Chapter Eleven

Somehow, coming back to the council headquarters felt strangely like coming home. It made me laugh, since I'd always hated coming here. It had always felt like just the building where I had to work, which made it one of my least favorite places.

Maybe because of my time living with Harrison, and with Kelvin before that, I realized just how much I'd missed this stuffy, vast building.

And somehow, I'd even missed Ruben with that severe expression.

"And you will remain here?" Harrison asked from my left.

"You know, I'm not a kid who's going to get lost. You don't have to act like I have babysitters."

Harrison glanced to the side, at Ruben and Beth—a Mind there to ensure my lovely little stalker couldn't get access while Harrison was gone.

"They're not my babysitters," I muttered under my breath, pouting.

"I will ensure she is fine," Ruben said, like a date reassuring my father before taking me out.

If only this was a date. It would be just as awkward, but at least a date had the chance at sex at the end. Beth was pretty good looking, and I could go for a threesome.

Harrison narrowed his eyes, the look telling me he'd guessed what I'd thought, then shook his head. I only smiled back widely. At least he didn't push the conversation—probably because he knew it wouldn't do either of us any good, and I could argue all fucking day if I wanted to. He turned and walked out, leaving me there with Ruben and Beth in Ruben's office.

Somehow, having Harrison gone let me breathe a little easier. It wasn't fun spending all my time with a man who could read my mind if he really wanted to, who seemed to tell my thoughts and feelings with just a glance. It made me feel constantly on edge, and I hadn't fully realized the toll it took until it was gone.

Harrison had needed to attend a meeting today. He'd put off most of his official responsibilities to focus instead on me and our investigation. However, as the head of the Mind Clan, a lot of people relied on him, and it seemed this task couldn't be put off any longer. He'd spent the morning hemming and hawing over leaving me, but eventually, his job won out and he'd agreed to go only if he left me in Ruben's care.

The task would take all day—possibly until tomorrow morning—and I was rather looking forward to a little time away.

Ruben took his seat, behind his desk, and started to flip through the papers there. I'd seen this from him plenty of times, the way he could drown out the rest of the world in favor of whatever work needed doing.

"You're the worst entertainment," I complained before I plopped down on the couch in his office.

"I'm busy. You said yourself I wasn't your babysitter, didn't you?"

I rolled my eyes, then turned my attention to Beth, who looked more than a little uncomfortable. She appeared to be in her twenties—younger than I would have expected Harrison to leave me with. Then again, age had little to do with power for Spirits. If she was here to keep an eye on me, she must have been rather powerful. She hadn't said a word to me, and barely responded to Harrison when they'd seen each other. Not that he'd spoken to her either, treating her like an underling, the way he did to most people.

"So your name is Beth, right?" I asked, then patted the couch beside me.

She turned her gaze to Ruben, as though asking for permission.

He looked over at us, his expression tinged with annoyance. "I would tell you to be careful around her, but what is the point? Grey does as she wishes, so just make sure to keep your wallet close by."

"That was one time."

Ruben lifted his eyebrow.

I crossed my arms, slouching. "Fine, it might have been more than once, but if I'm stealing your wallet, you clearly don't pay me enough. Besides, I only steal from people I like. Or I really dislike."

"Imagine my distress as I wonder which I am." He waved his hand, like shooing us away. "This floor is fully warded, so as long as you don't leave this floor, you are safe here. Perhaps if you take her on a walk, she'll behave."

I stuck my tongue out at the fact Ruben spoke about me like I was a pet. Somehow, I'd moved from a child needing a babysitter to a puppy needing a pet sitter. I was always moving downward in life, wasn't I?

Still, no reason to look a gift horse in the ass or whatever the saying was, so I hopped back to my feet. "Come on, Beth. Let's have coffee."

"I said this floor," Ruben reiterated.

"Yeah, yeah. We won't leave."

"Then where are you getting coffee?"

I smiled, then took Beth's hand as though we were five-year-old BFFs and headed out of Ruben's office, Beth in tow. I made a point of slamming the door much harder than needed, smirking at the idea of how Ruben would be glaring at the now closed door.

"Is this your first time here?" I asked.

