Chapter 58

DIANA

Ifound myself moving through the halls like a ghost, my steps slow and heavy with the weight of my grief. It had been a few days since Hudson left, but the pain of his absence made it feel like he'd been gone for weeks.

I had tried to reach out to him in moments of weakness. He never answered, never bothered to call back. It was as if he had disappeared from my life without a trace, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart on my own. He literally walked away and had no intention of looking back. I couldn't believe I had been so foolish to give him my heart. I wasn't sure how I managed to be so foolish. How could I have been so wrong about him?

The lack of closure stung like a fresh wound. The absence of even a goodbye or sorry text was a constant reminder of his callous disregard for my feelings. He had hung me out to dry, leaving me to grapple with the aftermath of his sudden departure all on my own. I kept telling myself the only reason I tried to call him was because I wanted him to tell me goodbye. I wanted to know why I wasn't worthy of a reason. He couldn't bring himself to tell me why he walked away.

I knew he would tell me the same bullshit line about him not being good enough for me. I didn't buy it. It was a coward's excuse. But deep down, a tiny voice whispered that maybe, just maybe, he was right. Maybe he wasn't good enough for me. Maybe he was too broken, too lost in his own demons to ever be the man I deserved. After all, would the man I deserved turn his back on me like Hudson did?

No.

I told myself over and over to let it go. Despite my best efforts to move on, I felt hollow. I lacked my usual enthusiasm with my students. I so wanted to be inspirational and upbeat, but I knew I was failing miserably. The kids were bored. They were staring at me with blank expressions, their usual curiosity replaced with a sense of detachment. It was like they could sense the turmoil I was trying so desperately to hide. It affected the energy of the entire classroom.

When it was time for lunch, I was the one that was practically running down the hall to the breakroom. I had a Red Bull in the fridge. I hoped it would be the magic bullet I needed to get my ass into gear.

"How are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"Horrible. I need a lot of caffeine," I said. "I'm dragging."

We sat down with our lunch. She was careful not to bring up Hudson, sensing the wounds were too fresh, too raw for me to bear. "Is your class singing?" she asked.

"Singing?"

"They are working on their Christmas concert already," she said. "My kids have been singing all day."

I held up my hand. "Don't say it," I groaned.

She said it. Rather, she sang it. "Rudolph the?—

"No," I sighed. "Now it's going to be stuck in my head all day."

"Better than the quiet," Rachel said with an encouraging smile. "Silence has a funny way of echoing your thoughts back to you. A catchy jingle might be a good distraction."

"I suppose," I said.

"Do you want to get dinner tonight?" she asked.

"Actually, Troy is taking me out," I said. "You guys need to do a better job coordinating Diana babysitting duty."

She laughed. "We're just looking out for you."

"I know and I thank you guys for it. You've kept me from going crazy."

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. We both stood, preparing to return to our classrooms. Rachel gave me a quick hug before walking out.

"Have a good time at dinner," she called over her shoulder.

The afternoon was worse than the morning. The Red Bull didn't help, and I felt my energy drain with each passing minute. It wasn't until the final bell rang that I managed to summon a feeble smile for my departing students.

I was just gathering my things when Troy walked into my classroom, his six-foot frame slumped against the door.

"Rough day?" he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

"You could say that."

"I was thinking we could take a drive before dinner," he said.

I knew what he was doing. They were trying to keep me busy and distracted. I loved them for it. I was grateful to have a loving family and some great friends. "I'd like that."

"Cool. The leaves will be changing soon. We'll see if we can peep any."

I laughed. "Sounds like a plan."

Troy gave me one of his signature grins, a full display of teeth accompanied by a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I grabbed my bag and followed him to his old truck parked outside the school premises. The vehicle had seen better days, its red paint faded and dulled with time, but Troy treated it like it was a brand-new Rolls Royce Phantom.

The drive was quiet for the most part. He avoided bringing up the Hudson situation, which I was grateful for. I let myself appreciate nature. The changing season felt right. Summer was behind us. Hudson was my summer fling and now it was over. Time moved on. There was a new season and maybe it would bring me some peace.

We went to the local Italian restaurant, a place we had been many times before. "How have you been?" he asked.

"Terrible," I answered honestly.

"Have you talked to him?"

"No." I shook my head.

I poured my heart out to him, telling him about Hudson and the gaping hole he had left in my life. Troy listened intently, his eyes holding mine as he listened to every word.

"I thought you and Hudson were in it for the long haul," he admitted. "The way he looked at you and how you looked at him, I guess I just assumed you guys were the real thing."

"You know what they say about assuming," I said.

Troy chuckled, the sound deep and soothing. "Makes an ass out of you and me, right?"

"And I'm feeling like the biggest ass right about now," I muttered.

"Don't," he said. "This isn't on you."

The plates of pasta arrived, distracting us from the conversation about Hudson. I noticed Troy seemed a bit off. "Everything okay with you?" I asked. "I've been so caught up in myself, I haven't done a great job checking in with you."

"I'm fine," he said. "I was just thinking."

"About?" I prompted.

"It was hard for me to watch you with Hudson," he confessed, his words coming out in a rush. "I've always cared about you, Diana, but I never wanted to admit that I cared about you as more than a friend. I didn't want to mess up our dynamic, but when I saw you with Hudson, I thought I'd never get another shot. Now I have one, and I don't want to miss it."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me stunned and speechless. Troy was in love with me? It was a revelation that I hadn't seen coming. I didn't know what to say, so I stuffed my face with pasta. I needed to buy myself some time to come up with a good excuse.

"I've always loved you," he said with a smile. "How could I not?"

My head spun as I tried to make sense of it all. Troy was everything I could ever want in a partner—he was kind, dependable, and fiercely loyal. My father adored him, and I knew he would make an incredible father himself one day. He had always put me first, had always been there for me when I needed him.

It would be so easy to choose him, to settle into a life of comfort and stability with someone who loved me so fiercely. Maybe in time, I thought, I could learn to love him back, to see him not just as a friend, but as something more. We did have a lot in common. I had so much fun with Troy. He was easily one of my best friends. Wasn't that what a good relationship was all about? Weren't we supposed to be friends and lovers? I could see myself sitting on the porch of our house, rocking in our chairs and watching our grandchildren play.

"I'm freaking you out," Troy said with a nervous smile.

"No, I just don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything right now," he said. "I just want you to know you are loved, Diana. I'm sitting right here. All you have to do is give me a chance."

I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was missing—that choosing Troy would mean settling for something less than the kind of love I had always dreamed of. I found myself torn between two worlds—between the safe, comfortable love that Troy offered me, and the wild, unpredictable passion that I had shared with Hudson.

"Troy, I just don't know what to say," I said.

He smiled. "Don't say anything. Eat your pasta. I didn't mean to drop a bomb on you. But I just want you to see me as an option. I'm the safe choice, but I promise, it will never be dull. We could have a good life together, Diana. You'll never have to worry about me stepping out on you or hurting you."

I forced another smile. "I know."

He chuckled. "Okay. We're not going to talk about that anymore. I put it out there. Let's leave it at that."

I was all too happy to do just that. I needed a minute to think.