Chapter 41

The pain devours me. Drowns me.

It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, something so consuming and demanding that I lose a piece of myself. A piece that I know I’ll never be able to get back no matter how much time passes. Even breathing seems like a chore, as if my lungs don’t want to take in air. What’s the point? To any of this?

So I sob.

I sob as my heart breaks into thousands and thousands of pieces. No, it doesn’t just break. It shatters. Crumples into particles finer than dust. They lay at my feet like an offering. An offering that no god or goddess will accept.

Kai…

Even saying his name in my mind causes my entire body to spasm. I can barely breathe around my ragged, gasping sobs.

And my other mates…

The Labyrinth’s pathways changed once more, separating me from my other men. I have no idea if they’re still alive or if they’re?—

I fall to my knees, dimly aware of Logan saying my name. Everything hurts. Aches.

Can’t breathe.

Can’t think.

Pain.

I press my forehead against the cool ground as Kai’s screams infiltrate my mind. His pleas for me not to look, for Logan to block my power. The agony emanating from his voice.

No. No. No.

He can’t be dead. He just can’t be.

No. No. No. No.

My mate’s dead.

He’s dead.

Dead.

Dead.

I throw my head back and scream. Just scream. It’s a broken, brittle sound, though it’s nothing compared to the sensation of my heart splitting in two. An angry, virulent storm wages inside of me as my scream reverberates off the stone walls, embedding itself in my very soul. I’m sure for years to come, this scream is going to haunt me. It’s a part of me, this brutal, broken, savage sound. A part of my genetic makeup.

I wrap my arms around my stomach and twist my body, like burning paper curling in on itself.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

And something inside of me…snaps. I can’t say for sure what it is, but one second, I’m broken and bleeding, wishing for death, and the next, ice encapsulates my heart. A translucent veil bathed in blood and sin shrouds my mind as all at once, the agonizing sounds pouring from my lips stop.

Everything freezes.

“You…” I barely recognize my voice as I stagger to my feet, jabbing an accusatory finger where I suspect Logan to be. My searching finger touches something hard—his arm, more than likely, or maybe his stomach—and I feel him flinch. “You kept me from my mates!”

I’m broken.

I’m nothing.

Just a candle burnt all the way down until only a sliver of wick remains.

And this wick is ready to burn the entire world to the ground.

“Nina,” he pleads, but his voice is like a razor blade being forced down my throat.

“I could’ve saved them! I could’ve saved Kai!” Tears and snot cascade down my face, but I don’t lift a hand to rub them away. My arm is too heavy, too numb. “How did you do it? How did you stop me from seeing through Kai’s eyes?”

“It’s a power I always suspected I had, given my lineage as an angel, but I never tested it out on you. I wanted you to trust me, and hindering your powers was not a way to bolster the trust that was slowly forming,” he answers softly.

Numb.

I’m numb.

Kai…

The pain threatens to drown me again, but I transform my pain into anger, hurling dagger after dagger into Logan’s chest with my eyes.

And he takes it.

“I could’ve saved him like I saved myself from Alyssa!” I scream. “Like I saved Bronson! Why did you stop me?!”

Emotions hover over us both like the blade of a guillotine waiting to drop. I know my mates want to protect me, but what about me protecting them?

“The Labyrinth dampens our powers, Nina,” Logan begins tiredly. There’s no hint of the friendly, flirty guy I’ve come to know. He sounds…dead. Remorseful. “Even you would not be strong enough. And I’d be damned if I didn’t honor Kai’s wishes and protect you.”

“Who even are you?” I cry, wanting him to hurt, to bleed. Just as I am. “You’re not my mate, Logan! You don’t get to have any say in my life. Just go away. Go—” My legs tremble, my knees caving in on themselves, and I fall forward, the strength finally waning from my bone-weary body.

“I’m sorry,” I sob into his shirt as his arms lock around me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” My words become incoherent, laced with agony and a loss so pronounced that my body feels leaden. “Why did my powers fail me? Why? Why did… How could…?”

And in Logan’s arms, I fall apart a second time.

Kai.

Damien.

Rion.

Abel.

Cain.

Bronson.

My mates. My loves.

One dead. Five separated.

Alone.

So, so alone.

“You’re not alone,” Logan cuts in vehemently, sounding choked up as he smooths a hand down my hair. “I’ll get you out of this, Nina. I promise.”

I’m already shaking my head before he even finishes speaking. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

“You can.” He holds my chin in a firm grip, forcing my head up. “You can, and you will. Kai—” He breaks off, swallowing heavily. “He wouldn’t want you to fall apart like this. He would want you to fight, dammit. You know that just as well as I do.”

More and more tears create bitter tracks down my face. “It hurts…” I moan.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. But I’m not going to let you die down here. I refuse to. So I’m going to give you ten more minutes. Ten more minutes to fall apart and rage at the world. But don’t lose yourself to the grief. Not yet. Because once those ten minutes are over, we’re going to begin moving once more. We’re going to find that door, sweetheart, and get out of here. You know as well as I do that your mates will be heading in that direction too. And when you’re all free of this hellhole, you can fall apart. But not now. Not yet. You’re not just fighting for yourself anymore. You’re fighting for your unborn daughter or son.”

“Logan…” I sob, shaking my head. “I?—”

“You can,” he interrupts, knowing what I’m going to say. “You can. I’ll be with you every step of the way. So take your ten minutes. Fall apart. Know that I’ll be watching over you, that I won’t let you shatter. And then pick yourself up, remember your baby and what Kai would want, and start fighting.” He brushes his lips against my forehead, the chaste gesture shattering something inside of me, before taking a step back. “Ten minutes.”

I scream.

I cry.

I rage at the world. Rage at the beast inside of me who protected Bronson and myself…but who failed to protect Kai.

