94

Ryan

Can't Do It

I couldn't go through with it.

Fuck, I thought I could. I really did. But the longer I looked down at Kassie, my girl, the harder it was to keep the truth down. Kassie started up the phone call before we even left the zoo and I followed right behind her, trying to push down the sick feeling in my stomach before she caught on.

"Hi, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot—" Kassie said and stopped herself, nodding along. "I can wait, no worries."

I opened the van door, wrestling with myself. What was I willing to do to keep her with me?

"Art girl?" I called her when she took her seat in the car.

Kassie glanced over from the call and gave me the widest, softest smile possible. I earned those smiles. Every one of them. I could still remember when she scoffed any time I said anything and now she wrapped her legs around me and gave me those kinds of smiles that she reserved from most of the world.

"I'm sorry," I said.

I meant it. And I didn't. Maybe that was the most fucked up part of all. Because if it legitimately worked, I didn't know how sorry I could be about it.

"Hey, hey." She shook her head and reached out hand, touching my arm when I took the seat beside her. "Not your fault, it's on me. I should've remembered—hello, hi." Kassie straightened up in an instant and listened in rapt attention to the phone call.

I put my hand on her knee and ran my hand over her thigh while she nodded to the phone. The sound of the phone call eased up as I stared off at the van's side. I earned her smiles. Getting Kassie to come with me was an entirely different obstacle.

But how do I leave her behind?

"They emailed me this morning," Kassie sighed, her voice low while the hold music played over her phone again. "They wanted to reschedule, thirty minutes ago."

Oh, fuck .

If she would've seen the email instead of me pushing her out of bed, she would've made it. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the side of the van while we finally drove away from the zoo.

How do I convince her to stay?

I slipped out my phone too and typed the name into the search bar immediately. Kassie needed to know I was serious. I typed up everything I needed and put in the credit card information from memory.

"Ryan?" Kassie whispered. She leaned against me and her dark hair cascaded over my shoulder. Her dark eyes lifted to mine. A small smile crossed her lips. "I love you too."

For how long?