31. Kaila

Turren had a child. A beautiful little girl. And the orc female holding her had to be . . .

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The hurt roaring through my chest made it difficult to breathe.

He looked at me in dismay. “I was going to. Soon.” His arms lifted to take Sianna from Ferella, and Ferella backed away.

“You have a mate? A mate.” Ferella sighed and shook her head. “Perhaps you should’ve sent word? But welcome back. She’s missed you.” After giving me a nod, she strode around Turren and handed the orcling to me. “Here you are. She will love her new mama.”

I floundered, juggling the little girl who took one look at me and started to wail. She held her arms out to Turren, and he took her from me. Sianna stared at me, sniffing while stuffing her fingers into her mouth, shrieking around them.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Ferella said. “Let me know if you need any more help.” Leaving us, she strode across the compound and entered one of the wooden homes built into the side of the hill.

“We need to talk,” Turren said over Sianna’s wails.

Great. My mate had . . . Well, he’d told me he slept with someone. Ferella? Back then might’ve been a good time to tell me that the two of them . . .

All of this was a farce. He didn’t need me, not when he had Ferella waiting for him here in his clan.

After sending him a glare, I raced toward our home—his home.

“Kaila, wait,” he called out, but I ignored him. “You’re right! I should’ve told you.”

Why hadn’t he?

His omission . . . hurt. Because it showed a lack of trust, the trust I’d extended to him when I agreed to give up the future I’d planned to follow him to a new home. Here, I was among strangers, and this was a completely different way of life.

Tears streamed down my face as I rushed to the back wall and wrenched open the door. After slamming the panel closed behind me, I hurried down the slope leading into the mountain and soon got lost among all the caves holding steaming pools. I passed a few orcs who gave me odd looks and kept going, walking for what felt like hours.

Finally, I came to a large cavern with a waterfall cascading down the far wall. It splashed into a large pool that narrowed to snake along the left side of the cave before disappearing into a hole low on the wall. Vines coated the walls and draped from the ceiling, their pale yellow and pink flowers perfuming the steamy air. Whisps coated the upper parts of the room, their tiny lights peeking out from behind the vegetation.

I sunk on the mossy shore and stared at the vast pool, tossing pebbles into the water. Tears continued to fall down my face, and I wasn’t sure what to do. My world had been shaken once more, but the person I thought I could trust the most wasn’t here with me. He’d withheld something vital about his life.

Stretching out my legs, I lay back on the soft ground, listening to the fall of the water. It soothed the turmoil churning inside me.

Someone sat beside me, and I didn’t need to open my eyes to know who it was.

I kept them closed because . . . I couldn’t bear to look at him right now. But I spoke. “I talked about raising my brother. I told you how hard it was to be a mother to a little boy who sobbed all the time when he was three and I was twelve. That might’ve been the time to tell me about Sianna.” And Ferella, but I wasn’t going there yet.

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded. I was sure he was. Sitting up, I stared at the water. I still couldn’t look at my mate. “I told you everything I wanted for my future, how I hoped to build a new life. That would’ve also been a wonderful time for you to say, hey, a little orcling girl who calls me da da is waiting for me back at my clan. I can’t wait for you to meet her. Instead, you said nothing.” And again, I didn’t bring up Ferella.

“Yes. I . . . I thought of telling you, but each time I wanted to begin, I remembered how you said you weren’t sure you wanted a child, how you felt you’d already been a parent, that if you decided you wanted an orcling with me, you’d tell me.”

“Don’t try to blame me for not telling me something as vital as this. You have a daughter.”

“Actually, Sianna is not my true child.”

Now that, I hadn’t expected. “You said you and another orc female were together once. That’s all it takes to create an orcling. I assume she’s the result of that relationship with Ferella.”

“Ferella’s just a friend. A different orc female and I were together. But Sianna is my brother and his mate’s child.”

Hold on. I turned to face him. “She’s not your child? And Ferella . . .”

“Has been caring for Sianna while I was away. As far as I’m concerned, she is my child. I’m raising her as my own. When my brother and his mate were killed, Ferella offered to help me with their orcling. She has no mate of her own and wanted to do all she could for the poor orphan child.”

