Nineteen

Ana

F or the next few days I toe the line. Do as I’m told. I haven’t got the energy to do otherwise. It’s been too much, finding out that Lars and Lea have just disappeared without a trace, or that’s what it feels like, anyway. And that scares me. Did this club have anything to do with that? Are my friends okay? Where did they go? So many questions still remain unanswered but I’ve given up trying to find out what’s really going on. Nobody’s going to tell me anything, so why bother?

“Ana, you have a visitor.” Freja pokes her head around my bedroom door and smiles at me. I love Freja. She’s the kindest person I know, with the biggest heart. I don’t think I would be getting through any of this if it wasn’t for her and Dag.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Cady. She’s out front. Do you want to see her?”

I climb off the bed and run my fingers through my hair, and I can’t shake the disappointment that it isn’t Joel. I haven’t seen him for days, because I haven’t given him a reason to shadow me. Was that deliberate? I don’t know. But I do know I’ve relived that kiss over and over in my head, so many times.

“Tell her I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.”

I take a second. What does Cady want? Is she here because Skip sent her, again, for some reason or another? I guess I’m about to find out.

“Hey, kiddo!” She’s sitting on the front porch steps drinking a mug of freshly brewed coffee. I could smell it as I walked through the kitchen. “Come and sit down.”

I stay standing for a second or two, not even hiding my wariness, which Cady doesn’t miss.

“Relax. I’m not here because anyone sent me.” I’m still suspicious. But I sit down anyway. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah. I guess.” I keep my eyes out front, watching the neighbor across the street mow his lawn.

“I hear you tried to make a run for it the other day.”

I give her a slightly withering look. “I was trying to find my friends.”

Cady flips a cigarette between her teeth and lights up. “They’ll be long gone, sweetheart.”

“What does that mean?”

She takes a drag and blows smoke up into the air. “It means, they’ll be someplace else, living their lives without you, because that’s the way it has to be.”

“Why, though? Surely if this other biker gang were going to do something they’d have done it by now?”

“Doesn’t always work like that.” She offers me the cigarette, which I decline. “No one’s telling you to forget about your friends, Ana, but right now, don’t get your hopes up that you’ll see them again any time soon.”

I drop my head and take a deep breath. “Why are you here?”

“’Cause I think you need a friend.”

She seems genuine. I mean, she’s been nothing but kind to me, but I still don’t feel like I can trust anyone. “I’m fine.”

“You should come to the clubhouse more. It does you no good hanging out here on your own.”

“I like it here.”

She raises an eyebrow. “How old are you? Early twenties? And you’re happy hanging out here?”

“What else is there to do?”

There’s a moment of silence, just the sound of the lawnmower opposite and birds tweeting in the distance.

“Being a club girl isn’t all bad, Ana. And you’ll be looked after, because you’re different.”

I frown. “Different, how?”

“Skip thinks of you as his daughter, or as good as, anyway. You’ll be safe, nothing will happen to you.”

“Nobody can guarantee that.”

She shrugs and takes another drag on her cigarette, another sip of coffee. “As much as they can, they’ll keep you safe. You need to do your bit, too, though.”

“Are you sure Skip didn’t send you?”

“He’s concerned about you, that’s true, but he didn’t send me. Not this time. I came because I’m trying to make things better for you, include you more, get you to start living this new life, no matter how much you try to fight against it. Believe me, kiddo, I’ve got a lot of patience.”

I drop my head again, close my eyes, and the first thing I see is him. Joel. This confusing, irritating man that, for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about. And I don’t know when that started, I just know that it has: that he’s suddenly front and center in my mind, whether I want him there or not.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Skip?” I look up, my eyes meeting Cady’s.

“Because it wasn’t important.”

“Was it serious?”

“Not really. Back then Skip didn’t take relationships seriously, and that was exactly why we were drawn together. I didn’t want anything serious either. And we had a lot of good times, for a little while, but once it ran its course we ended things. And we remained friends. He’s a good man, Ana. Deep down.”

I let a beat pass. “Do you think he really loved my mama? Do you think he was serious about her?”

Cady takes another drag of her cigarette. “Do you ?”

I drop my head, and shrug. “There are times when I believe him, when he tells me he loved my mama, and there are times when I don’t.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, even though I never met your mama, and I never saw her and Skip together, I have heard him talk about her. And I believe that he loved her. I believe she was the one who really could have had the power to change him.”

I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse. So I drop my head again and breathe in deeply. I feel like I’m waking up every day still sad and angry and confused, and all I want is to feel some hope. For what, though? What am I hoping for, exactly?

“Is there something else on your mind, Ana?”

Of course there is. My mind won’t shut down, it’s constantly whirring with the myriad of feelings and emotions I’m struggling to control, but there’s one thing – one person who’s constant now. One man who’s pushed himself to the forefront, but I can’t tell Cady what happened, between Joel and I. I can’t tell her how it made me feel. How he made me feel. I can’t tell anyone, because I’m not really sure what happened. Besides, he probably just wants to forget about it. Is that the real reason why he’s been keeping his distance?

