Chapter Fourteen

I never felt like I had that much in common with my siblings. They'd grown up in such a different world than I had, and we didn't share fifty percent of our DNA. On top of that, they'd both turned out so fucking perfect that I felt like the only one in the family who really didn't fit in.

However, the glare my brother, Joshua, gave me was so damned familiar that no one would mistake us for anything other than siblings. He looked half asleep and more than a little annoyed at getting pulled from his bed and brought into work.

"You are the worst older sister," he muttered as he walked into the exam room. "I expected to find you waiting outside. How did you get in?"

"The same way I got into your room for years. Lock picking is a very useful skill."

Joshua lifted his hand to cover his mouth as he yawned, then peered around the room.

Harrison had woken, which meant he was at least sitting upright on the exam table. Still, the blood that escaped his temple and ran down his face showed he wasn't up at his best.

And Joshua proved ever the professional he was when he spotted the injury and didn't so much as lift his eyebrow. Instead, he slid right into his doctor mode, the sleep seeming to leave him in an instant.

"My name is Dr. Joshua Reynolds," he said as he approached Harrison. "What happened?"

"He got hit with a stick."

" You hit me with a stick, you mean," Harrison pointed out.

"Oh, that was like fifteen minutes ago. How long are you going to keep complaining about that?"

"How about until I at least stop bleeding?"

I sat in the chair beside the exam table and crossed my arms, getting out of Joshua's way. It wasn't like I could really argue with Harrison right now, in front of my brother. Besides, was an argument really needed? Joshua had so easily accepted the idea that I'd been the one to hit Harrison, I was almost insulted.

Joshua went about his work, first using prewet towelettes to clean Harrison's face. It made me realize…I really had hit him hard.

Then again, in my defense, I'd had every reason to believe that he was about to kill me. I valued my life too much to fuck around.

Still, I couldn't help the bit of guilt that assuaged me as Joshua wiped off the blood.

"Headache? Vision issues?" Joshua went about asking questions to judge just how much damage had occurred, then added two butterfly bandages to hold the skin together. "I don't think you have a concussion or any severe damage, but I'd like to do an MRI just to be safe."

Harrison managed to give me one hell of a glare, as though pointing out yet again this was all my fault. I'd thought him so pointlessly serious before, but that face showed he just hid his feelings behind a good mask. "Very well," he said, pulling his focus back to Joshua.

Joshua turned toward me, looking just as pleased with me as Harrison was. "Stay here. I'll take your friend for the MRI, then I'll have to review the results. I'll come back in when I have them."

"Sure. Sit, stay, I get it." I waved them off, telling them with that gesture that I was fine and wouldn't cause any problems.

Joshua and Harrison wore almost identical looks as they left the room.

The door remained closed for only a few moments before a familiar voice floated through it and it opened.

"Grey!" Ignis threw her arms around me, her face bathed in worry.

Right, I probably should have talked to her and told her I was fine. It reminded me that she'd been on the phone when I'd first gotten attacked.

"Wait, did you call Harrison?"

"Obviously," she snapped as she pulled back. "You were on the phone, then you cried out and the line went dead. When you wouldn't answer, I called him and told him where you were."

Which meant I owed a lot to both Ignis and Harrison. He must have come running the moment she'd called him, even after I'd taken off like that.

"Sorry for worrying you. How are you even here, though?"

She held up her phone. "I track Harrison's phone. He used to get lost a lot when he was younger, so I like knowing where he goes. When I saw it here, I was terrified you'd gotten hurt."

"Nope, I'm okay."

"Which means…"

"Someone hit Harrison with a stick."

"You mean you did, right?"

"How does everyone know that? I'll have you know that I've hit very few people with sticks in my life."

"More people than the average, I'd bet."

"I wonder what the average is." I tapped my finger against my bottom lip, grateful for the distraction.

Ignis sat in the chair beside me, then took my hand in hers. "What really happened?"

I could sense the gentle waves of her power, as clean as they always were. I could have fought them, but I didn't really want to, not right then. Instead, I allowed it to ease me as I told her the events of the night. My realizing that the power felt the same, me running away from Harrison, me getting attacked near the park, the appearance of a man who looked exactly like Harrison. I spilled every detail, holding none of it back. If anyone could understand it all, it would be Ignis.

"Ryder," she said, her voice soft and knowing.

"That's what Harrison called him. Who is he?"

