103

Ryan

I'll Do Something Stupid

I lost out on the one person I dreamed possibilities with. Going pro meant that Kassie would be right there with me, with a grin on her lips and a joke I didn't understand.

I didn't just lose somebody I could wrap my arms around. I lost my future.

Taking a deep breath, I shifted back in an ice bath that'd long stopped being cold. The door creaked open and a familiar face leaned in. "Hey, captain." He hesitated. "Uh…boss. Boss Captain."

"Fuck off, Adam." My voice sounded hollow and I hoped he'd understand that I really and truly wanted him to fuck off.

He stepped inside.

Wishful thinking.

"Captain…it's been…four hours since practice…."

Had it been? I didn't notice.

It'd been four days since I'd seen Kassie. I knew that.

"How're we doing, man?"

I had nothing to say. Hopefully, he'd pick up on the hint.

"King?" Adam checked behind the door and motioned him inside. "You said you had something. Tell me you have something."

In silence, King took a long look at me. I'd slept a dozen hours in the past four days and forgot razors existed. It couldn't have been a great sight. Even if that was true, King didn't say anything. He just sat down on a chair.

"That's it?" Adam demanded. While King and I were motionless, he paced the other side of the room, rubbing his jaw. "It's not good for you to be like this. This isn't healthy. We're basically brothers, man. It's not like…shit." He shook his head. "I care about you, okay? We both do. Damn you for making me say it."

That wasn't enough to rouse me out of the ice water…tepid water.

How long have I been here?

"What if I told you I know twenty girls that want you right now? I can call up any of them and they'll be here in three minutes."

I gave him a hard stare. "I'd say that's a shit joke."

"Ah." Adam paused. "Yeah. Joke. Just kidding, man." He swiveled to the side and whipped out his phone, texting something with a curse under his breath. "King, say something. I'm not good at this."

King nodded. "I'm sorry, man."

"If I ever get like this, just kill me." Adam shoved his phone in his back pocket. "Let's get you out of this…I guess it's a bath now. I'll get you some clothes." He paused at the door.

I knew what he was thinking.

"If you touch any of the drawings in my locker, I'll do something stupid," I warned him.

A pause followed.

"Alright." Adam nodded. "I won't comment on that, because I like our friendship where it's at."

He headed off anywhere and came back with some fresh clothes. But no matter how much he tried to get me to agree to go somewhere off-campus, I wasn't interested.

How do you say goodbye to a part of you? A better part of you? I would've needed to wash away every piece of my life that she touched and I couldn't imagine. I couldn't do it.

But I'd have to live with that, forever.

"This fucking sucks," I admitted.

"Yeah. It does." Adam sighed. "I'm sorry."

King cleared his throat for the hundredth time. "I'm sorry, Ryan."

My teammates understood enough to know I didn't want to talk again.