FOUR KIERAN

Kieran sighs in annoyance when his ringtone splits the air, sending a halfhearted prayer up to whoever might be listening that it won"t be about work.

Relief loosens the tension in his shoulders when he sees Chloe"s name lighting up his screen. He wipes his hands dry, nudging his dishwasher closed with his hip, and picks up the call.

"Cece, hi."

"I miss your stupid face," Chloe greets.

Kieran can"t help but laugh, his cheeks aching from how wide he smiles as he makes his way to his living room, sitting down on his couch with a huff. It"s nice to hear her voice, and Chloe"s always been good at treating him like he"s nothing special, just her dumb older brother.

"Miss yours, too, brat," he sighs affectionately. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh, y"know, narrowing down wedding dates and trying to find the right place. The usual."

Kieran relaxes a bit, grateful for the distraction. He"s stressed and exhausted, and he just wants to be a normal person for a bit. Hearing Chloe"s voice makes it easy to ignore everything and just slip into their usual easy banter.

"I thought you had decided on Italy? Isn"t that what Luca suggested, since his grandma can"t travel?"

"So the thing about Italy is that it"s actually a whole country," Chloe says, and Kieran rolls his eyes at the snark. "I know geography wasn"t really your strong point in school, but countries have lots of spots you can get married in them."

"Ha, ha," Kieran laughs drily.

He"ll tell her she"s funny on his deathbed. Maybe.

"We"re trying to pick between his hometown and a spot on the coast," she continues when she"s done laughing at her brother. "His mom and sister are touring venues for us."

Kieran hums happily, smiling. He"s proud of Chloe, happy she found someone who actually deserves her; who spoils her and loves her to the ends of the earth.

"That"s sweet of them. Did you two not want to go and look at places yourself? I have a friend with a summer home over there, they"d be happy to let you stay as long as you needed to."

"Oh, we"re going to go and stay with his parents so we can look at places, but we figured we"d get a few narrowed down before we fly over," Chloe says. "We just wanted to be here for Miles" birthday. Speaking of, that"s this weekend."

Kieran freezes up for a second, his heart stuttering in his chest. His mouth goes dry with anxiety, nervous at the thought of seeing Miles again. Miles hasn"t talked to him past a few messages since they met with Hendricks and Burke, and Kieran has no idea how to respond without being incredibly awkward.

"Yeah, twenty-seven, right?" Kieran asks, barely managing to choke out the words.

It"s a stupid question. He knows how old Miles is. Chloe pauses for a moment before answering him, which dashes his hopes of his awkwardness going unnoticed.

"Twenty-seven," she agrees, laughing slightly. She sounds a little annoyed, actually. "Figured I should remind you, y"know, since y"all are best buds now."

Ok, maybe more than a little annoyed, but Kieran can see where she"s coming from. He knows he hasn"t been the best about keeping in touch after everything with Dr. Grace. Hopefully Miles hasn"t followed suit on that. She"s been worried sick about the both of them, and she probably assumes they"ve been keeping in touch.

Maybe they would be, if Kieran could figure out how the hell to talk to Miles without making himself look like an idiot.

"We"re not "best buds," Cece, we hardly even know each other."

"Yeah," she scoffs, "you hardly know each other. That"s why you stole my best friend for the entire day on Christmas. Y"know, maybe I wanted to spend time with Miles after he nearly got killed. Maybe I even wanted to spend some time with my big brother, too."

Kieran stays silent through her scolding, guilt settling unpleasantly in his stomach. He hadn"t even thought about how Chloe must have felt afterward, not getting to spend much time with either him or Miles. He didn"t think he"d have any problem keeping the FBI assignment a secret, but he suddenly wishes he could just explain everything to her.

Sure, they both almost died at Ethan"s engagement party, but Chloe also almost lost both of them that weekend. He and Miles aren"t the only ones who bear scars from it.

Kieran knows he can"t say anything, though, no matter how much he hates the thought of her being on the outside again. He doesn"t want his sister to feel left out, but he bites his tongue and glares at his knee.

He stays silent.

Chloe finally sighs, and Kieran swallows down guilt, gritting his teeth.

"I know you two went through all that together and are, like, trauma bonded now," she says, and Kieran can tell she"s doing her best to try not to sound too worried, "but I want to see you guys, too."

She sounds sad, and Kieran"s heart breaks into half a million pieces right there. No one wants to hear their little sister sound so defeated. It hurts even worse knowing Chloe is just asking to see him, to talk to him, to hear his voice and know he"s doing alright.

Maybe he"s not okay, and maybe that"s why he"s been more distant recently. He doesn"t want Chloe to have to hear it in his voice, to have any reason to worry about him. He almost breaks at the thought of her feeling so disconnected from him, and he really considers the damage that could be done if he told her. Before he can open his mouth and throw all promises of confidentiality down the drain, though, she starts talking again.

"What have you been up to, anyway?" she asks, and her voice is lighter now. It sounds kind of forced, and Kieran smiles bittersweetly. "We haven"t talked in weeks. How am I supposed to know what to bully you about?"

Kieran laughs quietly, propping his feet up on his coffee table and leaning his head back into the pillows on his couch. He knows she wants him to tell her how he"s doing, to talk about what"s on his mind, but he"s just so stressed. He"s scared that if he talks about anything he actually cares about, everything will just come spilling out and he"ll have no way to stop it.

He doesn"t think she"s ready to hear some of the things that he"s been thinking out loud. Not yet.

"Oh, you know me," he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face and attempting to ignore the headache settling in at his temples. "Work, work, work. We wrap filming on that documentary this week, Octavia has a cool new script she wants me and Isabella to play in. I think you"ll actually want to see this one."

