91

Ryan

Don't Do This

At four o'clock in the morning, I gazed up at the ceiling, running my fingers along Kassie's lower back. Yesterday's game was fantastic and I needed the sleep.

I couldn't.

I slept on and off for a couple of days. Nothing stable. Nothing concrete. My fingers stilled along her skin.

In just a couple of hours, Kassie would need to get on a call with the leasing office in Florida. She had her appointment in just a few hours.

Because Kassie was going to Florida.

And me? I didn't know. Coach Lawson's call log was a range of different coaches across the country but there was no definite answer on where I was going. Maybe it was Florida. Maybe it wasn't.

I had no idea.

For the first time in my life, that bothered me.

It did more than bother me. It wore away at me, breaking through skin and muscle, digging down to where I couldn't stop thinking about it. I would start playing professional ball and Kassie had another year and a half of being away from me.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. All I was looking for was hard numbers, some kind of percentage I could hold to.

How often do long term relationships last?

I swore under my breath and had to stop myself the moment I saw the percentages. They were across the board but none of them were good. I tossed my phone back and tightened my hold on Kassie, staring up at the ceiling again.

That was the mother of my future children and I would have to say goodbye again and again. The thought of that ripped away at me.

What if she misses the interview?

Slowly, I turned away from the ceiling and gazed down at the perfect woman, wrapped up in me. Her dark hair draped over my arm and she had her cheek pressed to my chest, wearing nothing more than one of my shirts. Exactly where she belonged.

I can't do that to her .

What kind of sick fuck would do that? The interview was Kassie's next step to settling down in Florida. If I really, really loved her—and there was nothing else the feeling could be—I'd be happy for her. I needed to be happy for her. Instead of hollow on the inside.

Kassie murmured something unintelligible and sighed softly.

My heart thudded in my chest.

What if I lose her?

Against every good idea, my eyes flickered back to that shitty piece of thousand-dollar plastic, sitting on my nightstand, with the most ominous percentages known to man.

Kassie didn't have to forget the appointment. I just didn't have to be the one to remind her.

If she remembered it, good. She would remember and have the phone call and I'd help her pack and take her there myself and fly her out every weekend and fuck her in her new bed.

But if she didn't remember…

Gently, I pulled away from her and tucked her in, bringing the blankets up to her chin. I didn't have to do it. I could get back into bed with her and forget all about it and spike up my blood pressure with long term relationships statistics until she graduated.

Instead, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and closed the bedroom door, hiding the call in the living room.

The phone rang three times before a bleary voice answered.

"What? Hello?"

"Hey, Cleo," I muttered, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Don't do this .

"Who is it?" Miles demanded through the phone. "Tell them to fuck off."

"Cleo, I need a favor."

There was a pause before Miles spoke. " Ryan? I swear to fucking god, you better be dead—"

"What is it, Ryan?" Cleo mumbled. "Do you know what time it is?"

"I need the surprise today."

More silence over the line.

"That's in two weeks, Ryan," Cleo reminded me, irritable.

"I want it moved up today. Before the zoo opens. Before anyone else gets there. Whatever you want, I'll do it. Anything."

Hang up the phone. Don't do this. Go back to bed.

"Anything?" Cleo pressed.

Fucking go back to bed .

Slowly, I nodded. "Anything."

"Even a meeting with the analysts on staying for the rest of your college career?" Cleo pushed and I could hear blankets shifting. "Miles, stay there. I'll be right back." There was another moment of silence before a door closed. "You'll do the meeting?"

It wasn't a declaration that I was staying at Marrs but it was the one thing that Cleo knew she couldn't have budged me on. I gazed ahead, feeling like the biggest bastard in the world.

"Alright," I answered finally.

While Cleo typed on her phone and the keyboard clacked in the call, my mind whirled. If I kept Kassie moving in the morning, she'd forget about the appointment. If I kept her busy, she wouldn't remember. It was shitty. It was underhanded. And Kassie didn't deserve it.

Was this the kind of man that I wanted for her?

"Wait." I lurched forward. "No, never mind. Cancel it."

"Ryan…I already woke them up."

What if Kassie remembers the appointment?

I held my head in my hands and tried to keep the ache out of my voice. "Okay. Yeah. Do it."

The walk back to the bedroom was a slow one. I still had time to change it. I could forget all of this ever happened and never bring it up again but I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleeping for a moment, unable to get rid of the single question that brought the insomnia back.

What if Kassie left?

"Hey?" I whispered. Kassie didn't move. Slowly, I reached over and placed my hand on her cheek, cradling her face. "Baby? Come on, you have to wake up."

"Hm?" She blinked at me, this beautiful, exhausted girl. "Ryan? Is practice today?"

Kassie won't remember .

It didn't make me feel any better. Fuck, what would? I reached for her hand and gently kissed her knuckles. "We have to get up."

"Right now?" She yawned and reached for me. "Come cuddle."

That's what I should've done in the first fucking place.

"I have a surprise."

"A surprise?"

You have a phone call today .

"Yeah but we have to get moving."

Stretching, Kassie finally got out of bed and shook herself, trying to wake up. Only in my shirt. Nothing else. And that ass was hard to look away from. She glanced back and caught my eye with a grin. "Morning, handsome. Did you sleep okay?"

The truth slipped out of me. "No."

"Why not?"

Because you're leaving .

"Just one of those nights, I guess." I shrugged.

"Well, are you coming to shower with me?" She wagged a finger at me and nodded off the bathroom. "You're so good at getting my back."

You have a phone call today .

"I'm coming," I said and followed after her, the biggest bastard she knew.