Chapter Eighteen

"This is fucking stupid," Trey said, his voice dark, a mixture of the one from him and the one from his bear. I'd noticed so far that if they were both in there, they weren't entirely separate—or sane.

"Hey, I'm not arguing."

"So why are we doing this? You shouldn't have me out of that cell."

"For someone who came trotting like a pup out of a crate, I really think you don't have a place to complain."

"I don't trot." Trey tucked his hands into his front pocket, his gaze darting around in a way that would make anyone uncomfortable. Still, the fact he'd remained in control for this long was a good sign, right? It went to show he wasn't quite as far gone as everyone thought.

At least, I'd think that, then one look at him twitchy, his hands drawn into fists would show that he wasn't nearly as in control as he might at first appear. I'd grabbed him some clothes from the supply in the guest room, since walking him around naked would probably get us arrested.

"So how'd you get him to agree to help me?" Trey asked.

"I'm very persuasive."

"Not from my experience. What, you annoy him until he agreed if it meant getting away from you?"

"Something like that." I shuffled my feet against the ground as we walked, having left Galen's car about a mile back. I'd learned that stealing modern cars wasn't that helpful since many of them could be located quickly or even disabled remotely. So even though I couldn't be tracked when driving it, the GPS could give them hints far earlier. Better to ditch the car as soon as possible. Also, given how often I'd used my sticky fingers on cars lately, I'd bet I wouldn't get much of a head start.

I'd popped the lock using my powers—ultimate lock pick extraordinaire!—then gotten Trey to follow me by telling him I had a plan. It seemed some promise of a plan could get people to agree to almost anything, at least when faced with the opposite.

We'd driven about twenty minutes away, out toward Indio, then left the car at a large outdoor mall. The walk across the street, into the less crowded area of the city had taken another twenty minutes or so.

The sun was up high, and it made me realize how little time I really spent outside. Why did I notice it now? Because I knew what was coming, because it was sort of my last outing? People got nostalgic when remembering the things they were losing out on. I guess that couldn't be helped, but I kept it to myself.

Trey had no idea the price I'd agreed to pay—would have never agreed if he'd known. That was fine, though. I wasn't doing this for approval, to make him feel obligated to me. I was doing it because it was right.

Trey had a lot of years ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to actually live them.

"How far are we going?" Trey asked.

"Not that much further. See the bright light up ahead at the end of the street? That's where we're headed." I elbowed him. "You can't be tired yet. Come on, you're young! And also a bear."

"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly at my best right now."

"You will be soon."

"And what's keeping the asshole from just killing us both?"

"Don't worry so much—I'll keep you safe."

He stopped walking and caught my arm, pulling me to a stop. It made me turn, forced to look up and into his face. The lines of stress rested there, proving he wasn't anywhere close to himself but trying to hold it all together. "I'm serious. If he finishes me off, who the fuck cares? You're putting yourself in danger, though, and for what?"

I stared back at him, refusing to look away. "Because this is all my fault."

"It's hardly your fault."

"You were selling my product because I pushed you into it. Ryder attacked you because of that. That makes it pretty clear that I'm at fault."

He shook his head. "I was doing stupid shit that would eventually catch up with me. I always knew it, was ready for the consequences of my shitty actions. I was a two-bit drug dealer playing with people who wouldn't hesitate to put me six feet under. The fact it finally caught up with me doesn't make it your fault."

I sighed, not sure how to respond. He seemed to believe what he said, that he didn't blame me, but that didn't mean I held no responsibility for it. I knew damn well I couldn't sit back and let him suffer, not if I could do something about it.

"So I don't give a fuck if he finishes me off. If it wasn't him, it'd be Galen. At least this way, that arrogant wolf doesn't get to be the one to do it. My problem is that you're putting yourself in this problem and right in Ryder's crosshairs."

"She's doing more than that." The new voice chilled me, since it was easy to recognize.

I turned to find Ryder there, at the doorway of the building he'd told me to meet him at. His lips had curled up into a smirk that turned my stomach, one that was far too perverted to be meaningless.

Trey must have recognized it as well, because he shifted himself so he stood between Ryder and me. What a stupid, chivalrous move. The reality was that I'd come to protect him. I didn't need some barely adult standing between me and anything, thank you very much.

"What are you talking about?" Trey asked, his voice low and threatening. It was funny because from first glance, it appeared that Ryder would be no threat at all to Trey.

Too bad I knew the reality.

"She didn't tell you?" Ryder laughed, the sound unnerving. "Of course she didn't. You probably wouldn't have come if she had, right?"

"She said that you agreed to try to fix what you did."

"Yeah, I did, but did she tell you why I'd agree?" Ryder grinned wider when Trey only furrowed his brows. "It's not like I'd do it for free. I know I scrambled your neurons pretty well, but I think you've got enough synapses to work this one through. I've been after your little girlfriend there for weeks. Her coming after me was just a happy accident that made it all a little easier. So, take it one step at a time, but what do you think she offered me?"

