Chapter 73

HUDSON

Iwas a little nervous. Since the stint in rehab, I had only seen my dad once. I had not seen Kathy at all. I was a little ashamed of my rehab stay. Not that her sons were angels, but to my knowledge, none of them landed in rehab after a brush with death.

But from what I knew of Kathy, she wasn't the type to judge. Thankfully, it was going to be a small gathering. I looked forward to the intimate dinner. Eventually, I would have to reenter the real world with alcohol all around me. My therapist told me it was better to start small. This was small. This was comfortable.

Diana was a whirlwind of activity. She baked cookies and wrapped presents with an enthusiasm that was infectious. I found myself getting caught up in her cheer, and for the first time in a long while, I actually looked forward to Christmas.

Nervous tension knotted my stomach as I drove up the long driveway. I could smell the cookies Diana insisted on bringing.

"Are you okay?" Diana asked softly.

"I'm good."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about," she said.

"I know. It's just weird. I constantly feel like I'm being watched and compared to my successful brothers."

"And you've been working on that," she said gently.

I nodded, gripping the steering wheel a bit tighter. "Yes, I have."

"You're not your brothers, Hudson," she murmured, reaching over to rub soothing circles on my knuckle. "You're you. And that's who I love. That's who your family loves."

Her words were simple and heartfelt. They had a strange way of calming my nerves. Yes, I was not my brothers. I'd been lost before, but I'd found myself again in rehab. A tough journey indeed but one that had finally led me home.

"Thank you," I said. "I swear, you are my rock. You're keeping me together."

"I'm happy to do it."

I parked the car and cut the engine. But I didn't get out. "Let's just take a minute," Diana said. "This house is ridiculous, by the way."

I laughed. "I was thinking we would buy a house like this. The yard is incredible. It's perfect for kids."

"It would take me a week to clean it." She laughed. "I would get done with one end and have to start on the other."

"We would have housekeepers." I shrugged.

She wrinkled her nose. "Housekeepers? I don't know about that."

"Diana, I'm rich. Very rich. We deserve a big house like this."

"We'll talk about that later," she said. "Let's go in. I don't want to be too late."

"Let's do this," I said.

We made our way to the door. Kathy answered it wearing an apron and a bright smile. "Hudson!" She pulled me in for a big hug. She held me tight. I looked at Diana, silently asking for help. She smiled and shrugged.

"It's nice to see you, Kathy," I said and stepped back. "You remember Diana."

"Hi, Diana," Kathy said. "Come in, come in. It's so cold out here."

"I brought cookies," Diana said. "I'm sure you have some amazing desserts, but I've been baking all day and wanted to bring you something."

"I cannot wait," she said and took the bag.

The cozy ambiance enveloped us as we walked in. Kameron and Zara were already there, chatting with our father by the fireplace.

Diana slipped her hand into mine, her touch grounding me as we walked into the room.

"Hello." I nodded at my brother.

We sat down on one of the couches with Diana snuggled up close to me. Kathy carried a tray into the living room with mugs filled with hot chocolate topped with marshmallows.

"Did you make this?" Diana gasped.

Kathy smiled. "I did. It's an old family recipe."

I took a sip, feeling the rich cocoa sweetness melt in my mouth. "Wow," was all I could muster, exchanging a glance with Diana.

"Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes," Kathy announced.

"Can I help with anything?" Diana offered.

"No, no, sit." Kathy smiled.

Dad walked into the room. "Hudson, Diana," he greeted.

I got to my feet and gave him a hug. Dad pulled back. "You look good, son," he said and squeezed my biceps. "I see your brothers have been dragging you into the gym."

"They have." I laughed.

"Good. That's good. You guys sit. I'm going to check on Kathy."

Things were a little awkward.

"Who wants to play some board games?" Kameron suggested with his arm wrapped around Zara.

"I think I saw Scrabble and Monopoly on the shelf," Zara said.

"I'm not playing Monopoly," I confessed. "I always end up in jail."

Diana giggled next to me. Kameron rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

"I heard you guys were in Germany," Zara said.

"We were." I nodded.

"It was amazing." Diana smiled.

We shared stories of our recent trip, telling them about our adventures in Portugal and Germany. Diana gave them details about the trip while I leaned back and listened.

Zayn arrived. "Sorry," he said.

"Dinner is ready," Kathy announced.

We made our way to the formal dining room. It was a little strange to see it set for seven. Usually, there were at least ten places set.

As usual, Kathy served up an amazing feast. The table was adorned with all of the usual holiday dishes, from roasted turkey and mashed potatoes to cranberry sauce and glazed ham. We passed around plates and platters, filling our plates with generous helpings of food and enjoying each other's company.

"So, you two have become quite the world travelers," Kathy said. "How has that been?"

"Amazing," Diana answered.