And then I place a hand over my stomach where my baby rests and bolster my resolve. Brick by brick, piece by piece.

My baby.

Kai’s baby.

Our baby.

It doesn’t matter who the father is. This baby belongs to all of us.

So when the ten minutes are over and Logan takes my hand in his, gently leading me down the hall, I’ve shoved all of my emotions in a steel-enforced box and wrapped it in coils of barbed wire. When we’re finally free of this maze, free of the dangers that lurk inside of it, I’ll unlock it and embrace my pain and agony. Embrace the wound that will never heal properly, that will constantly flay me open.

All I can pray is that it doesn’t consume me.

The hourwe walk feels like a lifetime.

Logan and I don’t speak…

But I also don’t release his hand. It’s like he’s my anchor and I’m adrift at sea. I’m afraid that if I let go of him, I’ll lose myself to the merciless and ruthless waves of the ocean.

He pauses suddenly, hissing out a breath of air, and I freeze beside him.

“What is it?” My voice is strange to my own ears. Detached. It sorta reminds me of how Damien speaks to most people.

“Can you look through my eyes?” Logan asks, and with a heavy sigh, I do as he requests.

My power fizzles around me, sparking hotly and reaching towards Logan…

Before immediately retracting back inside of me.

Furrowing my brows, I try again, pushing my awareness into the bright ball of energy and light I’ve come to associate with Logan. It takes me a few tries, my pulse racing, but when I’m finally able to use his eyes for myself, I feel physically and mentally tired.

Logan’s gaze is fixed on me, his eyes sweeping over my haggard appearance. My face is red and blotchy with dark, crescent moon shapes beneath both of my eyes. And my eyes themselves…

They’re dead.

“You’re getting weaker,” Logan whispers in horror. “How long do you think you can hold the connection between us?”

Through his eyes, I watch my shoulders lift in a small shrug. My face is still devoid of any expression. Lifeless.

“If I only use your sight, I could probably hold on to the connection for an hour or two,” I say in that monotone, impassive voice of mine.

I hear him swallow before he tears his gaze away from me, focusing on the hall we must need to travel through. “Good.”

Colorful square stones create the flooring. Red, green, orange, yellow, blue, and purple. There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason for the placement of the colors, four in each row and about nine or ten creating a column.

“What are we waiting for?” I ask, taking a step forward. Logan immediately bands an arm around my waist, pulling me back.

“Wait.” He fumbles through his backpack and procures an apple. Crouching down, he rolls the apple until it lands on a green square.

For a moment, nothing happens.

And then a green mist erupts from every single crevice in large fumes.

I recognize it immediately as the green substance that burned Cain. Logan, his arm still wrapped around my waist, releases a low curse as his eyes narrow, distorting my vision.

“Fuck. We’re going to need to turn around,” he hisses, already pulling me back.

Continue moving forward. I jump ten feet in the air at the silky voice inside my head. It almost seems familiar. Low, masculine, and sultry. Confusion wages a battle inside of me as I turn desperately in a circle, searching for the source of the voice.

“Nina?” Logan stares at me intently. “What’s wrong?” Instantly, he’s on alert, moving until his body is standing protectively in front of me, his knife extended. “What did you hear?”

Continue moving forward, the voice repeats. Green. Orange. Orange. Yellow. Red. Blue. Red. Yellow. Orange.

“What?” My voice shakes.

Green. Orange. Orange. Yellow. Red. Blue. Red. Yellow. Orange.

“Nina, we need to go.” Logan tries to tug me after him, back in the direction we just came from, but my feet remain rooted to the spot as I process the mysterious voice’s words.

And then I picture the hallway in my mind’s eye.

Is this voice…? Is this voice giving us the pattern we need to follow to safely cross it?

The more I think about it, the more sure I become. There’s something about the voice that I trust innately. I have no words for why, only that I do. I trust that voice the same way I trusted my mates when I first arrived at the prison, confused and alone and scared out of my mind.

“Logan,” I tug on his arm until his gaze dips to me, “I think I know how to cross the hallway.”

“No,” he says immediately, shaking his head slowly. “We’re not risking it. And how would you even…?”

There’s no way in heck I’m going to tell him about the voice in my head. He’d think I’m insane. Or worse—he’d believe me…and then freak out.

“The combination. Green. Orange. Orange. Yellow. Red. Blue. Red. Yellow. Orange.”

Yes, that’s right. You know it’s right, Nina, my own mental voice coaches as the surety of my words cascade over me. My intuition knows without a shadow of doubt that this is the right combination.

Now all I need to do is get Logan to trust me.

“Logan, please,” I beg. “I’ll go first if you don’t?—”

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous,” he snaps, already turning back towards the hallway. “There’s no way I’m allowing you to go first.”

Before I can stop myself, my mouth drops open. “Just like that? You trust me just like that?” He didn’t demand to know why I knew what I did. He didn’t scoff at me and tell me that I was being stupid. He believed me irrevocably and unconditionally.

He pauses, spearing me in place with his gaze. “I trust you with my life, Nina Doe.”

Cracking his neck from side to side, he dances on the balls of his feet, preparing himself. And then he gracefully jumps from stone to stone. First green, then orange, and then the second orange in front of the first one. Then yellow, red, blue, red again, yellow and finally orange. When he reaches the end of the hallway and not one trap has been detonated, we both release heavy breaths.

Who was that voice in my head?

Why did he warn me?

And why did I trust him so…implicitly?

It almost sounded like…Nick. The man from my dreams.

But that’s impossible, right?

“Come on, Nina!” Logan calls, focusing his attention on the floorboards so I’ll be able to see where I’m going. “And don’t you dare fucking stumble and unleash a trap.”

I place both hands over my belly, drawing strength and comfort from my unborn child, before taking a deep breath and stepping into the hall.