"At the council headquarters? No. I've attended meetings with Harrison in the past."

Which again showed that Beth must have been pretty highly skilled and trusted. Given that leadership wasn't passed down by bloodline, was she next in line for that position? Were they getting her ready to take over for Harrison one day? It didn't seem possible, not with how young and sweet she seemed. She was sure a far cry from the current leader.

I stopped at a door down the hallway. Beth raised her hand, as though to knock, but before she could, I twisted the handle and opened it. "Don't worry—no one's here."

She paused at the threshold, as though the idea of going in without an invitation bothered her. She really is sweet, isn't she? "Whose office is this?"

I hiked a thumb at the nameplate on the desk. "Terry O'Campus."

Her eyes widened as she took a step back. "We probably aren't supposed to be in here then, right? I mean, the head of security for the Justice Department isn't the sort of person who would want people just coming into his office."

I strolled in as though it were my own office—mostly because I'd done this many times. "Like I said—coffee." I drew my hand into a fist and hit it against the door of a cabinet against the wall, the action releasing the magnetic closure on the door so it swung open. Sure enough, inside sat a number of one-cup coffee makers, including lattes and espresso. A sink was on the main level, and a mini fridge sat below it. All in all? It was like a wet bar but for people who needed caffeine. "I found out about this little treasure my first week here."

"How did you find it?"

"I was getting lectured, and Terry had to step out for a moment to get his temper back under control. What can I say? I get curious when I'm bored. As soon as I saw his set up, though, I knew exactly where I was getting my cup of joe."

"And he's okay with that?"

"Well, people are mostly okay with things they don't know about." I smiled, then opened the fridge to pull out the milk. Ah, whole milk, the good stuff. "You have a problem with caffeine?"

She shook her head, the gesture slower than normal, as though she really didn't want to get caught in here.

"Stop worrying so much. Terry doesn't come to his office often." I poured the milk into the clear pitcher, then pushed it into its place. I picked out a small capsule, plopped it into the machine and pressed start. The thick scent of the espresso filled the office and made my mouth water, and the sound of the steamer heating the milk felt familiar and pleasant.

The first cup finished, so I poured the milk into the mug over the espresso, then handed it all over to Beth before restarting the process for my own. Once finished, I rinsed the milk pitcher and closed up the cabinet. If I made it too obvious that I stole coffee from him, it might not be here one day.

I sat at Terry's desk, then waited for Beth to sit across from me.

"This is good," she admitted after her first sip.

"Told you. You want to know the truth, though? It's not just the coffee. Things that are stolen always taste better. It's like a perfect seasoning for making anything tastier." I took another slow drink, savoring the sweetness of the milk. After spending what felt like forever surrounded by men, it was rather nice to sit here with another woman, with someone who lacked most of the weirdness that existed in my relationships. "Did Harrison say why I needed a Mind here?"

She nodded. "He said that someone using Cloud had targeted you."

"And you can stop that from happening?"

"I don't know for sure. Harrison is much stronger than I am, but if nothing else, I can buy some time and make it more difficult."

"You know, I appreciate that you don't just say yes. That's kind of reassuring. I'm used to people telling me they can do anything. Truth is a nice change."

"Well, I'm just honest. I've never tried to stop someone on Cloud before, so I don't know if it's possible."

"Harrison must think it's possible if you're here, though."

"Minds are ranked by power. I'm considered a top tier Mind."

"So you're on par with Harrison?"

She set her cup down on the desk, shifting in her chair. "Technically, sure, but it's like saying that two humans are both ranked equally in speed when compared to sloths. Even if they seem equal, it doesn't change that there is a vast difference between the speed of a toddler and that of an Olympic athlete." She let out a soft, quiet laugh. "In this case, I'm the toddler."

"Is Harrison really that much more powerful?"

"You don't know?"

"I don't like to stick my nose into clan business. In fact, I've worked really fucking hard to stay as far out of it as possible. I know people have talked about Harrison being powerful, and he's mentioned it himself, but I don't know why he is or if it's all just propaganda. Maybe it's like those dictatorships, where someone claims the leader is a god and everyone else is just too afraid to argue about it."

