9. Nora

NINE

I don't thinkmy heart can take any more of the love that is in it right now. I've spent so long moping and thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and the million and one things I need to do today feels like the first time I've truly lived in months. My whole body is tingling with love.

Deciding to have a chill birthday for one of the first times ever was the best decision I've ever made. We always have breakfast in bed together, but after Cat left to spend the day with Connor, Elle and I went around town searching for new books to fill our dorm. I always need to have some sort of massive party where it gets overwhelming and out of control, but spending the day with my girls was just what I needed.

The very last thing I was expecting was my dad to surprise me with tickets to go to New York. Since I knew about the glitz and glamor of the Broadway shows and the city life, I've dreamed of going there. As terrifying as the big city seems, there's nothing I've wanted more than to be surrounded by creatives and people who are willing to fight and work for what they want.

With all the excitement surrounding the trip and the shoes Wes got me, I make sure I get a second to talk to my brother whilst we clean up in the kitchen. Cat and Elle are watching Modern Family reruns with my parents in the living room, and Wes is outside, still on the porch. It baffles me that he's acting like he didn't just give me the best present ever as he sits outside alone.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I kinda overtook the birthdayness this year," I say to Connor when I hand him the sharing plate to dry. He always acts like everything is fine, but I know there are times when he feels overlooked. This is not the first time this has happened. I always feel like I take up too much space, and I have no clue how to fix that.

He shakes his head. "It's fine, Nor. I'm just glad you had a good time, and I got to celebrate yesterday. You know I don't care about parties and all that shit. Cat made yesterday really special. I don't need trips to New York or a new pair of shoes to have a good time."

I hum. "Always so humble, aren't you?"

He shrugs. "I'm just lucky." His gaze travels to where Cat is sitting, and just from the sight of the back of her head, he's smiling like a loon. "I'd trade in a million parties or gifts for a million days with her."

My heart aches at his words. There is something so special about watching my brother fall in love and that person being my best friend. Cat has had to deal with a lot in her childhood, and she and Connor just make so much sense together. I could not think of two people more perfect for each other.

"You make me sick, you know that?" I say, flicking water into his face.

"Says the one who wouldn't shut up about how much she was in love with her boyfriend," he argues.

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, and look where that got me."

His face softens. "You'll get there, sis. If anyone is going to have a great comeback after a breakup, it's you."

"Thanks, Con."

"No problem," he says, shrugging. "Just don't do anything crazy this year, please. I don't want to see you making out with a guy in classrooms or doing God knows what in a janitor"s closet."

"I'm not making any promises." I wink at him, and he rolls his eyes.

Once we've finished cleaning up, I feel like I'm walking on air. I just want to soak up this feeling and bottle it for later when I need it. But that isn't possible. So the next best thing is sitting on the porch with Wes whilst he gives me an hour-by-hour run down on how he managed to get my customized shoes. I can't help but smile up at him as he does, my cheeks hurting from smiling and laughing too hard.

When he's done with his rant, I say, "Tell you what I've just realized?" He looks up at me, still fiddling with the placemat on the table. "Every time I think something is going to go wrong, you kind of save the day. You're like a superhero or something." His eyes light up at my words. "Like when Ryan didn't turn up to my birthday last year, and you were there instead. When I found him cheating on me, you were there to, uh, distract me." I clear my throat when my cheeks heat at the way I kissed him that day. I've tried my hardest to block that day out of my memory, but that was the first and probably the last time I'll ever kiss Wes, and it feels like the taste of him is still on my lips. I hate it. "I dunno, you're just always here. I thought this year would go to shit because Ryan and I broke up, but other than the rage I have in me, I'm pretty much okay, and a lot of that is thanks to you, so..." I shrug, not sure what else to say to follow it up with.

Wes just starts laughing. Like a tears-springing-to-his-eyes kind of laugh. I roll my eyes at him, shaking my head. I swear, any time I try to compliment him or say something adjacent to a thank you, he makes it into a big thing.