Trey let out a dark sound, one that suggested he'd figured it out. He didn't turn his back on Ryder, but he turned his head slightly, as though he wanted to ensure I could see exactly how pissed he was. "Please tell me he's kidding."

"Who's to say, really?"

"For fuck's sake, Grey. I knew you were stupid, but what the hell?"

"Wow, harsh. You could just say thank you."

"I'm not about to thank you for sacrificing yourself on some stupid fucking pipedream! There's no way that he'll actually help me—assuming he even could. So this is all for nothing—you end up hurt and for fucking what? For nothing."

"And you think instead I should have just sat back and done nothing?" I asked, then shoved his back in frustration. "Sorry, but that's not the sort of person I am. I wasn't about to just accept that you were going to die because of me, because I put you in a place to get hurt. So kindly fuck off, if you don't like my choices."

Ryder watched the back and forth as though it were some amusing television show in the background, something not worthy of his full attention but also not boring enough to stop watching.

"Oh, how about you fuck off," Trey responded, curling his lip up and into a snarl that bared his teeth. At the same time, the mist that signaled a change had started to envelop him, seeping out through his pores. "And this conversation isn't over." With that, he locked his focus on Ryder, and I found myself damn glad it wasn't locked on me.

Except, the moment he did, Ryder lifted his head, the action so subtle it could have almost been missed. What wouldn't get missed, though, was the sudden blast of power that dug into my mind with all the finesse of an ice pick. It seemed the same wave must have hit Trey, because he dropped to his knees and clutched his head. I didn't know if it was worse for him because Ryder had targeted him or if he took it harder due to the damage already done. Maybe it was like hurting a wound not yet healed—it hurt a lot worse than a new injury.

Whatever the reason, I couldn't keep myself awake, couldn't resist that blast of power. It was the first time he'd attacked me so directly, and I had no hope of resisting before everything went black. The last thing I heard was the angry roar of a bear.

* * * *

I woke later, my head feeling like someone had poured a cupful of gravel into my skull. When I moved at all, it shifted around, battering my mind and leaving small cuts in its wake. All in all, I had to say I didn't much recommend consciousness at this point.

However, as the events that had brought me here came back to me, I knew that just going back to sleep wasn't an option, so I forced my eyes open.

The room was light, something that struck me as odd. Would have figured Ryder would know the first step to being a proper villain was dramatic lighting. He should have lowered those bitches until even the ugliest guy at a bar started to look good.

Of course, Ryder was every bit as handsome as his brother, so it wasn't like he needed it for that particular reason.

Asshole. Just one more reason to hate him—and he'd already given me plenty of those.

"You up?" At first, the sight of Ryder's face let me relax. It was stupid—I knew this was Ryder, after all—but my brain went back to Harrison. How was it I was close enough with him now that even the sight of him would ease me, would make me feel safe? Ryder tilted his head slightly as he crouched beside me, making me realize I was flat on the floor in the center of a rather massive shop. The large windows at the front were all covered with brown paper, as though the place were getting ready to open.

The scent told me the truth, though. It was almost shockingly sweet, a sure sign that he'd used this place to make Cloud. Part of me was surprised he'd let me come here, but then again, he was probably about done here, ready to move on to the next little hole he'd crawl into. I pushed myself up to sitting as I considered the truth behind that. Ryder expected to destroy Harrison with this. He knew he'd blame himself for my death, and he wanted to take everything from his brother. Between pouring Cloud into the community and destroying me, he'd have finished his plan then slunk off into the sunset.

Which reminded me of the other important thing, so I looked around the room. "Where's Trey?"

Ryder smiled as though he found my stupidity oddly charming. "He's over there." He gestured toward the corner of the shop, where I spotted Trey's form in a heap. "He's stronger than I would have expected. Weres usually are, but I'm used to dealing with wolves. He's the first bear I've ever met, and I'd like for it to be the last."

"Did you fix him?"

Ryder let out a loud sigh as though the conversation bored him. "I did what I could. I told you from the start that it wasn't a for sure fix, but I patched up what I could."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I did what I said I would and gave it a shot. He'll probably not have to get put down anymore, but fuck knows for sure. He's never going to be totally normal."

I curled my hands into fists, frustration eating away at me with how little he seemed to care. He'd done this. He'd caused this pain. Sure, I had a hand in it, but he should feel worse than I did about it, yet he spoke as though it was the last thing he gave a damn about.

And fuck if that didn't make me want to end his pathetic life. I wasn't all that bloodthirsty normally. I was far more the type who'd get petty revenge when pissed off. I'd screw with people for years when they made me mad, but even with the worst of the worst, I'd never really wanted to kill them.

Maybe Ryder deserved an award for that shit.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" I asked.

