Chapter 27

PALOMA

For the fourth time in three years, my world crumbles around me. First, the Grud and Coalition invaded Earth. We left on a cendagi ship and were brought to Kovos. I appreciated nothing about this world since I had fewer rights here than I might have had under the Coalition.

Then my mother died. I’d never been so lost, though I had my sisters and we pulled each other through the grief. A month ago, my father upended my life a third time by selling me to Atox. I never thought I’d survive that betrayal, but my father’s greed turned into a blessing so I can no longer count that as a misfortune. But Atox leaving Ossa’s chambers the way he did… that makes my heart sink.

I’m mad at him. Scared, too, though I try to be more orc-like, stronger for Atox, and not let my fear overtake me. The thought of losing him hurts down to my soul. And yet, I drove him away. Or Ossa did. Fuck, I don’t even know anymore. I guess we both did.

Except he’d never abandon Ossa. She’s his family. I no longer know what I am. But I can’t give up on him, on us, not when we’ve finally started to connect.

I will never forget his growl as he tore out of Ossa’s home. She had compared him to his father, the man who abused Atox, leaving scars on his body and his soul. I can’t be mad at Ossa though. She suffered too, and she knows Atox in a way I never will.

But I hurt him by questioning his motives and what’s in his heart, without giving him a chance to defend his actions. That was my pain and fear talking.

“Where did our grak go?” I ask the guard at the tunnel entrance.

“He went for a run.” The guard points north east. I’ll never catch him on foot.

I head to the gorja pens not far from the main camp. A basic wooden fence pens in the six-legged animals and no one’s guarding them. Four gorjas graze on the grass. The rest must be in use with warriors at New Earth.

The beasts don’t have the grace or beauty of horses, but they are tough, bred to carry huge orcs. I’ve ridden horses back on Earth. Controlling a gorja can’t be that different.

I hope.

After drawing a deep breath, I enter the pen. “Easy, boy,” I say, with my hands up as I approach the smallest of the four gorjas. The spiney horns laying flush against his head lift. I’m guessing he senses my fear.

More proof that I’ll never be orc enough. But damn it, I have to talk to Atox and I’m not going to let some ugly, six-legged, spiked rhino-horse stop me.

“What are you doing here?” a male asks behind me.

Verig. I haven’t talked to him since the day he dropped me at the camp. I hated him and every orc. Now I’ve come to appreciate many of the orcs, but I still don’t know much about Atox’s second-in-command.

“I need a gorja.”

Verig approaches, one hand hooked on the leather straps crossing his chest. “I warned him humans wouldn’t do well here. Your species is too weak in spirit.” His eyes run over me. “And physically frail.”

“I’m not running off. I want to catch up to Atox.”

“Why?”

“None of your business. You can either point out where I can find a bridle and saddle for the gorja or get out of my way.”

“You cannot ride Boz.”

“We won’t know that until I try.”

When he steps closer, I reach for a knife I no longer have. Verig growls, then grips the base of the gorja’s long neck. “Grip here, female, then swing your body up.” He demonstrates in one fluid motion that I know I won’t be able to replicate. This male has muscles on top of muscles and he’s so damn tall. If I make a fist, I can see the faint outline of a small bicep. But why embarrass myself?

“I’m shorter than you. I’ll walk him over to a boulder and get on that way.”

He chuckles.

“This isn’t funny. I need to find Atox. He’s upset.”

“It is not like Atox to leave camp in a fit of anger. My guess is that you are the reason he is upset. Return to the tunnels.”

I hold on to the back of the gorja as it undulates beneath me. Such a strange sensation. The three pairs of leg move sequentially, like a caterpillar’s body.

“Apparently, I didn’t make myself clear. I’m going to find Atox, with or without a gorja.”

“This gorja doesn’t like you.” Verig points to the spines that have risen along its neck and tail. “I will find you another.”

“Why would you help me when you clearly don’t like me?”

“Because you are persistent. Atox says there is much he admires in you, but I have not seen any such qualities until now.”

“He admires me?” That shocks me. And makes me question myself more than ever. I was sure he was ready to move on from me. I don’t want whatever we’ve built together to end in hatred. I’ve hurt him, but that was never my goal.

“You don’t think much of my people,” Verig says as he approaches another gorja, the second largest in the pen.

“I guess that’s something we have in common. You and Atox don’t think much of mine.”

Another chuckle, this time with more of his tusks showing. “I am starting to like you, female. Come, I will take you to Atox.” He pulls himself onto the gorja with ease and lowers his arm to me.

“I can ride on my own.” I have a stubborn streak and a little too much pride, considering the idea of riding one of these beasts by myself terrifies me. But I hope to prove something to Atox. And me. That I can survive here, be like any other orc. I need to prove myself worthy of him, regardless of my ability to conceive.