Ignis released my hand, and the loss of warmth bothered me. I knew better than to think of it as some rejection, rather than her not wanting to transfer any of her feelings to me by accident. "Harrison was not a single birth. Twins are rather common for Spirits, but identical can be troublesome. Harrison and Ryder are a good example of it."

I frowned as I pieced all the tiny bits of information together into a coherent thought process. "I heard a rumor that Harrison had stolen his power from someone else."

Ignis let out an annoyed, sharp breath, as though she'd dealt with this pesky rumor enough times already. "People like to talk when they don't know the specifics. Harrison didn't steal Ryder's power."

"Didn't I?"

Ignis and I both turned toward the door, where Harrison stood, his eyes locked on the floor instead of at either of us.

"No, you didn't," Ignis pressed.

Harrison came into the room and shut the door, then sat on the exam table again. "You have always said that, but the facts fail to support it. I have power that no others have wielded, more than any one Mind should have. On the other side, my twin, Ryder, was somehow born with no power, something unheard of when a Spirit has two powerful parents. It leads to a single obvious conclusion, does it not?" His words had that flat quality, as though they didn't bother him, but the fact he hadn't met my gaze yet suggested otherwise.

"You can't blame yourself for something like that. You didn't choose to be born the way you were any more than Ryder did. And you've always done everything you can to help him, no matter how much he screws it up."

"Did you know Ryder was behind this all?" I asked Harrison. He had to, right? If he knew about his brother, he had to have suspected him.

Harrison waited a long moment before he answered, and that told me the truth. "I suspected it, but I wasn't sure. Ryder, see, he is…different. He doesn't have any powers." He sighed, slowly, then added softly, "I created Cloud about a decade ago to help him. I felt so guilty over having powers and the idea that I'd stolen his that I wanted him to feel normal, to feel accepted, so I figured out a way to create Cloud as a way for him to have powers."

Ignis didn't show any surprise at that. She must have known that little tidbit already.

It also told me something else. "That's why his power felt just like yours, because he used your blood to create it…"

Harrison nodded. "When we were first creating it, I emptied a lot of power into a crystal so he could make it on his own. He has been making it from that ever since. Others have backwards engineered from our version, to replicate it, but this all is my fault. I was the one who brought it into the world." He slumped his shoulders, looking worse than he had even after getting whacked by a stick.

It went to show just how heavy this burden was, and how he struggled to hold it himself. He still failed to meet my gaze.

"I'm going to step outside and check with the doctor," Ignis said, her tone gentle, as though she really didn't want to be part of this conversation.

When she left, Harrison sighed and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, appearing to sink even more, like without Ignis there he couldn't keep up the appearance of nothing bothering him. It seemed he even kept that up around his own sister, which was crazy given he was closer to her than anyone else that I'd seen.

Did that mean he showed me a side of him no one else ever got to see?

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice so quiet, it was difficult to hear above the buzzing of the florescent overhead light. "Did Ryder harm you?"

I shook my head until I recalled he still hadn't looked up at me. "Not really. I stopped the car when he first attacked my mind, then he let off. I think he wanted to talk to me or something."

"How did you get away?"

"The old dirt in the eyes trick. Turns out that works with anyone."

He laughed. "Well, I'm glad you did that even if you did think he was me. It is good to know you'll defend yourself against anyone—myself included. Still, you were in that position because of me, because of my actions, and because I didn't admit the full truth to you. For that, I am sorry. I have tried to control Ryder, to keep him from harming others, but he has been unhinged his entire life. Then again, he was truly cheated."

"Maybe he was cheated," I said, "but he wasn't cheated by you. Sometimes life sucks—I know that better than most people. Trying to find someone to blame for it doesn't help at all—it just makes you angry. You have to put on your big girl panties and deal with the shitty parts of life sometimes."

Finally, he lifted his gaze to look right at me. Surprise rested there like he hadn't expected me to say that.

That look got me to keep going. "You can't blame yourself for the actions of others. It's a long road you just don't want to go down. It's too hard, too painful, and there's no way to win that battle. No matter what you do, no matter how you try to fix it, you'll always come up short because you can't take responsibility for what others do."

"You blame yourself for Trey," he pointed out.

"Look here—I give excellent advice but I don't always take it as well. Besides, Trey got hurt because I used him to get the supplier's attention. That's different from you and Ryder."

"Is it? You didn't hurt him, but you still carry the weight of that action. Perhaps we both need to learn to put blame on the person who deserves it rather than holding it ourselves."

I knew he wanted me to agree, but I couldn't quite do that, not when Trey had yet to wake. Instead, I changed the subject. "So, do you actually know where Ryder is?"