“No.” I shake my head and smile. And maybe Cady’s right, maybe it is time to get out of this house and start seeing how I can make the best of this situation, because it won’t be forever. I’ll make sure of that.

“Look, there’s another party at the clubhouse tonight. You should come.” Cady stubs her cigarette out on the step and drains the last of her coffee before hauling herself to her feet. “Are we going to see you there?”

I tip my head back and glance up at the sky. “I don’t know.”

“Come on, kiddo. Live a little. You’re allowed to have some fun, you know.”

Fun isn’t something I feel like having, now Mama’s gone. The light went out of my world when she died, so how can I possibly think about having fun?

“Hey. Look at me, Ana.”

I drop my head and look at Cady, who’s crouched down in front of me, one hand on my knee, the other gently tucking my hair behind my ear.

“I know you’re still hurting. I know you’ll be hurting for a long time yet, I get it. I do. But it won’t feel like this forever.”

“Won’t it?”

“No.” She smiles, a genuinely kind smile. “Come to the party. Just hang out with us, people who really do care about you, no matter what you think of them.”

I take a beat. Take a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I need to make more of an effort.”

“It’ll do you good, I promise.” Cady pulls me in for a hug, and it actually feels nice, to be hugged, because I really do believe that this woman cares for me, in some way. At least, I hope she does. I’m beginning to realize that I need more people around me if I’m going to be able to live this life for however long I need to, because I will find a way out. Somehow. “I’ll see you tonight.”

She hands me her empty mug and I watch her head down the path to her bike parked out front, watch as she speeds away, and I take another moment, listening to the roar of Cady’s bike fade into the distance; the sound of Freja pottering about in the kitchen. I should probably go and help her, let her know I’ll be coming to the party after all, it’ll make her happy.

I pull myself to my feet and head back inside. This is my life, for now, so I might as well try and fit in. Act like I’m grateful for what they’re doing for me. But telling me I need to accept that I’ll never see Lars and Lea again? No. I’m not doing that. I’m not…

Joel

Something’s not fucking right, Joel.” Skip leans forward, tossing his phone down onto the desk. “That deal we had going with the Blades, that was rock solid, until this morning. What the fuck happened, huh?”

“I don’t know, Skip.” I lean back against the wall, pushing a hand through my hair.

“And that’s not all.” Skip gets up and goes over to the window that looks out across the compound. “Money’s gone missing.” He turns around and faces me, arms crossed over his chest. “Some fucker’s hacked our account. 150,000 krone gone, just like that.”

“Seriously?”

He nods, sliding his hands into his pockets, his shoulders visibly tensing.

“Why take just 150,000? That’s, what? Around twenty-one/twenty-two thousand US dollars, give or take?”

“It’s still a lot of fucking money, Joel.”

“But why not take the lot? Why leave the bulk of it there?”

“It’s a warning.”

“Do you think it’s the Hawks?”

Skip shrugs and turns back to look out of the window. “I’m finding it hard to believe any of those fuckers are anywhere near clever enough to do something like that.” He faces me again. “Who else wants to fuck us over, Joel? Who else is up for starting something, huh?”

“What’s Rik doing about it?”

“He’s on the case.”

“So, what are we gonna do?”

“Nothing. Yet.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. Let’s wait and see what Rik comes up with. In the meantime, I’m not ruling the Hawks out, although, I still don’t think this is their style. But we need to keep eyes on those assholes. We’ve unfinished business with them that still needs to play out, so I want all bases covered. If someone’s ready to fuck with us, we need to step up. Be more on our guard.”

“I’ll talk to Kasper.”

Skip moves away from the window and leans back against his desk. “Have you seen much of Ana lately?” He’s on edge, his body language, his tone of voice, all signs he’s preoccupied with something more than just the usual shit. And that’s not good news.

“Not for a few days. She’s not left the house, according to Freja.”

There’s a knock at the door, and Cady pokes her head around it. “Hey, guys, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“What’s up?” Skip looks at Cady, almost as if he was expecting her.

“I went to see Ana this morning.”

“And?” Skip arches an eyebrow.

“She’s coming tonight. To the party.”

“Great. Joel, can you pick her up?”

“Yeah. Okay.” I haven’t seen her since we shared that kiss, a moment I’m struggling to push aside: not think about. “Is she alright?” I ask, because I actually give a damn, now.

“Yeah. I think so. Think I might have managed to get through to her a bit more, actually. She’s coming round.”

“About fucking time,” Skip sighs, going back behind his desk. “Right, get out of here, both of you. I’ve got a shit load of crap to deal with.”

We leave him to it, and head back out into the clubhouse.

“She seemed a little distracted, though,” Cady says. “Ana, I mean.” And for some reason she’s eyeing me like I’m supposed to know what the fuck she’s talking about.

“So?”

“So, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her. Any idea what might be on her mind?”

“She wants out, Cady. She wants to find her friends, she wants her old life back, it’d be a fucking surprise if she wasn’t distracted. And from experience, believe me, it’s best to just let her deal with this in her own time. She’ll find her own way of coming to terms with it all.” We head outside, sitting down at one of the trestle tables out in the compound. “Thanks, by the way.”

“For what?” Cady asks, lighting up a cigarette.

