28. Kayla

I’m exhausted all the way down to my soul. I know part of it is because I’m pregnant, but the other part is organizing this fundraiser.

Jack and I sat down and started to devise a plan for the future. We’re moving forward with making the ranch a vacation destination, but it’s going to take some new equipment and a lot of TLC.

So, we decided to do a fundraiser. We’ve done this a few times but never to this extent. I hate asking for money in any shape or form. Jack always reminds me of all the times we’ve helped other businesses in town. We’re lucky to live in a community where we all help each other.

It doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. I hate asking for help, but we need to get the ranch to a place where it’s a viable source of income.

I’ve been throwing myself into the fundraiser, going all out because we really need it to go well. I know Jack’s reached out to a few people outside of town just to get the word out. I reached out to a few old friends as well, but it’s a long way for them to travel.

I’ve been obsessing over every detail. I’m staring at the entrance to the barn where I’ve handmade a sign out of flowers and wrapped it around the archway.

Jack whistles. “Wow. You’ve outdone yourself, sis.” He lightly bumps my hip. “You should’ve gotten me to help you. A person in your condition shouldn’t be on a ladder.”

I immediately shoot daggers at him. “I’m pregnant, not dying.”

He sighs. “This is going to be an entire nine months of you pushing the limits of your personal safety, isn’t it?”

I bat my eyelashes. “I would never. Also, it’s less than nine months now.”

He puts his head in his hands. “Battling your stubbornness is a full-time job.”

Someone grabs me from behind, and I scream. Jack doubles over laughing.

“It’s just me,” laughs Izzy, “and yes, her stubbornness is a full-time job.”

“How long were you standing there?” I ask her, slightly horrified. What if she heard me say I’m pregnant? I don’t want anyone to know yet. I still haven’t figured out how I’m going to tell Ash. I know I need to. It feels wrong not telling Izzy about Ash and the baby, but I’ll tell her when the time is right.

I know she’s going to freak out and yell at me for not telling her, but I also know that she will have my back.

She laughs. “Literally two seconds. I heard stubborn and knew you were putting Jack through the wringer.”

I act shocked. “Me? I would never.”

“Let me guess,” she says, laughing. “You’ve got a list of every detail. You keep checking to make sure everything is perfect. You keep rearranging the set-up and then ending up in the exact same position?”

I purse my lips. “Maybe.”

She shakes her head. “Girl, I’m calling a wrap to this. I brought food.”

“But I…” I start to protest, but she grabs my arm and drags me inside.

As I step into the house, I get a whiff of pizza. I hope I don’t throw up, but even if I did, I don’t think Izzy would be suspicious. She would just put it down to nerves about the fundraiser. Emotional stress has always taken a toll on me physically, and she knows that.

I try my best to enjoy dinner as Jack and Izzy banter back and forth. I can feel Jack’s eyes on me, making sure I’m not going to be sick. I can tell he’s trying to distract Izzy so she doesn’t focus on me.

It works, but only for a little while. She studies my face. “Are you okay?”

I’ve suddenly hit a wall of exhaustion. The first trimester is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I feel tired all the time. I give her a tight smile. “Yeah, just exhausted from setting everything up.”

She stands up. “I’ll leave you to it, and I’ll be back first thing in the morning.” She leans down and kisses the top of my head. She shoots Jack a look. “Make sure she goes straight to bed and doesn’t try to change or do anything for tomorrow.”

He nods and gives her a mock salute. “Yes, boss. On it.”

I groan. “But it’s not perfect yet.”

Izzy steps back and crosses her arms. “We have time in the morning — and nothing will ever meet your very high standards.” She points to the stairs. “Now, bed, missy.”

“Fine,” I groan.

I really am exhausted, and if I do one more thing for tomorrow, I will probably collapse or cry.

I feel all over the place. One minute I’m excited for the fundraiser, the next I’m ready to burst into tears. I know I’ve been trying to use the fundraiser as a way to avoid thinking about Ash and being pregnant, but it’s always in the back of my mind. It doesn’t help that I’m throwing up several times a day. I don’t get why they call it morning sickness when it hits you at any time. I’ve gotten used to throwing up anywhere and everywhere.

I think the horses can tell something is different too. They’ve all been extra gentle and careful around me. Jack doesn’t want me going near the horses, but that’s not going to happen.

Each step up the stairs makes my body feel heavier. By the time I reach my bed, I pass out.

I shoot upright. My heart is pounding in my ears, sweat pouring down me. I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. I lean over and throw up into the bucket. There goes dinner.

I really didn’t expect to lose weight during pregnancy, but I can’t keep much down these days. Jack has threatened to take me to the doctor’s office if it continues. The second I show up there, though, the whole town will know, so I’m trying to avoid it.

I was dreaming that I overslept and almost missed the fundraiser. In the dream, I was feeling nauseous and that seemed to cross over to the real world. Great — I can’t avoid throwing up even in my dreams.

My phone beeps obnoxiously, and I roll over to hit it. Somehow, I feel just as exhausted as when I went to sleep.

Dragging myself out of bed, I stumble downstairs to make a cup of tea.

“Morning,” Izzy chirps as she skips around the kitchen.

I groan at her. “You’re way too chipper for this time of the morning.”

She laughs. “I made coffee.”

I pause. I know I’m allowed one cup while I’m pregnant, but I usually save it for later in the day when I really need it. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind a cup of tea. Calm the nerves.”

She nods. “Good idea. Coffee might send you into a spiral.”

I let out a sigh of relief. It’s harder than I thought it would be, keeping this a secret.

