Thirty Four

Thirty-Four

Ana

“M ove in with me.”

I look at Joel, putting the beer I’d been holding back down on the table. “Are you serious?”

“Very.”

He didn’t miss a beat when he answered, and now I don’t know what to think. Is he serious, or…? “Is this your way of keeping an eye on me?”

“You might want to ease off on the paranoia, Ana.”

“Forgive me if I seem to have reasons not to do that.”

He raises an eyebrow and downs a draft of beer. “I’m being serious. I want you to move in with me.”

I lean back against the counter in mine and Cady’s brand new store and glance outside. It’s been a busy first day, we’ve had a lot of customers popping in, some just out of curiosity, others who’ve come in, browsed, and then bought a few items. I think it’s been a success. The free drinks and food might have had something to do with it, though, so I guess all we can do is just wait and see how it goes moving forward.

“Ana?”

Joel’s voice drags me back into the room. “Sorry. I was just… I was distracted.”

“By what?” he asks, following my gaze.

“Nothing… it’s just, there’s been a car parked over there, across the street… it hasn’t been there all day, but it’s been there on and off.”

“Is it there now?”

“Yeah. The dark green one. Opposite the florists… Joel, don’t go out there. It’s probably nothing.” But even as I say the words, I know I’ve said too much. Of course he’s going to go out there, and I quickly grab hold of his arm to stop him. The last thing I want: the last thing we need right now is any trouble. And anyway, it really might be nothing… Yeah. Even I don’t believe that.

Joel glances down at my hand on his arm, but his body relaxes, and I let go of him.

“Have you seen your dad since he abducted you from the cemetery?” Joel downs another draft of beer, his eyes still out front. And I wish I hadn’t mentioned the car now.

“He didn’t abduct me, don’t be so over dramatic.”

“It’s called giving a shit what happens to you, Ana. Have you seen him?”

“No. I haven’t. I told you I was done with him, which kind of translates as I don’t want to see him anymore.” Which is why I’m glad Skip pulled the plug on the idea of me trying to get closer to him. I’d told them I was willing to do it, but I hadn’t felt comfortable about it.

“Okay.” Joel finishes his beer and grabs his helmet from the counter. “I should get back to the clubhouse. Skip’s called a meeting.”

“Alright. Well, it was good of you to come down here, and ask me to move in with you.” I smile, so does he, and the atmosphere suddenly changes, and I’m glad about that.

“Yeah, well, I’m still waiting for an answer.”

“I’m giving you a chance to make sure you really mean it. The last thing we should be doing is rushing into something.”

“Quite honestly, Ana, I think it’s exactly what we should be doing. Life’s too fucking short to overthink this shit.” He cups my cheek and kisses me in a way that turns my knees to jelly, a cliché I’d never thought was actually possible. Until now. “Just think about it. Okay?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

I watch him leave, and I’m willing him to just get on his bike and go, I really wish I hadn’t mentioned that car now. But, despite giving one last glance across the road at the stationary car, he gets straight on his bike and pulls away. I guess the meeting must be an important one.

I take a look around the store and smile to myself. It’s been a good day, and even if this place doesn’t take off like my old business did, it doesn’t matter. It’s giving me something to do, and that’s all that matters right now. Besides, I’d be stupid to think this is anything other than another club-owned business, it isn’t really mine, or Cady’s.

“Everything alright out here?” Cady asks as she comes back into the store from out back. She’d been dealing with a new delivery of stock.

“Yeah. All quiet.”

“Joel gone?” She casts a glance around the store.

“Just now.” I’m not even going to mention his out-of-the-blue request for me to move in with him, because I still think it was something he was thinking rather than something he meant to say out loud. I don’t think he’s serious. It’s too soon, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of commitment. I’m not sure I know what my feelings for Joel really are, I just know I feel safe with him. I know I want to be around him. I think that’s probably enough, for now.

“Well, I think we’re almost done for the day here. Do you agree?” Cady smiles.

I nod and smile too and go back behind the counter. “Yeah. I think we’ve done enough for one day.”