"Does it matter? You've already given up your leverage, so it doesn't really matter if I'm telling you the truth or not. You can't do anything either way."

"You underestimate just how much of a problem I can be."

"I don't think I am. I've seen just how much you've screwed with my plans. Besides there's no reason for me not to do as you asked. It's not like I plan on killing you right away, so my life will be far easier if you behave yourself. If I screwed you over and lied from the jump, it'd just create more issues for me."

I stared at him, trying to determine the truth. I didn't trust that I could spot every lie from him, but he seemed to be telling me the truth. I had no idea if that meant Trey would recover, if he'd fixed enough to make a difference, but it was better than nothing.

"Okay," I answered. "I'll believe you."

"Good girl. Now, we need to get going."

"Where?"

"Well, we can't stay here. I've got no idea if you gave anyone else the information or if Harrison could track you somehow. I know you wouldn't have told anyone right away, but you could have left a note. It's better to leave the bear here and we go. I've finished my time in this area anyway—I've managed to take everything away from Harrison, to make sure he knows exactly how I've felt all these years. My work here is done." He rose, then grabbed a stack of clothing off one of the tables. When he tossed it, it landed in a pile before me. "Change into this. I want everything off so there's no chance of you wearing some tracker. You'll leave your jewelry, your phone, your shoes, everything."

"You're just like all men, telling me to get naked as soon as we meet," I muttered, then stared at him with one eyebrow lifted.

He rolled his eyes but turned his back on me. Him giving in surprised me, but I'd guess that was a timeline thing. If he had to fight with me, everything would take far longer.

"Don't think I'm going soft," Ryder said, his back still to me. "If you cause me problems, I have no problem tearing the bear's mind apart again. I just want to get this done as fast as possible."

I stripped, hating again how bright the room was. I'd rather have it dimmed so I didn't feel like I was stripping under a fucking spotlight. I ignored that, though, I went as quickly as I could. It wasn't for Ryder's comfort, but rather I wanted to be dressed again as soon as possible. I disliked the idea of being buck-ass-naked in a room with an unstable Werebear and a drugged-up Mind. Nope, that was about the time I'd prefer a full suit of armor.

However, the black sweats and sweatshirt that Ryder had given me would have to do. At least they were butt-fuck ugly. If he'd put me in some frilly bullshit, I'd have been even more annoyed. No one could see this get up and get an erection, though.

And if they could? They were into shit way too weird for me.

"Done," I said as I pulled on the second shoe. He'd left sandals for me, ones that used a single strap over the top of the foot. It meant that despite them being a tad too big, they'd work well enough. I scrambled to my feet once I'd finished.

"Keys?" he asked.

"Left them in the car."

"Phone?"

I held my hands out, unwilling to answer that one. "I don't have anything, as you can see."

His gaze moved over me, sending less than pleasant shivers through me. "How can I be sure you haven't hidden anything?"

"Yeah, thanks, but I am so not into the idea of some weird cavity search kink right now. I'll pass." Even as I said that, I lifted the hem of my sweater to show off my stomach and the waist of the sweats, trying to sell the fact.

He came closer, and the sensation of his hands patting over my clothes turned my stomach. Still, I didn't move, didn't jerk away as he checked my pockets for anything I might use against him. When satisfied, he made a slight grunt.

Was he sorry he couldn't keep this up longer? Bastard.

"All right, then, let's get going."

I turned toward Trey, the idea of leaving him there passed out not sitting all that well.

Ryder waved him off. "He'll wake up in a few hours all on his own. At that point, he'll see how it went, but it's not my problem anymore. Come on." Ryder wrapped his hand around my arm, his grip tight enough for my crow to object. He pulled me toward the back of the shop.

I caught one more glimpse of Trey, surprised to find his eyes open, though it didn't seem like they locked on anything. Fear bubbled inside me, but I kept quiet. It was probably just his mind recovering—at least, that's what I told myself as Ryder led me out the back.

"You're going to just leave all that stuff there?" I asked.

"Why not? Cleaning it up would be a pain. The items needed to make Cloud aren't that hard to get, save for what I need from Harrison, which I already have packed up. It's easier to just start over in a new city with all new shit. Besides, it isn't like everyone doesn't know it was me—no reason to get rid of any evidence." He opened the door to a large crew cab truck. I grabbed the ‘oh shit' handle, annoyed by the lack of running boards. Short people exist, damn it! I hauled myself into the truck just before he slammed the door shut.

The engine roared to life after he hit the start button, then put it into reverse. The back seat was full of boxes—evidence that he was planning on running.

I laughed, unable to help it.

Ryder peered to the side, frowning. "Not sure there's much to laugh about right now. What, have you lost your fucking mind already?"

"I was just thinking about how many times I thought about running off over the past years. When I got myself into trouble, when I was framed for murder, when things were so fucking hard, I'd always think—I could just run away. I could disappear and none of this would be my problem anymore. I think it's hilarious that when I finally do, it's with you." I wiped my eyes, which had started to water. "Gotta say, I never saw that one coming. Life does like to be random."

