31. CHAPTER 31

31

KAI

Weak, weak, weak.

That word repeats on a loop as I stare back at myself in the bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but a towel. I thought a hot shower would help calm my temper, but it’s done nothing other than make it worse, the quiet only making my internal thoughts louder. It was so embarrassing, what happened in the pen, that I don’t think I can show my face again. Jules didn’t help, trying to control the situation as usual, making things worse.

Water droplets drip over my torso, the bruises on my body have changed color, the tenderness hardly present. I look defeated and tired, the shine in my eyes now dull and unmoving, my mouth droops with sadness, the muscle refusing to turn it into a smile. I don’t look twenty-two. I look old and haggard. What the hell have I let happen to my life? I should be at college or working, partying with friends, being free in the world to explore and have fun. To treat everyday as if it’s my last. But instead, I can’t help but consider that I’ve come to the end of the road. If I’ve proven anything over the last few years, it’s that I’m pointless, an unnecessary shell of a human that offers nothing to no one. After spending the night with Jules, I really felt things had changed for me, that I had hope and a future. That I had a man who could love me and fill those empty parts of me deep inside that yearned to be wanted. Was it all a lie? A dream? Am I that fucking naive to have put all these expectations onto one person?

Maybe I should pack a bag and set off into the night. Cut off from everything and everyone. Even my mom. I’ve been such a shit son. I’ve ignored the countless texts and calls, because I don’t know what to say to her. I can’t tell her what we do here. I can’t tell her why I can never come home, because of the threats from Zac. I certainly can’t tell her about Jules. So what can I say to her? Every word out of my mouth would be a lie, and she would know it was a lie. Moms are like bloodhounds when it comes to sniffing out the truth from their kids, in my experience anyway.

A loud bang repeatedly thumps against my bedroom door. I locked it when I came back as I knew Jules would hunt me down. He was just as pissed at me as I was him, maybe more so.

“Kai! Open the door!” he shouts, repeatedly banging on my bedroom door. I don’t answer as I walk back into my bedroom. I just stare at the door, hoping telepathy is a real thing, that he gets the message to go away.

“Kai!”

Remaining quiet, I walk over to the small window that looks back onto the woodlands surrounding the Kozlov property. The moon is bright tonight, shining over the trees and house with a soft glow. The branches sway in the mild wind that feels like shards of ice on the skin because its so fucking cold.

“Kai, I swear, if you don’t open the door, I will kick it in.”

I’m sure you will, I think to myself. I don’t care. I mean, what can he possibly do to me that will make me feel worse than I already do? As I continue to watch the trees, Jules goes silent and I think he may have given up. That is quickly proven wrong when the sound of shattered wood fills the room, and I turn around to see Jules burst through my destroyed door. At least he’s a man of his word. I don’t move as he approaches me, getting in my face like he can demand things from me. But from the dark look honed in on him, I know I’ve pushed him too far. I can’t be mad about it though, he’s warned me. I just don’t care anymore. He can do what he wants.

I don’t resist when he seizes my wrists.

“I warned you. This is for your own good. You’re not a failure, Kai. But you will not defy me.”

His grip tightens like an iron vice, the pain triggering a hint of emotion in me. Excitement with a small hint of fear. Pulling me closer, the heat of his breath washes over my skin, his smell fills my nostrils, his cologne, and if possible, the scent of danger radiates off him. It fills my head with the comfort of home, but I fight it. Unwilling to allow him to put me under his spell, refusing to enjoy any part of this.

“Look at me,” he commands, and I’m unable to resist, too tempted to watch him as his dark eyes bore into mine. In a move not too different from his sparring tactics, he spins me around and presses me face first against the wall next to the window. The cold surface bites into my bare skin in contrast to the warmth of his body at my back. He raises my hands above my head and locks them together at the wrist, his large hand holding them in a hard hold. With his free hand, he aggressively pulls away my towel, leaving me completely bare and open to him. But still I don’t fight him.

With the same hand, he traces a path down my spine, slow and deliberate, building up the anticipation, reminding me of his control. I’m unable to withhold the shiver it elicits from me, my need to be defiant is warring with wanting to just submit to the feeling of how good this truly feels.

Then out of nowhere, a sharp stinging slap ricochets off my left ass cheek. I cry out at the sudden move, unable to control my reaction. But he’s a step ahead of me and sets a relentless pace, delivering one slap after another, each strike a punctuation lesson I’m being taught. That I’m his and I don’t disrespect or defy him. I feel a wetness against my face, realizing they’re tears. The sting has turned to a burning sensation that hurts so bad, but feels so good. I don’t know if I love or hate it, the line blurring between pleasure and pain.

“Are you going to defy me again?”

“No,” I gasp when another slap lands.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes,” I hiss.

“Does it feel good?”

“Yes, no. God, yes,” I pant, my voice hitching as I try to latch onto one feeling, but I can’t.

“I love seeing you like this, Kai. So conflicted. A sobbing, needy mess.”

When he finally stops, his panting breath closes over my ear.

“Now, tell me. Who do you belong to?”

I want to say ‘you’, but the stubborn part of me that’s trying to keep some control so he doesn’t win this takes over.

“Myself.”

A harder slap across my now destroyed ass has me screaming out as I rise onto my tiptoes. Holy shit, I can’t keep this up.

“Again, who do you belong to?”

“You! You sadistic, controlling bastard!”

I hate him in that moment, hate how he makes me feel, but beneath the hate is a dark desire, an undeniable connection that left me wanting more. Always wanting more.

“Good. Now don’t move. Keep your hands above your head.”

I hear shuffling behind me, a belt hitting the hard floor and the sounds of clothes being removed. My heart starts to beat out of control. My dick that’s been hard the entire time, which I ignored, is rubbing against the wall and I’m dying to touch myself. It’s like being prevented from scratching an itch, making you crazy and a trembling mess.

“Suck,” Jules says as he pushes two fingers into my mouth. His naked body is pushed up behind mine, his cock rests against my crack where I automatically grind against it. Jules moans as I suck his fingers like a starved whore while gyrating on his cock like an experienced stripper. Spit drips down my chin and over his hand as he removes it and moves them to my ass, where he slides his fingers between my cheeks and pushes his slick fingers against my hole. I push back, but he doesn’t tease, he surges his thick finger forward, breaching the muscle until it’s knuckle deep inside me. The mild burn on my cheeks along with the internal burn of him stretching me is so overwhelming. It doesn’t take long for him to locate my prostate, his dick pounded it the other night like a dream, but his finger rubs it with such precision, I nearly jump in the air.

“Feel good?”

“Yes, more,” I groan as he torments my g-spot like an expert in prostate milking. His other finger quickly joins in on the action which turns me into a complete mess. The stretch, the pressure and prostate massage is so good, I’m already on the verge of coming.

“Turn around.”

Unsteadily on my feet, I lower my hands and turn to face him. Fuck he looks feral. The want in his frantic eyes for me pulls me up sharp. The intensity of it makes my stomach swoop. To have a powerful man like this want me so badly has all the negative thoughts shutting down.

“Hands back up over your head. Put this leg over my shoulder,” he says as he kneels on the floor in front of me. Oh my god. This is the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed. I throw my right leg over his shoulder, my dick in his face and my ass wide open. Then, as only Jules can do, he has me howling in seconds, turning my brain into mush.