Kathy asked about Cold Springs and Diana's family. The conversation flowed easily. It was too easy. I couldn't remember ever having a dinner this relaxed. I wasn't stressed. I wasn't trying to hide how much I was drinking. It felt like the first time I was having dinner with them. I had obviously shared many, many dinners with them, but I had usually been drunk. This was a whole new adventure.

After dinner, it was the usual gender division. Zara and Diana followed Kathy to her sitting room to see the gifts Kathy had bought for her gaggle of grandchildren.

Zayn, Kameron, my father, and I sat in the living room around the fireplace. "You guys can drink," I said. "I know you're all dying for a brandy."

"I'm good." Kameron shrugged. "I drove. No drinking."

"Guys, you don't have to abstain because of me," I said. "And for the record, I am not saying I will never drink again. I simply don't want to rely on it the way I used to. It's a part of my past, but it doesn't need to be a part of my future."

"We respect that, Hudson," my father said calmly. "We just want you to know that we're here to support you. If your choice is not to drink, then we stand by it."

"Thanks, Dad," I said appreciatively, touched by his words.

The room fell silent for a bit before Zayn cleared his throat. "Enough of the heavy talk," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I see you and Diana are pretty into each other."

"We are." I nodded.

"And you've talked with her father?" Kameron asked.

"I did." I laughed. "And I lived to tell the story."

"It's been a hell of a year, hasn't it?" Dad said.

"Yeah, I for one am thrilled to put it behind me," I said. "It was a rough year."

My father updated us on my other brothers. I couldn't help but feel a sense of validation wash over me as I took in the scene. For so long, I had felt like the black sheep, the one who didn't quite fit in. But now, I realized that I had just as much of a right to stand amongst them, to be a part of this family. Every single one of us had our own quirk. I always thought I was too different to be a part of them. But now I knew I was accepted with all my ugly flaws and all.

"Are you going to be staying in Manhattan?" Dad asked me.

"Actually, I'm going to be staying in Cold Springs," I said.

"Are you buying a house there?" Kameron asked.

"I don't know yet." I shrugged. "For now, I'm going to be staying with her. We want to take a minute to just breathe. It's been hectic. We both love traveling, but we think it's a good idea to slow down and figure some stuff out. I'll be keeping the penthouse for now, but I think Zayn had the right idea. I need to get out of the city and away from my old life. It's too hard to be surrounded by the places I used to go and the people who are constantly trying to pull me back into that life."

Kameron nodded, understanding on his face. "That sounds like a good plan, Hudson," he said. "You're doing what's best for you, and that's all that matters."

"And don't worry about the city. It will always be here when you decide to come back, if you ever do," Zayn said. "You've lived fast and furious most of your life. Stepping back is a good plan."

"I agree," Dad said. "And the country life is good for you. I know I've learned to love it."

"Are you done traveling then?" Kameron asked.

"No, no." I laughed. "We're already thinking about our next trip. I think the goal is to plan it a little better. The flying by the seat of our pants was fun, but it's a little hectic."

"Where are you going?" Zayn asked.

"Diana wants to go to Australia," I said. "She has always dreamed of exploring the vast Outback. She wants to learn to dive so she can go diving in the crystal-clear waters of the Great Barrier Reef. It's her dream."

"Where do you want to go?" Dad asked.

"South America," I answered.

"Really?" Zayn asked, sounding surprised. "Why there?"

"I've always been intrigued by the idea of South America," I explained. "I want to see the Andes and the Amazon rainforest. I'd like to explore the ancient ruins of Machu Picchu, which Diana is fascinated with, and maybe take a boat trip down the Amazon River."

"The two of you are quite the adventurers," Kameron said, shaking his head. "You always were, Hudson. You're always trying to push the limits and chase the next adrenaline rush."

I shrugged, grinning sheepishly at him. "We love exploring new places. We love learning about different cultures and ways of life. I like seeing things in person instead of in a magazine."

"I think we all know where you're going." Zayn laughed.

"Looks like we're headed Down Under." I chuckled, glancing over at Zayn.

"The women always rule." Kameron nodded.

"Better pack your sunscreen," Zayn said.

"I'll be sure to do that," I retorted, a grin spreading across my face.

Kathy, Zara, and Diana came into the room. Diana came to sit down beside me.

"We were just talking about Australia," I told her.

"Oh?" she asked, perking up at the mention.

"I told them we were planning our next trip," I said.

"He wants to go to Machu Picchu," Diana said with a smile.

"I do, but we can do that trip next time. It's your dream to dive in the Great Barrier Reef," I reminded her, smiling warmly at Diana. "I want to make that happen for you."

I caught my dad watching me. He was smiling. He gave me a subtle nod of approval. That was the first time I got that look from him in a long, long time. It felt good to be on his good side instead of him always looking at me like I was the biggest disappointment he had ever seen.