Gary said. “I could never.”

It wasn’t enough. But it was enough for now.

He hugged her again.

“Uncle Gary?”

Hearing the voice of his niece, Amy, Gary released his mom and looked toward the slightly fuzzy figures still standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey,” he said, taking hold of the railing and starting down the stairs carefully so he wouldn’t take a tumble. “I missed you two.”

“Can we have something to eat?” Joey asked.

Gary smiled. Leave it to kids to interrupt a heartfelt family moment to inquire about food.

“Is cereal okay? No milk because of the power being out, though.”

“What kind?” Amy asked.

“Uhm, the sugary kind?” Gary said.

He couldn’t really remember what brands he had, but he’d never been one to buy what he still considered “old people cereal,” even if he was over thirty.

Without so much as a thank you, the two kids pushed past him to head into the house. Gary chuckled. He started up the stairs too, and then Dawn and his mom followed him inside. When they had about reached the kitchen, Gary saw a now-very-familiar blurry blob emerge from the bedroom.

“Hey,” Jeff said, his voice still kind of rough from sleep.

“Um, my family is here,” Gary said as he reached up to rub the back of his neck.

He heard Jeff chuckle. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Oh. Right.”

Jeff stayed several feet back, probably because he wasn’t sure how close he was allowed to be. Determined not to keep hiding from his family, Gary walked over to him, his own smile widening as Jeff’s cute face came into focus, and placed his hands on Jeff’s hips. After a brief moment of hesitation, Jeff’s hands found Gary’s hips too.

“Hi,” Gary said. “Will it weird you out if I kiss you in front of them?”

“Uh, yeah, probably, but”—Jeff smiled a little wider—“I still want you to. If you think they’ll be okay with it. With us.”

Without hesitation, Gary leaned in and brushed their lips together, capturing Jeff’s mouth in a short, sweet kiss. Afterward, he braced himself for some reaction, some comment or something, but no one seemed perturbed. Not that Gary could see their faces very well. But, hey, no one was throwing tomatoes, so it seemed like their kiss had been received okay.

Gary slipped his hand into Jeff’s, and the two of them headed into the kitchen, where the kids were sitting at the table eating cereal. Dawn stepped up to them, and her hand came to settle on Gary’s shoulder.

“Is this your boyfriend?” she asked.

“Yup.” Gary cleared his throat. “Um... is that—”

“Gare, hun,” his mom cut in, “I nearly lost you once. If you think me finding out that you have a boyfriend will have me risking losing you again , you’re... well, you’re something not very nice, so I won’t say it.”

“Stupid,” Dawn offered. “I think that’s what she was trying to say, oh brother of mine.”

Gary snorted. “Gee, thanks. So, everyone, this is Jeff.”

“Hi, Jeff,” Dawn said. “Nice to finally meet the person who’s been making Gary so happy.”

“How would you know?” Gary teased. “We barely talk.”

“Um, I listen to your show, dumbass. I’ve heard the difference in your voice lately.”

“Geez, Dawn, watch your language around the kids!” Gary said.

“Oh, they’ve heard worse.”

Both Amy and Joey seemed unfazed and continued eating their dry cereal.

“Anyone else want some?” Gary’s mom asked. “I think I’ll have a bowl.”

“Let me, Mom,” Dawn said, heading over to the cupboards. She pulled out a couple of white plastic bowls. “Gare, these are so creepy!”

“Ah, you must have found my clown bowls,” Gary said.

“God, you are so weird,” Dawn said, shaking her head. “I’m not sure how you put up with him, Jeff.”

“I like that he’s weird,” Jeff said.

Jeff’s hand found the small of Gary’s back.

“Thanks, Jeffrey,” Gary said, his cheeks warming a bit.

For the next half hour, everyone hung out together in the kitchen, munching on very sugary cereal. Gary couldn’t stop smiling the entire time. It was so nice! He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so at home with his family. While Gary was finishing up his second bowl, Jeff came over and bumped Gary with his elbow .

“Food,” Jeff said through a mouthful of cereal. “Bringing people together.”

“Ah, see, something else I was right about.”

Jeff elbowed him once more. “Gloating.”

Gary elbowed him back. “Oh, you love it.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said. “I do.”

They smiled at each other—big, goofy, adoring smiles—and in that moment, it seemed like maybe the worst of the storm was behind them. But even if it wasn’t, even if the worst was somehow yet to come, he’d stick with Jeff through anything. Come hell or high water or historic F5 tornadoes, Gary would stay with Jeff through the storm.

***

Over the next week and change, Jeff and Gary worked together to keep the radio station running. Since Jeff had been struggling to balance his shifts at the Eastwood Mall and helping Gary with the radio station, he had put in his notice, effective immediately. Gary couldn’t help but feel bad that Jeff was losing his income. But Jeff had told him that helping with the station and the housework was more important. Admittedly, Gary liked having Jeff care for him, to the point where he found himself hoping for a slight hold up with the order of his new frames. He had voiced that to Jeff once when Jeff was making them coffee one morning. And Jeff had come right over and pulled him in for a hug, telling Gary that perfect eyesight or not, he’d never stop taking care of him. And Gary had nearly cried on the spot. How was it that he had gotten so lucky?

