Chapter 10

Lindsey

I hadn"t meant to snap at him, but it felt a lot like he was about to kiss me. I"d never been kissed before, and what if he expected something more than that? My heart raced at the thought. I wasn"t ready for all of this. I couldn"t handle all the feelings that arose just being near him.

I prided myself on being brave and fierce, but just maybe they had injected me with a bit of chicken too. It certainly felt that way when it came to Walker.

The guy sang and danced; he cooked; he cleaned; he loved children; and he was the most handsome man I"d ever seen in my entire life, not to mention those dimples. He was the real deal, everything any woman could ask for. What the hell was he doing with me?

There had to be a catch. Men like this simply weren"t real.

I"d learned the hard way to question everything. If it seemed too good to be true, it"s because it was. And Walker was definitely too good to be true. Maybe that made me a skeptic, but life had certainly given me enough reasons for that.

He reminded me of a prince in a fairytale or something.

Thinking of books had me changing directions as I headed for the library. Since our arrival I"d avoided that area of the house. But it called to me. In my beastly days just after the Raglan had dumped us and I"d fought my way to freedom, I"d returned home. I may have been stuck inside my beast at the time, but some part of me had survived because this is where she"d come—home.

Those that had been living here at the time had fled in fear. And it was here that I had learned to evolve and gain control over my beast. I"d had to re-learn how to shift and often had to battle her feral nature for dominance.

It wasn"t a time in my life I was exactly proud of. In frustration, anger, and self-loathing, I"d destroyed much of the house. Deep claw marks still marred the walls and staircases. Every mirror had been destroyed. Old memories and pictures shredded. There was no way Walker and the kids hadn't noticed that, but they"d all been kind enough not to say anything.

Cleaning the house today felt a bit restorative, like I was making amends with the past mess I"d made.

Slowly, I opened the door to the library. It was dusty inside, but exactly as I remembered. Tears pricked my eyes as I looked around the room at the warm, dark wood shelves built into the walls and ornately decorated. In the middle of the room stood a large wooden wolf statue, a tribute to my heritage. It hurt to look at it, and I cried, openly mourning the loss of my own wolf for maybe the first time ever.

I knew my wolf wasn"t entirely gone, but she"d suffered so much trauma at the hands of the Raglan. We both did. And while I knew she was me and I was her, it helped me to think of us as different beings. It was how I could wake up every day and put one foot in front of the other.

I hadn"t killed those creatures.

I hadn"t killed those people.

That was all the beast.

It had to be, because if it wasn"t, then it meant that I was truly the beast.

There had been so many times I"d considered ending my life. Kill the beast within. But I couldn't do it because to kill her meant killing me. And I was just selfish enough that I couldn"t go through with it.

Maybe that made me a chicken, too.

The world would probably be a better place without me. But then I thought of Maya and Dante. What would have happened to them if I hadn"t intervened and protected them? I loved those kids in a way I didn"t know was possible. As long as I was alive, they would never have to worry about the boogieman again.

I"d been caught with my guard down and that was never going to happen again. There was too much at stake now.

An image of Walker ran through my mind, and I sighed.

He wanted to return to San Marco. He"d even said as much. He wasn"t going to stay with us, and I worried about how quickly the kids were getting attached to him. It was going to hurt us all when he inevitably left.

I knew he thought he needed to protect me or something. I knew enough about mating to know that all mating males felt that draw to their mate. But this was different. No Alpha would ever accept a monster like me into his Pack.

That idea was just as much a fairy tale as the books currently surrounding me.

I took in a deep breath and inhaled the scent of old, worn pages. There was something so peaceful about the smell of old books and some of them had been here for generations.

The room wasn"t huge, but it was cozy and contained over a thousand titles. As a child, it had been my favorite place in the world as I"d choose a book from the shelves and curl up on the big window seat that looked out into the backyard and beyond to the river. It was a magical room.

I walked over to the window seat and dusted off the cushion, making me sneeze in the process. I noticed the book sitting there like it was waiting for someone to come and read it.