My sigh leaked out. “I’m not hurt about Sianna. She’s adorable. I’d be . . . her stepmother and there’s no way I can do anything less than love her.” I swallowed, and it went down hard. “I’m sorry if I gave you the impression I wouldn’t welcome a child into my life.”

“It’s not your fault. I know this. I should’ve told you everything, should’ve given you the chance to get used to the idea. I guess I worried that you’d reject me like my parents did. They adored my brother but . . . they essentially ignored me after I was injured. I didn’t want to give you any reason to tell me you didn’t want to be with me like they did.”

“What would you do if I told you I didn’t want to raise Sianna?”

“A clan raises a child, not just a parent.”

“The thing is, you didn’t give me a chance. You decided I would reject her like your parents rejected you. You made that decision for me rather than let me make it for myself.” I rose to my feet, staring into his eyes. “That’s what hurts. That you chose to be dishonest with me about something as important as this. That little girl is a big part of your life and your future. I still can’t understand why you didn’t tell me.”

Turning, I started walking back the way I’d come.

“Kaila, wait.”

I couldn’t. Pain kept crashing through me, and it was all I could see and feel. I knew he was hurting but . . . he’d been dishonest when I needed him to trust me as much as I did him.

I turned to face him, taking in the devastation on his face. The same feeling kept ricocheting around inside me. “I need time. Please give me some time.”

Pivoting, I took off again. Instead of slowing or waiting for him to walk with me, I broke into a run. I didn’t stop until I stood outside his home.

“There you are!” Brunnen rushed over and swept me up in his arms, giving me a hug. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. This place is amazing, isn’t it?” He set me down and his arm swept out to take in the enormous valley in front of us, ringed by the mountain range. “They said I can be there when the vox seeds open,” he gushed. “Some have been laid already and voxes will slip from the seeds in a few months. One will bond with me and . . .” He frowned. “You don’t look happy for me.”

“Oh, I am,” I said brightly. Hooking my arm through his, I urged him to walk, though I didn’t know where we were going.

I didn’t need to look behind to know that Turren was nearby. I could feel him.

I . . . wasn’t sure what to say. My life had gone from unsettled to one full of love and a purpose. Now I felt unsettled once more. I wasn’t going to torture him. I loved him, and we were meant to be together.

I just needed some time to think.

“Have they showed you where you’re staying yet?” I asked.

“I thought with you, but Daskin told me many of the young males share housing near the central compound. He told me that you and Turren would make me welcome but that his home was small. I hope you don’t mind that I told him I want to stay with the young males for now.” He looked at me with so much concern, I hugged him.

“I love that idea.”

“I was just going to get something to eat,” he said. “I’ll tell you more about it.”

“Sure, I’ll join you.”

“Is Turren hungry?” Stopping, he looked back. “He’s standing there, watching us.”

“He and I . . .” I didn’t want to lay this on my brother’s shoulders, but he’d figure things out fast even if I didn’t tell him. “He and I argued. We’re going to make this work, but I’m taking a small break for now. If it’s all right with you, we can eat alone. Then you can show me where you’ll live and maybe where the voxes lay their seeds. I’m curious about how that works, and I can’t wait to see everything.”

“Alright.” Puzzlement was clear on his face, but it cleared. “I don’t mind eating with only you. It’ll be like when we were living back in the village. And I want to show you the seeds. Maybe one will slip out and bond with you.”

“Maybe one will.”

We followed others into a larger building in the center of the open area below the homes and got in line with them, shuffling toward a long table where orcs dished up food for each individual. There were a few choices, none of which I’d seen before, but I had said I wanted to try new food and now was my chance.

Taking our plates to an empty table, we sat.

Turren got food but didn’t join us. He sat by himself at a table some distance away, facing us. He ate, but he didn’t look our way.

While everything was tasty, I couldn’t eat more than a few bites.

Turren was giving me time, something I told him I needed.

If only this bit of freedom didn’t make me feel so sad.