His laughter finally dies down, and he lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Okay, first of all, I'm glad you've finally got it in your head that I've got your back. Second of all, can I ask you something? And you've got to promise not to get mad at me."

I narrow my eyes. "Permission granted, but I'm not making any promises."

He waves his hand as if he doesn't believe me. "Why is it so important to you to have a boyfriend? I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't have one. You're hot, you're smart, you're kind, obviously, people are going to want you. I just don't fully understand why you put up with Ryan for so long after the way he treated you."

The fullness in my heart slowly starts to deflate at his words. "I wish I could tell you," I murmur. I bite my bottom lip, trying to really dig deep into where this desperate need to be wanted came from. Maybe I've made it all up in my head. Or maybe it's something infused in my DNA that I'll never be able to get rid of. Both thoughts are as terrifying as each other. "I think… I think I needed the security. The reassurance. And he gave that to me, most of the time. He'd tell me I was pretty, or that I was smart, or that I was going to be something, and he was the only one who did."

Wes shakes his head, a low groan escaping him. "I could have told you all those things, Nora, and you know that."

I trail a line on the glass table. "Yeah, well, there are perks to Ryan that you can't exactly offer."

His eyebrows scrunch. "What? You mean because he can recite plays from start to finish, and I–"

"Sex, Wesley," I say, cutting him off. His eyes widen. "Lots and lots of steamy hot sex. And I don't know about you, but I don't exactly want to have sex with my best friend."

His face turns red as he scratches his neck awkwardly before coughing. Jesus, he is a mess. I don't know why he's acting like he doesn't fuck girls religiously or like this is the first time he's heard about sex.

He stares at me wide-eyed for a few more seconds before he says, "Yeah." Another pause. "I get what you mean, weirdly. I think my parents want me to crave what you want, you know? They want me to be obsessed with relationships and settle down and focus on my career like you are. I guess if I had any of that, they would finally get off my back, and maybe I'll be able to turn this season around." He shrugs, sighing. "I don't know. I'm just saying words."

I laugh. "Yeah, you are."

A few moments pass, and for a second, I think the conversation is over. He lifts his head, his eyes lighting up with something I can only describe as mischief. My palms instantly grow sweaty with this look he's giving me.

"This is perfect," he breathes.

"What is?"

"We can pretend to date. You said you want to get Ryan back, and people would lose their shit if they found out we were dating. I'm a ladies' man, Nor, people are dying for a piece of me." I snort at that, trying to stop myself from laughing. "If Ryan sees you with someone else, he might finally get it in his head that he can't play mind games with you and fuck up your performance. It could help you out of your funk, too."

I digest his words. It could get Ryan to lay off me. It could help improve my performance, and maybe I'll be able to pull myself up enough to film some more self-tapes.

I hold my chin up. "What's in it for you?"

"My dad will finally get off my back. Not like I should listen to him anyway, but maybe settling down for a bit will help my game through the playoffs. Some stability. And my mom might actually chill out and not think I'm turning into some manwhore like my dad."

When he puts it like that, it actually seems possible. Fake dating my best friend to get back at my ex? It's the best trope. Ryan has disliked Wes since we started dating back in high school. He always thought he was trying to come between our relationship, which is so far from the truth. And Wes needs some sort of routine and stability in his life. Having his parents off his case could really help his peace of mind and the football team, too.

"It could work," I whisper.

"You're considering it?" He"s practically choking on his own words, his knee bouncing under the table. He's like an overexcited puppy.

"I mean, it's not a terrible idea. It would really piss off Ryan too. Like, really piss him off," I say, sounding and feeling like an evil genius.

He leans down on the table, lowering his voice. "You want revenge?"

I lean into him, too. "More than anything."

"Then you get your revenge, Stargirl." There's a weird sense of power in his voice when he says that, and he leans back, looking down at his arms. "Holy shit. I just gave myself chills."

I look over at this idiot fawning over his goosebumps, and I realize that this will either make or break my career.