Beth shook her head and leaned forward. "It's not propaganda. The elders for the Mind Clan, I spent time with them. All top tier minds do, to learn and receive training. They said that they have no records to show any Mind has ever been as powerful as Harrison." She slouched forward. "Right now, I'm set to take over for him one day, but how am I supposed to follow someone like that?"

"Well, how did he become that way? Maybe there's something you can do?"

"Yeah, I don't think so." The way she said it suggested it wasn't anywhere close to a good story.

"I thought he was just born that way?"

Beth pressed her lips together into a tight line, and I could spot the fight on her face between telling me the truth and keeping their secrets. Finally, she looked away as she responded. "He's always been powerful—more power than should exist in any single person. Some people say he stole that power."

"Stole it? I didn't think that was possible. Granted, my knowledge of Minds is pretty fucking limited, but I thought people had the power they had and that was it?"

Beth fidgeted, running her finger along the edge of the desk. "Usually, yeah, that's the case. Harrison, though? Nothing else explains how he could be that much more powerful. There are rumors, you know? About what might have caused it. Some people say that's why he seems so empty, because he takes his power from others. Doing that would hurt the person, don't you think? It would explain why he seems so closed off."

I thought back to how hard Harrison worked, how often I'd found him up late, going over papers, trying to deal with the never-ending problems for his clan. Sure, I didn't disagree that he was closed off, that he was hard to understand, but Beth spoke about him like he was a monster. That didn't match what I knew about him.

Was he stubborn? And difficult to read? Sure, but he wasn't some other species, something so unhuman-like that others needed to stare at him like some freak.

The fact that Beth, someone who was part of his clan, a person who was in many ways the most similar to him, would view him in that way bothered me. He didn't need me sticking up for him, but I couldn't shake the desire to do just that.

"You know the problem with rumors? They're never fucking true. Even worse, the things that sound the best, that are the juiciest, are always the most untrue. Be careful listening to shit like that—it'll bite you in the ass."

Beth looked down at her lap, as though she didn't want to meet my gaze. Then again, I had just lectured her about someone she'd likely known longer. Who cared, though? I felt like I understood Harrison at least somewhat, and I hated the idea of people talking shit behind his back, especially given how much he did for his clan.

Well, so much for a nice, relaxing conversation.

* * * *

A few hours later, I found myself back in Ruben's office. I was stretched out on his couch, my feet up on the armrest. I yawned loudly, not bothering to cover my mouth as I did it.

"Why do you insist on staying in my office, then complaining about it?" Ruben didn't look up from his paperwork as he spoke. "If you are that bored, why did you send that girl away?"

"She was a shitty conversationalist." I folded my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling. "Besides, she's only one room over, so close enough to still be a wonderful shield for me without me having to listen to her."

"I once saw you have a full conversation with a parking meter. Somehow, I doubt she could be worse than that."

"That was a three-way conversation, and vodka kept up a good portion of the talking in that case. Sober? I'm not a fan of Little Miss Judgey over there."

"Judgey?"

"Yep. Can you believe she tried to imply Harrison had stolen his power?"

Ruben didn't answer, causing me to twist and look over at him. He'd paused his work and was looking across the office at me. His expression suggested he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Come on, out with it," I asked.

"There have been rumors about that since he was young. It is not uncommon for such things when someone appears who is an outlier, someone who breaks the bounds of what we understand as normal. Harrison did that, and since then, Spirits—both in his clan and not—have tried to come up with a reason it happened."

"That's just jealousy. It's people mad that they can't do something so they demonize the person who can." I huffed out a harsh breath as I thought back to the times people had done that to me. It hadn't been because I was fantastic, like Harrison, but because I was different. I didn't fit into their idea of who and what I should be, so the only way to bring order back to their world was by turning me into the bad guy.

"Perhaps it is," Ruben acknowledged. "Or perhaps they have a point. I've been alive a long time, and Harrison is something entirely different. I've seen many Sprits that are stronger than others, that are unique, but Harrison's power on a different level all together. If I heard that he had done something—or something had been done to him—to turn him into what he is, I would have no reason to doubt it. Besides, even if we should not take rumors at face value, neither should we ignore them entirely. They always spawn from some bit of truth."