Ryder steered the large vehicle with ease, a sign that he was used to it.

It shuddered when we hit a pothole, but Ryder didn't seem to notice. The lights of the shop disappeared into the distance, the darkness growing and along with it—my anxiety. It was like now, with just the two of us, I really had to face the uncertainty of my future, the reality of my position. I'd gotten trapped here with a guy who not only wanted to hurt me, but who was looking forward to it.

And here I was, sitting in his truck, headed away from any chance of help. I was leaving behind everything in my life. I was leaving behind the life I'd created, my home, my family, the people I'd surrounded myself with. I didn't look for them to save me, but fuck if it didn't hurt that I wouldn't see them again.

I thought about how pissed Harrison would be when he learned about this, and worse, how he'd blame himself. I thought about the way Galen would rage, cursing me not coming to him. I could only picture the retribution Kelvin would rain down on Ryder—and I was pretty sure that asshole would track down Ryder all on his own. Was it some sort of petty revenge that I felt sure Ryder would pay for what he'd done?

Too bad it would be too late to actually do me any good, with me being six feet under by that point.

Hopefully. Sure, dying wasn't included in my best-case scenario usually, but considering the other choice? Thinking back to how it had felt when Ryder had dug through my brain before? I really thought dead might have been a better option.

"Do you really hate Harrison this much?" I asked.

Ryder's hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Wouldn't you? What if you knew someone who stole everything from you? I was born to powerful parents as well—I should have become Clan head. Instead, he took it all from me. I have to live every day seeing him, hearing all about him, knowing that I should have gotten that all. Do you know what that feels like?"

I thought back to the person who had changed my entire life. I recalled the way I'd hated him some of the time for it. "I was there, once."

"Oh, yeah?"

I nodded, then stared out the window as I spoke. "Yep. I wasn't born like this, you know? I had a life, plans. They weren't good exactly, but they were mine. Then someone showed up, and they changed that all. They didn't ask my opinion, didn't give me an option, just turned me into this."

Ryder frowned, as though trying to get a handle on our conversation. "So you should get how that changes a person. Don't you want to make them pay? You might not get your old life back, but you've got to want to do something so they feel the same pain?"

I hated that I couldn't fully deny his words. How many times had I cursed him, had I lashed out because of everything I'd lost, all the things I'd suffered. "There was a time when I thought that, too," I admitted softly. "When it first happened, when I first changed, I was so angry. All I could see was everything I'd lost. I've always been difficult, but along with that anger? I just couldn't help it."

"So how can you blame me for what I'm doing?"

"Because I grew up. I look around me now and, well, it's not so bad. Is my life the one I thought I'd have? Fuck, no. I thought I'd have more money, more orgasms and far fewer annoying men in my life. That's not what happened, though. By clinging onto what I thought I was supposed to have, it only dragged me down, it only made me angry. Now, though, when I see what my life is like, it isn't that bad. I have friends, I have family, I have things that I would have never had if that hadn't happened."

"Sounds a lot like putting lipstick on a pig."

"Maybe it is, but if you have to kiss that pig, you can't tell me lipstick won't help. Look, we all end up in the position we end up in. You can stomp your feet and act like a victim or you can just fucking get on with it. Instead of you still getting a good life, you ruin the rest of your days yourself. I'm a huge fan of self-sabotage, but is that really what you want?"

Ryder pressed his lips together, his gaze hard. Clearly, the boy didn't much like getting a taste of reality. Then again, I'd found a lot of Minds tended to not like arguments since they were so used to being able to influence those around them. "You don't understand," he said finally, his tone was lower than before. "You can't understand. You were turned into something more, not something less. Harrison was taken for training to become the next Clan leader. Me? I got shipped off to a human boarding school because they saw no use for me. I didn't even get to be raised with my family because of Harrison. I wasn't welcomed in the Spirit world, but I wasn't human, either. I became a person unwanted everywhere. You got a second world—I lost mine. We are not the same."

I shook my head. "You're just comfortable in your anger. You feel safe there, hating everyone, blaming Harrison for everything. Life is a lot simpler when you're never at fault for anything, isn't it? When you're able to point your finger and make it all someone else's problem? That's the coward's way, and I won't pretend like I haven't done it a hundred fucking times myself, but at least I can admit it. I don't hurt others just because it makes my life easier."

"You really are stupid, aren't you? Calling me a coward when I'm in charge of you?"

I laughed, the sound bouncing off the interior of the truck cab. "You're going to do what you want to do with me. I know I don't have long left—why the fuck would I spend it kissing your ass? Please, bitch. If I'm going to kiss a man's ass, it'll be one who's a lot fucking better than you."

