79

Kassie

Can I Have You To Myself?

We had actual confetti for the room and I shouted at June over someone playing their music over the phone. "Adam said we have to go to this party or he's blocking numbers!"

"He says that about every party!"

"I think he means it this time!" I laughed and posed when one of the other girlfriends pulled me into a picture. The moment the guys got back on campus, we had celebrations to go to. I couldn't wait until the team came rolling back in.

"Kassie!" another girlfriend called to me. "Your phone's ringing!"

I know who that is .

With a grin, I leaned over the couch and scooped up my phone.

There he was on my screen, a snapshot of him in the car, gazing into the phone. His dark curls, the pleased grin of his smirk, and my hand curved on the side of his face, just touching him. I answered the call, my heart squeezing in my chest.

"I am so proud! " I yelled through the phone.

Ryan's voice was quiet. "Kassie."

"Those interceptions were fucking insane," I continued, walking around the room, trying to push away from the girlfriends, still excited about the win. "That's one step closer to playoffs, can you believe that shit? I'm so proud!"

He was silent.

"We're all going out to Gianna's —us, not the whole team." I laughed. "Adam's throwing a party tonight, he texted me that…hold on, let me pull it up—if we don't want him to burn the building down, then he said we have to go—"

"I'm not coming back yet," he said softly.

I paused, frowning. Yeah, he wasn't coming back yet, he still had all the little things he had to check off before he stepped on the bus. With a glance back at Cleo, trying to round up everybody, I opened the door and walked out to the hallway. "What do you mean?"

"I can't come back yet."

That didn't make any sense. I walked quickly away and found an empty room. "I don't understand. King just sent us the bus schedule—"

"They're going back. I can't go with them." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, laced in every word. "I'll be coming in…late."

"Oh."

I walked over to the wall and slid down to the floor, trying not to let the disappointment show in my words. I missed him. A lot. But I didn't need to add on to it. Ryan breathed deeply over the line and it was quiet.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

With a sigh, I shrugged. "You don't decide the schedule."

"I did. In the summer. Before you."

"Oh."

There had to be something else I could say but my hesitation lingered in the conversation. I didn't know what to say.

"Um…okay." I took a deep breath. "Adam's parties always go late. What time are you coming in? We'll still make an appearance. And no practice tomorrow, so you can sleep in—"

"I don't want to go to Adam's party."

I sighed. "Ryan…"

"Can I have you to myself? Please?"

It wasn't like I wanted to say no but his schedule was just getting too demanding. Some days, the only time I saw him in the mornings was practice and then there was someone with a whistle around their neck to whisk him away.

"We keep skipping things," I told him as gently as I could. "Your calendar's getting batshit crazy—and I know you're not doing it on purpose—but you don't see any of them anymore outside of football. The guys are really excited about this."

The door opened and June poked her head in. "Kassie, we're doing group photos."

I held up a finger, motioning towards the phone.

The door closed just as quickly but the line was still silent.

"I just want you to myself," Ryan said, his voice low. "You're the only one I'm thinking about right now. I don't want to share you with anybody."

I leaned back against the wall and gazed up at the ceiling. They'd be so pissed if we ditched another thing with them again. It constantly felt like we were juggling glass balls and if I felt like that, I could only imagine how Ryan felt.

"Hey?" I straightened up. "I am so proud of you. You were amazing. Seriously, better than amazing." He was still quiet over the phone but I pushed on. "Second quarter, we were all freaking out at the screen—"

"It's going to be like this, isn't it?" he interjected. "All the time like this."

Oh…Ryan .

I hesitated. "I don't know."

Except we both did. I'd be leaving for Florida and Ryan would finish up his junior year and then…pro football. I didn't know anything about that but if I wanted to gamble, I'd guess the schedule would be even more intense.

And it was so weird having a phone conversation about it. All I wanted to do was hug him. I could hear how hard he was taking it.

Slowly, I pushed up. I had an idea on how to turn the conversation around.