"No. When I went to that meeting, it was to try to locate him."

"But you couldn't find him?"

"Ryder was not just born without powers—he is like a negative space when it comes to Mind powers. In other words, I cannot read anything from him. He creates a void, so I have no way to locate him. I wasn't sure that he was the one who had attacked you, but I knew he was behind selling the Cloud locally. I recognized the formula as soon as he sold it here."

"Why would he come here, though? Why come back to where you were if he knew you could stop him?"

"Because he has always wanted to take what I have back. He feels cheated by life, by me, feeling as though I'd stolen everything that he should have had. I think the idea that I would rule here bothers him, because he doesn't want me to live peacefully if he can't. He has shown back up to throw my life into chaos more times than I can count. In fact, I fear him realizing I know you might actually make him obsess over you even more."

His words suddenly helped everything make so much more sense. The way Harrison had swooped in so fast, seeming to take responsibility for everything. The fact he'd seemed one step ahead when it came to investigation was because he'd already known about much of it. The way he'd kept me close also made more sense—he blamed himself for what had happened.

"I never wanted you hurt because of this. Ryder is my problem, my shadow. It is my job to deal with him, and I hate the idea that you suffered because of it."

I got up from my seat and moved over to stand before Harrison, waiting until he lifted his gaze and looked into my eyes. "This isn't your fault. You weren't the one who hurt me, but you were the one who has saved me more than a few times."

"But—"

I poked his temple, just away from the cut. "Besides, I did this. I feel like that makes us about even."

He blew out a long breath, then offered me the barest hint of a smile. Even subtle, it felt real. "Fine. I still think you should be far angrier with me than you are, but you have never struck me as someone with much sense. Also, you brought me here, so even if you did hit me, I suppose you took responsibility for it. And, I can hardly blame you for running. I didn't expect you to be quite so attuned to notice the same power between me and Ryder, so I never thought you would catch that. It seems I underestimated you."

"Story of my life," I said with a laugh, trying to ease some of the tension. Sure, I could easily blame Harrison for a lot of this, but the pain in his expression made me not want to. Instead, I found myself wanting to remove some of that weight, to reassure him that was fine.

"What will you do now?"

"Now? A coffee of an entirely unhealthy amount. Like, I want to bring in an empty pitcher and just hand over a credit card—tell them to pour until we hit the credit limit."

"I'm serious. Now that you know the person after you is my brother, now that you know I knew about it, are you going to leave?"

"Would you let me?"

"I've never forced you to stay. I truly believe you are safest by my side, but I can understand why you might not agree. For that reason, you could choose to go elsewhere. I would continue to track Ryder even in your absence." He spoke quietly, and I could tell how much he didn't want to say any of that. The truth was obvious—he wanted me to stay.

"It's funny, because for a while, all I really wanted was to leave. I don't like feeling trapped, and I miss being on my own, however…" I paused, trying to figure out how to phrase the rest of my statement so it wasn't misconstrued. "Now that I've got the option, I don't really want to take it."

A line appeared between his eyebrows, as though those were the last words he'd expected me to say. After a breath, he reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. The action was so quick and unexpected, I let out an embarrassingly loud yelp.

"Sorry," he whispered, despite not releasing me. "I just never expected you to say that, to willingly remain after you knew everything. Every day that you have been with me, I have feared you discovering the truth and what would happen at that point. I was certain that you would walk out the moment you understood my past, that you realized it was my flesh and blood who had caused you harm. I never thought you would choose to stay." His breath warmed the side of my neck, and as much as I felt as though I should hate the way he held me…I didn't.

In fact, I actually rather enjoyed it. What the fuck was wrong with me? Maybe it was just good old-fashioned Stockholm syndrome—I'd been with him so long that I thought we had a connection we didn't really have. Whatever it was, I let myself savor it, the way his fingers clutched around me, the way he held me so tight, the fact it chased away the chill inside me after my fight with Ryder.

A knock on the door came a moment before it opened, and it happened so fast that despite me jumping backward, I didn't quite clear the crime scene.

Ignis seeing it would have been embarrassing enough, but it was nothing compared to the heat that rose on my cheeks at the sight of my brother standing there, a clipboard in his arms, his eyes narrowed like he'd just caught me with some boy's hand down my pants in high school.

Ignis broke the uncomfortable moment by barging in past Joshua, a smile on her face. "Looks like you'll live," she said before slapping Harrison on the arm. Seeing her with her brother was a bit strange for me, since she treated him as any sibling would, rather than the reverence others treated him with.

