Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

LETTIE

" W here's my firecracker, Lettie?" Brooke asks as we sit on their back porch. Caleb is in kindergarten, so he's at school, and Brooke doesn't have ballet classes today. Reed is doing what athletes do—run, lift weights, practice, and watch film. "Just call him and get back together. Based on how he acted last week when Reed and Hagan picked him up from the bar, he's as miserable as you are."

I can't tell Brooke about Dane's dad guilt tripping me into breaking up with Dane. I saw his point at the time, but now I feel like a fool. Breaking up has only made both of us worse. Secrets are the worst—you want to tell everyone, but you can't.

"Not miserable enough to stay away from the campus jersey chasers. Not as miserable as me with his hands on Daisy and her lips on his cheeks. And on the same day he finally sends me our good morning text."

We chew on that. Dane seems like he's been out every night and from what I see on social media, partying hard. More than he ever did. I can't believe I broke up with him. It's my fault for falling in love with my best friend this late in the game. If we would have declared our feelings two years ago, we would have already figured out how to be together and have everything else.

Brooke considers my words and perks up. "Are you two still singing at Hagan and Adalee's wedding?"

I shrug. "I haven't thought about it. I feel like we have to, but I don't know if I can be in the same place as Dane without having a complete breakdown."

Brooke group texts Hagan and Adalee for them to ask Dane.

Adalee: He's actually here. Hagan had to pick him up again last night. His teammates are done.

Brooke holds out the phone for me to read. My fingers cover my mouth. He's right next door, and this is a side of Dane I've never seen. He's always been in control. Always had everything figured out.

Brooke asks, "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to get him, and you can talk here in private?"

"No." I shake my head vigorously. "Just ask them to see if he still wants to sing with me at the wedding.

Brooke: Has Dane said if he still wants to sing at the wedding?

It takes a few minutes, but we finally get a response.

Adalee: Yes.

Brooke: Is that all?

Adalee: That's all he said.

A wave of pain hits me, and I cry. "Brooke, do you think we can find our way back to being friends."

"Oh sweetie, I know you will. I told you he had googly eyes for you all of last year, but you insisted he didn't. Now we know he was completely in love with you and still is."

"If he loved me, why hasn't he fought for me? Since the night I broke it off, he hasn't tried. One day of texts. I get it, I hurt him. He doesn't know how bad this is hurting me. I can't eat or sleep. My stomach is always one swallow away from throwing up. Diamond Mine senses something different, and we're not in sync. It's a clusterfuck. Jasper is ticked. We spent so much time on my form and correcting all the little things. Now I can barely straighten my spine."

Dane's been my best friend since we were six. Damn him for saying nothing changes when we knew everything changed. We can't go back to that place before we had made love. We just can't. What am I supposed to do with all the memories?

"He has a lot of pressure on him, and he's cracking. His dad's campaign. Basketball. Contract obligations. He's never had adversity in his life so when you ripped his heart out, he didn't know how to handle it."

I'm barel y able to function, and I've had more than my share of adversity in my life. So, Dane doesn't have any tools to handle it. Dane shoots two hundred free throws, and I rebound for him. He's never even had to run after his own balls. He's not spoiled as in being a brat, but he has enjoyed the fruits of his parents' life.

Tears stream down my face. "I'm trying to hold myself together. I am, but I love him. He's ruined me for any other man. And it makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about a man touching me. I cringe when Jasper helps me or corrects my posture."

I pull my knees up to my chest and tuck my head between my legs. Adalee rubs my back as I cry. My watch notifies me with a reminder. I have an appointment for a follow up appointment with a campus doctor after being sick.

"I gotta go. I have an appointment."

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"Nah, I'm good. I'll call you later. Thanks for listening."

She walks me to my car and when I shut the door, Hagan, and Dane step onto the porch. I stare through the window, and Dane looks like hell. Still gorgeous with what looks like last night's attire stretching across his chest, but he's disheveled. He starts walking to my car with huge strides and then stops. Just stops like there's a steel wall between us. His face softens like he's resigned to the fact this is the way it has to be.

Pushing the gear into reverse, the tires crunch against some loose gravel on the street. My heart doesn't seem to keep up with the pace it's beating. When I get to the doctor 's office, they take me to the exam room right away. My pulse is crazy high, and my blood pressure is elevated.

The nurse leaves, and the doctor sits in front of me. He asks if anything has changed in my life. At first, I say no, but then I explain that I've had a recent breakup. He nods, knowingly, even though it's been fifty years since this doc dated.

"Elizabeth, we're going to do some tests to rule out some things. The fact that you're still exhausted could mean you have mono or some other things we need to rule out. The nurse will be back in to draw some blood. Sit tight, and I'll be back after we run the tests we can in the office, and the others will be sent to a lab." He pats my leg like Paps would.

Forty-five minutes later, the doctor delivers news I never expected.