I barely got the words out before pain echoed through my skull, a blast of power that was sickeningly familiar. It hit me so fast, I nearly missed Ryder's words. "You don't seem to understand your position, but you will. I'll take your mind apart bit by bit until you realize who the better man really is."

"It'll always be Harrison," I forced past my lips despite the pain. "He isn't better because of his power, but because he doesn't abuse that power!" I turned my face from his, to look out of the windshield, the darkness of the back road lit only by the glow of Ryder's headlights. I still had no idea where we were headed, but I had a sinking suspicion we wouldn't make it that far.

Good riddance.

There, in the center of the headlights, something appeared. I couldn't make sense of the dark shape at first, but Ryder must have noticed it as well. He slammed the brakes, sending me forward, catching myself on the dashboard. The pain in my head, at least, disappeared. It seemed Ryder had bigger problems to deal with.

The truck came to a hard stop, metal groaning around us. I looked forward, where golden eyes met mine.

Trey?

How the fuck had he gotten here? His huge paws were against the hood of the truck, the metal dented to show that between him and a truck, he easily won. He had his teeth bared, and I really couldn't tell if he was any saner than he'd been before.

"Fuck," Ryder muttered, and a glance toward him showed red streaking down his face. He must have hit his head on the steering wheel. As he peered out of the windshield, spotting Trey, he narrowed his eyes, a sure sign that he planned to undo any work he'd done to fix him.

Not on my watch, asshole.

I pressed my back against the door and brought my legs up, then kicked as hard as I could, aiming for Ryder's head. I made myself a nuisance for him, which was enough to distract him from focusing on Trey.

I'd sacrificed enough—I wasn't going to let that go to waste by allowing Trey to get brain-fucked now.

Ryder turned his attention on me, grabbing my ankle just as I went to kick him again. Before he could do anything else, the door behind me opened, and I toppled backward. I expected to hit the ground, but to my amazement, that didn't happen. Instead, someone caught me.

I craned my neck to find Harrison there, relief all over his perfectly crafted face as he stared at me. However, as though all he needed was to find out I was okay, he tore his gaze away from me and focused instead on Ryder.

And fuck if that wasn't one nasty look. I didn't see it much from Harrison, but that expression held so much anger. It seemed he'd hit a point where he wasn't as able to control himself anymore.

Ryder stared back, the two of them looking so damn similar that it threw me. How could two people be so much the same, even share DNA, and yet end up entirely different?

Ryder's door opened, and Trey reached in—still fully shifted—and yanked him out.

Harrison helped me backward, until I got my feet under me.

"Trey—" I started to say, pulling away to ensure Ryder didn't attack him again.

"He can't do anything, not while I'm here," Harrison assured me. "My powers are far stronger than his, so with me here, even his Cloud isn't enough to overcome."

His words reassured me, and before I knew what happened, my knees gave out. Harrison's hands were still on me, which kept me upright yet again. I let him hold me, thrown by the fact that I'd just been ready to die but now…it didn't seem that would happen. I'd just been tumbling over a cliff, certain of my own end, but now I had Harrison's arms around me.

"How are you here?" I asked. "You can't track me."

"Galen called me and told me the location of the car. I went there and sensed Trey nearby. I found him at the shop and woke him."

"But we aren't anywhere close to there anymore, and you can't find me or Ryder."

Harrison shifted me so I turned, facing him. He stroked his fingers over my cheek, the touch so gentle it made my chest ache. "Bears have a fantastic sense of smell. He was able to track Ryder by scent." He peered down at me, noting the changed clothing, stared hard at my face—which I must have hit on the dashboard when the truck came to such an abrupt stop. "You were hurt again because of me."

"Not because of you. I made the choice to come here, to save Trey. I couldn't let him get killed when I could stop it."

"Trust me, you are not the only one who will have to deal with that," Harrison said. "You'll have to answer that to a few people. I suspect Galen will get here soon, and Kelvin as well. I doubt they will find your penchant for self-sacrifice to be as charming as you think it is."

I sighed, thinking about facing off against those two after everything else. No doubt they'd be pissed, but what other options did I have?

I turned to find Trey coming closer, easily holding the much smaller Ryder by the back of his neck. They got to just in front of us, and I was really damn happy to have the huge Trey there. Ryder had appeared angry before, but it was nothing compared to his look right now. He stared at the way Harrison touched me, an anger in his expression that was terrifying.

I'd learned that emotion that deep could twist people, could make them do things that would be unimaginable at any other time. In other words? It could push a person to things even I didn't want to think about.

"This is over, " Harrison said, speaking to Ryder. "I have tried to help you, tried to protect you for my entire life. I ignored when you came after me, when you targeted me, but you have now gone too far. I will not ignore your actions when they endanger those I care for."

"Please," Ryder snapped back. "You're fucking loving this. You love when you get to be the hero, when you get to be the big man over me."