Joshua tore his gaze away from me, then looked down at the clipboard. He opened a file on it and started to read the information printed out. It was one of those times I found myself impressed by him and his whole doctor thing. It was a far cry from the kid who had nearly broken his arm when he fell out of a tree, then hid it from our parents because he didn't want to get in trouble. It was weird to think of him as an adult.

Hell, I often still thought about making him sit in the backseat if we drove anywhere together.

"If you experience any lingering headaches, if you lose consciousness or if you have any signs of infection, you should go to the hospital immediately. Otherwise, you are welcome to return here in a week and I will check it once more."

Harrison nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate you spending the time on this—I know it isn't your normal hours."

"Yeah, well, that's what happens with sisters, I guess. Speaking of…" Joshua gave me a look loaded with a lot of annoyance, then nodded toward the door. "I think I need to have a moment with my sister. If you can excuse us."

"Of course. We'll wait here," Harrison said.

And just like that, I knew I'd get one hell of a lecture.

A few minutes later I sat across the desk from Joshua. Despite me being the older sibling, I sure as fuck felt like the little sister waiting for my older brother to tell me off.

Though I wasn't entirely sure what I'd done. Yeah, I'd woken him up in the middle of the night so he could tend to my buddy for free, but that was hardly something out of the ordinary for me. Maybe it was what he'd walked in on?

"How do you know that person?" Joshua asked.

So yeah, it's about what he walked in on.

"He's a friend," I hedged.

"And just how did you meet him? What do you know about him?"

I furrowed my brows. "You've never given a damn about my friends before. What's this sudden brotherly concern you're showing?"

He pressed his lips together, signs of stress all over his face. He wasn't foolish enough to think I was some blushing maiden who needed his protection, so what the fuck was with this attitude? When he spoke again, he did so slower, like he grappled with his temper. "You should be careful around him."

"Do you know Harrison or something?"

"So you at least know his name? That's something, I suppose. I'm serious, though, Grey. I've never put my nose into your business before. I've always known you were a free spirit and were going to do whatever you want, but this is different. This is serious. For once, just listen to me, please."

I waved him off, slouching in the chair. "Please. This is hardly the worst thing I've done, and out of all the people in my life, Harrison is probably the least likely to be a problem. I mean, come on, I hit him in the temple with a stick and he wasn't even mad at me! At least, not that mad."

Joshua pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, then folded his hands on the desk. "You don't understand. The man in there, he isn't what he appears to be. Even if he makes you feel a certain way, you can't trust that."

His words made my eyebrow lift. "Wait…are you telling me you know what he is?"

Joshua's eyes widened. Guess that answered it, right? I'd worked so hard to keep my family out of the Spirit world, away from dangers, but from Joshua's comments, he had to know about it. "How do you know?"

I pointed my finger at him. "That isn't the point. How the hell do you know about any of that?"

Joshua waved his hands around his office. "How do you think? I run a well-known urgent care clinic here—you really think we wouldn't get our fair share of Spirits in here? That I wouldn't figure that out? Spirits have people everywhere to keep their truth a secret, so people like me, we're made aware of the truth and expected to keep it secret."

"How long have you known?"

"Since my second year working as a doctor. We had a patient come in from a car accident. I stabilized him, but almost before my eyes, the injuries started to heal faster than was possible. I called my attending, and they told me not to report it. He called someone else who came to pick the patient up and we removed all the records. At the end of the shift, he took me out to a diner and explained how things worked."

I did the math in my head, thinking about when Joshua had worked as a resident, when he'd opened his clinic, all of it. "So you've known about Spirits for eight years?"

Which meant three more years than I'd known. Part of me felt rather annoyed by the idea that I'd thought myself some sort of expert, only to discover my brother had been a step ahead of me.

Annoying.

"A better question is how you know. Please tell me you aren't some sort of groupie…" The muscle in his cheek twitched, as though he were thinking about seeing Harrison and I so close together.

"Trust me, I'm no groupie. In fact, I'm pretty sure I hate most Spirits I've dealt with. Somehow, the more powerful, the more frustrating."

"I'm not liking the plurals you keep using. Just how many Spirits do you know?"

"Know is such an iffy word. What does it really mean? Do we ever really know anyone?"

"Grey!" Joshua snapped, stopping my rambling.

"If we're being technical, you know how I work as a courier?"