“For helping out with Ana.”

She shrugs and takes a long drag. “It isn’t a chore, Joel. I want to help her. I hate seeing someone so sad. So defeated. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“No,” I sigh. “She doesn’t.”

Cady raises an eyebrow. “Something you want to tell me?”

“Like what?”

She gives another shrug. Takes another drag. “Like I said, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her, that’s all.”

“Not out of choice.”

I’m not getting into the conversation Cady’s obviously edging toward.

“How’s Skip doing?” she asks, finally changing the subject.

“To be honest, I don’t know. But he’s changed, since Sofia’s death. Meeting her, that changed him. So losing her, when he already had their future planned out in his head, it’s hit him hard.”

Cady lets a beat pass. “Why’s it taking so long to hit back? I thought Skip would’ve wanted instant revenge for what the Hawks did. And I would’ve also thought the Hawks would’ve wanted their own revenge for the two men you took out. Shouldn’t this be all out war by now? What’s going on, huh?”

“None of this is really your problem, is it?”

She stares at me, still dragging on her cigarette. “Maybe not. Let’s just say I’m curious. Seems a bit weird to be leaving it this long. It’s not the way you usually operate.”

She’s right, to some extent. “Not my call. I just do as I’m told.”

She stubs her cigarette out on the table leg. “We killed two of their men, and an eye for an eye is straight out of their playbook, we all know that. It’s no secret. So it’s weird that no one seems to be taking any revenge at all. It’s weird that it’s gone all quiet.”

Everything she’s saying is right, but I don’t have an answer for her. For some reason, Skip’s holding back on any all-out war with the Hawks, and they don’t seem to be looking to start one either. And that’s a little weird, which is why we’re keeping a very close eye on them: why they’re probably doing exactly the same to us. And that’s why we have to keep Ana safe. We have no clue what they actually want.

“What can I tell you, Cady? I don’t know why Skip’s holding out, and I have no idea why the Hawks haven’t come for us either. I guess we just have to stay on our guard.” I sit back, glancing around the compound where it’s very much business as usual, while it feels like my life is suddenly taking a turn I’m nowhere near ready for. “It was common knowledge, right after that night, when they gunned down Sofia and we took their men out, that they wanted to hurt us.” I turn my attention back to Cady. “And whether that meant targeting Ana, we didn’t know for sure, but they let us know something was coming. But, so far, there’s been no sign of anything.”

Not entirely true. What happened this morning: the fucked up weapons deal, the hacked bank account, that could have something to do with them. And if they’re involved, in any way…

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen, Joel.”

“No. It doesn’t.” I’m not going to tell Cady about the weapons deal going south or the hacked bank account because it’s not her business to know any of that. Especially when we don’t have a clue who’s responsible yet, or what the fuck’s going on, but it isn’t sitting right with me. I can’t believe that hacking one of our off shore bank accounts is the work of the Hawks, it really isn’t their style. Fucking with a lucrative weapons deal, though, that’s very much in their wheelhouse. Are the two things connected? Or are we looking at shit coming at us from all angles? From someone we know nothing about?

“Joel? You okay?”

I must’ve drifted off, and I look at Cady. “Sorry, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” She frowns. “Seems like there’s a lot of distracted people around here at the moment.”

“Everything’s good, Cady.”

“Okay. Just making sure you’re alright, you know, like friends do.”

I sigh quietly, throwing my head back and staring up at the sky. “I’m sorry. There’s a lot going on right now, that’s all.”

“I get that.” She reaches into her bag for a bottle of water, opens it, and takes a long swig. “But if you’ve got something on your mind, to do with the Hawks, or anything else, why don’t you talk to Skip? You two are like brothers, you can talk to each other, can’t you?”

“What the fuck are we gonna talk about, exactly?” And, yeah, I’m irritated. What does she think is going on here?

“I don’t know, Joel. You tell me.”

I’m getting a little tired of this conversation now. And I think she’s finally starting to get that.

“So, what happens next?” She downs more water before lighting up another cigarette. “With the Hawks.”

“It’s not your fucking problem, Cady, okay?” I take a second; a deep breath, and I shake my head. “Sorry, again.”

“Sure you don’t want to talk about it? Whatever it is?”

“I’m sure. And as for talking to Skip, he’s not in the mood for listening.”

“He always listens to you.”

“Like I said, he’s been different, since Sofia died. I actually believe he loved her, you know? She really got to him.”

Cady throws me another wary look, her eyes narrowing slightly. “What about you, huh?”

I frown. “What about me?”

“Has Ana got to you ?”

Her words are like a kick to the solar plexus. Because she’s hit a nerve…?

“I think you might be the reason she’s preoccupied.”

“You’re talking shit, Cady. She’s just a kid.” Except, she’s not. And I know that.

“She’s twenty-two, Joel.”

“What’s your point here?”

Cady smiles a slow smile, and it irritates the hell out of me. And then she shrugs, gets up, and walks away. I drop my head and drag a hand through my hair, this is so fucking messed up. And yet, I know, despite everything: the risk, the danger, the shit it could cause, I’m not going to do anything to stop it from happening. Not one fucking thing…