Beauty and the Beast. I groaned at the irony.

I"m certainly no Belle, I thought.

I thought of how I"d banned Walker to the servants' quarters and laughed out loud. How cheesy and pathetic could I possibly be.

Well shit, I really am the Beast of this story. I started to laugh even harder. It felt good.

I sat down and stared out into the darkness.

What were we going to do?

We couldn"t stay here forever. It was only a matter of time before the Alpha came and forced us to leave. I didn"t want to stand my ground if it meant killing another person again. That was in my past and something I"d have to eventually come to accept. But for now, I pushed it down as I always did.

That was the old me. I"m not that person anymore, I chanted to myself as I rocked back and forth, hugging my knees to my chest.

I wasn"t sure how long I sat, but when I thought the worst of it had passed, I forced myself to get up and leave the library. I felt raw and emotional. I just needed to sleep it off.

"Are you okay?" Walker"s deep voice sounded from somewhere in front of me.

I jumped, startled to find him there.

He stepped out of the shadows.

"Are you okay, Lindsey?" he repeated.

I could feel concern rolling off of him in waves, and I was too weak to deal with it at that moment.

"I told you to stay upstairs," I snapped, desperately trying to raise some sort of defense against this guy, but he wasn"t taking the hint.

Walker took a few steps closer and then stopped.

"You know I can feel your emotions, right? Something is bothering you."

"It"s nothing," I lied.

He closed the gap even more. My eyes darted around for escape, but my feet wouldn"t move. It was like they were glued to the floor.

He reached out his hand and gently caressed my cheek. I didn"t even notice how I leaned into his touch.

"It"s not nothing, babe. Let me in."

His voice held an edge of desperation and worry.

I didn"t even realize what was happening until he pulled me into his arms and lowered his lips to mine. They were light at first, just the faintest brush against mine. When I didn"t pull away, still frozen in shock, he pressed them firmer to mine.

His tongue darted out and licked the seam of my mouth. Shockwaves of pleasure ran down my body, and my lips parted in surprise. He used this moment to sweep his tongue against mine and explore the recesses of my mouth.

I had no idea what I was doing, but I raised up on my tippy-toes needing to be closer to him. My arms wrapped around his neck, my hands fisting his hair, holding him to me.

He kissed me harder, pouring desire into me.

My head spun and I couldn"t think straight. All I could do was feel.

It was wonderful.

Oh God, I never wanted him to stop kissing me.

His kisses drove away the darkness, the worry, the fears, until there was only me and him and the wondrous ways he was making me feel.

"Lindsey," he moaned in a reverent whisper against my lips.

Hearing my name caused reality to come crashing back down around me.

I gasped and pulled away, in a blink, I was on the other side of the room touching my swollen lips.

What was I doing?

What was he doing to me?

It had felt like he had me in a trance. Was that his power? Was he a witch? An enchanter?

"Lindsey, wait," he said.

"Upstairs, Walker, and don"t come back down," I growled, more angry at myself for losing control like that than anything.

"I"m your mate. You can"t run and hide from me forever," he said with a tinge of anger to his voice.

"Wanna bet?" I whispered to myself.

I escaped to my room and slammed the door behind me. My chest was still heaving as I tried to catch my breath, not from the run upstairs, but from him and the passion that had just flared between us.

I touched my lips again.

Had that really just happened?

My first kiss.

Damn. Were all first kisses like that? If so, no wonder everyone made such a big deal about them.

My mind flitted to things I shouldn"t think about. If kissing Walker felt that good, what would it be like to do other things?

I quickly shook my head. I couldn't even consider going there.

My beast and I were largely in sync now, but losing control like that meant letting my guard down. What would happen if she used that moment to take control? I could never allow that. I was a survivor, but I didn"t think I could survive it if I accidentally killed him in a moment of passion.

No. That could never happen. From now on, I was going to have to do a hell of a lot better at keeping my guard up. Kissing Walker was a very bad thing. I was going to have to remind myself of that over and over because, in truth, it had felt so damn good.