18. Wes / Nora

EIGHTEEN

My mom is looking rightat me like she's a kid at Christmas. You'd think I'd just surprised her with a million-dollar painting, or a brand-new car, or literally anything else. But no. She's smiling like that at me because I'm in her apartment with Nora Bailey beside me. In some ways, maybe having Nora here does equate to all those things. All those things and more.

She's just been staring at us since we got here, and I'm sure Nora is getting creeped out. They've met a million times growing up, but this is different. I'm not introducing her as the girl I make mud pies with or who I sneak out to see after dinner. She's now my girlfriend, and from the look on Mom's face, she might as well be my wife.

"Mom, can you stop looking at her like that?" I grunt as we pass each other in the kitchen, trying to put together a chicken salad.

Nora's sitting at the island, her head propped into her hands as she watches me and my mom walk around each other. "Please don't stop on my account. It's doing wonderful things for my ego."

I roll my eyes, pointing my spatula at her whilst giving my mom a look. "See?"

"See what? All I see is a woman who knows her worth," Mom says, winking at Nora before taking a sip of her wine.

"You two are a nightmare already," I mutter, doing the finishing touches to the salad. "And are you both seriously drinking right now? It's two in the afternoon."

"It's five o'clock somewhere," Nora says with a shrug.

I look over at her, and she's smiling like a loon. Of course, my mom loves her. Who wouldn't? She's charming, funny and sweet. She always knows the right thing to say, and my mom needs that right now. When I look at them both in this kitchen, talking like they're best friends, I get a jolt in my chest, reminding me how heartbroken she's going to be when we stop whatever it is we're doing.

Nora is still rehearsing for the show. I'm still in a state of purgatory on the football team, doing the best I can to keep us afloat. We've got the semis in just over a week, and I can't wait to get this season over with. I've performed worse than I have ever done in my life, and the more I try to fix it, the worse I feel.

When we've managed to sit around the small dining table and eat our salad, I can't help but think about how well Nora fits in here. She talks to my mom about her classes whilst my mom talks about her book. They laugh, and they smile, and it just feels good. Everything about Nora being here, making my mom happy, and therefore making me happy just makes me wish it could be like this forever.

"So, Wes," my mom starts, shuffling some playing cards in her hands. We never actually play a card game. I don't think she actually knows how. I think she just likes holding them. "Got any special plans for next month? It is the month of love, after all."

Nora quirks her head to the side playfully. "Yeah, Wesley, what's your big plan?"

"Can't tell you if it's a surprise, Sunshine," I say, grinning. Truth is, I haven't thought that far ahead. Anything past the football season being over has completely been blocked out of my mind. "What about you? This relationship works both ways, you know."

"Oh, I know it does. That's why I've been pulling most of the weight," she argues. My mom laughs at that, and I just shake my head. Nora shrugs innocently. "I could have a few tricks up my sleeve."

"Really?"

"Yup," she quips, holding her chin high, "I guess we'll have to see."

I hold her stare. "I guess we will."

We continue looking at each other for a second too long, and it painfully reminds me of the split second I took to look at her before I kissed her again at the New Year's party.

My mom sighs wistfully. "Look at you two. I've never seen you more smitten."

Nora drops her gaze then, pushing around the food she had left on her plate as if that'll somehow distract my mom from looking between us like we're her favorite movie. I embrace it, and I smile back at my mom. She needs this. She needs to know that I'm doing okay. That soon, she'll be able to get back on her feet and we'll establish a new kind of normal.

"Oh, Wes. Have you thought about what you're going to do about football?"

Her question gets Nora's attention, and her head shoots up. Those pretty brown eyes bore into mine, and I pull my gaze away from her. I haven't told her, or anyone, about what's going on in my head. Mostly because I don't know what that is. All I know is that football is not bringing me the same excitement it once was and that passion for playing is slowly fading away. The more time I spend on the field, the more I'm beginning to realize how much I don"t want to be out there. Vocalizing that to my mom is enough. I don't know how or if I will tell Nora.

As I battle with coming clean or just answering my mom's question and moving on, my phone lights up with a text. Saved by the bell.

Nolan Mackenzie

Call me when you get the chance. It's important.

The last thingI want to do is talk to this man, but it's about time I stop trying to run away from my problems. I excuse myself from the table and walk outside my mom's bedroom, terrified about what my dad has to say to me.

I can't wait to grow up just so I can retire. Although May's life has been turned upside down recently, I still want what she has. I want to work on my own schedule and live in an apartment filled with plants and posters. I want to only have to worry about cooking my own meals and waiting for someone to come home to me at night. I want a son who comes home from college to visit me with his partner. I want someone who"s going to love me unconditionally and never make me doubt my worth. I crave that. I crave the thought of being needed and appreciated. Of doing something good. Being good.

Just thinking about it makes my heart twinge. I can't wait for the day that happens. When I've completed everything, I've wanted to in life and I'm just happy. Comfortable. Safe. May must recognize the loopy look on my face because she points one of her playing cards at me that she folded into a boat.