"You think that because you see the world as you and everyone else against you. You have no idea how to exist in a community, how to interact with others without dominating them. You are fearful of others, and due to that, you go straight to hatred. You want to harm others before they harm you, and you don't care if they were going to at all."

Ryder laughed, the sound lacking any genuine sense of sanity. "So what now? You'll kill me? Let's not play stupid games like that—you don't have it in you to do that. You feel too guilty about everything you stole from me. Are you going to take my life, too?" He tossed the question out like a challenge, and no matter how much I knew Ryder deserved exactly that, I also suspected Harrison wouldn't.

"No," Harrison said, his voice softer. "But I will have you locked up so you can't hurt anyone again. You can live your life in isolation, so you don't have the chance to carry on as you have been."

I sighed, wanting to tell him he was an idiot, but knowing better than to do so. This was Harrison's choice, and I understood how he wouldn't want to be the one to kill his own brother. If I pushed him into it, if I made him do that, he'd only come to resent me for it later. At the end of the day, this had to be his choice.

His wrong fucking choice…

Except, before I could say anything else, a startling fear overcame me, and right on its heels—a pain in my head. I looked toward Ryder, familiar enough with his tricks to identify it immediately. Whatever he'd done must have surprised everyone, because Trey had dropped to his knees and even Harrison stumbled. Ryder took his new freedom to come forward, his hand out. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything to stop what happened as Ryder shoved his palm against Harrison's face.

At first, I thought maybe he was trying to smother him, until he pulled back and I spotted the familiar clear powder on his palm. Worse, more of it rested on Harrison's face.

Harrison blinked, stumbling and catching himself on the side of the truck.

"Harrison?" I asked, unsure what to say.

He looked up at me, but his eyes held a strange vacancy, as though he weren't truly awake.

Ryder started to laugh, moving backward. Trey appeared unconscious in the dirt.

"What did you do?" I asked.

Ryder gestured toward his brother. "What does it look like? You know, in all the time he made Cloud for me, all our attempts, he never took it. Not once. He knew it would increase his power, that it would take away that pesky sense of responsibility he had, but he still never took it. I wonder what the effects will be."

"Maybe it'll be that he tears your mind apart, you fucking idiot," I shouted.

"I doubt that. Look where his eyes are locked. You're way too interesting for him to take notice of anything else. I'd wanted to fuck you up myself, but maybe this is better. Harrison will sober up sometime tomorrow and he'll have to live with what he does to you."

"He would never—" I started to say, but a sudden pain shot through my temples.

It wasn't the same as when Ryder. In fact, it made Ryder feel like some ham-fisted virgin trying to figure out where a girl's clit was. Harrison, on the other hand, sliced through any defenses I had with such speed and dexterity that it terrified me. It went to show that no matter how much he tried to hide his power, how much he tried to never scare another person, never do things they wouldn't want, he was more than capable of it.

I managed to look back at Harrison for a moment before I felt him fully take over my mind.

Fuck. This didn't look good.

* * * *

The world had disappeared around me so I existed in some void with only Harrison across from me. He stared at me, his expression different from the one I'd grown used to. He seemed distant, not himself.

"You can resist this," I said when the silence became too much. The pain had lessened, but I was still fully aware that he was there, inside my mind, and that he could tear me apart from the inside easily.

"But why would I?" Harrison tilted his head but came no closer. "Do you know how hard I work to control myself? All my life, my powers have been enough to affect others even when I try not to, even when I exhaust myself attempting to hold it back. Day in and day out, I have to keep myself from doing what comes natural to me."

"That's because you don't want to hurt people," I said, trying to break through to him, past the Cloud, past the madness that created.

He shook his head. "You don't understand. You can't. You have no idea the pressure on me to resist or the drive inside me to taste the minds of those around me. It is like constantly walking through a buffet and not being allowed to sample anything. You steal—I saw your home, the countless shiny baubles you'd taken to please that other side of you, the crow inside you that demands that. However, me? I'm expected to always resist, to never give in, to be perfect."

I forced myself to walk closer to him, hoping that by seeing me more clearly, I might shake him back awake. It wasn't like I suspected this fake distance between us made a bit of difference when it came to his ability to harm me. "It's not about being perfect. You just know the man you want to be. Ryder tried to tell me that he was better than you, but I told him that was bullshit. You wake up every day and want to do more for those around you. You want to protect others, want to keep them from getting hurt. You are a better man than he could ever be."

Harrison let out a low groan, as though he loathed that I had to say such a thing. "Will you hate me, then? I don't think I can resist, so will you hate me later for what I'm about to do?"

"Can't you resist it?" My voice trembled.

His answer was his expression, one mixed with both excitement and anguish, as though the Cloud fought with his conscious and he was sure the Cloud would win. No, he couldn't resist. The best I could hope for was Trey to wake up, for Galen or Kelvin to arrive, which meant the most important thing was to survive this.