Izzy hands me my cup of tea and starts going through the list I made. I’m grateful to have her help. She mumbles to herself and then looks up at me. “You’ve pulled out all the stops for this one. What made you finally go ahead with the cabins?”

I shrug. “It was time. We’re not making the same money we used to, clearly. It’s a good way to secure revenue, and I think it’s a good direction for the ranch.”

She nods. “I will be here helping as much as I can.”

I chuckle. “You have a job, and you have Nathan.”

She pauses mid-sip. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I raise an eyebrow, and she mimics my expression. “What about Ash, then?”

Just the mention of his name sucks the air out of me. My face drops. “Nothing there.”

Usually, she would joke about it, but instead she comes over and gives me a hug.

It makes me want to cry but I push it all back.

She kisses the top of my head, and then it’s like a switch is flipped and sunshine Izzy is back.

Jack rubs his eyes as he enters the kitchen. Izzy immediately gives him a list of things to do, and he groans. “Jeez, I thought Kayla was bossy. Now there are two of you. Someone save me.”

She orders me around, and soon things are in full swing.

People start to arrive, and I do my best to plaster a smile on my face. On the inside, though, I’m freaking out. There’s a lot riding on today.

I run over to help fix the slushie machine when a deep voice sends a chill up my spine. “Hey, stranger.”

I tense, but my body tingles. I hate that he has this effect on me. Turning, I put my hostess face on. “Pretty Boy.”

What is Ash doing here? Why does he have to look so good? Ugh.

I look over at Jack, who has a guilty expression on his face. I’ll yell at him later.

“Let me guess, Jack sent you an invitation?”

As I look at Ash, our eyes connect and my pulse races. I can’t tell if it’s anger, hormones, or lust. I hate that he’s here. I hate that he left things the way he did. I hate that he can turn me to mush just by looking at him.

Ash chuckles. “Yep.” He glances nervously at Jack and then back to me. “Does he know about…”

My eyes go wide. Does he know about the pregnancy? Does Ash know? My stomach twists. I know I have to tell him — but how does he know?

He leans closer to me. “Us?”

I let out a puff of air. I don’t know if I should answer truthfully. I don’t trust my words, so I just nod.

Blood drains from his face. He looks at Jack, who has an anxious expression on his face. To Ash, it probably looks like Jack is annoyed at him, but really it’s because Jack knows I need to tell Ash I’m pregnant.

Suddenly hit with a wave of nausea, I try to focus on everything else. I really don’t want to throw up right now. My body starts to shake as if I’ve had ten cups of coffee. I know it’s just a reaction to Ash being here and knowing I have to tell him.

How do you go about telling someone their whole life is going to change?

I spent a lot of time processing the fact that I’m pregnant. I don’t know how to drop the bomb on Ash.

I’ve thought about the millions of different ways I can tell him and all the different reactions he could have. It’s different now that he’s here. It’s real.

I have to tell him today. I don’t want to let it hang over me. It’s time to rip off the Band-Aid.

I excuse myself and gesture for Ash to follow me, leading him away from the crowd and toward the barn.

The second we’re out of earshot, he starts talking. “I’m really sorry for how I treated you, Kayla. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I didn’t know how to act around you with Jack being there. I should’ve just been a normal person. I’m really sorry. I was a jerk.”

I nod. My heart leaps. This is what I wanted him to say. I appreciate the apology, but I’m focused on telling him. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to flip his world upside down.

He steps toward me and lightly touches my face. I shiver at his touch, looking into his eyes. All the feelings I’ve been shoving down come rushing back. If only I could tell my heart and body that this is not the time to react to him.

I start to open my mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. He brings me in for a hug, and I melt into his body. The imaginary walls I’d put up around my heart come crashing down. I can’t help the tears that tumble out of me.

I cling to him and sob as he rubs my back in soothing motions. He keeps repeating how sorry he is over and over, which only makes me sob harder.

I know people from my town are probably watching all of this unfold, but right now I don’t care.

Leaning back, I look into Ash’s eyes. He gently wipes the tears from my face.

I know have to tell him. I just want one more moment where he doesn’t know. I wrap my arms around him and soak in his cologne, memorizing the feeling of him breathing against me, how it feels when he kisses the top of my head.

Despite everything, my body ignites under his touch. I let myself soak all of it in. I don’t want to let go, but I know I have to.

Pulling back, I let out a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

I literally see the blood rush from his face. My heart lurches. I didn’t want to do this to him. He stumbles backward out of my arms. I wonder if he’s going to pass out.

I can’t stop myself from rambling, as if it’s going to help the situation. “It’s definitely yours. I know that’s not exactly comforting.” I start pacing back and forth. “I know it’s a lot to digest, and I’m not trying to trap you or anything. I know we were just a fling.”

I look up at him, and he’s completely frozen. I keep talking because I don’t know what else to do. “There’s absolutely no pressure on you. This baby doesn’t have to impact your future if you don’t want it to. I don’t want you to feel obligated and resent me as a result. I’m totally okay with you not being involved if you don’t want to be…”

I don’t know if he’s heard a word I’ve said. I can see the horror in his face. He looks like a ghost.

I resist the urge to talk any further. I don’t think it’ll help. I shift uncomfortably, and my stomach churns. I hope the baby doesn’t choose now to expel the food I ate earlier.

Time seems to move in slow motion. I wonder if I should repeat what I’ve just said.

Ash starts to open his mouth to talk…

Then, just as I think he’s going to say something, he shuts his mouth again and walks away.