ATOX IM GRAK

When I left the settlement,I ran for two hours, trying to clear my head. Now I sit by the river, pondering my future. I want to keep Paloma, but even a grak does not always have the freedom go do what he wants.

I told my warriors I would get a female from the moxxels if my human did not conceive. I spoke those words before I took Paloma. Before I came to know her. Much has changed since then. She challenges me in a way that makes me better, stronger.

The females I’ve had in the past… I can’t even recall their names, let alone their faces. Not that I want to. They are not my female.

I can no more walk away from her than I can my people. And yet the quandary remains. What will I do if she cannot conceive?

“Atox?”

My head snaps up at the sound of my female calling me so far from the mountain.

“Atox, please, where are you? We’ve been tracking you.”

We? Jealousy surges within me at the thought that she’s with another male.

“I want to talk. Please, Atox.” The lilt of her voice stirs something inside me, and I know even before she appears through the trees that I will never let her go. I can’t. She’s become a part of me. Paloma is and always will be mine.

When the gorja pushes through the trees, beautiful deep brown eyes lock onto me.

“Atox!” my female squeals.

Thick hands lock around her waist to keep her from jumping off the gorja. Verig’s riding behind her.

My heart swells with pride that she wants me, despite how she fears me… how all my people fear me.

Verig lifts her off the gorja and sets her down. The moment her feet touch the ground, she runs toward me, only to stop a few feet in front of me.

“Atox…” she greets cautiously. Her smile disappears, replaced by a sadness I dislike seeing on her. She’s been a light I never knew I needed in the dark tunnels of my soul. She feared the dark when we first met, but I’ve been wallowing in it, dying slowly each day without her.

Cutting Sojek... Vekk, I still don’t understand what possessed me at the time, even when I knew he had not lost her. I had scented my female hiding in the cart, and yet I still lashed out at him, focused all my frustrations and worries on the young male. I had taken her from her people without any regard to how that would affect her, and I have viewed her as broodmare, as she correctly stated.

Ossa was right about me. I am very much like our father. That needs to change, and I know one way to start. With Paloma.

“Give us privacy, Verig,” I order as I take the gorja’s reins.

“Shall I return to camp or wait for you, Grak?”

“Wait.”

Verig dismounts and walks a distance from us. I run my hand along the gorja’s spikes as they settle flush against her neck. “This gorja is Rava, she is older than the others. Has birthed many strong gorjas, but no longer.”

“Then why do you keep her?”

“We value her for her service. Her temperament. Her wisdom.”

“I didn’t know gorjas have wisdom.”

“All animals do, to an extent. While she no longer rides into battle, and mostly grazes with the other gorjas, she still has much to offer. Younglings first learn to ride on her. She tolerates their lack of experience. The way they dig their heels into her instead of using their thighs and knees to apply pressure. How they grab the tender part of her neck to mount instead of here,” I grip the base to show her how and where. “She is valued. You chose a good gorja to ride.”

“Verig chose her. I picked the smallest one in the pen. Boz.”

“Even I do not like to ride Boz. He has a sour temper. No, Rava is a better choice. Can you ride, Paloma?”

“I’ve ridden horses on Earth, but gorja’s are bigger and different. Like Orcs,” she says with a slight smile, as if testing my mood.

“You are untrained and yet you planned to ride a gorja to find me?”

“I had to try. I figured with a gorja I could cover more ground, but Verig insisted on escorting me.”

“You are fortunate he stopped you. You could have broken your neck on Boz. Rava will not throw a rider, under any circumstance. Verig will make a good grak one day.”

My female stiffens. “I’m sure you’ll have a son with the moxxel to pass on the position to.”

I don’t have any fight left in me, not against my female. I’ve hurt her in a way I cannot repair. Like I hurt Sojek.

I hand her the reins. “Ossa is right about me. I’ve been treating you no different from how my grak would have. You are free to go, Paloma.”

“You don’t want me?” she asks as brown eyes gloss over with a wetness I understand now. Sadness. Hurt. Pain.

Her tears never affected me before, mainly because I didn’t know what they were. But I’ve since learned. Seeing the sadness in Paloma’s face spears me. I run my thumb over her cheek, wiping the tears away. “Orcs do not cry.”

“Humans do.”

“But you are not fully human.” My hand rests over her heart. “From the beginning, you’ve stood up to me over and over in a way I never did with my grak. That takes immense courage, Paloma. Courage and strength. Despite my words earlier, you are very orc.”

The corners of her mouth lift. “It’s taken a while to get to know each other, hasn’t it? You’ve shown patience and wisdom, more than I have. And you never forced me. I appreciate that, very much.”

She runs her hand over my cheek, making me feel alive with her touch. “I wish you could see that you are nothing like your father. What happened with Sojek was a mistake. One you can correct over time. Tell him what you think of him. That you value him.”

My female cares about others, enough to fight for them. This is one of her strengths. One I admire. She deserves the truth. All of it…