"Can I tell you something?" she whispers, dramatic as always.

"Of course." I lean into her from across the table.

"I've known you since you were a baby, Nora, and I don't think I've seen you look at anyone the way you look at Wes." My eyes instantly prickle. "I'm just glad you've finally given him a chance."

My eyebrows furrow. "What do you mean, finally?"

She sighs, leaning over me slightly to check if Wes is listening. He's talking quietly on the phone down the other end of the apartment. "Don't act like you don't know, sweetheart. The poor boy has been at your feet for years. He begged me to let him play with you every day when you were kids. He asked me to help him create gifts for your birthday with the crafts we had lying around. He was always trying so hard to impress you."

"I thought that was just the kind of person he is. He's kind to everyone. I'm no one special," I say, forcing out a laugh so I don't cry.

"He wasn't like that with anyone else. It was just you," she whispers, tapping a spot on the table in front of me. My chest rises and falls, a feeling twirling around inside my chest that I can't fully explain. May continues talking. "He's such a good person, Nora. You know that. There's something so inherently good within, and I just hope what's happened doesn't fuck that up."

My eyes widen at her cursing. I've only ever heard May curse a handful of times in my life, and she only does it when she's being serious. "I know. I hope so, too." I reach for my glass of wine, taking a generous sip, somehow feeling like I need it.

"Good. Now that's out of the way," May murmurs, unfolding her paper boat. "Can we talk about the wedding details?"

I almost choke. "Wedding?"

She shrugs as if this is the most casual thing she's ever encountered. "I know that boy has not been obsessed with you for years to let you go so easily."

A piece of my heart breaks for her because of how real she thinks this is. I don't know how I'm going to stomach telling her when we ‘break up.' She's got this almost child-like wonder in her eyes as if this is the toy she's been waiting to open. As if all of Wes's happiness can become hers. And I hate myself for playing along with this trick just so she's happy for a moment.

"Respectfully, that's insane," I say, dismissing the idea as I reach for my glass again.

"No, sweetie. You're insane," she argues. God, I love this woman almost too much. I see so much of her in Wes, both physically and in their personalities. It's like he's taken all the good parts of both of his parents and made them even better.

Speaking of the devil…

Wes's footsteps pad along the wooden floor as he makes his way back over into the small dining area. There's a passive look on his face. If he was on the phone with his dad for the last five minutes, I'm not surprised. When he doesn't take a seat and just stands by the table, I ask, "Is everything okay?"

He comes back to life for a second, then gives me a reassuring smile before turning to his mom. He slides his hand around my shoulder from where he's stood, squeezing me gently. "Everything is fine. Dad just wants to see me. Is it okay if we go?"

I watch the way May's eyes dim at the mention of Wes"s dad. Her smile is wobbly, but it's a smile nonetheless. "Yeah, that's okay." She lets out a short laugh, adding, "I was thinking of excuses on how to get you out of here anyway."

Wes frowns. "I'm sorry, Mom. If it didn't sound serious, I wouldn't go, I promise."

May just nods, and Wes helps me slip on my jacket like the gentleman he is. I can't help but notice how distracted he is as we make our way out of the apartment complex. I try to keep up with his long strides, but he's making it frustratingly difficult.

"I'll just drop you off at your dorm first," Wes says as we make our way across the parking lot.

"Actually, can you bring me to your place? I'll hang out with Cat and Connor until they're sick of me. Elle's got practice this afternoon, and I don't want to be there on my own," I say, falling in step beside him.

"Whatever you want, Sunshine." He doesn't say it like he usually does. The nickname somehow sounds bitter, and I can't figure out why. He turns to me as he unlocks the car from the driver"s side. "I don't know how long I'll be, so don't wait up for me."

I nod, and when the car unlocks, I slip into the seat. We drive in silence, and it's deafening. One of us usually has something to say. I'm too anxious to say something and have to deal with the embarrassment of getting a one-word response out of him. Clearly, something is going on in his head, and he's not letting me in. He's not letting me see past the funny, flirty side of him, and it sucks.

When we pull up outside of his house, and I get out of the car, I stop myself, turning back to him. I lean on the open window, searching for his eyes as he looks out at the dashboard. "Hey, are you okay?"

He nods, slowly turning to me. "I'm always okay, Sunshine."

My chest tightens. "That's not what I asked."

"You don't have to worry about me, I swear. I'm fine."

"I do worry about you, Wes," I say shakily. My voice wobbles, and my mouth etches into a frown. "All the time. I care about you, you know. And I feel like you don't know that."

He just swallows, turning away from me. "I know."

Trying to talk to him when he's like this doesn't get us anywhere. There's only been a few times where he gets these moods and I never know how to fully pull him out of them. He would just turn up at our house one day and sleep over, disappearing back to his house the next morning. Or he won't speak to me for a few days and then come back like nothing was wrong. It's like he wants to be close to me without fully letting me in, and I can't find my way around it.

So, I let him go.