Chapter 49

HUDSON

Iwoke up with a feeling of contentment I had not felt in a long time. Diana was stretched out beside me. Her hair was a hot mess, fanned out around her. A few strands were tickling my chest. I watched her sleep, finding myself drawn to her in a way I couldn't explain. She looked radiant. I couldn't help but marvel at her beauty, committing every freckle, eyelash, and curve of her lips to memory.

But beneath the surface of my admiration lay a gnawing sense of unease, a feeling that had been growing steadily stronger in recent days. As I traced the delicate contours of her face with my gaze, I couldn't shake the nagging suspicion that our time together was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand.

It tore me apart to admit it, but I couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't shake the sense of inadequacy that plagued me. It was a relentless voice whispering that I was not good enough for her. She was a pillar in her community. As was her family. She had been a virgin before I came along. She gave her virginity willingly, but if I had never come along, she would still be pure as the driven snow. I felt like I took something from her.

The events of last night had only served to amplify my doubts. Her father's scrutiny left me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Richard Halstead was a good man, a pillar of strength and integrity in his community. Sitting at their table last night had been strange. I couldn't help but feel like an imposter in his presence. I didn't fit in with them. Not even Jessie was my level of depravity.

Richard basically asked me what my intentions were with his daughter. I knew he only wanted the best for Diana. He was a good dad that loved her.

Richard was a man of substance, of unwavering principles and steadfast resolve. And as much as I admired him, I couldn't help but feel like I fell short of the mark, like I could never measure up to the standards he set.

I spent the night tossing and turning. My thoughts had been consumed by doubts and insecurities that refused to be silenced.

I watched Diana stir beside me. I didn't move. I didn't want to wake her. She shifted positions and fell right back to sleep. I took a deep breath and thought about what Troy said the other night. He was the kind of man that a woman like her should probably end up with—steady, reliable, the epitome of everything her father would approve of. There was a powerful pang of jealousy that twisted in my chest at the thought of her building a life with someone like him.

Troy could offer her everything she deserved—a predictable, steady existence filled with all the trappings of domestic bliss. He could give her the wedding she dreamed of along with the house with the white picket fence, the children laughing in the backyard, the dog curled up at their feet, the minivan parked in the driveway. Troy could give her a life that was safe and secure, free from the chaos and uncertainty that seemed to follow me like a shadow.

And more importantly, I knew her father approved of Troy. The verdict was still out on me, and I wasn't sure I wanted to change that opinion.

What could I offer Diana in comparison? I knew what I offered. Baggage. Red flags and bad decisions. My life was filled with impulsive choices. It was in my DNA, ingrained in the very core of my being. I was sure it was a part of me that I could never fully escape. No matter how hard I tried to change, to be the man she needed me to be, I knew that I would always fall short. I was never going to be the man that gave her the white picket fence and an idyllic life like she was raised in.

The thought of losing her, of watching her slip through my fingers and into the arms of someone like Troy, sent a shiver of dread down my spine. It would hurt like hell, but I knew that I would do anything for her—even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness in the process.

I felt actual physical pain in my heart imagining her in bed with another man. I didn't want to think of myself as jealous or possessive, but with her, that was what I felt.

She was mine.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, threatening to crush me beneath their weight. I made a silent vow to myself. I would do whatever it took to protect her, to keep her safe from the chaos and uncertainty that seemed to follow me wherever I went. Even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness in the process. If that meant disappearing from her life entirely, then so be it. It would hurt like hell, but I knew that I would do anything for her—even if it meant leaving her behind.

"You're awake," she murmured.

I looked at her, the sweet, sleepy smile warming my heart. "I am."

She nestled closer to me, her soft breath tickling my skin as she peppered me with kisses across my chest and shoulders.

"Let's stay in bed all day," she whispered. "Just like this."

Her words were music to my ears. "I think that sounds like a very good idea."

"Do you think we could get someone to bring us coffee to our bed?"

I chuckled. "I think you're looking at that someone."

"But you can't leave the bed," she pouted.

"I'll be back in five," I said and gave her a quick kiss. "Keep my spot warm."

I untangled myself from her embrace and slipped out of bed. I set about the familiar ritual of preparing our morning brew. We'd have breakfast later. Coffee first and then maybe a little morning delight.