He stops himself before he can mention Miles" involvement. There"s no way he"ll be able to keep his mouth shut about anything if he starts talking about Miles right now, not with where his head is at.

"Ew, I"m not watching my big brother kiss some supermodel, that"s gross," Chloe says, faking a gag on the other end of the line.

Kieran grins and shakes his head at her antics. Maybe he just needs to see Chloe. Crazy what actually staying in touch with people you love will do for your mental health.

"Nah, you"ll like this one," he promises. "If I get you and Luca tickets to the premiere, you"ll have to go."

Chloe groans, and Kieran can almost see the way she tosses her head back with a grimace, even if she is laughing in the next second.

"Fine, I"ll go see your gross little romance movie," she says, like she"s doing him a huge favor. "I"m sure ticket sales would be rough if didn"t."

Kieran laughs then, loud and easy, and it feels good. It feels like he"s letting go of some part of himself that thinks he needs to feel bad for some reason, to mourn…something. He"s not really sure what, exactly, his head is trying to keep him upset about, but right now, it feels like he can relax a little.

"You always know how to cheer me up, don"t you?"

Chloe sighs at that instead of laughing like he"d hoped she would. She hesitates for a second, but he hears her draw in a breath to start talking, and he braces himself. They both know she"s one of the only people Kieran will let pry into his private life, into his thoughts.

She only does it when she thinks she needs to. Or when she thinks he needs someone to.

"Have you been going to that therapist you mentioned?" she asks, her voice carefully light. "I think it might be helpful, even just occasionally. Going through that kind of thing can leave a mark on someone. Sometimes you can"t just tough it out."

"I"m fine," Kieran says, his voice firm. He really doesn"t want to talk about this. "It"s not any different from shooting a kidnapping scene for me. Really, I"m fine."

Chloe scoffs, and Kieran cringes, knowing immediately he said the wrong thing. Before she can say anything, though, he rambles on.

"I"ll go back to seeing him at least twice a month, I actually have an appointment this week." That"s a lie, but he"ll make time for it now that he"s promised. "I"m just busy. It"s hard to find time."

"You"re always busy," Chloe sighs.

She sounds more exasperated and less genuinely upset, though, so Kieran will count it as a win. The next thing she says, though, knocks him completely off center.

"What, are you dating someone new or something?"

Kieran blinks rapidly, sitting up a bit straighter on his couch. He laughs, confused. Where the hell did that idea come from?

"Of course not," he chuckles. "Why would you think I"m dating someone?"

"I don"t know, just a feeling, I guess." Chloe sighs. "You just sometimes get that stupid dreamy look on your face like you"re thinking about someone. It"s yucky."

Kieran tries not to sound bitter when he laughs at that. He doesn"t want her to think that she"s genuinely upset him with her joking, but he can"t exactly tell her he"s half gone on her best friend.

The second he"s not distracted by work or interviews or red carpets, Miles is on his mind. Hell, even between sets in the gym with his trainer, Kieran finds himself daydreaming about going home to Miles, maybe talking him into rubbing out sore muscles. That"s probably why he"s working himself so hard, now that he thinks about it. It"s probably just a poor attempt to keep his thoughts from lingering too much on what he can"t have.

Sometimes, though, late at night when he can"t sleep, the thoughts of Miles feel so real that he half expects to turn and see the man asleep on the other side of the bed.

"I"m not dating anyone, Cece," Kieran sighs, settling back into a comfortable slump on the couch. "I just can"t handle that kind of thing right now."

That"s true, at least.

There"s no way he could think about going on a date with anyone else, not with the memories of Miles in his arms still so fresh. That weekend at Ethan"s engagement party had been awful, sure, but it had also been one of the best experiences of his life. It had all been so easy with Miles, so simple.

It had felt right to finally have Miles in his arms, curling into his side while they slept in the same bed.

It was all supposed to be pretense, though, which is why it hurts so much for Kieran to think about. Miles may have been faking all of it, but Kieran had been indulging. He"d been given a taste of forbidden fruit, and he"d gladly accepted it, even if he knew the memories would haunt him forever. He knew he"d never get to have Miles any other way, so if a few fake kisses were all he got, he"d take it and be happy with it.

They almost kissed again on Christmas on the doorstep of his parents" house, and Kieran had allowed himself to hope, for just a moment. That had all gotten thrown out as soon as Hendricks and Burke showed up, but he"d hoped nonetheless.

Miles probably just got caught up in the moment, anyway. He made it very clear he"s not interested in Kieran in the slightest.

"I just hope people are giving you space to process all of this. They"re not hounding you too much at work, are they?" Chloe asks.

Kieran thinks to himself that he has no idea where to even begin processing any of it, even if people were giving him space. But no, everyone has questions, comments, concerns. At least he knows Chloe"s come from a place of love, rather than just curiosity.

"Everyone"s been great about it," he lies. "No one asks too much."

Not to his face, at least. But everyone talks, that"s just the industry. He does his best to pretend he doesn"t hear it.

"Oh, I almost forgot! What were those FBI guys who came on Christmas up your ass about?"

Kieran laughs, grateful for her sense of humor as always. He"s relieved to have a distraction from his thoughts of Miles, too.

"They were just following up on some details about Dr. Grace"s death," he says, brushing it off. "They wanted to confirm some stuff about that night and asked me and Miles to make official statements so they could be referenced while they sort out the specifics of everything."

Kieran feels guilty for lying, but he knows it"s the only thing he can do right now. He knows that saying anything about what they"d actually talked about would just send Chloe into a panic, and she has enough on her plate already. There"s no reason for her to worry about either of them.

Hendricks and Burke promised they"d keep both him and Miles safe, so Kieran just has to trust that they will.

After all, Miles has already decided to jump headfirst into danger, and Kieran has no choice but to follow him.