It meant when he came forward the last few steps that separated us and placed his hands on my cheeks, when the pressure in my mind increased, I forced myself not to fight it. Sure, I tended to much prefer my privacy. My crow pecked at the inside of my skull, hating the idea of anyone taking anything from me—especially my thoughts, my memories. Still, I didn't fight, didn't resist it at all. I understood that resisting would only make the damage worse.

And as weird as it sounded, my biggest fear was Harrison when he woke from this drug later, when he saw what he'd done. If I fought this, I'd be dead, but him? He'd have to live with it. That felt like letting Ryder win, and I was too petty a bitch for that.

So I tried to ignore the pain when he slipped deeper into my mind, the touch of him against my thoughts so much more personal than when we'd had sex. It was a whole different level of intimacy that I honestly never fucking wanted. Still, I kept myself relaxed.

The first thought that popped open, the memory that swarmed through me wasn't one like Ryder had pried from me. He'd wanted the painful ones, the ones I'd hated. Harrison, instead, woke a memory of a family dinner. I couldn't even recall exactly when it had happened, only that it was before I'd changed.

I saw myself, a few years younger, and my family all around the table at my mom's house. My siblings were still underaged, looking so young and innocent, but me?

I almost laughed at the troublemaker I appeared. Instead of my now normal blue hair, I'd had the locks dyed a bright red. I think I'd been kicked out of an apartment after a dustup with a neighbor, and my mom had let me spend a few nights there to gather myself.

"I've never had a family dinner." Harrison's voice made me turn to find him behind me, his gaze locked on the table. "It looks nice."

At least he sounded a bit less…crazy.

"We did them a lot. Once my brother and sister moved out, they became a little less often, but we still do them at least once a month. Maybe you'll come with me next time."

"I doubt your brother would like that."

"He never likes the men I bring to dinner." I frowned. "Why this memory?"

"It was easy to access. I know you're trying to give me space, to not resist, and I'm trying, too. If you were anyone other than you, I would have turned your mind to nothing but sludge already. Only you could get me to hold back, even with the Cloud."

"That's oddly terrifying and romantic, which I'm pretty sure is the only type of romantic I'm willing to accept."

Harrison let out a noise full of pain before clutching his head. I didn't need to ask why, because someone else suddenly stood in the room as well.

Ryder.

"I can't believe I underestimated you," he said, looking my way with an expression that didn't bother to hide any of his disgust. "I thought that Cloud would be enough to deal with Harrison and you, but imagine my surprise when I figure out that somehow, you got through to him."

"I don't want to hurt her," Harrison said, his voice full of pain. "I don't want to cause any harm to her."

"Of course you do—you just resist it. I know you, because we're so much alike. You want to hurt her, to dig into her thoughts and own them all for yourself. You want to taste every memory of hers, to roll around in her brain. It doesn't matter how well you think you know a person, there's no way to get closer, to own them more than to dig into their mind, into every piece of them that they try to hide from the world. You hide from it all you want, you pretend that you're somehow different, but I know the truth. You see, no matter how little time we spent together, you and I are exactly the same. You just won the lottery, and I lost it. But if anyone understands the darkness inside you, it's me. You don't need to hide it, not from me."

Harrison shook his head, his hands still clutching tightly. Even though he denied it, I could see the truth in his face. He did want to hurt me, at least in this moment. It might have been the Cloud along with the years of self-restraint snapping, but he wanted to crawl through my head, damage be damned.

"You see," Ryder said, this time to me, "Harrison might act high and mighty, but at the end of the day, he's a scared little boy. We didn't spend much time together as kids, but we did a few times. Once, I got to come stay where he was being trained for a weekend. I guess they thought it would be good for him to have me there. It was pretty fucking cruel to make me witness everything I didn't get access to, but what did they care about me? The thing is, I got to see the real Harrison then. He was nothing but a little boy trying to live up to the expectations of others, knowing he'd never manage it. I knew then that I should have been the one to get the powers, that I could have ruled better. I'm stronger than he is. He's the same now, too, just a kid trying to pretend to be an adult."

I went over and shoved Ryder, my helplessness turning to anger. "I told you before and I meant it. You will never be half the man he is!"

Ryder smirked. "I hope you think that when he rips you to pieces. I wish I could have done it, but I'll enjoy watching it just as much."

The room disappeared, and instead, I found myself in another memory. The car where I had my first real conversation with Harrison? After he'd saved me when I'd been in my crow form? As quickly as it happened, it changed again. Sparks of my life flashed by so fast that I couldn't keep track. A dull throbbing in my head was impossible to ignore.

"You see," Ryder said, whispering into my ear, "He will always pick me. He could kill me now if he wanted to, but he won't. He feels too guilty, like if he can just fix me, then everything is okay. It doesn't matter how much he cares about you, he will never kill me—not even to save you."

I cried out as the pressure in my mind grew, as I struggled to stay conscious in some form. Everything swirled around me, the pain growing.