"Yeah, well, I don't think the truth is that he's some boogeyman going around and ripping the power out of other people."

Ruben shook his head, then set his pen down as though admitting he was done trying to focus on his own work. Really, he'd managed to ignore me a lot longer than I'd expected him to. "You know, I've heard some strange stories about what you and Harrison have been up to."

"If you ever didn't get strange stories about me, you'd come looking for me to see if I was still alive," I pointed out.

He let out a soft laugh, one full of equal parts annoyance and affection. "That's true. I recall your first week working here. Do you have any idea how many complaints I received?"

I thought back to that week, to how I'd had to work my way through an entire world I'd known nothing about. Sure, I'd had someone train me, but that was a far cry different from actually dealing with people.

And people fucking sucked.

"It's not my fault people are stupid."

"That's exactly what you said when your supervisor spoke to you about it. I had so many meetings that week and every person who interacted with you said the same thing— fire her now. They all said you would cause far too many problems, that it wasn't worth having you there."

"And you didn't immediately kick me out?" I chuckled at the idea of five years ago, of big, stern Ruben dealing with problems caused by little ol' me. It probably wasn't as funny as it felt right then, but I couldn't help laughing about it. "Your life would have probably been a lot easier if you had. I mean, no one would blame you for not sticking up for the little weird crow girl who didn't fit in."

Ruben didn't answer right away. In fact, it took so long that I sat up so I could look straight over at him. He stared at me, the same expression I'd seen from time to time on his face. Normally, he was difficult to read. I recalled the way people said Justices lacked emotions, that they weren't human anymore, but neither were they Sprit. They were something twisted between the two, lacking the soul of a human, driven only to obey and uphold their code. Nothing else mattered to them.

I might have believed that as well, except I'd seen this glimpse too many times from him. I'd watched his expression soften, something deeper inside him peering out through those eyes of his. That look said he felt far more that anyone thought. Maybe it was buried deeper or maybe it was an echo of his old, human life, but he wasn't as hollow as others thought.

Finally, Ruben laughed softly again, as though he had no idea how he'd gotten here. "Maybe I thought that, but I can't bring myself to regret it. When I first saw you in the council room, when the crystal turned blue, you were so confused about…everything. I recalled when I woke after being turned into a Justice—well, after the process for it to happen. It was difficult to adjust, to find my place, but at least I had a place, a spot to fill. You lacked even that."

I sorted through his words, trying to make sense of them. "So you wanted to give me a place?"

He paused, then sighed. "That sounds far too sentimental, but I can't deny it, either. I couldn't do anything about you not fitting in, but I could ensure you always had a place to come back to. I've done that for the past five years, kept a place for you here no matter how you tested every limit set before you, no matter how many enemies you made, how you rebelled against every rule—I did the only thing I could and made sure you had a home here no matter what."

I took my bottom lip between my teeth, the slight ache telling me I probably chewed it a bit hard, but what did that matter? Ruben's words sounded suspiciously like some weird declaration of love, but I knew better than that. Whatever he felt toward me—probably mostly pity—wasn't anything nearly as sweet as love. Maybe he just connected with that feeling of isolation and offered me something to help. It was him taking care of me as a way of soothing his own past.

Ruben twisted his arm and looked down at his watch, then cut off anything else I might have said. "It's getting late. I don't know how long Harrison will take, but you might as well close your eyes and get a little sleep."

I wanted to argue with him, but if I remained awake, I'd keep talking, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to keep this conversation going. It seemed too close to finding out or saying something neither of us wanted to deal with. Our relationship was uncomplicated and slightly antagonistic—just the way I liked it. However, if we kept talking, if either of us uttered something we shouldn't, then my happy place here would become strained.

Just like it had with Kelvin, with Harrison, with Galen.

So I twisted and lay back down again, this time closing my eyes. I didn't expect to fall asleep, but pretending would pass the time if nothing else. However, before I knew it, I'd been lulled to sleep by the rustling of papers and scratching of a pen against the paperwork.

Hours later, I woke, blinking slowly. I was still on the couch, but when I shifted, I found a thin blanket thrown over me. It hadn't been there before. Did that mean Ruben had put it on me? I peered at the desk, and the sight startled me.