Whenever Gary felt bad about Jeff not being a mall custodian anymore, Jeff liked to remind him that he no longer had much rent to pay either. Gary’s mortgage payment was a pittance in comparison. That helped put Gary at ease.

Sadly, the tornado had really hurt a large portion of their community. Many people had lost their homes. Some had lost their lives. Even though the storm had passed, there was still a lot of healing for everyone ahead. Of course, some wounds, like the loss of a loved one, would never heal completely. Gary knew that himself now.

In the wake of the storm, Gary and Jeff were trying their best to help. Gary had repurposed a part of both his morning and evening programs to communicate information about available aid for families in need. He and Jeff had been spending some time offering to help people talk to their insurance companies too, especially those who were busy with childcare or who were otherwise struggling to manage for themselves. Having Jeff by his side while they tried to help the community heal... it was wonderful.

Something else important had happened over the week too: Jeff had been to his second therapy appointment. Even though Jeff had seemed a little spaced out when he returned, he had reassured Gary that it had been a helpful talk. Still, Gary hadn’t been able to stop himself from feeling uneasy with the way the appointment had affected his boyfriend, and he had become so nervous and jittery that he’d worn out his leg muscles from bouncing them so much over the course of the evening program. Maybe Dr. Goldstein hadn’t liked Gary’s suggestion when it came to intimacy? Whatever it was, Gary had been too scared to bring it up that night.

Now, another week later, Gary was sitting at the kitchen table holding the latest newspaper comically close to his face, pausing intermittently to scribble some notes for Tell Me S’more , while waiting for Jeff to come back from his third appointment. His stomach was in knots. Gary wasn’t exactly sure how therapy worked. What if Jeff’s therapist said that Gary wasn’t right for him? What if she told Jeff that he was too clingy? Too needy? Too obsessed with physical affection? God, Gary’s heart would probably shatter if Jeff ever left him. Jeff had become his best friend, his partner, his... his everything.

Moments later, Gary heard Jeff come inside. And Gary’s muscles tensed as he braced himself for whatever might come next.

“Hey, Gare Bear,” Jeff said, hugging him from behind.

“Hey,” Gary said, trying to sound upbeat. “How was the . . . uhm . . .”

“Great.”

Well, that was interesting. Some of the tension left Gary’s shoulders as he craned his head to catch Jeff’s eye.

“Can you tell me about it?”

“Yeah, I wanted to.” Jeff circled around to sit in the chair next to him. “Last week, I spent the whole session telling Dr. Goldstein my family history, which was”—he shook his head—“terrible. But, this week, I, uh, reminded her what happened with Don.” Jeff took a pause, and Gary nodded. No wonder Jeff had been in such a weird mood the previous week. He hated talking about his parents. “And I, uh, I talked to her about you.”

Gary’s stomach seized.

“Oh?”

Gary realized he must not have been hiding his worry very well, probably because he had started to bounce his stupid leg again, when Jeff immediately tried to reassure him.

“Nothing bad, Gare. Of course nothing bad. I could never say anything bad about you. Except maybe that your potato salad needs mayonnaise.”

Letting out a long breath, Gary huffed a soft laugh. “Excuse me,” he said. “I thought you liked it. ”

“Eh . . .”

“What?!”

“I liked you , Gare. I’d have eaten whatever you made for me.”

Gosh, that was sweet.

“Even the mush loaf?” Gary teased.

Jeff smiled. “I like your stupid mush loaf. I love that thing.”

Smiling back, Gary reached for Jeff’s hand. “Okay, okay, so what else happened?”

“Well, I told her what we were trying.” He cleared his throat. “Sexually.”

“Wait, not the specifics, right?”

Running his free hand over his face, Jeff let out a low laugh. “No, Gare, not... Jesus, I’m not in there talking about how much I like poking your prostate.”

Gary reeled back. “Yuck. Isn’t there a better way to say that?”

“What’s wrong with how I said it?”

“Nothing. Everything.” Gary pretended to make a face—scrunching up his nose and pursing his lips—and Jeff made the same one back to tease him. “Anyway. Continue.”

“I mean, she thought it was really smart. Checking in with each other and taking it slow and everything.”

Gary’s face brightened, his eyebrows shooting up. “Yeah?”

“Why’s that so surprising?”

“I thought she might tell you to break up with me.”

Jeff kissed the back of Gary’s hand. “If she had, I’d have fired her. I’d have fired her before she would have even finished the sentence.”

“Okay. Good.” Gary was completely satisfied for a moment, but then a thought popped into his head and his smile faltered a bit. “Have you been happy, then? With me? I know I still mess up sometimes. In the bedroom, I mean. I’m sorry for that. ”

“Of course I’m happy. I know we’re... I know we’re not through this yet. Fuck, maybe we never will be through it, but, Gare Bear, I’ve never felt so safe with someone before. Even before Don. I’ve never been with anyone else who made me feel like this. I’ll never expect perfection. Don’t ever be sorry for bedroom stuff. Ever. Just... I hope you’re not bored.”