“You can go home now, kiddo. I’ll cash up and lock up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ve got nothing planned for tonight, just thought I’d head over to the clubhouse after this. You got anything going on?”

I shake my head. “No. Probably just going to have a quiet night in front of the TV, to be honest. It’s been a long day.”

“You not seeing Joel?”

“There’s some meeting at the clubhouse so I’m guessing they’re all going to be busy for a while. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You will. Have a good night.”

I leave the store and start walking along the street, I might pop into the deli on the way home and grab something for dinner. I’ve got the house to myself this evening, Dag and Freja are going to the local theater for some charity event tonight and I can’t be bothered to cook just for me. The deli does a great chicken pasta, all I’ll need to do is reheat it.

I’m just about to head into the deli when my eyes wander across the street, to where that dark green car had been parked just a few minutes ago. It’s not there now, and I breathe a sigh of relief. I hadn’t want to tell Joel, I’d fought with myself all day about mentioning it because he over reacts, but I’d found it a little unsettling, the fact it’s been there, sporadically, throughout the course of the day. But it’s gone now. Although I’m not sure that makes me feel a whole lot safer, it just means I’ll keep my wits about me.

I buy the pasta dish and some fresh bread to go with it and head for the bus stop. It’s not too far a walk home, but I’m tired and hungry and the whole parked car thing is making me a little uneasy. I just want to get home as quickly as possible, and I’m relieved not to be the only one at the bus stop. Even more relieved that the bus comes just a couple of minutes later, and within fifteen minutes I’m home, the doors are locked, and I have the whole evening ahead of me. I can do anything I want, and to be honest, that’s a luxury I’m still getting used to.

I run upstairs and jump in the shower, wash my hair, and change into sweats and an oversized Tee, letting my damp hair dry naturally around my shoulders. Heading back downstairs I pop my pasta and bread into the oven to reheat and pour myself a glass of wine, switching on the TV, which I watch as I wait for my food to warm through. And once that’s done I sit down at the kitchen table and tuck into the pasta. The huge chunks of chicken and tomato laced with fresh herbs and olive oil are delicious, as is the fresh bread, which is perfect for soaking up the light, herby sauce. I’d had no idea how hungry I was until I sat down to enjoy this meal-for-one. It’s the perfect end to a rather perfect day, and I haven’t had many of those lately. Not for a long time. And I let my mind wander, as it does every single day, to my mama. How much I miss her. I’ll always miss her, and I’m not sure time is going to be a great healer for me, no matter what anybody says. I can’t see the pain of her death ever subsiding, if anything it feels like it’s getting tougher to deal with. Harder to accept.

I quickly blink back tears and get up, put my empty plates into the dishwasher and refill my wine before heading into the living room. And I’m just about to curl up on the couch with a movie or some Netflix drama I haven’t seen yet when there’s a knock at the door. And I feel my stomach clench, because I’m alone, and that’s what I’d wanted, I hadn’t wanted to be shadowed or watched anymore, but sometimes I think I’d quite like that safety net again, despite my earlier protestations. Because my father’s back, and that unnerves me.

Getting up, I go over to the window, and my stomach clenches even tighter when I see the car parked up outside. The same car that had been parked on and off over the course of the day across the street from the store. I’d known all along who was in that car, of course I had, and I think Joel knew, too. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it. But I’d had no idea that he knew where I was staying, and then I realize how na?ve that sounds. Of course he knew. He’s watching me.

There’s another rap on the door and I move away from the window, angry that he’s come here to ruin what had been turning out to be a pretty nice evening. But he isn’t going to go away. He never was. It was stupid of me to even think he might.

I open the door and take a step back. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I couldn’t leave it the way we left it the other day, Ana. That was unfinished business, and I’ve never been the kind of man to leave business unfinished.”

“I was fine with it.” I cross my arms and shrug, I don’t want him here. And if Dag and Freja knew he was here, I’m sure they wouldn’t like it. More to the point, if Joel gets wind of this visit…

“Can we just talk? Please?”