Ruben was seated there, just like he had been before, but his head leaned back against the headrest of his chair and his eyes were closed. It made him look oddly young and innocent. The hard lines of his face were relaxed in sleep, and I found myself drawn closer to him. Why was it that seeing people sleeping made me view them in a different way? They lost the masks they wore in their regular life, like the weight of the people we were supposed to be was lifted.

I picked up my blanket and crept closer, the sun starting to rise from behind the mountains. I paused beside him, staring down at him. "You know," I whispered softly, keeping my voice low so I didn't wake him. "You talked about creating a place for me, wanting to make sure that I had somewhere I belonged. I know I've never made things easy on you, that I've caused you a lot more trouble and stress than anything else. Still, thank you. You did make a place for me here. Even when I didn't think I wanted a place, it was good that I knew I always had somewhere I could go back to." I pulled the blanket around him, leaning closer as I did it.

It put my face just before his, letting me study him. He wasn't all that young. He had to have been in his forties when changed, and it didn't seem like it had been an easy human life. Somehow, it seemed fitting on him, though. His face showed the years he'd lived, the weight he'd carried all that time. Not near the bottom of that list was me, of course. I didn't know if I'd even have survived this long in this world if he hadn't taken me in, if he hadn't given me a job as a courier, something that created a safety net for me.

At the start, his meddling had felt like a leash placed on me, but now? It felt more like a safe place, somewhere I always knew I could retreat to, and I owed that to this stubborn, difficult man.

Before I could think twice about how bad an idea it was, or how complicated it would make things, I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his like a test. Would I feel something? Nothing?

As fast as if happened, I pulled away, terrified of his eyes opening and catching me in the act. What the hell is wrong with me?

When I knew I couldn't answer that, I retreated from the office, shutting the door quietly behind me as though fleeing from the scene of a crime. Harrison would return soon, and I'd wait elsewhere on the floor for that.

Clearly, I couldn't be trusted on my own—hot men beware…

* * * *

Seeing Harrison drive still felt strange. He often used drivers, and he sure as fuck fit in the back of a town car. Him driving himself was like seeing him do dishes or clean the toilet. He had the look of a spoiled, rich model, and that didn't fit with him doing anything for himself.

"I am sorry it took so long," he said as he drove toward his house. "I had hoped I would be back before it got so late, but that failed to happen."

"What were you doing?"

"I told you—a meeting."

"Sure, but a meeting with who? Was it really just a booty call and you're too embarrassed to tell me? Was she, like, a four?" I snorted at my own stupid joke. I couldn't imagine Harrison out on the prowl like that. Sure, I'd slept with him, so I knew he was good in bed, but the game to get someone into that bed that I couldn't picture him playing.

And the side-eye he gave me said he hadn't been picking up chicks and he couldn't believe I'd suggest something that stupid.

You clearly don't know just how stupid I can be.

"Of course it wasn't personal. Do you really believe that I would leave your safety to someone else if I had another option?"

"You're always so serious. Maybe you do need a booty call."

"Are you offering?"

"Sorry, but you know the whole hot to crazy ratio? Mine is way too far on the crazy side to be a good bet for one-night stands."

"Good thing I have no interest in one-night stands, then."

I went to answer, to snap out a snarky little comeback, but then his words settled. Was he suggesting that our time hadn't been a one-time thing? He couldn't be implying he wanted something more than a little fun, right?

Again, the words of so many others hit me. Beth claiming that Harrison might have stolen someone's power, the rumors that he'd hurt others to gain his position. Ignis talking about how isolated and lonely he had been his entire life. All these people thought they knew him, wanted to classify him and put him in some neat little box where they could feel empowered.

And I'd done the same exact thing, hadn't I? I'd decided who and what he was based on what made me the most comfortable, assuming that a man like him just participated in our little fling because it was easy and available. Never, anywhere in my mind, had I even thought that it might be something more, something deeper.

A rumbling in my stomach that had nothing to do with food kept me quiet, when I had no fucking idea how to respond or deal with that idea.

Why was it that people couldn't keep things nice and casual?

These men were worse than women…