“Bored?! How could I be bored? I mean, with you poking my prostate every couple of nights and everything.”

Jeff started laughing, and then Gary was laughing too.

“See?!” Gary said. “Doesn’t that sound weird?”

“Yeah, okay, it’s weird."

“Jeffrey, I could never be bored with you.”

Jeff’s face brightened, his eyes twinkling with happiness while his smile stretched across his cheeks. God, he was beautiful. Jeff was always beautiful. Even when he was sad. But, wow, when he was happy, he was breathtaking .

Gary leaned forward, and the two shared a soft kiss.

When they parted, Jeff nuzzled his nose. “Thanks, radio man.”

“Speaking of radio . . .”

Jeff looked up at the clock. “Five minutes ’til showtime.”

So, the two went to the studio. Over the next couple of hours, Gary hosted the show, but Jeff took a couple of calls himself, too. And when Jeff became lost in a conversation with one of the listeners about 1930s musician Buddy Clark, Gary stared in awe. Jeff looked so happy, so excited. He had really opened up ever since the two of them had met back in the Eastwood Mall food court. Seeing Jeff happy would never not make Gary happy too.

When Jeff finished the conversation and disconnected the line, he looked over at Gary and raised a curious eyebrow, probably having noticed Gary staring with a silly look on his face. Gary simply shrugged and mouthed “I love you,” and Jeff, still looking a little perplexed, mouthed it back .

Running the station together was so incredibly fun too. Before ten o’clock, when the show was supposed to end, Jeff and Gary became entrenched in a very enthusiastic but very fake disagreement about the best vegetables to put in vegetable burgers. Listeners in Niles were probably confused, but Gary hoped that maybe they were being sufficiently entertained by their nonsense.

After they signed off for the evening, Jeff stood up to stretch, and Gary practically tackled him with a hug. Lucky, Jeff never seemed bothered by Gary’s sudden and often-intense bouts of clinginess.

“God, I love you,” Gary said, squeezing him. “I love working together.”

“Me too.”

“I know we’re supposed to pick up my new specs tomorrow, but maybe we can put it off a little longer?”

“ Or we could pick them up and keep working together anyway.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Jeff started to wriggle about like he was trying to escape Gary’s hug, which was really stinking cute to watch.

“Gare, come on, you’re purposefully making it hard for me to look at you.”

Laughing, Gary relaxed his arms enough so that Jeff could face him properly.

“Let’s keep working together,” Jeff said, looking up at him.

“I mean, yeah, I’d love that, but I think we might need a bit more money. It’d be nice to have an emergency fund. For, you know, tornadoes.”

“Or other more common household emergencies.”

“Or those.”

“Don’t you start teaching in August?”

“Yeah, that’s true. ”

“Would you be able to pick up one more class?”

“Well, sure, in the future. Spring, maybe. But, then, who would run the station? Who would solicit money from our lovely community business owners?”

“Uh . . . me.”

Gary’s heart fluttered from excitement. “Really?”

“Only if I can expand our hours. I’d be able to sell more ads that way too.”

Gary studied Jeff’s face for even a hint of insincerity. Was Jeff teasing him? Gary still hadn’t responded when Jeff continued on.

“I’ll need better music too. My music.”

“Still not a fan of my yard-sale albums?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, so, you want your own shows, then?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“And we’ll keep living together?”

“I should fucking hope so,” Jeff said. He reached up to touch Gary’s cheek. “Come on, radio man. Let’s run the station together.”

Gary leaned into Jeff’s palm. “Jeff, that would like a fairy tale to me, but...” He pulled back. “Gosh, it’d be like fourteen hours of work every day. Are you sure you’d be up for it?”

“Yeah. I’m sure,” Jeff said automatically.

Overjoyed, Gary went to pull Jeff in for another body-crushing hug, but Jeff placed a hand on Gary’s chest, stopping him.

“Except Sundays,” Jeff insisted. “I want to make sure we have time together. Alone.”

“No programming at all ? Boy, I’m not sure how our listeners will feel about that.”

“Gare.”

“Alright, fine, we can try it. But if we ever need to fill the time, I think we’d have to sell it. Maybe to a couple of churches or something. Not that they’d want to buy radio time from two men living in sin.”

“Who else would they buy it from?”

“Good point. I’m sure Youngstown and Cleveland prices are through the roof, comparatively.”

Gary chewed on his lip. Could they really make this work? He still had a hefty sum coming to him from his father’s passing. Maybe they could purchase newer, better equipment with it, too, not only better records. Wow, how incredible this could be! Working with Jeff!

For a couple of seconds, Gary started losing himself to the fantasy of it—waking up next to each other every morning, having coffee together while they prepared the morning news segment, co-hosting a couple of hours of programming every morning and evening—it would be nothing short of magical.

“So? Yes?” Jeff asked.

“Yes. Of course yes,” Gary answered without hesitation. “I can hardly believe it. Jeffrey, this is... this is a dream come true.”

Jeff hooked his arms around Gary’s neck and leaned forward, pausing when their lips were mere inches apart.

“Yeah, it is,” Jeff said softly. “Dream come true.”

And then Jeff captured Gary’s mouth in a kiss.