I stare at him, right into his eyes, which are the color of dark blue steel, ice cold. Mama had kind eyes. A mix of blue and green and they were always warm.

I stand aside to let him in, because it’s pointless arguing. He isn’t going to go away.

“Thank you.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” I repeat, like saying it a second time is going to make any kind of difference.

I close the front door behind him, but those nerves in my gut won’t subside, even though I’m certain he won’t hurt me. Almost certain. Because I know more about him now, who he really is. What he might be capable of. But he still doesn’t scare me.

He looks around the simply decorated but incredibly homely hallway. “This seems like a very welcoming place. Are you staying with someone from the club?”

Does he honestly expect me to believe he has no idea whose house this is? “You already know who I’m staying with.”

My eyes challenge him, and he smiles. “Yes. I do. I should give you more credit. You know this world a lot better than you should.”

“I had no choice but to educate myself.”

“You shouldn’t have had to.”

No. I shouldn’t. But shit happened and I didn’t have much of a choice. “Can I ask you something?”

He frowns slightly. “Of course you can.”

“If Mama hadn’t been killed, would you have still come back?”

His expression remains stoic. Unwavering. And he doesn’t answer the question, he just walks away, into the living room. “Are they treating you well?”

“Yes. They are. They’re like family now.”

He spins around, his cold eyes staring into mine. “ I’m your family, Ana. We’re blood.”

“That doesn’t always mean anything.”

“I love you. You’re my daughter.”

“I don’t want you here.”

He goes over to the window, looking out, and he keeps his back to me for a good few seconds before he turns back around. “Lars and Lea, they’ve gone. Left town.”

I frown. “What’s that got to do with you?”

“I know everything that happened, Ana. You think I haven’t been watching every move the Viking Bandits have made since your mama was gunned down?”

“They didn’t kill her.”

“They were the reason she was in that clubhouse.”

I shake my head, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. “ I was the reason she was in that clubhouse.”

“You can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

It was. But I try not to dwell on it.

“I’ve been watching them, Ana. I’ve been watching you. ”

“I know.”

He briefly turns back around, takes another quick glance out of the window. “Lars and Lea, I know exactly where they are.”

I sit down on the arm of the couch. “How… how do you know that?”

“I’ve been watching everyone.”

I feel sick. And now I do feel scared. I don’t want any of this, I don’t want him near me, but what he’s telling me… Is he lying? Is he telling me this to try and get me on side? I mean, how much does he really know?

“I know exactly where Rik Nilsen sent them, on behalf of the Viking Bandits.”

I stare at him, I’m still trying to take all of this in. “Are they… are they okay? Are they safe? Have… have you seen them?”

“I’ve already told you, Ana. I’m watching everyone.”

“Are they okay?” I repeat. I still don’t know if he’s telling me the truth, or just telling me something he thinks I want to hear, but if he really does know where they are…

“They’ve opened up a small café in the village, and it’s doing rather well. They make a very nice soup and toasted sandwich.”

My stomach is in knots, I don’t know what to believe. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Would you like your old life back, Ana?”

Why is he doing this? Why is he saying this? I’d give anything to have my old life back, of course I would, but that can’t happen. My old life is gone. It’s gone. “I want you to go,” I whisper, because I do, want him to go. This isn’t right.

“I can put you back in touch with Lars and Lea. I can set you all up somewhere, away from here, in Norway. I can make sure you all have a brand new start, I can keep you safe, Ana. All of you.”

“That isn’t giving me my old life back, it’s just moving me some place new, to start over. Again. I’ve already done that.”

“You don’t want to see Lars and Lea again? You don’t want to see your friends? Aren’t they like family to you?”

“Yes. They were.” Were? When did I start thinking about Lars and Lea in the past tense? When did that happen?

He leans back against the window-ledge, crossing his arms, his eyes down. “You aren’t safe with those people, Ana. That club.” He raises his gaze to meet mine. I’m still feeling nothing.

“I’m as safe as I need to be.” I don’t even know what that means, I just want this man to go. He’s a stranger, he’s never going to be anything else.