"Dear god, please don't tell me…"

"Yeah, I work for the Justice Department and do deliveries for Spirits."

"And that's how you met Harrison?"

"Not exactly. Technically, I'm friends with his sister. Also, we're sort of both on the Council."

Wow, it looks like that vein in Joshua's head might just burst…

"The Council? Please tell me you didn't just admit to not only knowing those on the council, but to having your own seat there? Wait, I heard a few weeks ago about a new seat being created."

I smiled, and no doubt it had way too much teeth and too little joy. "Surprise! That's me."

Joshua dropped his head forward so he leaned against his folded arms. Sure, I'd seen him do this sort of thing when he'd been a kid and I'd been a teenager doing stupid, teenage things that he was far too smart to do. It had been a while since I'd exasperated him this badly, though. His voice came out muffled from his position. "I knew you find trouble, but even I didn't think you could work yourself this far into danger. And the fact that you know who Harrison is, what he is capable of, and you still hit him with a stick? He could have fried every synapse in your foolish mind. Of course, even if he did, what would it matter? Clearly you don't use the brain you were gifted anyway."

"Harsh," I pointed out. "Fair, but still, ouch. Look, Harrison is fine. I've been working with him for a few weeks to deal with a Cloud issue."

"And you're involved with drugs, too. It just keeps getting better and better."

"Are you going to just keep complaining, or are you going to listen?"

He lifted his head just enough to look across the desk at me. "Both, I'm thinking. I have a feeling that as I listen, I'm going to need to complain. Come on, start at the beginning."

I blew out a long breath as I went back in my head to where it all started. Fuck, it felt like a lifetime ago. After a moment, I jumped in on the day I'd been changed, then gave him the outline version of the years that had come after. I left out some parts—my bond with Kelvin, the fact I'd slept with Harrison, Galen asking me to be his mate. I didn't think my brother needed any details about my sex life, after all.

I glanced at my watch when I hit the end of the story, impressed that I'd gotten it out in a matter of about seven minutes. My life summed up in seven minutes. When I thought about it like that, it was rather insulting, really.

Joshua hadn't interrupted during the story. His expression hadn't remained nearly so quiet, though. Neither of us had good inside voices when it came to our faces.

Silence hung between us, the story there, my past suddenly exposed, my secrets I'd expected to take to my grave, at least from my family. How would he react? His reaction to Harrison told me he wasn't a fan of Spirits, so would he see me the same?

What if he distanced himself from me? What if he somehow got my mother to do the same? What if I ended up losing my family because of this?

The idea terrified me, but all I could do was sit and wait and see how he'd react.

After what had to be the longest moments of my life, Joshua finally responded.

By laughing.

He started with a chuckle, but it grew quickly until it was loud enough that Harrison and Ignis must have heard it. I stared at him until the moment suddenly struck me as equally hilarious. All our years together and brother and sister and we'd both hidden so much.

"I don't know why I'm surprised by this," he said, breathless from the laughter. "If anyone was going to end up in the middle of something as messy as the Spirit Council, of course it would have been you. And after so many years of me being terrified that someone would find out about my family and use it against me, it turns out my sister has a Council seat." He shook his head. "I bet Mom would be laughing if she knew about this."

"Somehow it seems fitting that her kids would be here, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," he agreed, sitting back after catching his breath. "Are you really okay, though? I know you better than most people, and you look exhausted. You like to hide things, to keep it all to yourself, but I can see it wearing on you. I might not be a Spirit, but I'm always here to help you however I can."

"Why do you think I'm here?"

"Because I'm the only doctor you know who would answer the phone at three in the morning?"

"That's why you're the best brother."

"You won't be saying that after you see my bill."

"If I didn't pay you when I lost your bike, I'm not paying for this, either. It's called a sibling tax."

"Lucky me." He moved his gaze to the wall, toward where Harrison and Ignis were, as though he could see them there. "I'm serious, though. You need to be careful. I've seen what happens when people get mixed up in Spirit affairs. You might sort of be one of them, but that doesn't mean you're on the same level. It's still their world. Don't ever forget that, because I don't want the next call I get in the middle of the night to be identifying your body." The conversation felt far too personal, too serious. Joshua must have felt it as well, because he softened his expression and smiled. "If that happened, what would happen at the next family dinner? Who would we make fun of if you're not there?"

And just like that, he eased the pressure in my chest, the fear that I'd lost my family.

He might be right that I didn't really belong in the Spirit world, but he'd always reminded me of an important truth. No matter what happened, I had family and a place with them.