Until it slowed for just a moment, as if between blinks it had stuttered. Across the space, in the darkness, I spotted a figure.

Kelvin? It made no sense, since we were in my memories, my thoughts, and only a Mind could enter there. I was sure of it, though. I wouldn't ever not recognize Kelvin, especially with those bright eyes. He offered me a mocking smile as though to kick me in the ass.

What the fuck was I doing? I wasn't the type to give up, to give in, to accept bullshit.

This was my mind, for fuck's sake. It was a twisted, broken place, but it was mine. As the world twisted around me, as everything became harder and harder to keep up with, I focused, taking us back to that first memory of the family dinner. It took form around us, younger me sitting there in the chair almost like she could see me.

"What the fuck?" Ryder asked, his eyes wider, as though he'd figured out something had changed.

I ignored his question though and reached toward the table, wrapping my fingers around my goal. "You made one big fucking mistake," I said. "You know that Harrison is too noble to kill you, but you forgot one thing."

I approached Ryder, ignoring Harrison, ignoring the room, ignoring everything other than the man currently in my sights.

"And what's that?"

I tightened my grasp around my weapon. "That I'm not a good person like he is." I drove the steak knife from the table up and into Ryder, aiming it to slip beneath his ribs. After sinking it in, I twisted it, needing to do as much damage as possible.

Ryder reached out and grasped my wrist, his expression full of shock. It seemed he really hadn't realized what I was capable of to protect those I cared about. I didn't love the idea of ending a life, but I'd do it in a heartbeat if needed.

"You…" he said, the one word broken.

"You're right—Harrison would never hurt you, but I'm not him. If it takes me ending you to protect him, I'll carry that weight."

He let out a laugh, one full of pain. "This wasn't how I thought this would go, but it's not that bad. I still fucked Harrison over."

"No, you didn't. I protected him."

"And you think that he's going to thank you for it? You think he'll forgive himself for what he did to you? That he'll thank you for killing the brother he's been trying to save?" He laughed, the sound breathless and confident.

I turned my head to find Harrison staring at us. Had this woken him? Broken the hold the Cloud had on him? I took a step toward him, but he backed away. The rejection hit me hard, Ryder's words still ringing in my head.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I didn't get the chance. Instead, Harrison collapsed, and when he did, the false world around me dissolved.

"She's coming around," came a voice I instinctually turned toward. It was familiar and safe and fuck if I didn't need that right about now.

I forced my eyes open to find Kelvin there, my head in his lap, with Galen beside me.

"Harrison," I said, scrambling up only to have Kelvin hold me tighter so I couldn't go anywhere.

"He's breathing. What the fuck happened, Grey?"

And fuck, I really didn't want to tell this story…

* * * *

Hours later, I was back home. It was strange how my house didn't feel like mine anymore. The world hard changed too much.

No, that wasn't right. I'd changed too much.

"You okay?"

I nodded and forced myself to smile even if I didn't feel like it as I turned around to face Kelvin. "Yep. Of course."

He sighed, a half-smile on his lips. He saw right through the attempt, didn't he? Instead of calling me on it, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. I breathed in the scent, one I used to hate. Was it because of our bond? Had that changed it? I didn't know, but it didn't matter right then, either. All I knew for sure was I needed to feel like things were steady.

The way Harrison had looked at me still haunted me, that look of betrayal, Ryder's words. I'd done it to save him, but I might have lost him at the same time.

"It'll be okay," Kelvin said.

"How do you know that?" I asked. "How can you be so sure?"

He pulled back enough to look down at me. "Because I know you. You are an annoying little pest who never gives up—but that's one of your strong suits. I know none of this went the way you wanted it to, but you'll get through it. You'll figure out a way to make it okay, because if anyone could, it would be you." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my forehead, the touch achingly sweet. It made me realize just how tired I really was.

And instead of fighting it, I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight.

I'd have plenty of other things to deal with later. My life was still a fucking mess, after all. I was still a seat on the Council, I had a job to worry about, a werewolf who insisted I become his mate, a vampire who had made me his thrall and one pissed-off Mind who might just hate me now.

I'd won, right? I mean, we'd dealt with the Cloud dealer, we'd found my stalker and we'd come out on top. Trey was healing—so far as I knew. He had to live with Galen for safety, and he certainly wasn't entirely sane, but who amongst us was? Harrison and I had gotten closer, learned to rely on each other, had some mind-blowing sex, but now?

It felt like Harrison was light years away. He'd woken up—Ignis had called me to let me know—but he'd yet to reach out to me. And I, being a coward, hadn't tried either.

I was supposed to be happy, wasn't I? We'd succeeded even when it didn't seem possible.

However, as I wrapped my arms around Kelvin, as I let him support me because I just couldn't bear the weight of even my own body, I knew the truth.

Everyone was a little bit out of their flocking minds at the end of the day.