I returned to the bedroom with two steaming mugs of coffee in hand, and I found Diana curled up beneath the covers, a satisfied smile playing at the corners of her lips. She reached out to take the mug from me, her fingers brushing against mine.

Maybe, just maybe, I thought as I settled back into bed beside her, this could work. Maybe I could be the man she deserved, the one who made her smile and laugh and feel loved. Maybe I could be a good husband and father to the babies I knew she would want.

We finished our coffee and took advantage of being in bed, working up voracious appetites. "I'll make you breakfast," I told her.

"I'll help you," she said. "We'll make breakfast together."

Diana was singing softly to herself as she stirred pancake mix. She was happy. I wanted to believe her happiness had something to do with me, but I couldn't let myself get too caught up in that idea.

"Scrambled or over easy?" I asked her.

"Scrambled," she said as she poured batter onto the griddle.

I nodded, turning my attention back to the sizzling pan of bacon and the eggs I was about to crack open. The clatter of our breakfast preparations filled the kitchen with a warm, comforting noise that made the room feel homey.

Diana was still humming as she flipped pancakes. She was in her element here, cooking and moving about the kitchen with an ease that had taken me an embarrassingly long time to master.

If I let myself dream, I could see this future with her. Me and her making breakfast on a lazy Sunday morning. A day of sleeping in and doing nothing except loving on each other.

But it wasn't realistic. At least, not with me. I was chaos, and she was tranquility.

I pushed those thoughts away, focusing on the sizzle of bacon and the popping of the pancakes. She glanced at me from her side of the kitchen. "Are you okay?" she asked.

I managed to muster a small smile for her. "I'm fine, just lost in thought."

We sat down at the bar, bringing up memories of the night I had her sprawled out naked while I feasted on her.

We ate breakfast over lazy conversation and shared glances. Every moment we spent together felt precious, a cherished pause in time that I wished I could prolong indefinitely.

She cleared away our plates when we had finished eating and came to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I leaned back into her, letting my eyes close and taking comfort in her embrace.

"This is nice, right?" she asked.

"Very nice."

"You know, it's going to be cold soon," she said.

"Yep."

"I think we should enjoy that lovely pool," she said with a bright smile.

"Yeah?"

She stepped away from me, pulling off my shirt she'd been wearing. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. She dropped it on the floor and sauntered out of the kitchen. I watched her step out of her panties before she opened the door and walked out to the patio naked as the day she was born.

I was stuck in my seat. I couldn't move. Watching her was absolutely mesmerizing. I shook myself out of my stupor and followed her, my heart pounding with anticipation. She was standing at the edge of the pool, her back to me, looking out at the shimmering water.

Without a word, she dove into the pool, her body slicing through the surface of the water with a grace I didn't know she possessed. I watched as she emerged from the water moments later, sputtering and laughing as she brushed wet strands of hair from her face.

"Coming in?" she asked.

She was floating on her back, her naked body glistening in the morning sun, her face filled with unabashed joy.

"Yep." I nodded.

I quickly discarded my clothes and approached the edge of the pool. She watched me intently, treading water, her eyes sparkling with mischief and anticipation. I took a deep breath, flexed my muscles, and then launched myself into the inviting coolness of the water.

As I surfaced next to her, she reached out to grab my hand. I grabbed her, pulling her body close to mine before kissing her. She pushed away from me and dove back underwater.

She resurfaced a few feet away, breaking into an infectious laugh. She swam to the edge of the pool and hoisted herself up just enough to let her legs dangle in the water.

I moved to join her, sitting down beside her. Our bare bodies were slick with water, our skin reflecting the afternoon sun.

"I'm not ready for summer to end," she said with a sigh. "I love my job, but I've enjoyed my time off. I like this way of living."

"I think you would get bored," I said.

"Maybe."

"I don't want this summer to end either," I admitted.

"But it has to," she said quietly, her eyes fixated on the gentle ripples of the pool. "Everything does."

I reached out and took her hand in mine, feeling the sudden rise of emotions threatening to overwhelm me.

"Let's just enjoy it while it lasts," I suggested, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"That sounds like a plan," she replied with a soft smile.

She dove back in the water with me following after her.