He shakes his head, glancing back over his shoulder, he’s keeping watch. “I’ve been watching everyone, Ana. And I think you already know I’m working with the Blackhawks.” His eyes meet mine again, turning darker and colder. “The men who killed your mama.”

“Why? Why work with them when you know what they’ve done?”

“It makes the endgame easier to achieve.”

It all sounds so sinister, and yeah, I get the irony. I’m hardly involved with the good guys, but there’s something about what’s happening here, what he’s telling me, that’s making me nervous. Wary. Worried…

“What endgame?” I can ask that question, but I have a feeling I’m not going to get an answer.

“I came here for you, Ana. I came here to make up for everything I did wrong, and I know it might seem like it’s too late, but I came as soon as I could. When circumstances would allow.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“And that is understandable. But just know that, right now, I’m probably the only person you can trust.”

I doubt that. But I leave it unsaid.

“Joel Madsen isn’t someone you should be involved with.” He has his back to me again, but it looks like he’s signaling to someone outside, he obviously hasn’t come alone. And I feel those nerves ramp up, my stomach turning over and over.

“He’s been good to me,” I say quietly. “He’s been kind.”

“He’s sleeping with you.” He turns back around, his eyes once more dark as they bore into mine. “An older man, with his reputation, you should be very wary, Ana.”

I shake my head, he isn’t doing this. And then, all of a sudden, his entire demeanor changes. It’s like a switch has been flicked, everything about him is different, and it throws me.

“Please, Ana, I need you to believe me. I need you to know that everything I did, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, and if I could turn back time: if I could change it all I would, because there wasn’t a day went by when I didn’t think about you and Sofia, and it tore me apart, knowing what I’d done. But I couldn’t change it. Couldn’t walk away from what I’d done, they would’ve killed me.”

There’s something in his eyes that makes me think there actually might be some element of truth in what he’s telling me, but there’s also a part of me that’s screaming at me to be careful. To take a step back and think about this.

“But now, well, things have changed,” he continues. “I’m running the show, now, and I can give you everything I couldn’t give you before.”

“I don’t want anything from you.”

He drops his gaze, his shoulders tensing. And when he looks up there’s a sadness in his eyes that, for a second, throws me again. And I don’t like it.

“I’m not lying about Lars and Lea. I’m not lying when I tell you I can give you a new life, a better life than this one, you shouldn’t be here. You deserve so much more than this.”

“I’m happy.”

“Are you?”

Am I? I said the words, words I’d never said out loud, since Mama’s death. But, am I happy? Really? Or am I just convincing myself I am because there’s nothing else out there?

He comes over to me, and I take a step back, and he stops in his tracks. “I would never hurt you, Ana.”

I believe him. He won’t hurt me. He won’t. “I know.”

“This is a lot for you to take in, I understand that. I do. But you’re my daughter, and I love you, so much.”

“And yet, it took you this long to come back.” I shake my head and take another step away from him. “It’s too late. I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this.”

“You don’t want to see Lars and Lea?”

I shake my head again, I’m confused, and still thrown by his sudden change in demeanor. Which one of these men is real? The one with the cold, dark eyes, or the one who’s standing here pleading with me to forgive him?

“Just go. Please.”

He drops his head, takes a breath, his shoulders tensing again. And when he looks up his expression is full of remorse. “Just think about everything I’ve told you, Ana. Promise me you’ll think about it.”

I don’t have to promise him anything, I won’t do that. So I stay silent, and he sighs, but he does as I ask. He leaves. He closes the front door behind him and I watch as he heads down the path, back to his car. I watch as he says something to the man sitting in the driver’s seat: watch as they drive away. And then I walk around the entire house, checking every door and window, making sure they’re all secure because, while I still believe my father wouldn’t hurt me, I don’t trust him. I never will. He’s come back for me, okay, I get that. But he’s also come back for revenge. He wants to see those who killed Mama brought to a kind of justice that terrifies me, because it’s the same kind of justice the Vikings want. The same kind of justice I want. There’s trouble brewing, I can feel it. A storm is coming. A bloodbath is on the way. And I’m caught in the middle of it all…